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Thread: Beards

  1. #26
    Genderblur Francene Lola Dupree's Avatar
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    I am naturally beardy, and all the males in the family have a beard. I grew a beard as soon as I was able and kept it for ages.

    However, once I was dressing more I began to fluctuate how much facial hair I have at any time.
    Sometimes I'm fully shaven and look fabulous dressed. Other times when I'm not dressing so much I'll let it grow out.

    I'd suggest if you've had full facial hair for ages is to trim it and gradually shorten it with time and see how you feel as it reduces. Also gives family and friends less of a shock.

    xXx

  2. #27
    Junior Member Susan Smokes's Avatar
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    I had a full beard and facial hair for most of my adult life, but soon after I started dressing, I began shaving everyday.

  3. #28
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    Jasmine, I have to respond to your question. Yes, I do know your dilemma!

    I too have worn a beard since the time I was in college--on and off. ("Worn a beard on and off," I mean, not "being in college on and off!" And though I say it myself, I think I looked good with it. So did my wife, whom I met while wearing a beard. She always liked it.

    In spite of this, for whatever reason I can't remember now, I did shave it off at certain times during our marriage. Since my wife was accepting of me as Marianne, there were periods during our marriage when we were "into" this and I didn't wear a beard. Incidentally our daughter was born during this period, so our daughter remembers me especially without a beard.

    But I was unfortunate enough to lose my wife three and a half years ago. In the years after that loss, to compensate for being alone I have indulged myself as Marianne more often than before. After struggling with the beard question. I finally shaved off my beard a couple of years ago so that I could look more feminine when dressed. My wife was very tolerant, but I know she preferred me with a beard, the way she'd known me when we first met and fell in love. That was one factor, though not the only one, that led me to keep my beard. But since she wasn't with me any more, did I "owe" it to her memory to wear a beard for the rest of my life? No, she wouldn't have minded at all. So I shaved it off.

    Those are not the only factors involved. The truth is, as a man I do think the beard at my late age makes me look "more distinguished"! There's a lot to be said for that! And I am one of the many here who is still perfectly comfortable expressing a male identity, just as I enjoy expressing a female identity.

    In short, I have no ultimate answers to give you. All of life is a tradeoff, that's all I can say. To pursue what is most valuable to us, we're often forced to give up something of lesser importance, but which we still prized. That's just the way it is. What we have to do is tot up the relative values to us of all these things, and decide which is greater and which is less. How important is it to us to be able to present a particular masculine image? How does that weigh against our ability to present a feminine image when we wish to? Anyway do we want to "look female," or are we happy as a "man in a dress"?

    The one good thing about a beard is that no decision has to be irrevocable. If we shave it off, we can always grow it again. As a brown-haired man, one idea I've idly contemplated is the possibility of electrolysis, which would get rid of those dark hairs around the mouth and chin and leave my face looking more feminine. But apart from the bother and expense involved, I've never seriously considered it because I'd hate to shut my options down. I'd hate to put myself in a position where I could never regrow my beard even if I changed my mind and wanted to.

    You don't have to make an irrevocable decision either. You, like me, can always grow that beard again if we choose. So my advice is to "give it a try." Shave off the beard, and see how life goes for you without it. If that's "not working" for you, you can always grow it again!

  4. #29
    Junior Member MLane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    I enjoy my guy life - i just like to dress up at times. I had facial hair and still enjoyed dressing up in private. I resisted shaving it all off, but I knew that I could never achieve the look I desired unless I did. So I did, survived it, no regrets except "why didn't I do this long ago?".
    It's a drastic change from a full beard to a smooth face. You could consider trimming the beard back a little, then a little more in several stages, until you get a scruffy look, like you haven't shaved in a week. The final shave might be a softer landing.
    You won't lose your masculinity by whacking off your beard. I mean, it's not like whacking off .... ... you know.
    The guy looking into the mirror will appreciate seeing a pretty woman instead of a man in a dress.
    Nicole the last sentence is so true...

  5. #30
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    Really facial hair or no facial hair is a matter of personal choice. As much as I loved my So's mustache and goatee it had to go because it was in the way.

  6. #31
    Nylons lover GeorgeA's Avatar
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    Jasmine,

    I notice that you just joined. Welcome!

    We had recently discussions about facial hair and presenting as women, or not.Since you are new here perhaps you should search for "miad"; "a man in a dress". I coined that term to describe myself and to distinguish myself from "regular" crossdressers. I do have facial hair and dress in skirts & lingerie, but as "a man". I do not pretend or imitate a woman. I spend the whole day dressed or sometimes underdressed, when I have to go out. You mention your feminine self, so you could be different than I.

    I have no feminine self, all man, all the time.

    You have received some very good advice from others. You should review them and make a decision that is most acceptable to you,
    GeorgeA
    formerly Salerba

    "a miad" Man-in-a-Dress

  7. #32
    Junior Member Jasmine Rose's Avatar
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    Wow, there is so much food for thought here! Thank you so much! I am very grateful for all of the different points of view.

    For the moment, I am going to keep my beard the way it is. I also think there will come a time soon that I will start trimming it down. For those of you who suggested trimming it down in stages, I want you to know that I really liked that idea, and it was something that hadn't even occurred to me before. Eventually, I will probably try shaving it clean. As other people have pointed out, if I really don't like it, I can always grow it back.

    When I first asked this question, I felt a little bit afraid of what people might say. I thought some would see me as "not a real crossdresser", or any number of other things. Instead, I received nothing but support and acceptance. This community is so full of wonderful people. I am truly grateful to all of you!

  8. #33
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Jasmine,
    Don't let anyone ever tell you that you are "not a real crossdresser". You are. The wearing of clothes designed for the opposite sex is the way Merriam-Webster defines crossdressing. Shaving your hair, facial and otherwise, as well as applying makeup have nothing to do with that definition. They are an added step that some here take to present a certain way, perhaps the way they feel inside. Do what you think is right for you and have fun.

  9. #34
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    To me is quite simple if you think you are a man and you like to put on woman's clothes sometimes then facial hair is irrelevant, if you like looking in the mirror and want to look as realistic as you can then a bread is clearly not going to help.

    On the other hand if you feel that you really have a feminine side to you, then to me its a no brainer facial hair has to go.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  10. #35
    Member Monique65's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Becky Blue View Post
    To me is quite simple if you think you are a man and you like to put on woman's clothes sometimes then facial hair is irrelevant,
    This sums up my current attitude. Although I wear well trimmed facial hair, I do shave from the neck down. When I look in the mirror, I see my inner woman and I am quite satisfied with the reflection.
    Last edited by Pat; 01-12-2018 at 08:29 AM. Reason: fix quote tag

  11. #36
    New Member Esther Latour's Avatar
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    My desire to dress is the main reason I never grew a full beard. I usually go a couple of days without shaving untill my beard gets itchy or until I want to dress.

  12. #37
    Nylons lover GeorgeA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Becky Blue View Post
    To me is quite simple if you think you are a man and you like to put on woman's clothes sometimes then facial hair is irrelevant, if you like looking in the mirror and want to look as realistic as you can then a bread is clearly not going to help.

    On the other hand if you feel that you really have a feminine side to you, then to me its a no brainer facial hair has to go.
    Becky,
    When I look in the mirror I want to see my reflection and not some woman. I'm a miad all the way.
    GeorgeA
    formerly Salerba

    "a miad" Man-in-a-Dress

  13. #38
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    The association of beards with masculine is really deep, since it is reinforced so often. I even have trouble sometimes looking at myself- but that is also my male programming resurfacing.

    When I put on the clothes that really speak to me, or of me, or from me, I transform, and my face changes subtly, and becomes soft, and the beard is gone from view- it is just like a type of skin- and becomes a part of my delicacy, and my individuality. Just as you would, if loved a woman with a mustache, begin to see it as part of her unique being, rather than an intruding object of masculinity.

    We've all internalized the feminine and masculine idealized forms, but they really do lead to so much self criticism in women, and unnecessary and often unhelpful behavior in men.
    We are all beautiful...!

  14. #39
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    Jasmine, the choices are yours alone. If you want to keep your facial hair, don't look in the mirror expecting to see femininity. Clothes don't make the lady. You'll likely never know how truly feminine you could be or feel, such as using makeup to enhance your clothed image, unless you delete the facial hair.
    unless and until the facial hair is gone. Good luck in your choice.

  15. #40
    Member wanda66's Avatar
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    I have a beard maybe 3 or 4 months a year, when I feel like I want the full girl to come out I shave. I don’t get to go full Wanda offten,when I do it’s all the way. That’s when I get several days in a row. I love lipstick that doesn’t go well with facial hair . Just my thoughts....

  16. #41
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    For me, you have to make a choice. I had a mustache for about 40 years and it had to go! I was covered from head-to-toe with hair. Gone! Best thing I ever did. Despite what you might read here about those afraid some one will figure them out if they shave something, the truth of the matter is it's NO ONE's business. Live your life as you wish, with or without the beard, you are not hurting anyone. You have to decide if you want to present as a woman or be a guy in a dress.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
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  17. #42
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    I had a beard and moustache for about 25 years. Shaved them off about 2.5 years ago and have never regretted it.

  18. #43
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    So here is my question to those of you with facial hair... do you think that perhaps you are holding onto your facial hair as a kind of barrier to keep the girl down?
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  19. #44
    Member Monique65's Avatar
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    That's an interesting question, Becky. I do see my beard as a last holdout of my male persona. Perhaps I will shave it just to see where I might go.

  20. #45
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jasmine Rose View Post
    I know many of you in this community dress as women and go out of the house. That is just not something I can imagine myself doing without first shaving. It may be something I don't ever do. On the other hand, being dressed in public might be something that I decide I do want for myself in the future. I am definitely still trying to figure out who I am and what I want to become.
    Jasmine,

    There are as you've read some brave souls who go out enfemme beard and all. The vast majority of us who go out seek to emulate the female form as best we can and to blend into the crowd.

    As you're seemingly at the start of your CD'ing journey it seems to me you have initially a choice. You keep the beard, dress within the confines of the house and see where that takes you. It may be that you are a fettish dresser, nothing wrong in that, and the status quo suits you fine

    You may discover that your desire to grow your femininity increases and you want to achieve an ever better femme presentation. If you get anywhere near that point then that's the time at which the beard goes. If after a period you think you've made a mistake then you grow it back.

    No one can predict where this journey will take you. When 30 plus years ago I shaved off my beard to improve my femme look if you'd told me one day I'd be going out to the cinema, travelling on public transport, eating in restaurants, all while enfemme I'd have thought you were mad.

    In truth there are no right or wrong answers. You need to do what feels right for you but knowing that may change over time.

  21. #46
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Sorry Jasmine,

    Someday the beard has to go. :-)

    Your outlook on life will be so different.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  22. #47
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    I have a full beard and mustache. I take a blood thinner for PE and DVT.... electric razors give me a rash, and I would nick myself and take forever to stop the bleeding.

    I have no desire to pass as a woman or to be a woman. I just like to wear women's clothes. I came out in 2015 when I fell on black ice and broke my wrist. I couldn't do zippers or jeans. My wife suggested elastic waist, size 18 chic pull on elastic waists jeans. I like to joke that Im after the Iowa farmwife look. lol

  23. #48
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
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    For me, eliminating my beard was a critical step in accepting my feminine aspect. But that is because my need is to be seen and accepted as a woman, in public. I can pass and be accepted at face value as a woman. I do it every week! It isn't sexual for me, and really never has been. For me, my need is to live as the person I repressed for most of my life - the woman I could have been, had I not feared rejection by my parents, and especially my father.

    I currently spend 95% of my social time and maybe half of my public time en-femme. I simply could not do that with a beard. But I can appear masculine whenever I want to, without my beard.

    I had a full beard, usually quite neatly trimmed at 1 to 2 inches long, for the majority of 35 years before I stared crossdressing. My wife, who I was married to for 30 years, hated it when I chose to shave, because it dropped 5-10 years off my apparent age, and she was already 6 years older than I was, so it looked like she was really 'robbing the cradle' when I was clean-shaven. So I only shaved it off a few times, and immediately grew it back.

    My interest in crossdressing only began in the last 2 years of my marriage, after the deaths of my parents, and I kept it private and in the house, as I wasn't about to shave and cause my wife any reason to complain, but I also refused to be seen en-femme in public with a beard.

    In January of 2014, when my wife died of a heart attack, two things I immediately changed were to cut off my pony tail, and to shave off the beard. Both made it much easier to present en-femme. The shorter hair was easier to hide with a wig, and I was way too bald on top to pass without a wig. Losing the beard was essential, if I wanted any chance of being accepted as a woman.

  24. #49
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Simple solution, simply don't look in the mirrors!

    I had a beard until about ten years ago, when it started turning gray and I looked more like a homeless person, so then was when I shaved it off. Despite the delusion that a salt & pepper beard is somehow sexy, that is pretty much only the case when it's on a rich celebrity. The rest of us usually just look old.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  25. #50
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Becky Blue View Post
    So here is my question to those of you with facial hair... do you think that perhaps you are holding onto your facial hair as a kind of barrier to keep the girl down?
    Absolutely! Without question. Fifty years of denial....
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

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