Got Caught

[Kelly DeWinter]

The issue you are having is not with your spouse, but with you. You said "We are in DADT relationship" and it was working to a degree within your relationship.
By wearing mascara out, you broke the "Don't Tell" or the boundary. Finding a counselor sound like a pretty good idea. All relationships have boundaries both spoke and unspoken. It sounds like working on communications skills would be in order first.

I go to a counselor 2 to 3 times a year , just as a mental heath tuneup, I look at it like getting a car tune up, cant't hurt and actually has been beneficial.

[Krisi]

A lot of things come to mind but they have been said by others so I won't bother. I will say this though: If you're in a DADT relationship and only dress when she's not around or is asleep, why in the world are you wearing waterproof makeup? You need something that's easily and quickly removed.

[MLane]

I'm not sure if this is the case, but I'm always reminding myself to think outward and about the other person. Sometimes I get too caught up and the focus is all about me.

[Wallaone]

This was a very informative and encouraging thread, ladies! I'm grateful for your words of wisdom and the ability to learn from the mentoring of others.

[Lizzie Skirts]

Glenda,

I’m about to start on counseling, but my situation is a bit different. I came out to my wife of 19 years, who was aware of my penchant for heels and hose, but didn’t know quite the depth of my feminine side. She’s more receptive and accepting than not, but I’m smart enough to sense that there’s a gap between my comfort level and hers. For me, I’m trying to find a way to satisfy my needs without being overly selfish and expecting her to be able to just deal with the “new” me (even though it’s really been the “real” me for my entire life).

I’m in DC and don’t have any insights about the Detroit area. Janet’s Closet is a great store... perhaps she has some contacts within the support group or counseling world?

P.S. When I first started looking for marriage counseling or couples counseling, I kept hitting roadblocks regarding insurance coverage. However, once I used the term “transgender,” I found that my insurance company was much more willing to help me find a family counseling service. I don’t consider myself a transsexual, but when it comes to the old-fashioned binary gender identity scale, I’m 95% normal dude and 5% full dress/makeup/heels girl... so I guess I am a bit transgendered.

[JenniferR771]

Good points above.
I think it is also a matter of dominance in your partnership. What would she give up if she left? She has probably allowed herself to accept the good with the not-so-good. Thinks it is really weird. But not worth a breakup at this point. It probably helps that you are good looking, loyal, and bring home big bucks. Be nice to her--maybe buy her a new car.

Remember, the psychological association is probably acting as a referral service, the counselor may pay them a finder's fee. This is especially true if he is not very busy. The best ones do not need this.
Read through their website or Facebook page very carefully. An open mind and satisfied clients are a plus.

[Paige Dehart]

First I want to say I am sorry for your families loss. You both lost a good source of support when your sister in-law passed. Sounds like your wife needs someone to talk to honestly and openly who can help her see that there is nothing wrong in your Cding which is what her sister did. It is a shame this happened but from now on I would recommend that you either use non water proof mascara or remove your makeup completely before going to bed.
By the way there is nothing wrong with therapy and for some couples it can be very helpful . Only you and your wife know what is best for your relationship.