need help

[David R]

Hi ladies I'm not sure where to post this so here goes My wife and I have been just discussing what makes me tik little history I'm 45 we have been together for about 6yrs now at the time we started dating I was a practicing alcoholic I now have been sober for about 2yrs We started playing dress up even before we got married she was very involved in it and participated with all of this we even went on outings to the twin cities and actually joined triess there.Then about 3 months after I sobered up I went through the I think I'm a woman phase needless to say this pretty much destroyed her.I decided after lots of soul searching that thats not something I could do I am ok being me.But the damage of that statement I think is something that she will never forgive.Since that time the crossdressing became an immediate problem for us we have tried a couple of times to go back that way but there is always that lingering in her thoughts and mine she and I have alot of anger built up she says my anger comes from something in my past I keep trying to tell her It is because she stopped the crossdressing.She just can't believe that it's about the crossdressing I tried to tell her this evening that her stopping me from crossdressing is the reason I get angry I believe I have built up resentments about her stopping it and the reason I am so depressed and angry is because the crossdressing is a part of who i am not just a thing I do to upset her.I wish I could get across to her why it is such a integral part of who I am.She keeps saying it's not the crossdressing it's something else.I do love my wife but this issue is ripping us apart.Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.Thanks Dannielle

[Billijo49504]

Marrage counciler is what I suggest. You went too far to fast, and it scared her. It wasn't play any more, you were thretening her. Atleast that's the way it sounds. JMHO...BJ

[sparks]

Hon I'm sorry! You had the good life and I think it will most likely come back.
Just a guess but the of loosing you to the life of a women is harder than losing you to a woman. I really don't know what to say. Really a harsh statement to back from. It sounds so final.
Give her some space is really all i can say and from my personal experiences don't push the cd thang cause it will most likely hurt both of you further.
Good luck and god's peace

[AnnaMaria]

I would have to agree with Billiejo on this one. It sounds to me lke the two of you need to see a counsler about it so that thee is someone who is impartial to medeate and help you work out the issues that are creating the problems between you. It sounds to me as if that may be your only course of action that will allow for both of you to be comfortable with the situation. And believe me her comfort level is just as important as your own and in some cases more important simply because she is the one that has been so deeply hurt by the situation. Just make sure that when you see someone that you pick a counsler who has worked with CD's before and is not going to try to "Fix" you but rather work with you to make your marriage work. I can't stress that one nearly enough.
hope this helps

anna

[BethGG]

Marrage counciler is what I suggest. You went too far to fast, and it scared her. It wasn't play any more, you were thretening her. Atleast that's the way it sounds. JMHO...BJ

I agree, you both probably have inner resentments/issues to work through with each other. Also, do you think perhaps you are blaming the lack of CD'ing on the anger, but perhaps there are deeper reasons?

[ChrissyGG]

I agree with others that you went too far too soon. Marriage counseling would be great! Good luck!

[HaleyPink2000]

I'd say one thing first. What ever you do is your choice not ours. What ever we say will not make you do this or that. It's totally up to you and her how this goes.

That said!

Me and my idea. I'm 54 and finally am comfortable being a Crossdresser. I live here and pay the bills. The day I don't then you can tell me this or that. Love my wife and thats a fact. But this is my life also. If I want to go buy a dress what is the diffrence to going and spending $400 at a slot machine? Or at a Bar watching the ball game buying drinks for everyone in sight. What would She rather me do? Walk around home dressed and be nice to her and be home. Or would she rather me go out drinking buying the town drinks with my pay check? HMMM?

Ok! I'm a grown Man. I know She has feelings also. But lets get real. So do I!
She's got to give a little and so do I, HUH?
Being fair is part of being married. You give a little and so will I.

Dress only at home and not away and won't spend money unless we talk first on clothing or makeup. HMMM? Oh, and She has to do the same thing as per the spending money. HMMM? So Whats Her prob? Your going to Hell? Or What?

If you want to keep her then She has to bend some. Or your going to break, HMMM? Maybe She should look at it as If I want our marriage then I have to look at that, He's not so bad. Or that, He's not bad enough to through away. Or can I pay the bills without him???? HMMM?

In many cases they look at the money also. Who's bringing in the bread?
Do you love Her? Does She love you? Is She tired of other problems you have and this is just an excuse to get rid of you?

Sometimes it's really other things you have done not really the Dressing. They just say it's the dressing.

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Danielle

I kinda had the same problem with my wife when I came out to her. I'm a non-op TS, which means that I'm happy as is, and have no plans to go any further than I am now. It took quite a while for my wife to understand and believe that, and it was a real rocky road for some time, but she finally came around and let go of her fears. What it took for us to get there was time, patience, and communication. I think that if you remain totally honest about everything, and give it some time, maybe you'll both get to a better place. Just don't give up!

Karen

[Kimberley]

I agree with everything that has been said here.

You can be a TS and not have to go to SRS or even hormone treatment. Maybe she needs to know that. None of this changes who you are, your value system etc. Sure, she is feeling very threatened. Who wouldnt be?

To resolve this you definitely need couple counselling and with someone experienced in gender issues because of her lack of understanding and maybe even some of your own.

Good luck and talk.
Kimberley.