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Thread: What Has Your Crossdressing/ Transgender Life Cost You?

  1. #51
    Member Patrica Gil's Avatar
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    Fear

    Was so afraid many years ago for a long time. When my marriage ended for other reasons it released me from so many other things that were keeping me in a prison. The ex thought I would run after her, I didn't. I went on my merry way and started to enjoy life from a whole new perspective and reinvented myself. Was totally honest with any woman who became interested in me and after a few ewe's, one actually became more interested, and encouraged me. These days I am the wife in our relationship. The children said it didn't matter to them. They were glad to see me happy because they said I wasn't happy with their mother. These days I seem them on a regular basis. Those who go ewe, I just don't have time to worry about them. They don't have a vote. Besides I buy my own nylons, heels and other stuff. So best as one can figure it's my business.

  2. #52
    Aspiring Member grace7777's Avatar
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    Being transgender/transsexual has made life harder for me thru out the years. It would have been a lot easier to have been born as just an average male. Having said that, transitioning has overall been a net gain.

    Now transitioning has cost me money, and with my desire to have SRS it will cost me a lot more. The money though has been well spent, and I am a lot happier.

    I have never been married, no children, and have not even had a serious relationship, so no lost there. As far as family, my mom has accepted me, and does not seem to have a problem with it. My mom also told me my brother and sister were ok with it. As to other relatives, my mom is telling them, and as of now I have not heard anything. Most of them I do not see often, so not much to lose even if they are not accepting.

    Among people I know and associate with, there has not been a problem yet. There are still people to come out to, so that could change. I would like for them to be accepting, and it would be disappointing if they did not, but I will be ok if they are not accepting.

    The biggest positive for me is living my life as my true self. I feel more motivated now to be the best that I can be.

    As to my career, it has not suffered. It has not been great the last few, but things are starting to turn around. I think gender identity issues have hurt me the last few years. Transitioning and resolving gender identity issues I believe will help me in my career going forward.

    I think that not transitioning would have been a greater cost.

  3. #53
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IleneD View Post
    Rogina: On the other hand, I can't see myself living miserably in gender hell and denial. NO MORE.
    "Social transition" could be in your future...No one has died from it...

  4. #54
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
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    Maybe I could just count it all as Investment rather than costs? Some investments pay of handsomely others become losses. The losses for me include time that could (should?) have been spent with family or colleagues improving those relationships. But when that time was spent with others in the LGBTQ+ community it often ended up finding new friends, and the time spent on my own occasionally paid off in skills and confidence. So it hasn't all been bad. There were plenty of times where I ended up feeling guilty or ashamed, and that turned into costs against that confidence and family relationships. I spent some of the trust my late wife had in me that couldn't be regained easily, but in the effort I learned a lot about how to reset my priorities, the value of communication and how incredibly lucky I was to have her.

    Money? I never spent money that was needed for bills, food, or family needs on anything CD related. Maybe I've learned to rationalize a little more than is appropriate, but the costs have been minimal.

    Costs without benefits is half an analysis. I think I'm still up on the game, just a little.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001872677630

  5. #55
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    I'm a spouse so I come at it from a different perspective.

    In the beginning of our relationship, I struggled with having to share the female role. By this I mean that in my prior marriage, I was accustomed to being the only feminine person in our household who was appreciated as such by my ex-husband. In other words, when his eyes lit up because he saw a female, it was me. I dare say that most women are hard-wired to want and expect this, just like most men want and expect their maleness to be appreciated. After the first few months in my current relationship, it felt as if my SO appreciated her own female self more than me. It's difficult to explain, other than it felt weird to see how much she loved to get and put on all these lovely new things for herself more than wanting to see and appreciate the new things on me. It felt as if I had lost a hetero relationship with my SO, while most definitely not being lesbian. But, this was a long time ago and I'm used to it now. It's no longer a big deal.

    The other thing is an unsettling feeling when I have to lie. I drove 6 hours to visit with my son last weekend. He asked what my SO was doing. I lied and said he was working, when I knew that he went on an over-nighter to her gender group meeting. It's only a little white lie, but over the years the accumulated secrets weigh on you. The alternative is to tell the truth, but then we would introduce a lot of awkward feelings when we are all together, not knowing how many of my sons would accept, vs merely tolerate, vs downright despise. I want my sons to admire and respect my SO.
    Last edited by ReineD; 02-13-2018 at 01:46 AM.
    Reine

  6. #56
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Cost? Well, the frequent concentration disturbances over the years certainly cost me my careers. It cost me my marriage, as well as many possible relationships. Cost me friends and family.

    No one in their right mind would CHOOSE this.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  7. #57
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogina B View Post
    "Social transition" could be in your future...No one has died from it...
    Interesting Rogina.
    What would you define as "social transition". Tell me about it.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  8. #58
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    I can't help but think that sometimes the cost-accounting is backwards here. If you have a friend you've been concealing your true self from for decades and then you lose that friend when you come out, was losing that friend a cost of coming out or a cost of having concealed yourself? If you know your true nature and you're concealing it to obtain a benefit that you know or suspect you'd lose if you were honest, where does that put you morally? I know that most of us get wedged into this situation because we didn't/don't know our true nature going in, and by the time we figure it out we're well into the middle of a sticky situation. But I think when we do the accounting, we have to accept that in some cases our "losses" can't be charged to coming out, but to staying in.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  9. #59
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    Reine.... excellent reply from a gg’s perspective.

  10. #60
    formerly: aBoyNamedSue IamWren's Avatar
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    Kind of along Reine's comment.... This endeavor has cost me my integrity. I tell white lies and bend truths so as to hide this from my spouse. I've lied about money and where I've been or what I've been doing. Not only has dressing brought on moments of intense shame but also letting my integrity slip out of grasp at times has as well.

    There have been other things that dressing has cost me... like others there has been money spent, time, some mental stability as there have been slight moments of anxiety associated with the hiding and shame if anyone found out.
    I am not a woman nor am I am man... I am an enby. Hi, I am Wren.

  11. #61
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    A lot of truth, and food for thought, in both Sayyidah's and Pat's responses.

    With the concealment and deception, we take on a certain burden of guilt and give up, in part at least, our integrity. We should never have to do that, but the calculus that drives us to continue the deception is based on many things; the risk of loss, emotional and financial, for example. The "right thing" is often so very hard to find. I don't know... Which takes more courage, embracing one's nature and letting the chips fall where they may, or suppressing that and dealing with a lifetime of quiet anguish?

  12. #62
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IleneD View Post
    Interesting Rogina.
    What would you define as "social transition". Tell me about it.
    It is about living as you feel you need to.End of being a "secret agent". Make friends with people that "get it" and are happy that the person in front of them is living life on their own terms. You don't have to "medically transition"..It is not the end all if you are not also changing the way you live. A good move is to go to the DMV and get your licence picture retaken to reflect the "new you to the world"..If you see this as a good idea,then you are ready to change,and if not,you aren't. I see it as good test.. Turning in your "secret agent" card...
    Last edited by Rogina B; 02-14-2018 at 08:17 AM.

  13. #63
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    A lot of truth, and food for thought, in both Sayyidah's and Pat's responses......
    I don't know... Which takes more courage, embracing one's nature and letting the chips fall where they may, or suppressing that and dealing with a lifetime of quiet anguish?
    Wow. Perhaps you've hit upon the core question of living with a transgender soul.
    I so enjoy the intelligent, crystal clear and honest thought that manifests upon this forum.
    Thinking...... (thanks, Auntie).
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  14. #64
    Carpe Diem Jackiefl's Avatar
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    Regina I live in Florida also can I turn in my male card (FL dl) for a fem pic dl. I guess cost would be no more secret agent dl.

  15. #65
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    It is easy to dismiss the idea of not needing a friend who is not accepting, but it is important to consider something important. Friends are more than people you "like" and might hang out with on the weekends. A friend can also be a valuable resource, a trusted resource of support and mutual aid when life gets bad. Take it from someone who has been alone in this world (and I mean really alone), I would not be so dismissive of losing a friend and burning a bridge with someone. Think carefully before disclosing something to them that might cause a bridge to be burned, you may need them someday.

    All of my friends know I dress now. Would it have been a good idea to tell some in my youth? Probably not, I am glad some were there for me at the time and it would not have been worth losing them.

  16. #66
    Member Rollermiss's Avatar
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    Not much in additional cost as even my drab cloths are neutral style womans. I get reimbursed for my work cloths. Only real expense is my going out items. Dresses, skirts, heels etc.
    You want clothing expense. Try keeping up with the latest trends with 7 year old daughters. What they want changes it seems like almost hourly. I can only imagine what it will be like once they hit their teens. please have pity on me. LOL.

    Kelsey

  17. #67
    silicone member Danielle_cder's Avatar
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    Billions and billions and billions
    the only limit that u set, is the one u set yourself.

  18. #68
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV View Post
    It is easy to dismiss the idea of not needing a friend who is not accepting, but it is important to consider something important. Friends are more than people you "like" and might hang out with on the weekends. A friend can also be a valuable resource, a trusted resource of support and mutual aid when life gets bad.
    It's an interesting point and reminds me of another important thing -- don't write off anyone is is not initially accepting. Try to pull them back into your life. Wave when you see them. Greet them happily. Send them birthday cards even if they go unacknowledged. If you used to forward each other emails or articles on some topic, keep them going until told unambiguously to stop. Always leave the door open for them to return. Slowly, gently draw them back in. Remember, it wasn't just you who lost a friend -- they did too. And they may eventually get past this upheaval in their life. I've had to do this kind of salvage operation a couple of times but it's worth the effort -- for both parties.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  19. #69
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Pat,"Same person in different packaging" was probably what they couldn't grasp..So sad..

  20. #70
    Junior Member Susan Smokes's Avatar
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    I am a late bloomer, I have only been dressing for a little over 2 years, and the cost for me so far was my former SO. In the beginning she was very supportive, and into me being a crossdresser it was great for both of us for awhile, but she grew tired of my need to dress, and my need to express myself sexually in a feminine way. It still hurts, but deep down I knew it was to good to be true. At least now I can continue to evolve as a crossdresser, and just enjoy what my fresh start in life brings me.

  21. #71
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jackiefl View Post
    Regina I live in Florida also can I turn in my male card ?
    Nothing is stopping you from having an ID that matches how you wish the world to see you..Everyone's situation is different. Depends on what your needs are.

  22. #72
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IleneD View Post
    Wow. Perhaps you've hit upon the core question of living with a transgender soul.
    I so enjoy the intelligent, crystal clear and honest thought that manifests upon this forum.
    Thinking...... (thanks, Auntie).
    Well, thank you. Clear and honest it may be, but that's just me "standing on the shoulders of giants" and reassembling some of the many similar thoughts expressed by others here. But thanks for the compliment, just the same.

  23. #73
    Banned Spammer
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    Up front and honest talk isn't always appreciated here but it does need to be said every once and a while.

  24. #74
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    In the long run, my marriage has been one of the prices I paid for being myself. Also some family members have more or less disowned me. You have to decide if you want to be yourself or someone else others want you to be.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  25. #75
    Oh Whatever. Louise DK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Up front and honest talk isn't always appreciated here but it does need to be said every once and a while.
    You are absolutly right. Sometimes we need to be forced to take a reality check!
    I think you, Pat and Micky Finn always post honest down to earth answers.

    By the way Tracii, I absolutely love your new profile picture, you look really cute.

    As to what my transgender life has cost me?
    Well it has cost me some angst, a great deal of shame and guilt, some selfesteem, some greef and a life long feeling of not really belonging, like looking at the world from a distance. And for all those reasons I have always had trouble making contact with other people. For example I rarely call my friends, because I assume they have more important things to tend to, than to talk to me. I guess it's a form of social angst or something. Even though I know for a fact that Im well respected in my circle of friends.

    But when that has been said, lately though, after I came out to my wife two years ago, it has rewarded me with new friends, new experiences and a feeling of being at ease with myself, that Ive never felt before.
    There are still a few people I need to come out to, mainly my brother. But my wife, my best friend and my parents in law allready know and they are very supportive.
    I would like to come out to everyone, because then I wouldent risk being "caught". But for now Im just trying to figure out how each individual would take it.
    You look nice today.

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