Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 26

Thread: Me and My Big Mouth

  1. #1
    Member Sara Olivia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Victoria, British Columbia
    Posts
    142

    Me and My Big Mouth

    As many of you know from my previous posts I started working full time as Sara at the beginning of last September and with few exceptions have lived my life exclusively as Sara since then. In that time I have become incredibly comfortable being Sara out in public and as a result it is not constantly on my mind that I've not always been Sara. This resulted in getting myself into an awkward situation the other day. I happened to be in a part of our city that I don't normally frequent doing some shopping. I noted a bakery and realized that I had meant to buy some more bread to make sandwiches for my lunches at work. It made sense to quickly run into this bakery, where I had never shopped before, and purchase my loaf of bread. So that is what I did. Now at this point I must backtrack a bit - actually rewind my life by about 20 years. At the time I was working for a different employer from where I currently work. One of my colleagues, whom I will call Steve (not his real name), became a good personal friend. In fact, he and his wife were guests at my wedding though this is not relevant to the story. Bottom line, Steve and his wife were good friends of ours with whom we socialized regularly. About ten years ago my friend and his family moved to California to study to become a chiropracter and in time we lost touch with them. At that time the fact that I was transgender was a secret to everyone but my wife. Fast forward to the present. I walk into this bakery and who do I see standing behind the counter but my friend Steve with whom I'd lost touch years earlier. Unfortunately it was at that moment that my mouth got ahead of my brain and without thinking I blurted out "Steve? Steve is that really you?". He looked at me with a thoroughly blank expression and replied "Yes but you are?". It was at that moment that my brain caught up to my mouth and simultaneously I realized that I was standing in a bakery with about three other customers and several staff members all staring at me. My friend clearly still looked thoroughly confused and puzzled as to my identity. Of course, to me, it was all painfully crystal clear. Here I am standing fully presenting as Sara, a woman, and expecting someone who has only ever known me as a man to recognize me. To make matters worse, now, not only did I have to explain my new reality to my old friend but apparently to a roomful of strangers who were all now curious as to what my response to Steve was going to be. Clearly telling Steve that I was Sara and "hey remember we used to work together" wasn't going to suffice. Needless to say the next few minutes were very awkward but at the end of the long explanation, Steve who had always been a very friendly, kind and decent person gave me a big hug, had a few minutes of nice conversation with me and then send me home with an armload of free bread and assorted baked goods. So at the end of the day I will subscribe to the edict that all is well that ends well. I was a bit embarrassed but hey I got to reconnect with an old dear friend.

    With that, it occurred to me that I cannot be the only one who has ever had their mouth get ahead of their brain like that. If any of you have had something like that ever happen to you I'd love to hear your stories.
    Last edited by Sara Olivia; 01-22-2018 at 04:24 PM.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    6,640
    I took a leave of absence from work...

    i fully transitioned and during that time my posiiton was changed (heh...what a surprise!!)

    but i was offered an HR interview to perhaps work out a nother position...

    i got all business dressed up and went in...after my interview i walked out and saw a meeting in a conference room...

    i dont get what got into me...but i knocked on the door..and this guy Dave came out...i knew him well...and i just blurted out who i was....OMG...i couldnt have felt more instantly humiliated...
    he said.."OK...why would you tell me that?? why would you interrupt my meeting"....and he just shut the door in my face..that was almost 10 yrs ago and i still think of it..UGH
    I am real

  3. #3
    Member Mirya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    413
    Since my transition I’ve seen former co-workers and old friends out in the street, at a train station, at the mall, or in a store. We’ve walked right passed each other. It’s happened a number of times.

    But I’ve never said a word to any of them. And they certainly didn’t recognize me. For me, the past is in the past. I’ve brought my immediate family members and just two close friends from before my transition into my new life. Beyond that, I have no desire to reconnect with anyone else who knew me as a man. Not that they were bad people; in fact most of them were very nice. It’s just that I don’t want to be reminded of my past life as a man.

    I basically started over with a new life when I transitioned, and I intend to keep my old life separate from the new.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Houston
    Posts
    1,656
    I also have begun a new life. The only things I still own from my previous life are a few pieces of furniture, some dishes, pots and utensils. All human interactions are with people I have met recently with the exception of my sister. I have not seen anyone from my previous life in many months. Living in a metropolitan area of over six million people a hundred miles away from where I came from greatly minimizes the chances of running into someone I once knew. I wouldn't mind an armload of baked goods though. Lol

  5. #5
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Sara,
    I feel this is unavoidable . Some of us talk about two sides of our being and others say they that feeling gradually diminished or they never had it at all, but personally don't feel we do become one . I feel my female side is overlaid on top of my male side, at times something triggers the male side as in your case meeting an old friend who you knew in male mode .

    When I go and start to live full time in the next few weeks I know that male side will surface when I need it and sometimes it will be unexpected , living as a male for most of my life will mean that side will never leave me , no matter what medication I'm on or any surgical procedures I've gone through .

    At times it won't be your mouth you feel will let you down but in some circumstances your actions , in an emergency it could mean saving someones life .

  6. #6
    Silver Member Starling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    on the way
    Posts
    2,545
    Quote Originally Posted by jentay1367 View Post
    ...you don't have to be a man...
    Very cool, in both the ordinary and colloquial sense.

    Lallie
    Time for a change.

  7. #7
    Member Sara Olivia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Victoria, British Columbia
    Posts
    142
    Interesting responses, though not in the direction that I expected the comments to be. Mirya, your outlook on life actually exactly mirrors mine. I don't live in a particularly large community and in my day to day activities often encounter people whom I knew or who knew me prior to my transitioning. They do not recognize me as a woman and I would not want them to recognize me. They are acquaintances from another life. I do not approach them and share my status with them. I'm not interested in reconnecting with them. In fact, I did not come out to my old friend, Steve, intentionally, it was my mouth reacting before my brain. My family, current workplace colleagues, and good friends are the only people from my past who will remain part of my future. With that said, having a wife and children definitely complicates this issue for me and I will never be able to make as clean a break as perhaps someone much younger and single with no children. For example, we had to share my transition with people such as my children's teachers. I am committed to my children one hundred percent and have always attended parent teacher interviews and expect to continue to do so. So their teachers needed to know. Future teachers will not need to know but the ones right now do. In another example, we do not want to have to sell our home and move so neighbors will need to be told. Not ideal but its my reality.

    Teresa, very interesting comment. Truthfully I've never actually felt having two sides to my being. Aboriginal people here in Canada talk about "two-spirited" when talking about transgender people. I've never identified with that description. I've never felt I had two spirits, only ever one - but a female one. Life for me has been a never ending theater performance. Growing up I learned all the social rules and conventions as to what it was to be a boy and a man. So that is what I presented to the world because that is what was expected of me. Today I am one hundred percent that same person minus the theater performance. I can now feel free to express myself as the woman I have always been. So when you suggest that it was my male side that triggered my response with my friend because I knew him in male mode I would respectfully suggest that I'm more inclined to think that it was merely the fact of unexpectedly running into a dear old friend whom I'd never expected to see again.
    Living on the coast, I used to volunteer with marine search and rescue for ten years. I worked together with many capable men and women. I believe both genders are equally capable of acting courageously and heroically if called upon to do so. So if I ever find myself in that situation, now as Sara, I'd like to think that my training will serve me well and that any courage I might have had then has not abandoned me now.

  8. #8
    Member Mirya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    413
    Sara Olivia, that's really great to hear your continued involvement in your children's lives. I wish my parents were more involved in my school life when I was a kid...

    And I understand my situation is quite different. I'm younger than most others here (started transitioning at 38), I never married, and I never had any kids. It's obviously a lot simpler for me to make a clean break and start over.
    Last edited by Mirya; 01-24-2018 at 12:58 AM.

  9. #9
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Sara,
    I guess I was thinking from the physical side OK still thinking in terms of what a man can do or is expected to do. I agree women do some of the jobs as well if not better . Perhaps my thinking is out of date and , " Horses for Courses !" doesn't apply so much these days .

    My personal situation is I'm going to separate from my wife soon and she is totally relying on me as the husband and man she knows to renovate her new home for her . I was thinking along those lines when I move into my new home when saying the male side will surface to renovate and improve that . So my mind still relates those jobs with being a man .

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Standing In The Cornpatch
    Posts
    1,455
    Sara,
    It happened just yesterday! I live in a small town, fifty miles from the town I grew up in. I go over there quite often, as it's quite a bit larger than Smallville. While there yesterday, I was in a guitar shop, picking up a few things. After checking out, I stayed, talking to the clerk, who was about my age, when another guy walked in. I glanced at him, then did the big double take, then blurted out his name. We had gone to high school together and I had not seen him since. Nearly fifty years later, I recognized his eyes! Even in high school I thought he had "Bedroom Eyes". I've never really been attracted to males, but those eyes! Any way, he asked me who I was. So I told him. He looked me up and down, smiled and nodded. We gave each other a quick description of our lives, then parted. He even hugged me.
    It's nice when the old friends remember and accept you.

    Hugs,
    Leah
    Be nice; It don't cost nothing.

  11. #11
    Reality Check
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,842
    Many years ago there was a TV show "WKRP in Cincinnati" about the staff at a small radio station. It was a comedy. "Herb" was constantly womanizing and trying to date the female employees. In one episode, he got a letter from his old high school friend (this was back before email) saying he would be coming to visit. When the old friend came in the door he had had a sex change operation and was a beautiful woman. Herb didn't recognize him and tried to put a move on her.

    The friend finally convinced Herb that she was his old "male" friend. Herb stopped trying to put the move on her.

    It was funny.
    Krisi

  12. #12
    Member Sara Olivia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Victoria, British Columbia
    Posts
    142
    Krisi, I remember that episode now that you mention it. I had forgotten about it over the years but now recall that it had made me feel rather uncomfortable and uneasy at the time because even then I already knew that I was transgender though did not believe that someday this would ever be me (the living as a woman part). My favorite episode of WKRP in Cincinnatti, hands down was when the station decided to drop live turkeys from a helicopter as a Thanksgiving publicity stunt. My favorite line from Herb "I swear I really thought that turkeys could fly".

  13. #13
    Reality Check
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,842
    Yes, that was a funny show. I wonder why it's not in reruns.
    Krisi

  14. #14
    Member greeneyes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    near Cincinnati Ohio
    Posts
    149
    They just started showing them again here on a local station! So funny to see the clothes and watch their shananagans again!!!

  15. #15
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Boston Area
    Posts
    4,099
    Since I kind of "transitioned in place" I'm still in the area where I worked for decades and occasionally meet folks from my past. If we were friends, I usually stop and talk. If I wasn't really close to them I don't. I do identify a bit with the OP in that I'm more likely to greet them enthusiastically before realizing they might not recognize me. Though I also had the opposite experience where I was sitting in a restaurant and suddenly someone plopped down into the seat across from me, leaned in and said, "So, Pat, what's new with you?" And I recognized them as someone I hadn't seen since before I started transitioning. That was actually kinda fun.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Banning, east of Los Angeles.
    Posts
    2,571
    Yeah, to me too.
    It was just last Saturday. We went with wife just yo walk and got an ice cream ( big one) and did something we never did before.
    We just sit outside of a theater that has some comfortable chairs and sofa, with a big nice water fountain near, all around there are lot of a variety of restaurant. I was Vanessa, to such my wife is slowly getting more used to go with out.
    So after our huge ice creams, the night was nice and we were comment about the people passing y. In a moment I see a friend for my previous job that I haven't seen in more than a year, my natural reaction was to call him very aloud. Fortunately there was a lot of noise and my wife stop me to repeat my call and told me, does your friend know Vanessa? Omg! I said, nope. So later they come back from where they come but this time I just keep my sight in my phone and there's no way we could pay attention on me....
    That's would be the great gossip in my old job because we keep connected with some friends thought a messenger....
    So lesson learned, don't be too friendly...they don't know Vanessa.....
    HRT 042018; Full time 032019
    Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
    Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
    Breast augmentation surgery 012022
    GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION

  17. #17
    MissSwissMiss LexiNexi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    185
    I don't really have a problem telling anyone. The only time I feel uncomfortable is when I am around redneck types. I don't know what I will do next year if I would talk to people I knew who weren't good friends; all my good friends already know my secret. I always wear pink nail polish and lip gloss so I don't know how else to explain it when I run into people.
    [COLOR="#800080"]Visit my *NEW site with pictures and not much (it's still new, lots to come) more!

  18. #18
    Member Sara Olivia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Victoria, British Columbia
    Posts
    142
    Lexi I think you will find that next year when you start to be yourself full time you will stop thinking about having to tell anyone. I'm at the point now where we have had new staff at work and I no longer disclose to them that I am transgender. They know me as Sara, a woman, and if they realize that I'm transgender ( which they very well may have) they have not made an issue of it and just relate to me as Sara. I think you will find that as well. After a while you will just be Lexi and thats all the world has to know

  19. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    wow....that's one of those moments that simply cant be planned Seems like you managed it quite well, as did your friend!
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  20. #20
    MissSwissMiss LexiNexi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    185
    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Olivia View Post
    Lexi I think you will find that next year when you start to be yourself full time you will stop thinking about having to tell anyone.
    Yes thats a good point. I already write my name as Lexi ******** on forms was thinking about telling other people my real name.

    Why I dont understand is if you are out full time and have committed 100% why not just tell people? Worst that can happen is they would not like you.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 05-05-2018 at 11:37 PM. Reason: Multiposts will be merged or deleted
    [COLOR="#800080"]Visit my *NEW site with pictures and not much (it's still new, lots to come) more!

  21. #21
    Cereal Killer Ashley in Virginia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Richmond Va
    Posts
    898
    Seriously?.....

    No the worst thing is you could get assaulted or murdered. Your naivety could get you hurt. Please be careful, some people are bat crap crazy.
    If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

  22. #22
    Member Sara Olivia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Victoria, British Columbia
    Posts
    142
    Quote Originally Posted by LexiNexi View Post
    Yes thats a good point. I already write my name as Lexi ******** on forms was thinking about telling other people my real name.

    Why I dont understand is if you are out full time and have committed 100% why not just tell people? Worst that can happen is they would not like you.
    I would rather have them relate to me as just another woman. I've not grown up wanting to live my life as a transgender person. I've wanted to live my life as the person whom I've always been on the inside - a woman.

  23. #23
    MissSwissMiss LexiNexi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    185
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley in Virginia View Post
    Seriously?.....

    No the worst thing is you could get assaulted or murdered. Your naivety could get you hurt. Please be careful, some people are bat crap crazy.
    Yes thats true but there is 0% of me hiding being trans right now. I had a weird incident in a taxi cab where the guy was trying to hit on me in broken english didn't realize it until just as I was getting out of the car. I realized after I got out he was talking about his penis. I would have sold him my underwear for 100$ but he seemed more interested in my shoes and I'm not giving those up, even though I do carry around flip flop when I go out in heals. Anyways I won't go into rednecky area but I can't hide who I look like and I'm not dressing like a guy anymore.
    Plus I can't drive so I am at their mercy.

    Why would you be mean to poor people? I always buy them food when I go to the city.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 05-08-2018 at 06:57 PM. Reason: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=main_rules#faq_content
    [COLOR="#800080"]Visit my *NEW site with pictures and not much (it's still new, lots to come) more!

  24. #24
    Cereal Killer Ashley in Virginia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Richmond Va
    Posts
    898

    Lightbulb

    Quote Originally Posted by LexiNexi View Post
    ... I had a weird incident in a taxi cab where the guy was trying to hit on me in broken english didn't realize it until just as I was getting out of the car. I realized after I got out he was talking about his penis. I would have sold him my underwear for 100$ but he seemed more interested in my shoes....
    Wait... Wut???

    I've been here for 13 years, this is on the very top of the most ridiculous things I've read. So you expect us to believe that you are in a cab with a strange man, who is making unwanted advances and what comes to your mind is "selling him your underwear"???

    Most people would be worried about their safety, or making an exit plan just in case or any number of ways to get out of that situation, but you tell us that you are gonna sell him underwear. Un-freaking-believable.

    I sincerely hope that you are full of crap about this and the stuff you post, otherwise you are going to be just another statistic in the number of trans people being assaulted or killed because of your own ignorance.
    If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

  25. #25
    MissSwissMiss LexiNexi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    185
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley in Virginia View Post
    Wait... Wut???

    I've been here for 13 years, this is on the very top of the most ridiculous things I've read. So you expect us to believe that you are in a cab with a strange man, who is making unwanted advances and what comes to your mind is "selling him your underwear"???

    Most people would be worried about their safety, or making an exit plan just in case or any number of ways to get out of that situation, but you tell us that you are gonna sell him underwear. Un-freaking-believable.

    I sincerely hope that you are full of crap about this and the stuff you post, otherwise you are going to be just another statistic in the number of trans people being assaulted or killed because of your own ignorance.
    My exit plan was the door. Not much else I can do. Set up location services to a family members phone. I have been in much worse situations.
    [COLOR="#800080"]Visit my *NEW site with pictures and not much (it's still new, lots to come) more!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State