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Thread: I am so sick of being me

  1. #1
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    I am so sick of being me

    Hi Evereyone,

    In addition to being jealous of how well a lot of you folks pull off your dressing I am very enivious of the fact you live your own lifes unlike me not doing anything held back by my fears and frustrations. I get so sick of my life at times.

    Andy

  2. #2
    GypsyKaren
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    Hi Andy

    You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself, so please relax. I'm a bit older than you and I've only been out of the closet for a year now, you've still got plenty of time to live your life the way you want to. The key to success is learning how to love yourself for who and what you are, once you do that it's esay to love others and let them love you back. And you know, you really should come up with a new name, or change the spelling to Andie. Take care.

    Karen

  3. #3
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    Hang in the Andy, we all have our frustrations but all will be worked out.

  4. #4
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    it is a tough road but eventually all works out!

  5. #5
    I LOOK like a guy... Casey Morgan's Avatar
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    As with anything else you do, the key is small steps. Every step I've taken I've had to sort of dare myself to do it. Otherwise I wouldn't have tried. I've had to push my boundaries a little at a time, when the time was right.

    You need to recognize yourself for the steps you've already taken. I can think of two off the top of my head: you became a member of this site, and you admitted how you are feeling right now. I'm sure there are a bunch more steps you've taken along your journey.

    Don't compare your journey to anyone else's. You don't know where our roads have gone. So comparisons are meaningless. Your journey will take you where it's supposed to when it's supposed to. Just enjoy the ride.
    Androgynes: the quantum bits of the gender binary.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Fallen Angel's Avatar
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    when I started years ago I didnt have anything like this to come to and finding others was impossible. Nobody to show me the ropes, how to dress ,make up ect.Your among the most wounderfull group of girls there is.take one day at a time and it will all fall into place. theres so many different offerings from each of us here so enjoy. xxxxxx

  7. #7
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    Well Karen you may think I have a lot of time to live my life, but at the age of 44 I feel my life is over.

    Andy

  8. #8
    Senior Member Fallen Angel's Avatar
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    Honey Im 46 and its just a number xxxxx

  9. #9
    Southern Belle Phoebe Reece's Avatar
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    Andy, I'm 56 and having way more fun now than I did at 44.
    Phoebe

  10. #10
    My Mothers other Daughter Janelle Young's Avatar
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    What Shari Ann said...

    I agree with her and can not think of any thing to add to what she said, but I will anyway.

    Andy, I may or may not know what you are feeling. I see great looking girls here and think I will never be one of them. Then I think that I am happy with who and what I am at this point in my life. I have never been out in public and I may never go out, but I do hope that one day I will. The bottom line for me is that I like myself. I am who I am and I am a crossdresser. A man that likes dresses and skirts. Do I look great in them? Well maybe sometimes I do and lots of times I do not. I don't care though, I like / have a need to be dressed in woman's clothes. I like me the way that I am. I am what I am and I am OK with what I am. That is the most important thing, at least for me. I can accept the fact that I am what I am, a crossdresser. If you are Ok with yourself the rest will fall into place in time, at least I hope it does, for both of us.
    Feeling and looking great



    Jasmine and Donna

    Swiss Miss

  11. #11
    Banned Read only TracyDeluxe's Avatar
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    And Andy, you might want to join the Mental Health and Depression forum. And yeah, 46 is nothing.

  12. #12
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    hi Andy

    I sense a real cry for help with this post. i also looked through your post history and noted that you have broached this topic before as well...feeling like you could never look as good as others, ect, ect.

    I just wanted to say that most of the cd's who you see pics posted here got to that point through good ol' trial and error and I am sure {girls, pipe up here} plenty of scary mistakes and misteps on their road to better self improvement. No body starts off with excellent make-up, perfect clothing choices, or model bodies and hair. Most people have to take time and effort to get from point 'a' to point 'b'. I doubt anyone becomes super skilled only after a few attmepts which we usually never see pics of.

    You say you have fears and flustrations...what are they? write them down. if you are fearful of... being discovered locally? find a solution. if you are fearful that you won't 'pass' then start figuring out what you need to do to look as presentable as possible. If you are thinking you need items which seem out of your financial range, start saving. Most things in life that are worth acomplishing come with emotional and financial price tags. Figure out how much it is worth to you to feel less flustrattion and more happiness and decide if these feelings are worth investing in.

    Losses and gains. Sometimes we lose one thing in order to find another that brings more joy.

    If you are not in a relationship then truly you have and hold your destiny in your hands. And please. ...age 44.... that is the age when many people start to realize that they have spent their whole life doing things which brought no happiness..and decide to start with a fresh outlook. IT IS NEVER to late to start enjoying life.

    Please try to hang in there and look for the answers to all these fears. You really do hold the key to solving these problems. I find the road to happiness is admitting that you are not happy and want to achive it. That is the first step .....




    Quote Originally Posted by Andy1087
    Hi Evereyone,

    In addition to being jealous of how well a lot of you folks pull off your dressing I am very enivious of the fact you live your own lifes unlike me not doing anything held back by my fears and frustrations. I get so sick of my life at times.

    Andy

  13. #13
    Banned Read only KathrynW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kathy gg
    I just wanted to say that most of the cd's who you see pics posted here got to that point through good ol' trial and error
    [SIZE=3]And skilled use of photoshop...[/SIZE]

  14. #14
    Live it! Love it! BeckyAnderson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy1087
    Hi Evereyone,

    In addition to being jealous of how well a lot of you folks pull off your dressing I am very enivious of the fact you live your own lifes unlike me not doing anything held back by my fears and frustrations. I get so sick of my life at times.

    Andy
    Hi Andy,

    Wow, don't be so hard on yourself.....We have all been there at one time or another! We have all suffered from the same fears and frustrations that you are expressing. It comes from a lifetime of societal brainwashing and lack of understanding by those around us. Shoot, we don't even fully understand it ourselves. The good thing is that we don't necessarily have to understand something to accept it.

    As we near and eventually reach a point of self-acceptance many of those fears and frustrations evaporate. Also, once we reach that point, the way in which we present our feminne side seems to change for the better. We feel more at ease with ourselves and begin to refine our makeup technique and clothing style. In some cases we have our spouses or girlfriends to help us out with these things and in other cases we must to learn on our own by reading and experimenting. In both cases it takes practice, practice and more practice. One technique I use is to take a lot of pictures and then study them to see where I feel I can improve my appearance. If you saw pictures of me just three short years ago you would hardly believe it was the same person. Three years ago I hadn't yet reached a point of self acceptance and it showed in how I presented myself. Today I am completely at home and comfortable in who I am and it makes a huge difference.

    Hang in there girl and think positive thoughts. Don't come down on yourself. Take the journey with a curious and open mind and learn all you can.

    By the way, I will be 59 next month

    Hugs,
    Becky
    Last edited by BeckyAnderson; 03-15-2006 at 06:14 AM.

  15. #15
    What Me Worry
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    Andy I'm 53 so 44 is just the beginning. Slow down and just try to enjoy yourself and the lovely gift you have been given.

  16. #16
    girly-girly-girly maria amber lee's Avatar
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    before i started dressing up, i was also sick and tired of my life.. but when i noticed how radiant i have become after some time, i decided that life isnt that bad after all.. mwah

  17. #17
    Out for a walk EricaCD's Avatar
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    MMMM thank God for photoshop! And practice. Andy, you would simply not believe how awful my first attempts at dressing turned out.

    But the simple reality is that looking 1/4 passable in a photo is not, and should not be, what this is about: it's about figuring out a way to express a critical aspect of your personality notwithstanding serious social, personal and emotional pressures to the contrary.

    I have been dressing in one form or another since I was about 11. That means I have been coming to terms with myself for 25 years, and I am still a neophyte in dealing with the emotional soup that is crossdressing. Think about the steps you have taken, and let that manifestation of your own strength be your inspiration for the steps to come.

  18. #18
    PennyW Penny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy1087
    Hi Evereyone,

    In addition to being jealous of how well a lot of you folks pull off your dressing I am very enivious of the fact you live your own lifes unlike me not doing anything held back by my fears and frustrations. I get so sick of my life at times.

    Andy
    Ji Andy all never right with the CD world. Don't be so quick to judge how everyone is fairing. Many here are working on their problems. Many share
    frustrations and fears. Sucess is not in the triumph but in the venture.
    Sometimes we have problems that require outside help. That's OK; it just means that in addition to being a CD, we are also human. Humans are unique to this planet because we are the only creatures that can change our enviorment. Other creatures change with the enviornment. If you are not
    happy with your life, change it; if your having problems ask for help.
    You can be all that you want if wamy
    "Lady Fingers"

  19. #19
    Banned Read only connie rotten's Avatar
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    Gee

    Andy,
    My 0.02 be who you want to be. For a long time I dressed up to be Margret Dolan.Then I descovered Connie was role playing until she built up confidence in my being a girl.
    Honey it really does get better. Make some friends here. The transgender people are wounderful in this site.
    May I ask: how small is the closet you are in ?

  20. #20
    Banned Read only Aileen's Avatar
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    I could never look good if I didn't have help from Carla my make-up lady. Where are you located? There are places all over like the one I go to, where they will make you up and take pictures. I heard there is one in Columbus Ohio.

  21. #21
    Action crossdresser Marlena Dahlstrom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kathy gg
    I just wanted to say that most of the cd's who you see pics posted here got to that point through good ol' trial and error and I am sure {girls, pipe up here} plenty of scary mistakes and misteps on their road to better self improvement.
    Scary was the operative word regarding my appearance not that long ago. As Kathy said, it takes a bit of practice, and even GGs aren't born knowing how to do it.

    Anyway, others have given you some good advice. Hang in there....
    Lena

    A dream? What is a dream, but a blueprint for courageous action.

    http://www.adahlshouse.com

  22. #22
    ol' Transgendisaurus Mandy Salamander's Avatar
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    [SIZE="3"]andy, darling!!!,,, us christmas eve babies gots t' stick t'gether,,,sooo,, i'm exactly six years older than you,,,'n 44 's only a glass half full,,, doo just learn t' relax 'n enjoy being who you are, 'n be happy with whatever you're comfortable with,,,,, oh! yeah, i'm all out 'n about 'n all that, but it took mee a looooooooooooooong time 'n lots o' practice t' get here,,, and, as has been mentioned, 'baby steps' are key,,, my first times out were nothing more than seriously over-dressed weekly strolls to th' nearest mailbox 'n back,,,, and after having spent some time with th' local TG-support group, 'n various TG chatrooms 'n forums like this one, you are far from alone in feeling self-conscious 'n frustrated with your femme self,,, 'n one o' my dear CD friends is like 6'7+,,,yeah, that'll pass!!!,,but 's still oodles o' funn t' hang out with!!!,,, sooo,,,take heart, darling, 'n doo learn t' love yourself,,, you are worth it!!!!! [/SIZE]

  23. #23
    Patchwork Material sparks's Avatar
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    Hon! I gots probs too! I am just thirty five spring chick eh? I try not to think about how bad life is or how bad life can get. Amongst these girls you have a huge family I just started here and I'm meeting girls who offer their help and as for mine. The last part i'm still tryiyng to figure out I guess my two minds are better than their ones.
    Have a chortle or two and relax. One morning after a fight with my wife I said to her "I don't think I like who I am anymore!"
    Her reply "Suck it up you are who you are!"
    From a woman who cried pretty heavily about me liking to wear bras(Nothing tacky I swear!)
    Beside you are also among girls who may never pass! OK Just me! I ain't ever going to pass! This is also OK! Is it the end of the world for me not really. Does it heart sure it does but I'm coping!
    Actually I hope I'm cheering you up cause I'm getting a little depressed.
    The point is I don't know what your problems are but they are all workable!
    Such as my large tattoo that says "Daddy's girl!"

    Buck up little camper and let this forum be a helpful guide.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    [SIZE="3"]And I was thinkin' how the world shoulda cried
    On the day Jack Kirby died
    [/SIZE]

  24. #24
    Shining Through Teresa Amina's Avatar
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    Someone once wrote that life begins at 40- but really life begins Today. What do we really have, anyway? Yesterday is long gone, and for the most part... good riddance! Tomorrow is a dream in the making, and we have some (important) influence on it. We do have Today. Begin now to bring about that tomorrow you want, create as much as you can that new Today you seek.

    Want to have some fun playing with your looks? Look at my Avatar. I created this yesterday using a program called Mirror of Beauty, starting with a picture of myself (dressed but without makeup). Now I'm 50, and looked real tired in the original photo with plenty of worry lines and bags under my eyes. Didn't turn out too bad, did it? I'll never look as gorgeous as some of the girls here but how many GGs out there in the world are real babes anyway? Find that expression of your inner self. I'm sure you'll look fine!

  25. #25
    Tiffany Lee Tiffy's Avatar
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    Andy I use to be the same way you are. But, joining this group a little over a year ago has helped much. And now I am very happy and ok with the fact that I am a CD. Now, I just get mad when I can not dress because someone around me has a narrow mind. Just try to relax and pace yourself. It takes a ton of mental effort but it can be done. And trust me about one thing. The only thing I am "pulling off" is my drab clothes. I will never pass but that is ok. That is who I am. We are like children. We all grow and progress at different rates. Do not compare yourself to others and how fast they progress. Everyones surroundings and the people in their lives are different. And we all progress differently.

    Kisses, April Marie
    no matter how much love we have, we can not feel it if we are not happy inside

    "Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways totally worn out, shouting "Holy ****, what a ride!",author unknown

    Women to me are gods greatest forms of beauty and art in motion.

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