I am as I get older, more and more wanting to tell my wife about my dressing. The trouble is that after 40+ years
tighter I know she would not understand or accept it and I am sure it would be the end for us. She would see this
as a betrayal just the same as me cheating on her.
Its tearing me apart right now as there is nothing I would like more than to dress in front of her and share the
pleasure I get from it. I am so jealous of you girls who have an accepting SO.
Hugs. Tracy
Tracy don't screw up 40+ years of marriage over your desire to dress. I can not remember of you celebrate Halloween over there like we do here in the colonies, but if you do you might express a desire to go out and then mention going as a female.
There are many on this forum who have successfully opened up to their wives and I say good for them. However, there are some of us who have not because we know the woman we are married to would not accept our dressing. I happen to be one of those, like you. And while I would like to dress more often, I find that it is worth the small sacrifice in order to preserve my marriage. It also makes the times when I do get to dress more exciting. Something that I can look forward to like a trip to an amusement park. Messing up a good marriage is not worth a few hours in lingerie and a dress - IMHO.
You already know it won't be shared pleasure. It's your pleasure. If you share your pleasure with her, it won't be for long, and you'll be dressing alone again. Little to gain, much to lose.Originally Posted by TracyUK
Different here, I could not be living under the same roof with this secret. When I started CD ing more, I decided to slowly talk to her about it.
I explained to her my needs, and she understood and accepted and tolerate me. Everyone is different and understand your situation TracyUK.
Hug, Rayleen
Wanting something is a fantasy which on a long time period clouds your mind and makes you think you need it.
Rayleen
I share your quandary, Tracy. I'm also in a 40+ year marriage and have not broached the subject of my dressing with my wife. I feel at this point that she could go either way, full acceptance or hit the road, Jack. I'm not willing to take that chance, so I'll remain firmly in the closet.
There's no perfect advice on this subject. What works for one may not work for another. I was married for 24 years before I decided to take the plunge and tell my wife. I did it slowly though making it a little easier for her to digest. At first there was some push back but over time she not only got used to my crossdressing but in the end she accepted it and actually encouraged it. However, there are many of us who have had the exact opposite effect and it caused trouble in the marriage. One has to decide between two evils.......possibly risk a divorce or suffer in silence for the rest of your life. My only thought is that if you decide to tell her, go SLOWLY...........best of luck to you. Diane
hi tracy,
who would ask for this lifestyle of torment ????? certainly not us.
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...l-your-partner
if you decide to reveal this to her do some research...if you decide to keep things under wraps i would hope that none here would judge you.
as for yourself if you could promise me one little thing....script a note to your mrs. and explain to her what this is to you and assure her that nothing nefarious was done, no late night hook ups and such so she has the answers to the questions she will likely ask herself when she finds your things and keep that note with them.
best of luck making this excruciating decision....
....Mykell
i dressed like a girl and i liked it!crossdressing...theirs an app for that
Everyones situation is different.
For me after 35 years of marriage I tried coming out to the wife two years ago.
Things got bad between us. She said it was messed up and I better not dress anymore!
For me I'm back in the closet witch also means it's very rare I get a chance to dress.
Luckily the Pink-Fog has been low but I feel it's coming back.
Good luck
"This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
Much more fun than fishing.
I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?
From Tracy UK
Please re-read this sentence. If your wife of 40+ years doesn't even know about your dressing and you don't think she will understand, why, in the world, would you think she would "share your pleasure that you get from dressing"? Of course, everyone reacts differently, however, I think that you will be lucky if she just accepts that you want to dress.Its tearing me apart right now as there is nothing I would like more than to dress in front of her and share the
pleasure I get from it.
Others have given really good advice. I realize that what you have written is probably just wishful thinking. Unless you really know that your wife won't go ballistic, why would you even consider this scenario as a type of reality?
If as you say, this is "tearing you apart", maybe some professional help would be in order. I hope that you find a way to cope with your feelings.
Last edited by char GG; 02-09-2018 at 09:31 AM.
She hasn't said that though, right? That's you speaking for her in your head. Which means it's not necessarily what she believes, it's what YOU believe. I think that's what you need to deal with first -- your own reaction to yourself. Get your own head straight first, then address it with her slowly and gently. The idea of dropping it on her like a bomb is just pink fog at its worst and pretty much a guaranteed disaster. If it's tearing you apart, go see a therapist and get a handle on yourself.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
I told my wife after 3 years of marriage. 7 years on we'll be celebrating our 10th anniversary with 4 daughters. 2 years ago we went out together with me dressed for the first time.
We've written about it here http://born.uk.com/roxy-sarahs-story/
I'm not saying the same will happen for you as I don't know your wife but just because there is the potential for a very negative result doesn't mean you cannot take that path.
Only you know what's right for you. I got to the point where I HAD to tell her knowing the possible consequences. I just wanted to put a more positive outlook in the thread before it's swamped with tails of upset, divorce and sadness.
It doesn't have to end that way xx
Foxy Roxy has entered the building
Time for therapy with a therapist who is at least a little familiar with trans issues. If you have bee together 40 yrs + she might accept or at least be willing to talk she has a lot invested in the marriage also
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
50 yrs of marriage myself ,and in the closet. I some times think she has a inkling of something. I have though of starting the conversation but just don’t how to begin . It’s the only Secret I have. When the time comes I am hopeful of the out come
Tracy, I am among the respondents who have been married for over forty years. My wife knows about my desires to wear women's clothing. However, since we are in a very deep "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage she does not know the extent of my wardrobe. I would be more than happy to share Stephanie with her. I know it is not going to happen. Way back when we were first married my love of nylon was rekindled. Yes, my first foray into women's clothing was my mother's nylon white full slips. I love the feel of the nylon. My wife was a dynamite good looking young bride. Together we would spend some Saturday's in mid town Manhattan buying her nylon gowns at Macy's Herald Square, Gimbel's, Lord & Taylor, and others. I bought her a gown as a wedding present. I had no clue as to sizing. I bought a white peignoir for her which just swam on her petite body. Anyway, one night I decided to wear it when I went to the kitchen for a glass of water. She found me wearing it. We did end up buying me some nylon gowns and garter belt and hosiery. It was strictly bedroom play with benefits for her. Me too! The bubble burst when she found my small stash of women's slips and panties which really did not bother her. What she could not understand was why any man would wear a bra when "he has nothing to pack into it! " Duh! That precipitated "The Talk." She could not understand and she had the mindset society and women would have had in those years. She did say, if she had known she would not have married me. It came to pass that she figured out I was who I was but with this added interest she was not at all interested in. However, she did say if I wanted to find a support group, she had no problems with it. I tried to find one, but, back in the early 1980's no luck. So, it is DADT. Deep DADT. Never a snide comment. No jokes. On occasion she has found an article of clothing (bra and panty) which I failed to put away. She neatly folds them and puts them on top of the dryer.
One thing that I have read elsewhere is women who have never seen their husband's en femme, in person or pictures, do form a mental picture of their man wearing women's clothing. That mental image can have negative effects on a marriage. Shut down on sexual intimacy, etc. Only you have some idea what your wife will feel. You can feel out her opinions or should have already after forty years as to her feelings on transgender men and women, gays and lesbians, and cross dressers. Does she express hostility? Does she defend them against negative comments? How does she react to news stories in the media? She may be totally accepting of all those but she does not want it in her man.
If you decide to reveal your secret remember it will become a shared secret which will also burden her. I will concur with postings above. Is it worth to potentially destroy your marriage for a few hours of pleasure. Be realistic in your goals. Good luck!
Tracy, I am in a similar situation to yourself. Been married 30 years and my wife is still in the dark regarding my dressing. This could change soon, my son is near to getting his own place and my house will soon be fully paid for. We always said that we would plan on our future when both of those things have happened, and this will mean 'the talk'. I really have no idea how it will go, it could be a marriage breaker, it could be DADT, I'll only know when it happens. However, unlike yourself I can live with the fact she would not want any involvement with it although I would love it if she did. Seems there are more than a few in your predicament. Good Luck.
Diane.
Here today, gone tomorrow....
Tracy,
I wish I had some good advice for you but I don't. I told my wife before we were married and I am glad I did. I know I could not have kept secret such an important part of me.
After so many years it is hard to know how she will react. Sallee had a good suggestion. Try working with a counsellor, alone at first to fully understand all of the issues with front of a third party who is not emotionally involved. After that you might be in a better place to decide on the next steps. One aspect you need to be sure of is the depth and strength of the relationship between yourself and your wife.
Tracy I told my wife of 45 years when we were getting serious, I couldn't let her commit to a life that she would hate and I knew I would slip up one day and she would catch me out if I stayed in the closet. That was probably the biggest gamble of my life, I could have lost her, she could have ridiculed me to all out friends but I trusted my instincts and it all came good. I couldn't say that she embraced it but she better than tolerated it and sees it no different to her wanting to go out with her friends regularly and I help her out by taking them all in the car. She occasionally surprises me as well! As we have got older the instances have become less frequent but worth it when it happens. And there is the dilemma, if you tell her what will you expect from her, tolerance, active participation? Only you know her but if you do tell her you must be prepared for rejection, unless you are sure of her love. If you do tell her try it as a suggestion for something new to try, not necessarily something you've always enjoyed, you can say you fancy doing it and if she agrees then tell her you love it and would like to try it again, if she hates it, then you will have to simply accept defeat. Good Luck
There is some very very good advice in this thread, much better than I could have given.
One thing to remember is that it's better for you to tell her-- and be there to reassure and honestly answer her many questions-- than it would be for her to find out, assume the worst and act accordingly.
The second thing happened to me and it ranks right up there with my worst nightmares. My marriage nearly ended. But now, after 5 years and some fairly intense couples therapy, we are in a DADT relationship. She has no lesbian tendencies as she's not attracted to me in Josie-mode. I'm not stepping out on her. But I also very rarely dress up at all because I feel SO guilty about the pain I caused her before.
I wish you the best of luck in what ever you decide to do (something or nothing).
Sorry but I don't get this. You state "I am sure it would be the end for us". If you are correct then you are asking the wrong question. If you are correct in that it would be the end of your marraige, and you seem very sure you are, then surely the question should be "should I get divorced so I can crossdress more"? In that case I do not think anyone here is qualified to answer it.
That being said, I would concur with Pats reply. Your assumption that your wife would not accept it is just that, an assumption, and not neccesarily true fact. I also agree that a bombshell revelation would probably lead to a worst case reaction but that does not mean a more positive result is not possible if you handle things properly.
Personally (and somewhat controversially) I also believe that any wife who leaves her husband because of a bit of private crossdressing was just looking for a good 'no personal blame' excuse and the husband would be wise to try to find unconditional love in another life partner instead.
I have been married over 40 years. I am a crossdresser and my wife hates it. She puts up roadblocks whenever she can. I realize I have caused her pain and she feels the weight of bearing my secret. Knowing I have caused this pain hurts me. Being a optimist, I am always hopeful that her acceptance will someday occur, but that seems less likely each day. I have at times put it all away, the last time for years. I would say the pink fog returned, but it never really left. I just kept it at bay.
Early in our marriage I expressed a desire to put on some woman’s panties. We even shopped together to buy them. (I wish I still had those, but lost in a purge). It seemed like fun for a bit until somewhere along the way she realized I liked it too much. The dislike on her part bubbled to the top. So my wife has sort of known for years. These last 7 years she has let herself go physically and our intimacy is very low. I think she has multiple issues and the cding has not helped. At some points she has used the d word, although not recently. I really really want to enjoy the retirement we have planned for, and hope we can still make this work. I am very attuned in all other ways to making her life easy, always doing little favors for her etc. I wish she could love me as I am.
Good luck in making your decision. I don’t know what else to say. Hard to know the inner workings or rationalization in anyone’s mind.
I told my wife , but she is not very fond of it. She thinks it's wrong for a guy to wear women's clothes. She did let me buy panties and will let me wear them, anything else she is opposed to. So I have to dress when she is gone somewhere else for the day.
I told my wife of 30 years about a year ago. She is not supportive to say the least. We have started therapy for couples. In my view thats not going well.
If she presents me with an ultimatum were through.
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