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Thread: Acceptance levels by Wives and SO's

  1. #26
    Member Cassiek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    SE Pennsylvania
    My wife knows and has recently discovered some of my pictures. After answering a few basic questions to quell her fears about others knowing, to which the answer is no, she gave me huge hug and told me I’ll always be the man she loves. She has yet to tell me to stop or push for greater discussion. For now I’m giving rating of 4 with hopes of a future 9 or 10

  2. #27
    Junior Member MLane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    I agree with Gina, it really depends on whats going in your life. Any hobby or interest can become obsessive and make your SO feel you are only thinking of yourself. My wife can range between 2 to 3 and up to a 7-8, but in the end she is amazing and very accepting. I try to put myself in her shoes (not literally) but I don't think any little girls dream of getting married and then later find out that they need to share the feminine spotlight with their husband.

    Quote Originally Posted by ginapoodle View Post
    Initially a 7-8, pretty high acceptance: helping me buy clothes and makeup. That was about ten years ago.

    Then life happened that resulted in my wife experiencing a lot of grief and depression (mother killed in major car accident, father severely injured, and more).

    Support dwindled fast to very low, maybe 2-3. Last summer I re-energized Gina, and kept my wife in the loop. She neither pushed back, nor supported, nor initiated any discussion or questions. I gave many openings--nothing. So, we are in DADT and I do not want to press her given her current stress levels and history of anger when I do engage in pushback or confrontation.

    The conclusion: people are variable in acceptance.

  3. #28
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    North Carolina
    This thought has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I have not broached the subject with her yet, but I feel she must have some inkling after 44 years of marriage. I am leaning more to the femme side recently, and joining this forum has boosted my confidence greatly. I underdress, and have shaved my facial hair, and she has made no comment about either. The biggest clue she has given me is that when she does the laundry, she folds several pairs of panties and places them on top of my stack of clothes. I take this to be tacit acceptance. I'm not ready to bring the subject up just yet, but when it does come up, I feel she will be supportive. Based on these observations, I'll give her a 5-6.

  4. #29
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    My wife is an 8/10. Don’t get me wrong, she is awesome on the cross dressing idea, even suggesting getaways but she is afraid of breast forms and if I purchase an article of clothing that she likes, I immediately loose it. Keep in mind that my dressing in front of her has been a gradual process over 30 years. She’s a great gal and I appreciate her acceptance but not quite there yet.

    But I’m grateful for who I have.

  5. #30
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    I'm a wife and I'm a 10 I get a prize

    I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs

    R.I.P Rianna

  6. #31
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    SW England
    10. There have been so many threads and discussions on this. We're passing on ground that I hope is easing for everyone.

    In my own opinion, love is love, and conditional love is ... not love. Too many people do marry for other reasons, such as status, wealth, looks or other factors, and maybe it is almost impossible to find that one true love. I did, so I'm super lucky, but for sure, cross-dressing, transitioning - they find out how real the love is.
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  7. #32
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Fantasy Island
    Well said Pam. Couldn't agree more.

  8. #33
    Junior Member
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    Nov 2007
    DC area
    Quote Originally Posted by Elizabeth G View Post
    Numerically I would say my wife is about a 4 - 5. In my mind I kind of categorize levels of acceptance as follows (although there are infinitely more subdivisions I'm sure):

    Show stopper

    My wife falls somewhere in the tolerant to accepting range.
    I’ll build on this scale:
    0 - Show stopper, get out of my house
    1 - DADT, lets just ignore this and never talk about it again.
    2 - DADT, but I’d like to be aware of when you’re going to dress so I can avoid being surprised.
    3 - Tolerant, but not inquisitive and don’t initiate discussions bout your dressing. You can shave your legs.
    4 - Tolerant and inquisitive about your dressing; might not love it but wiling to let it happen behind closed doors.
    5 - Accepting, still possibly uncomfortable about this but not tryign to change you.
    6 - Accepting, trying to understand the importance of this and don’t want you to change.
    7 - Supportive, may or may not fully understand you, can dress subject to conditions (no kids, limits on dress, wig, makeup, location of dressing, etc.)
    8 - Supportive, few if any limits. You can go out.
    9 - Accepting, views your feminine side as one of her girlfriends. You can go out with her.
    10 - Encouraging, initiates out-of-house dressing, expands your skills or wardrobe, personally enjoys your dressing.

    Having said that, my wife is a 7. She’s OK with shaving, dresses, lingerie, heels in the house. Makeup, wigs, and breast forms outside her comfort level but it’s not outside of the question some day.

  9. #34
    MtF Transgender JeanTG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    100 km from Montreal, Quebec.
    On Lizzie's scale, somewhere between 1 and 3 and occasionally zero.

  10. #35
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    An example of a ten, unconditional love, in my life-- is my youngest daughter. I came out to her and her older sister last Thanksgiving. Youngest is also "queer". Her response has been encouraging in so many ways. She and I are so alike, in so many ways: personality, creative, etc. I am grateful for my youngest, and that I finally told them my full authentic story.

    My wife and oldest daughter are clones: to some degree they express "conditional" love. They are controllers. Deep seated, I think, the controllers lack their own self esteem and are fear driven. The fear expresses in micro-aggressions, passive-aggressive behavior and good old narcissism.

    In the end, we can only change ourselves.

  11. #36
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Midwest USA
    It depends. She's a 7-8 given that I dress up fully and go out only once or twice a year. She would be a 0-1 if I dressed up fully every week. She's 8-9 when it comes to underdressing from the waist down: which I do most days. She's a 2-3 when it comes to undressing from the waist up or wearing forms or accessories.

    On the whole I consider myself very lucky and don't push or want to push the current boundaries.

  12. #37
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    I am very lucky to have my wife in my life. She is a 9 for sure. Because nobody is perfect but she comes as close as anyone can get and I love her very much. Anyone who can put up with me has to be special.

    I believe its nice to complete your spouse online but we should all know its the little daily complements that have the most impact. I now know its not enough to think how much you appreciate your wife its more important to tell her.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  13. #38
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    It's had to boil a relationship down to a number but if I had to, it would be an "8". She tolerates my dressing and we go clothes shopping together. She will help pick out clothes for me and sometimes just shop by herself and bring me clothes. I can dress around the house when she is home with no problems.

    The reason I give her an 8 and not a 10 is, she won't call me by a feminine name when I'm dressed and she won't go out in public with me (yet). Neither one of us wants neighbors, friends or family to know about my little "hobby" so I wouldn't be walking in and out of the house dressed, so I'm trying to figure out a way we can go out together in some other area. If I can convince her to do that, I'll raise the number.

  14. #39
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    DC Area
    Quote Originally Posted by Lacey New View Post
    If there were negative numbers, that would be my very conservative and soon to be ex wife. My guess is that she would have zero tolerance for my cross dressing. There were a number of times years ago when we were young and frisky and I would put on her panties and appear in front of her and ask playfully “Is this what I have to do to
    get into your pants?” And all I got was a shrill “Take those off”
    Thank you Lacey - I was beginning to feel very lonely!

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by ginapoodle View Post
    ... In the end, we can only change ourselves.
    Gina - you are absolutely spot on! I'm so glad you have that relationship with your daughter. I expect my children to be accepting also, when the time is right to share.

  15. #40
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Puyallup, WA (USA)
    My wife's acceptance level is a 9.5, possibly a 9.75 or so.

    Supports me doing stand-up in girl-mode. And also when I was in a cross-dressing band.
    She really digs my taste in fem-ware and my overall girl-look.
    Buys me clothes and stuff, such as dresses, nail polish, and makeup stuff.
    She's even cool with sharing makeup stuff .
    I'm not into sharing her clothes, even if we were the same size.
    She did my makeup once, and is willing to again.
    Twice we went out together with me all dolled up (can find threads on both times, one of which was for Halloween).
    She digs me wearing heels "in bed", or just whenever I'm chillaxin.
    Her favorites to see me in are my high heeled boots.
    And she can freely wear my heels in like manner, but she cannot walk in 99% of them (we are the same size in shoes/heels).

    Some of our friends and family know of my En Femme stand-up and YouTube videos, some of which have seen me do it and really like it.

    As far as my girl-name, doesn't matter to me, wanna call me by it when I'm dressed up, go for it.

    The reason I don't go 10 is because she is indifferent on seeing me fully dolled up in person, though she has several times.

    Last edited by Alice_2014_B; 02-02-2018 at 12:42 PM.
    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

    -Home Movies
    (cartoon series)

    Shoe size: 9 US women's.
    Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
    Height: 5' 6".

  16. #41
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    My wife is not accepting of my cross dressing. She knows I do wear women's clothing. However, since it is DADT or even discuss the subject she has no idea of the extent of my female wardrobe. If she were to find out I have 158 dresses and tons of undergarments, I don't know if she would just roll her eyes or go into a tirade. I'd be happy to share with her, but, it is her choice to live like an ostrich. Since there is no ultramatim of "It's either me or the highway" I cannot score it as a zero. She makes no snide comments about cross dressing when seeing it on television news program. She is supportive of transgender rights with some limitations on the bathroom debate. So, maybe a 2??

  17. #42
    Heisthebride Heisthebride's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    I would say my wife is about a 9. I decided to tell her early in the relationship and being up front and honest went a long ways towards acceptance. If she sees me dressed she would prefer I go more natural and casual without a lot of makeup. I perform burlesque en femme locally and that requires more makeup and risque costumes. She was the one who actually bought me burlesque lessons initially as a birthday gift. So she will attend the performances and we will be out mingling with the crowd after the shows together.

    She does have her limits however. She is not into the fetishy stuff, french maids, sexy lingerie, etc. just around the house. It's ok if its a performance. She also has no interest in taking my dressing into the bedroom.
    Rebecca Bas

  18. #43
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    I have often wondered what would have happened if I had told my wife while still dating/engaged? Hard to be sure, but I bet her reaction would have been "go away", and then she would have blabbed to friends and her family. Then living in Midland, TX in 1987, working in the oil business-- would have been hell. Could have destroyed my career.

    So yeah, that is the big why not for me. Culture context is critical. Before meeting my wife I sort-of came out to two girlfriends. Both were pretty open and supportive. One is still a close friend all these decades later.

  19. #44
    Aspiring Member EllenJo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Midwest US
    My wife is a solid 9, she is very accepting. I dress daily since I retired and she is fine within limits. She really does prefer that I do not wear a wig and make up around her. As she puts it, from the neck down is all mine. She often comments on my outfits and tells me when something does not work. She told me this morning that if we were the same size (she is very small) she would steal my new Lane Bryant sweater. Got to love her.
    Ellen Jo
    Somtimes the light's all shining on me, Other times I can barely see.
    Lately it's occured to me.....What a long strange trip it has been.
    Truckin by the Grateful Dead

  20. #45
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    It would be very interesting if we were able to put this question to our wives /partners and compare the two scores , I know mine and hers would match !

    I do feel it's a shame we have to consider questions like this , I'm afraid Pamela is right a marriage based on true and total love should see it through so obviously some of us have fallen short on that point as well .
    The real me ,no going back.

  21. #46
    Member Zoeytgtx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Middle of AR.

    I would have to rate it as a 2. She and I exist in a DADT world. She knew I dressed but I think we actually took a step backwards when she accidentally saw a picture of me dressed. She told me now now she understood why I would be more attracted to Zoey than to her. She sees it as a competition she can't win and I cannot talk her out of it. From the day she saw that photo we probably took a step backwards concerning my dressing and needing to be out in public.

  22. #47
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    East Yorkshire UK
    rating my wife from 0-10 seems so wrong... she does not judge my dressing as much as I do!
    luv J

  23. #48
    Aspiring Member LeannS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    The nice side of Colorado
    I would have to say a 3 she knows i dress and where my clothes are but we don't talk about it.

  24. #49
    Senior Member 2B Natasha's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    Seattle, WA
    10. Is there an 11? There is not really much more to say.

    You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same

  25. #50
    Member Cherylgyno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    U. S.
    I'm going with a 9+. We go bra shopping for me. SA's will comment that it is obvious who we are shopping for as I am a 48D wife is a 36B. I wear shirt tucked in thus accenting my breasts. My wife realizes that having large feminine breasts makes me happy and that makes her happy.

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