Scared of losing my basic appearance

[Stacy Darling]

I'm finding that there is a limit to how far I take my overall appearance now. It seems to be the point where I am getting close to not being able to see the mannequin underneath. I can no longer change my hair to black or even wear black eyeliner (I binned them), they're not my basic colour. I've even been keeping my nails coated in nude tones (or white), and I feel the need/compulsion to keep to my natural fair tone (a little basic tanning cream).

I have always maintained my natural body shape whilst dressing as well, was quite happy without curves . But my body shape has recently changed somewhat due to diet and my Femme exercise programme, and I am becoming increasingly aware of not losing the basic natural body shape, whilst altering it.

So to confuse myself even more I have come to some conclusion that I want without doubt to look like a beautiful woman, yet to present as that beautiful woman I need more to cover the mannequin beneath, and change it's shape!

Not sure if I'm just scared of losing who I am whilst becoming who I was?

Now I'm more confused!
Stacy!

Does anyone else who can understand this feel similar?

[docrobbysherry]

Many here were or r confused about whether they r male or female, Stacy. Because most of us r somewhere in between. U don't have to pick one or the other. If u just be who u r, how can u lose yourself?

I'm an old man in a dress. But, that doesn't stop me from using every trick in the book to appear to be a beautiful woman. Because that's how I wish to present!

I wish I could lose the old man and actually become a pretty woman, but I am who I am!

[ClosetED]

I understand. Being thin will work for both appearances. Even having man-boobs won't get comments. Eyebrows under control work for both - they no longer need to be very thin. And with both ears pierced, no comments. Shaved legs - others say almost zero comments. Men do change their look, so is there something specific that you thinks is going too feminine? Mascara and nail polish may be too far, but that is not basic appearance.
Hugs, Ellen

[jacques]

hello Stacy,
what is your "Femme exercise programme" please?
luv J

[Amelie]

I don't know if I am reading your post right but it seems you are transitioning. When one transitions they usually become happy without the extra things like pads, wigs, make up to feel like a woman.


Edit, I get confused too, as in reading posts. lol

[Stephanie47]

I found your comments a little confusing. So I can imagine you're confused. I hit seventy last year. When I look into the mirror I see a seventy year old man's face with or without my grey wig. I know my mind will see a man no matter what I do. Can't fool the mind. Being still six foot tall that's not going to change. My male body is 198-200 pounds and that's not going to change much. My male body is 42-38-40 and that's not going to change much unless I get sick and waste away.

I'm an in home dresser. I am comfortable with the self imposed limitation, although if I have the opportunity I'll venture forth for an evening stroll. In my home I stay away from mirrors, although from afar I do gaze into a full length mirror. I do see a tasteful attired women wearing a pretty dress and heels. I forego the makeup. Most women to not wear makeup when home. My mindset as a man, and, surely also as a woman are accepting the aging process. Heck, just look around at the forms of your age group, male or female. I look at those around me. As a male I look a lot better than a lot of men who have wrecked their bodies over the years. It's the same with women. I just accept the aging process and don't try attain something that is now unattainable.

[Stacy Darling]

Sorry for no response yet. Internet is down . Back soon. Thanks so far!

[DaisyLawrence]

I don't understand. Isn't losing your basic appearance the whole point in crossdressing?

[Tracii G]

Daisy I think Stacy is afraid of losing her male self when she isn't CDing.
Its a guess on my part so lets wait for Stacy to answer that one.

[Lydianne]

We're all different. Loss of basic appearance would fill me with joy. Loss of total appearance would fill me with immense joy .

- Lydianne.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Yes, the point IS to lose your male appearance and effectively BECOME someone else.-----Indeed "Crossing that line" is where the "High" comes from, for many of us.---The brain RESISTS changing of ones "identity" at a certain level. It's similar to taking a risk like "skydiving"---you are afraid and resist-----But you take the plunge anyway, and SURVIVE! To survive a fearful situation results in a fantastic "Natural High"! which got many of us hooked on CDing in the first place. Do not worry about the fear--there is NO real danger in CDing, it's a simple internal "Brain reaction" to tampering with Identity.

[Stacy Darling]

Ive absorbed your replies Doc. Ellen & Stephanie. Thankyou again.
I'm not transitioning Amelie. But am experiencing what you've described. Very true.
We'll get to the program later J.
I do see your point Daisy. I try to blend myself more than to disappear when dressed though.
Yes you do read me well Tracii and i am beginning to lose the other which i reverted too.
I had very similar thoughts once Lydianne. Then they too disappeared (smiley face)
My brain may be reacting to the identity tampering Marina.

And i feel that it's good in a way to be perceived as confused if in fact you are.

Apologies for the delayed response. I'm on an interim satelite phone. Stacy.

[phili]

I think one of the premises of gender expression is that women are the ones who mostly are 'required' to change their look- to exaggerate secondary sex characteristics and enhance sexual attractiveness. Hence shave, prop, primp, cover, fill, etc. So when a man does it to look more like an idealized woman the overall effect is accepted as playing the game and either succeeding or not.

Diversity in shape, and changing shape and look is what happens as life goes on, and we can all help each other by welcoming and approving and enjoying people no matter what shape they are! Women who have broad shoulders and narrow hips, or barrel shape, or ..or... etc suffer a lot if they are succumbing to the idea that they are not seen as fully desirable women because of their shape or other presentation matter.

Sometimes I say to women in the course of discussing why I am cheerfully crossdressing without trying to play that game-" I don't shave, and you don't have to either!" I have yet to meet one who felt that wasn't at least an interesting offer- even those who are pretty close to the idealized standards and feel fine about playing the game.

When I have been in an all woman environment like a girls dorm, etc. it was clear that women, when they are not thinking about competing for men, are well aware of and accept the vast differences among them physically, and then all get busy making themselves up to look more or less like 'women' before they go out.

As a post transition TG in River City Gems posted recently, the thrill of dressing is gone once you are a woman - if it isn't a special occasion for which you hope dressing will result in a special result- it is just your choice of uniform, essentially.

I am still thrilled by dressing, perhaps because I switch, and I enjoy boy and girl mode more intensely due to the contrast. I want to enjoy my clothes, and I do. I stopped worrying about trying to make my body look like a woman's, since it is not one, and instead celebrate dressing, using conventional and unconventional looks.

It seems to work pretty well- perhaps because people can see that I am putting a nice outfit together, and the fact that they can't quite get the beard and hair on the legs results in an easy conclusion- just treat me like a man with feminine clothing tastes. But that actually puts me where I want to be- it makes room for me as a man, to feel and show femininity.

I can be feminine without having to be attractive to anyone else, because I am married, secure in myself, happy with my mix of gender, etc. I think the women around me when I am dressed understand that, and there is a nice relaxation in the way they relate. It feels like they appreciate the fact that they don't have to be on guard around me and pretend to be in awe of me as a man, etc.

All of which is to say we have the option to own and be proud of our actual shape.

[Terri Semes]

A couple of years back had a new picture made for drivers license ,
looked more like my mother than what I considered to be my male image should be and this made me self conscience as I am very much in the closet .
Has my mindset of being fem had an outward effect on my appearance ?

[Fiona123]

Being a cross-dresser or being mtf transgender, in my case, is scary. It is a leap into the unknown. When I admitted to myself but I was trans I was scared as heck. I'm frightened about what it means coming out trans at 62 for my career and for my marriage. Before it came out to myself I was miserable. Going back is not an option. All we can do is move forward.

[Maria 60]

That's interesting and now you got me thinking, before I came to this site i was a man with hairy legs and chest and a beer belly. I wore women's clothing with all that hair, never had a wig or even thought of makeup or jewelry. Now shaved legs and chest, both ears pierced, lost the beer belly to look better in dresses, I try to keep my hands and most of my skin in good condition. I have made all these changes and just like yourself I didn't even realize it. Before I was a man wearing a dress, now it feels like I'm a semi women.
Sorry instead of giving you advice you made me reflect on myself, so it seams like we are going down the same path. Must come with the Crossdressing territory.

[Monique65]

I agree with Maria. I welcome the positive changes I am experiencing since I've started honoring my inner woman. Not only do I feel better emotionally, my physical condition has improved along with my mental state.

[Stacy Darling]

I am trying to work out if that thrill is still there for me Phili.
It would not surprise me if our brains did have some effect on our appearance Terri.
I'm hearing you with the moving forward Fiona, just wish i had a light though.
I see why you agree with Maria, Monique, we both do. No need to solve the problem Maria, it's nice sometimes to see that others are on that same track. Hopefully a smooth track.

[rachael.davis]

When you come to a fork in the road, take it - Yogi Berra.
Be carefull what you pray for, God might give it to you - old Catholic proverb
As you have brewed, so now you may drink - old Irish proberb

That said - there was one day when I woke up in bed, stretched and realized my arms are hairless, and skinny, I kind of panicked and pointed one foot at the ceiling - yep, skinnier than I remembered, waxed, and bright red toes - about five minutes later (inventorying - multi pierced ears, waxed eyebrows, my chest is bouncy) I said OK this is what I wanted, this is what I got - I'm good.
This is a good time to think where you are, where you want to be, and what the pricetag is for the trip, and you're the only person who can answer those questions.
I really can't remember what my face looked like with male eyebrows, and I'm good with it

[Sallee]

Well said Doc Just have fun do no harm and enjoy yourself But accept reality

[Beverley Sims]

Don't worry, something will evolve that you will like.

I am a blue eyed blonde and I feel fortunate.

Sometimes I wear a dark wig and it really changes my appearance.

I am unrecognisable.

[Rogina B]

[QUOTE

Sometimes I wear a dark wig and it really changes my appearance.

I am unrecognisable.[/QUOTE]
Pictures or it never happens..