I'm back with more questions!

[Alenko]

Hi!

Alright, so I've been here for a bit and I said I'd ask lots of questions, so here I am once again! So when I started CDing in the beginning I didn't really take myself too seriously and before I started I actually was crossplaying so I guess that's considered acceptable because it's just cosplay. I've had a lot of fun with it and posted some of my work on various social media pages (instagram, FB, etc..) so all my friends kinda have an idea what I'm into but not really. To them, it's just an art form and a hobby but to me it's becoming something progressively more. I've put some of my CDing on social media and some of my friends have started to question what I'm doing. Even my one friend found my phone with some of my actual CDing pics and was he really uncomfortable when I told him that it was me. After that we haven't really spoken about it since, because I think he would get angry or something, I dunno. Anyway, I want to dress up more but I feel like I can't and I've felt very anxious lately because I just moved in with my other friend and I just don't want to start dressing up all of a sudden and have him thinking I'm weird. It was a bit different when I was living alone because I could, but it's maybe too soon? I mean, I don't think I would freak him out because he dated crossdresser, but I just don't wanna start walking around the house like, "sup this is what I like doing, bro!" So far people know that I do it as a "hobby" like cosplay, but I enjoy it a bit more than just that. I was thinking about telling my mom that I like CDing and what she thinks about it even. She runs the local Sephora so she's always bringing home expensive makeup for me, so I thought that this would be an excellent opportunity for us to get together so she can help me improve makeup skills and we both can enjoy it. But I think she would be accepting because she works in the makeup industry and she's really progressive and understanding, but I also suspect she would feel a bit uneasy that it's her SON now that wants help and wants to dress up like a girl more (like, going out). I think this because before I actually was CDing, I was crossplaying Harley Quinn frequently, and me and my friend would take cosplay photos. I was doing it so much that she started to get a bit angry at me every time she saw my instagram, saying "YOU'RE NOT HARLEY QUINN!" It's like, I'm aware of that, but if she was getting uneasy because of that, then just out-right coming out and saying, "hiya mother, I want to start CDing more, waddya think about that? This is who I am aaaaaaand I like it a lot!" I just think it would go down a little differently then I hope. Point is, I kind of want people to understand that I like CDing and it's more than just a silly hobby. And when I can't dress up I get really anxious and sometimes even nauseous.

What the heck is going on? lol. My initial goal was to slowly ease people into it with a form of mild incrementalism, but the cat is almost out of the bag. I should at least be able to tell my own mother.. ugh.

[Beverley Sims]

I did have a situation similar to yours but my friends and associates changed and the ones I was cosplaying? with faded into oblivion.

My girlfriends in the shared house scheme kept me going and gave me great tuition on feminine skills. :-)

[Becky Blue]

I cant talk about cosplay as I have never been into that, but I think what is happening to you is simple not simple.. what i mean by that is you are following a path well worn by many of us on here. In you a progressing along the "T" continuum and you may in fact find that your need to dress progress and the desires get stronger. Not trying to scare you, but you may well in fact be trans or genderfluid.

[MarinaTwelve200]

First of all so long as you are not attracted to MEN, you are likely simply, a Cross Dresser.--A straight male who, for various reasons, likes to dress as a woman. If you actually WANT to BE a woman or identify as a woman then you might be Transsexual, but be careful here, your dressing desires and normal hetero attraction to women may override your logic and confuse you---This is why TS people must often undergo psychological counseling , before SRS, to be SURE they truly ARE what they think. (no offense intended here)

Assuming you may be CD, there are several reasons to consider, for your own edification and satisfying your curiosity. At its lowest level, Many men CD, simply because they like the fabric texture of the clothing, Then other men CD because they have a FETISH for female clothing or makeup (a turn on). Some guys enjoy the ART of dressing and makeup and see it as a fun and rewarding challenge (with perhaps a "turn-on" benefit too--either from the Sexual aspect OR the ART. Another common CD drive is the "Escapist" CD. Escapists are generally more private and dress to "escape" or "take a vacation from themselves and escape the "personal responsibilities" and even those of "manhood", if only for a few hours, and TOTALLY relax and relieve stress. A lot of guys who wear uniforms, mail men policemen. etc. or have "macho" jobs are often into escapist CD--and may of us who have normal jobs too. Other reasons for CD include SM "humiliation". and "Taboo tripping", going beyond personal and social "boundaries" (often in public) and getting an addictive "rush" from the effect.

I am sure I have missed a few other reasons, but the above might get you thinking and less confused.------I am happy to help.

I am basically an ESCAPIST, but I am an artist too I DO take photos of my best work--If only out of a curiosity to see what I would have looked like as a woman, and simply the challenge.

[Stephanie Julianna]

Based on what you shared here I would say that your Mom already suspects that you like to dress more than the average guy but she might not know how deep it runs. You need to talk. As far as your housemate, the fact that he dated a crossdresser has to mean something unless he beat the crap out of her on a regular basis. That being said, I'd tell him and find out how he feels. If you can't dress in your own place you will eventually go crazy. See if you guys can find some compromise to how and when you can dress at home.

[mykell]

im going with the toothpaste is out of the tube, no way to put it back in, its obviously who you are, not a part of you....

try a quick story...."Paula grossman" my mom was a nurse.....when she died my wife found a self published booklet about "how to be a transsexual" or something like that.....mom had been her nurse in 1979 when i was having GD but didnt know i was having it....so if i told her ??? who knows.

as Stephanie has said i think she knows, works at sephora .....she obviously see's it....so it will startle her when she will have skin in the game but i would tell her first, then your friends, if they cant deal with it they may want to change living arrangements....and if mom deals with it you will still have a viable place to stay till you land on your feet again....

[docrobbysherry]

I agree with Mykell. I would only tell folks on a need to know basis. Including your mom! Once u tell folks they have the burden of keeping your secret!

I suggest u find some local CD's and hang out with them dressed. U will find out how "comfortable" u r around them and out to T friendly venues.

Remember, Alenko, life is all about the ride! Take it easy and enjoy your trip ASAP!

[Helen_Highwater]

Alenko,

As suggested by Becky it does seem you're somewhere along a path well trodden by many of us. Early stage confusion is not unusual but in most it sorts itself out and things settle down to a more normal CD'ing lifestyle. Sometimes it's a case of over thinking things when what's needed is to just go with the flow.

Your housemate dated a CD'er in the past so why not start by asking what attracted him to her. How did the relationship progress, that sort of thing. having broken the ice as gently as you can explain your desire to CD. He's unlikely to freak out given his recent history. If he's really cool with it then why not suggest that, purely as friends, drinking buddies if you like, you go out together one night with you enfemme.

As for telling Mom. I would say hold off until you've sorted things out in your own mind and are happy with the place you're in. While I think it's highly unlikely, you don't want to out yourself only to find a while later it was just a short lived phase and CD'ing isn't really your thing after all.

[Jaylyn]

I might add with the exception of cosplay we all have " been there done that" in the feelings department and every one has had their own battle to fight as to who and how they tell. Some never tell anyone others come out and could care less who knows. This thing or path you seem to be on is as wide or narrow as you want it to be. Each kind of walks their own path.

[Alenko]

Hey all, thanks for your replies! And I've been trying to slowly reveal my secret to a selected few of trusted people, but at the same time some other people know that otherwise I wouldn't want them to know. They know that I dress up, but they consider it cosplay and just a hobby so only a few people know that I've expressed interest in exploring it further than just a 'hobby.' My one friend found out by snooping through my phone because I'm an idiot and I left it on the table, but that's about it. I'll cross that bridge when I have to because I don't want things to get too weird. And in terms of being attracted to men while I'm CDing, I'll just be honest and say those thoughts have crossed my mind several times. I can't explain it other than I think it's 'hot' when men notice me. When it comes to my friend who I live with, he's a nice guy and from what I know, his relationship with a cross dresser was pretty normal, but they just broke up because it "didn't work out" like so many other relationships. I don't think he'll feel uneasy considering he's seen some of pictures, though again the general understanding is that it's just a 'hobby,' so I think I'm good there. I dunno, I guess I'll just take it a bit slow and ease into it because I kinda ran into this whole thing a little too fast without any proper foresight. I really wanna dress up at home. I'll have to talk to someone about this and clear the air. Thanks!

[MarinaTwelve200]

From what you say, My evaluation is you are likely an "Artist type" more or less proud of your "work" and appreciate the guys who think you are "hot" (or make you feel that way)---it's a "reward" for you to get Complemented on your work--it makes you "feel good"---As with more conventional artists. I'm an artist too (paintings) and get a similar good feeling when complemented.

I sense a young man's "fear (or concern) of homosexuality" too, but don't worry about that. CDing is often mistaken for homosexuality in "uneducated groups" and you might subconsciously have that concern---causing "confusion".

CDing can be quite confusing as there are many reasons for doing it and a lot of confusion involving sexuality---As Indeed some homosexuals CD also----Not necessarily "to attract straight men" as per common perceptions, but often for the same reasons straight guys CD. All and All, it is a Fascinating study of they psychology of personality.

[larry]

Not sure "friend " is the right word for someone who snoops thru your phone.

[Alenko]

From what you say, My evaluation is you are likely an "Artist type" more or less proud of your "work" and appreciate the guys who think you are "hot" (or make you feel that way)---it's a "reward" for you to get Complemented on your work--it makes you "feel good"---As with more conventional artists. I'm an artist too (paintings) and get a similar good feeling when complemented.

I sense a young man's "fear (or concern) of homosexuality" too, but don't worry about that. CDing is often mistaken for homosexuality in "uneducated groups" and you might subconsciously have that concern---causing "confusion".

CDing can be quite confusing as there are many reasons for doing it and a lot of confusion involving sexuality---As Indeed some homosexuals CD also----Not necessarily "to attract straight men" as per common perceptions, but often for the same reasons straight guys CD. All and All, it is a Fascinating study of they psychology of personality.

I think you're maybe right on your first paragraph. The fact that a guy would approach me is a nice reward for my work (god, I sound like an egomaniac). Sometimes I like the attention, but other times it feels sexual. I'd probably be too shy, though.. Oh well, I'm already this far dressing up like a girl. And you're right about it being a fascinating study of psychology! I mean, if you want to get really complex and talk about the mind, which is concerned with inner space, look no further than our next thought. I find it funny how often clueless we are when we're asked to articulate and explain how we feel and just what's going on inside.

[docrobbysherry]

Alenko, please be aware that being a woman with a man is a very common fantasy for dressers.

But, the fact is most of us aren't attracted to men. Just the idea of being treated like a woman by them!

[Alenko]

Alenko, please be aware that being a woman with a man is a very common fantasy for dressers.

But, the fact is most of us aren't attracted to men. Just the idea of being treated like a woman by them!

Oh yes! It's reassuring to at least know I'm not some strange isolated case. Thanks!

[Pat]

I think you're maybe right on your first paragraph. The fact that a guy would approach me is a nice reward for my work (god, I sound like an egomaniac). Sometimes I like the attention, but other times it feels sexual.

At one point along my path, my inner story was that I was dressing because I wanted to be desired. I was in a relationship where I felt, not rejection -- but indifference. So I reasoned that my dressing was because I was trying to be an object of desire. It seemed to fit the facts. But then I learned more facts and it didn't fit so well anymore. Desire is great -- as a friend of mine said, "Everyone wants to be desired." But my attraction to dressing was deeper than that and now it seems there's even science to back that up -- transgender people are the way they are because they are transgender, not for secondary (or tertiary) reasons. As for fantasizing about specific scenarios -- everyone wants to be desired.