Don't you want to be a girl anymore?

[Maria 60]

Last weekend my wife and I had a decussion about my dresseing, I was going out for drives more and more and got into a situation that I almost had to interact as Maria. My wife told me that my car isn't the safest place and I have to realize that when I walk out that door I better be more prepared for the worst and pretty much to decide if I'm in or if I'm out.
Well I don't know what happened in that discussion but Thursday night nobody was home and we were having dinner and my wife asked me what was wrong with me, why wasn't I dressed and she was concerned because she said she hasn't picked up any pantyhose on the bedroom floor or seen any panties in the laundry basket all week.
She said since I told her thirty plus years ago I haven't gone more then two days that I haven't worn some form of fem clothing and that especially in the winter where as soon as I get home I put on pantyhose and sleep in tights every night and that I wasn't dressed that night with nobody home. In a childish voice she said " don't you want to be a girl anymore"
I laughted it off and told her I don't know I guess I didn't even realize it, and not to worry I'll be back, it isn't that easy to let it go. She asked was it something she said last weekend that may have discouraged me, and that I made a New Years resolution to try not to go on any drives anymore and maybe subconsciously my mind wants to go out, almost like a all or nothing situation. Is that why I'm not dressing.
It's amazing how wifes react to when they see something out of the ordinary, and they try to figure out what's wrong with there family members. I told her I'm OK and maybe I'm just taking a break, but in reality I really for the first time in fifty years I really didn't think about it, I think I did break a record, I don't ever remember going so many days without dressing of any kind. Maybe it was something with that discussion last week that when I desided to keep it in, maybe it feels like if I don't do for my drives I'm not advancing myself and that maybe keeping it in is like a dead end in my journey, I don't know?
Last night when I came home from work and when I went to take a shower I found a pair of new tights and panties wrapped in my jeans, I put them on and I thanked my wife and thanked her for caring.
The mind is a confusing thing. Thought I had to share.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Often times, we do a thing that we desire without thinking through all the possible considerations and consequences. From your post I am thinking that Maria has never interacted with anyone but your wife. Maybe your 'close encounter' coupled with your wife's concerns about your safety while out driving caused you to re-examine your actions; that you became consciously aware of the larger framework around your desire to dress and be out.

I'm not saying that you haven't thought about the possible scenarios of being seen, or exposed, but maybe the 2 events caused you to have a sudden "Oh carp!" revelation?

[Rayleen]

Yes Maria, I sometime sit here alone and wonder where's all this dressing up will be for me in the future.

We take small steps daily and the pink fog take over and blind us .

Interesting discussion. Thanks.

[alwayshave]

Miaria, You are lucky your wife notices these issues.

[GretchenM]

Maria, these kinds of episodes affect most of us at one time or another. Living in the middle ground can be challenging sometimes. We aren't exactly masculine males or feminine females. I hesitate to use the term hybrid, but at least emotionally it is that way for many of us and is probably that way for you. I agree with Jodie that you were rather suddenly confronted with a very unfamiliar situation and it created a disturbance that your brain is probably working out subconsciously. Just go with what you feel even if that is not being your "normal" self for a bit. It is good that you realize it will very likely be back soon. This is also a possible opportunity for growth and reaching a new plateau in the development of the person you are. I think your wife is really being quite supportive and wants to make sure you are OK.

[Teresa]

Maria,
Maybe you have hit that decision point the current level of dressing isn't dong it for you anymore so which way do you want to go ?

I don't think I could be satisfied with just driving round, the dressing means something more, possibly the need to interact with people. Then of course I'm in a DADT situation at the moment but it's different for you , you don't have that restriction and can be comfortable at home with your wife. I know I sound like an old record player but meeting others socially could give you a clearer idea where you want to go from here . There is no pressure to do it, no golden rules you're breaking , just do what you feel comfortable with , peace of mind is a rare thing make the most of it .

[Tracy Irving]

There is something to be said for taking a break from time to time. You already know it is temporary and you will be back. When you feel the need to dress again, it may take you for a drive or even more. The unknown can be an exciting place!

[Laura912]

Strange, but I read all this and pretty much agree with what is noted so far and said better than I could. But what really stood out is that you throw your pantyhose on the bedroom floor for your wife to pick up.

[Sarah Doepner]

Maria, you are not alone in seeing these occasional drops in the desire or need to dress. Lots of us who have dressed at will for as long as we have see those times come and go, so I wouldn't read too much into it. The main thing that struck me was your wife's perception and willingness to help you through a rough spot. It's nice to know she is willing to step in to keep you a happy partner in the marriage. That kind of relationship is all too rare and worth recognizing as special. Do something nice for her, and don't wait for Valentine's Day.

[Stephanie47]

Thanks for sharing. You're fortunate to have a supportive and caring woman in your life. Spouses tend to have the ability to pickup on non verbal cues. People tend to be creatures of habit, so when there is a deviation from the norm it is noticed. Your wife obviously noticed the lessening of your cross dressing and driving while en femme. My personal opinion is cross dressing is spurned on by a inner need. There were times in my life when I did dress and realized it was not doing anything for me. It was just an opportunity which I did not want to waste. It could very well be your inner self is not sending out an impulse to do something. There is nothing wrong with that, if that is what you want to do or not do.

Your outings to gas up the car are probably an attempt to expand your cross dressing activities without broadcasting to the world you're a cross dresser. I've gone out in the early evening to run errands. I found after awhile it was not fulfilling any need. Sort of "Hey, I did it! Wow!" It is sort of manufacturing an event with no reward other than wearing a dress out of the house. Would I wear a dress to a plastic model expo? No. I do not feel the inner need arising. I would much rather be en femme at home with a caring wife, and, get a pat on my bottom while cooking dinner en femme. For me that is not going to happen.

I would not say you're in a 'funk.' Your inner self may be changing and for whatever reason you feel the need to don a dress, it's just not there sometimes.

[~Joanne~]

There are times that I haven't dressed for weeks. Just didn't feel like it. It's the beauty of being CD. You can turn this on and off. feel like dressing? then dress. don't? then don't. Doesn't mean there is something wrong, it just means you weren't in the mood.

[Beverley Sims]

A similar situation arose with me from time to time years ago.

Thankfully it does not rear it's head anymore. :-)

[MarinaTwelve200]

It happens to everyone----My theory is that we 1. either get a good scare or a good "fix" that will make us not to want to do it for a while. 2. Whatever we need CDing for (escaping certain situations or conditions, for example) no longer exists, so we no longer need to CD. ----But we ALWAYS, eventually, come back. Perhaps for other reasons.

[Sami Brown]

I think the potentially scary situation just has you doing a reevaluation. I don't see your reaction as any different than a scary situation that has nothing to do with crossdressing. Any time something scary happens is a time for reflection. You will learn something from it and move on based upon what you learned.

Sami

[Rhonda Jean]

It doesn't have to be more, more, more all the time. One (of many) big mistake I made with this when I was married was that there was never a break. Even when I wasn't really feeling it I wouldn't take a break from it for fear of losing ground. I'd consider it a milestone to get to where you can leave it alone, even for a couple of days. Another milestone will be when you can pick it right back up with a vengeance!

[Nikki A.]

After a stressful situation, it is normal to reflect and reevaluate. We all have peaks and valleys.