I Told My Wife Everything

[Asew]

I told my wife about a week and half ago about my dressing. At first I told her all the major points. But over the last week more details came out (nothing big but just more details like as a teenager I made a few skirts myself and wanted to make a circle skirt now). And she was like is there anything more I need to know. So this morning I woke up early and kept thinking about additional details but she was still sleeping. So I started writing. Spent 3 hours in the morning and about 3 hours at work to handwrite 13 pages front and back detailing everything. Along with some drawings.

After reading it she only had a few comments but overall seems even more supportive. I think it helped explain a little bit more why I do it and what things I like and don't like. And she was like you really wore my wedding dress? (Um, I love poofy dresses... it was irresistible). She told me that she didn't want me wearing that one dress but all other dresses are fine. And her grandmother gave her some bras and they are my favorite since they are more coverage than hers. She told me not to wear those since they have sentimental value and we can get some of my own if none of hers work for me.

I always grew up thinking no woman would never want a crossdressing man so to know her support just makes me love her so much.

[Dana44]

That is really nice Asew, I suggest taking it a bit slow on startup and she would be understanding. Defiantly get you own stuff.

[Jasmine Rose]

I am really happy things are working out so well! I think it is great that your wife is setting down a few reasonable boundaries like "don't wear the things that I have sentimental attachment to". It shows that she has no problem speaking up when she is not okay about something, and if that is the line to not cross, then you have a lot of room to work with in the category of "things she is okay with". The lines of communication are open between you two, and that is always an important part of a healthy relationship.

It sounds like you have been busy writing a lot down (I can relate to that a lot) so you may have already covered this with her. I would like to suggest that you make sure that in addition to letting her know what your crossdressing is it is also important to let her know what it isn't.

For you, this list may be different, but when I talked to my mother about my crossdressing, I made sure that she understood three things it was not. It didn't mean I was gay, I didn't want a sex change operation, and I didn't want to dress in public. I went on to say that I didn't know if that would always be true, but that right now I did not see it changing any time soon.

[bridget thronton]

Hope things continue to go well - sounds like a good wife

[Tracii G]

I 'm with her buy your own clothes and stop wearing any of hers.
Things are going fine sounds like so don't push it OK?
Just her sort of learning to accept all this about you is not a green light for you to do nothing but talking about CDing or womens clothes that you want.You still need to be her husband too.

[mbmeen12]

Good for you about, just going for it. Were you ready to make the ultimate sacrifice i.e.ending marriage?

[alwayshave]

Asew, I'm happy for you that coming out to your wife went well.

[Teri Ray]

Best wishes to you and your wife. Take things slow and easy. Keep communicating.

[KitCat]

Sounds like you have a fantastic Wife
make sure you tell her often how much you appreciate her and her willingness to help you enjoy this part of you
Cath

[Rayleen]

Take it slow and have good communication and listening is important.

[Tamsin Secret]

Hi Asew,

Firstly congratulations on the big step. It's only the beginning of a long journey. I'm a few months in and things are slow. She makes time for me, she has read the diary we set up for each other to 'put down our thoughts' I obviously want her to know more about it but am content that I'm not hiding it any longer.

It has allowed me to process my thoughts better without the guilt of the secret I was keeping from her.

I encouraged her to confide in someone she has full trust in if she wanted to so that she didn't feel like I had just passed this secret over to lighten the burden on my own shoulders.

It was another risk as the person she chose may have been negative and influenced her acceptance however I wanted to give her that opportunity as I knew only to well how lonely it can be without anyone to talk to about it.

So far it seems to have been a good choice. The other person has also spoken to me now and it has eased a lot of potential tension between my wife and I.

Again it's a long road and I wish you the best of luck, both of you.

Tammy

[Asew]

Thanks for all the replies!

That is really nice Asew, I suggest taking it a bit slow on startup and she would be understanding. Defiantly get you own stuff.

Yeah, it is really hard to take it slow. Now that I have finally told someone (and actually told her best friend just about the dressing and no details so she could have someone to talk to), it seems more real and I want to embrace it. Actually I think she is ok with sharing her stuff since when we made an order at Torrid I would be like I want that dress and she would be like me too so lets share it. We made a spot in the closet for things I like to wear so maybe expand that idea a little more.

I am really happy things are working out so well! I think it is great that your wife is setting down a few reasonable boundaries like "don't wear the things that I have sentimental attachment to". It shows that she has no problem speaking up when she is not okay about something, and if that is the line to not cross, then you have a lot of room to work with in the category of "things she is okay with". The lines of communication are open between you two, and that is always an important part of a healthy relationship.

It sounds like you have been busy writing a lot down (I can relate to that a lot) so you may have already covered this with her. I would like to suggest that you make sure that in addition to letting her know what your crossdressing is it is also important to let her know what it isn't.

For you, this list may be different, but when I talked to my mother about my crossdressing, I made sure that she understood three things it was not. It didn't mean I was gay, I didn't want a sex change operation, and I didn't want to dress in public. I went on to say that I didn't know if that would always be true, but that right now I did not see it changing any time soon.

Actually I did write about what my crossdressing isn't. When I initially told her she said as long as you aren't gay I can accept anything about it. And I wrote about how I have never been interested in guys, don't want to transition, and not a fan of makeup or wigs.

Hope things continue to go well - sounds like a good wife

Thanks, she sure is.

I 'm with her buy your own clothes and stop wearing any of hers.
Things are going fine sounds like so don't push it OK?
Just her sort of learning to accept all this about you is not a green light for you to do nothing but talking about CDing or womens clothes that you want.You still need to be her husband too.

Yeah, I am having a real hard time throttling my excitement to admitting this someone which is making this more real. But she told me she has seen a light switch flip in me that I am an even better husband and dad to our children than ever before.

Good for you about, just going for it. Were you ready to make the ultimate sacrifice i.e.ending marriage?

Actually I was. When I met my wife a decade ago I was a rebound. She had unresolved feelings and had a year recently where she was in a relationship with him and realized she did not really want to be with him and wanted to be with me. But I had a hard time forgiving. It was also during the lonely year I sunk back into more regular dressing. And with her back I was feeling annoyed at not being able to dress as much. I knew I had to some dressing in my life and if that meant divorce that would have been hard but I could accept that she didn't like it. But her acceptance has made me fall back in love with her more than ever before and have forgiven her.

Asew, I'm happy for you that coming out to your wife went well.

Thanks!

Best wishes to you and your wife. Take things slow and easy. Keep communicating.

Hard to take it slow and easy but I am trying! And definitely a lack of communication seems to cause all my problems (in love and at work even).

Sounds like you have a fantastic Wife
make sure you tell her often how much you appreciate her and her willingness to help you enjoy this part of you
Cath

She tells me I tell her I love you too much now. I am over the moon to have a woman that actually accepts something I thought no woman would ever accept.

Take it slow and have good communication and listening is important.

I am trying!

[Jaylyn]

That's a start Asew, words of advice start slowly and let her come along as you advance in your dressing. Be sure to do a littl shopping together not just for you but for her also. Make it fun for you both. My wife came on here and read everything she could to find out why we do this.yours might be interested in that part of it. Remember the old saying if the wife isn't happy no ones happy. Make your dressing a positive. My wife told me do it but don't embarrass her or our family. I had to promise I would not go out in public dressed, but we did get pedicures together last Monday and I got polish and she thought it was cute. Just remember baby steps.

[Asew]

Hi Asew,

Firstly congratulations on the big step. It's only the beginning of a long journey. I'm a few months in and things are slow. She makes time for me, she has read the diary we set up for each other to 'put down our thoughts' I obviously want her to know more about it but am content that I'm not hiding it any longer.

It has allowed me to process my thoughts better without the guilt of the secret I was keeping from her.

I encouraged her to confide in someone she has full trust in if she wanted to so that she didn't feel like I had just passed this secret over to lighten the burden on my own shoulders.

It was another risk as the person she chose may have been negative and influenced her acceptance however I wanted to give her that opportunity as I knew only to well how lonely it can be without anyone to talk to about it.

So far it seems to have been a good choice. The other person has also spoken to me now and it has eased a lot of potential tension between my wife and I.

Again it's a long road and I wish you the best of luck, both of you.

Tammy

After I told her, my wife's best friend stayed with us for a few days which she does about once a month. My wife said she really wanted to tell her. I was like I can show her and I put on the skirt we bought together for me. So I showed her and she was like that was it? I thought you had something big to tell me. I am also worried she might tell someone, but not on purpose but another person who knows who might let something a little too leading to slip.

I think now that everything in the past is out there it will be a lot easier to communicate about things about it in the present.

That's a start Asew, words of advice start slowly and let her come along as you advance in your dressing. Be sure to do a littl shopping together not just for you but for her also. Make it fun for you both. My wife came on here and read everything she could to find out why we do this.yours might be interested in that part of it. Remember the old saying if the wife isn't happy no ones happy. Make your dressing a positive. My wife told me do it but don't embarrass her or our family. I had to promise I would not go out in public dressed, but we did get pedicures together last Monday and I got polish and she thought it was cute. Just remember baby steps.

Everyone is saying is to go slowly. I know this but it is so hard to not want to jump right into it. But actually we had her best friend staying for a few days and we have another friend who is living in our basement and with the kids, there aren't many opportunities to dress without a friend or kid around so those things help take it slow. I have worn a skirt three times for an hour or so but have not fully dressed in front of her yet (unless you count Halloween when she didn't know yet and I kind of simplified it to make it not so obvious I have done this so many times before).

[Stacy Darling]

It sounds like you've got the drift when it comes to wearing someone else's clothing Asew, yeh not a good idea!

Your communication worries me more than your speeeeed. I really hope that you can communicate face to face in spoken word, Ok have some notes, but refer to them and speak them in your own words and tones! It needs to come from Your inner self, from Asew when your subject is Asew dressing!

Don't read me harshly Asew, I'm thinking of you communicating well with your wife!

You do sound as if you are cruising along as you wish, and happy with it.
Stacy!

[KelleyB]

Congratulations!

This must be the most difficult topic to breach with an SO, but my wife knew, early on, I really enjoyed wearing half slips...and even more so, hers. She was fine with this, but it was a purely bedroom thing.

Like you, I'm "just clothes", and while initially. I felt a bit uneasy sitting around on the sofa wearing a skirt/blouse/slips/bra, I'm comfortable with it, now. She was from the git-go, which still blows me away.

She does wonder how I can stand sleeping in a bra & dressed, but for us, it's a whole different thing.

I think a huge part of this working like we hope is to be completely honest and up-front with any questions posed. Remember, our SOs are typically ignorant of how we feel and CD-ing. Ignorance isn't a bad thing, because it can be rectified...hopefully this makes the environment more friendly, however, there are the staunch DADT SOs, and I don't know how y'all do it.

[Stephanie47]

Just do not overwhelm your wife with cross dressing activities. It is going to take some time to absorb this information, mull it over and analyze everything. She may change her mind. Get your own clothes!!!!! Wearing her wedding dress was really over the top. That was her day to feel totally womanly and desirable to the man in her life. A wife may seem to be more accepting at these type of new revelations because she has been broadsided by the unexpected. In the long run there may be more tolerance than acceptance.

[JulesLynne]

First off, congrats! I recently came out to my wife, and I’m thrilled to say that she’s been amazingly supportive. Everyone says to go slowly, and I agree. However, I found it difficult to find a balance between telling her absolutely everything (i.e. “no more secrets”) versus not wanting to overwhelm her all at once. But she’s been receptive and genuinely wants to know about this side of me, even though she does have her own comfort limits. So my advice is to maybe tell her that you’d like to discuss several topics, but you’d like to give her the opportunity to control the timing of those discussions. As a recentl “out of the closet” CD who now has an accepting wife, I want to go crazy and buy everything and dress all the time now that I have her understanding. But I also realize that my feminine side can’t overwhelm or control our relationship - she still needs to feel cherished and valuable. So continue to focus on her needs as well.

[Maria in heels]

You must be so happy! Its great to hear that someone had an "easier" time explaining who they are and why they dress. I'm sure that many wives, including mine, say that they are accepting and hint that its ok, but it still has the air of "don't ask don't tell" almost all of the time. She has allowed Maria to create an extensive collection over the years, but there were limits and no thought of ever going out, except for 1 time and it didn't happen. My recommendations are to not push her past her limits, and accept whatever level of support she does give you, and remember to give her a big hug!

[Jenny22]

You've received some darn good advice so far. Don't think so much of your needs. Its much better to always consider her's. You still have to be the MAN she married and you must always put your husband responsibilities first and not your CDing desires. In the long run, so doing will become even better for your CDing, and with better support from your wonderful wife.

[Asew]

That's a start Asew, words of advice start slowly and let her come along as you advance in your dressing. Be sure to do a littl shopping together not just for you but for her also. Make it fun for you both. My wife came on here and read everything she could to find out why we do this.yours might be interested in that part of it. Remember the old saying if the wife isn't happy no ones happy. Make your dressing a positive. My wife told me do it but don't embarrass her or our family. I had to promise I would not go out in public dressed, but we did get pedicures together last Monday and I got polish and she thought it was cute. Just remember baby steps.

We did do some thrift shopping and I got a skirt and she got multiple things. We did an online order at Torrid and spent $300 and all I got specifically for me was heels (seems like they are taking forever to get here!) though she said I could wear all the clothes too. I did mention this site to her and that supportive spouses could also join (and she was like why not unsupportive spouses and I was like they wouldn't want to join anyways). My wife says that while the kids are still in the house not to do it publicly or in front of them which I agree with anyways. But then she suggested we go to a drag show together and she would get to dress me.

It sounds like you've got the drift when it comes to wearing someone else's clothing Asew, yeh not a good idea!

Your communication worries me more than your speeeeed. I really hope that you can communicate face to face in spoken word, Ok have some notes, but refer to them and speak them in your own words and tones! It needs to come from Your inner self, from Asew when your subject is Asew dressing!

Don't read me harshly Asew, I'm thinking of you communicating well with your wife!

You do sound as if you are cruising along as you wish, and happy with it.
Stacy!

Communication is weak point for me for sure (not just with the wife but with everyone, I even had a performance report from work saying to "communicate expectations sooner" which is on a post it note in my office).

Congratulations!

This must be the most difficult topic to breach with an SO, but my wife knew, early on, I really enjoyed wearing half slips...and even more so, hers. She was fine with this, but it was a purely bedroom thing.

Like you, I'm "just clothes", and while initially. I felt a bit uneasy sitting around on the sofa wearing a skirt/blouse/slips/bra, I'm comfortable with it, now. She was from the git-go, which still blows me away.

She does wonder how I can stand sleeping in a bra & dressed, but for us, it's a whole different thing.

I think a huge part of this working like we hope is to be completely honest and up-front with any questions posed. Remember, our SOs are typically ignorant of how we feel and CD-ing. Ignorance isn't a bad thing, because it can be rectified...hopefully this makes the environment more friendly, however, there are the staunch DADT SOs, and I don't know how y'all do it.

As a teenager I would dress and do various things around my empty house for hours then do something and take the clothes off immediately after. I thought it might be a fetish, but the hanging out part in the clothes is actually the larger part of it. So I never felt uneasy about being on the couch or laying in bed with a tablet with a skirt on. I have only ever slept once in a skirt and it was comfortable but I was an anxious mess about being found out.

Just do not overwhelm your wife with cross dressing activities. It is going to take some time to absorb this information, mull it over and analyze everything. She may change her mind. Get your own clothes!!!!! Wearing her wedding dress was really over the top. That was her day to feel totally womanly and desirable to the man in her life. A wife may seem to be more accepting at these type of new revelations because she has been broadsided by the unexpected. In the long run there may be more tolerance than acceptance.

Reading the SO rating thread and hearing of SOs that were accepting at first and then declined made me fearful of that happening to me. I know the wedding dress was wrong now (can I blame pink fog?). She keeps insisting we can share clothes, I even mentioned to her how lots of people suggest keeping the clothes separate she still insists she we should share (and just a few specific items with sentimental value are off limits). But I definitely agree I should have my own clothes but she just wants to share anything I buy. Even the skirt we bought for me she wore already.

First off, congrats! I recently came out to my wife, and I’m thrilled to say that she’s been amazingly supportive. Everyone says to go slowly, and I agree. However, I found it difficult to find a balance between telling her absolutely everything (i.e. “no more secrets”) versus not wanting to overwhelm her all at once. But she’s been receptive and genuinely wants to know about this side of me, even though she does have her own comfort limits. So my advice is to maybe tell her that you’d like to discuss several topics, but you’d like to give her the opportunity to control the timing of those discussions. As a recentl “out of the closet” CD who now has an accepting wife, I want to go crazy and buy everything and dress all the time now that I have her understanding. But I also realize that my feminine side can’t overwhelm or control our relationship - she still needs to feel cherished and valuable. So continue to focus on her needs as well.

I know for me having an accepting wife opened the flood gates and it is hard to tone it down. But we can both see it has vastly improved all parts of our relationship already. And being an anxious introvert, I always hate being selfish and the same goes for trying to be selfish with my dressing.

You must be so happy! Its great to hear that someone had an "easier" time explaining who they are and why they dress. I'm sure that many wives, including mine, say that they are accepting and hint that its ok, but it still has the air of "don't ask don't tell" almost all of the time. She has allowed Maria to create an extensive collection over the years, but there were limits and no thought of ever going out, except for 1 time and it didn't happen. My recommendations are to not push her past her limits, and accept whatever level of support she does give you, and remember to give her a big hug!

Thanks for the advice!

You've received some darn good advice so far. Don't think so much of your needs. Its much better to always consider her's. You still have to be the MAN she married and you must always put your husband responsibilities first and not your CDing desires. In the long run, so doing will become even better for your CDing, and with better support from your wonderful wife.

Very well put.

[sometimes_miss]

I always grew up thinking no woman would never want a crossdressing man

Never forget, that tolerating and even accepting is NOT the same as wanting and enjoying, and especially not the same as being actively turned on by it. People allow their mates to do and be all kinds of things that they're not crazy about once they're 'stuck' in the relationship. Not every woman is willing to give up, get divorced and start all over again. Consider how many woman are battered and yet still stay with that husband. That's how much many women are willing to put up with; they certainly don't like it, but put up with it anyway.

[Asew]

sometimes_miss that is a very good point and it hits home with me since I saw first hand a battered woman with my parents. She just took it. My older brother was in counseling after seeing several episodes and she continued to take it. I only ever saw one episode when I was in Kindergarten and never processed what happened until much later on in life. The relationship only ended when he was put in prison for havin over 20 DUIs and she divorced him while he was in there. I would never want my wife to feel like she was trapped for the kids and puts new perspective on making sure my crossdressing doesn't negatively affect her.

[Angie G]

My wife is the same she gave me my first skirt and dressed part time the last few years I've been dressing almost 24/7.
Angie