In the last year I came out to my wife about wanting to crossdress. She’s really struggled with it, and has only agreed to underwear and tights (in the winter), and reluctantly me shaving my legs recently. A week or two ago I painted her toe nails one night and I really wanted to do my own, so when I was alone I found a neutral color and did. I showed her and she didn’t freak out as much as I thought she would. But a few days later I wanted to try a new color I had bought and her tolerance cracked. That night she basically said she never wanted any of this and maybe we should consider getting a divorce. She told me that I had been getting too casual about it and basically said I can do anything I want, but she doesn’t want to know about it or see it. I can’t change in front of her or show her anything and she’s had a few times where she’s cried about this and said she wishes it were different.

So, a bit of time has passed, I put away everything, the hair is growing back on my legs, I’m wearing men’s underwear and longjohns when it’s been really cold, and the only thing femme that has touched my body is the deodorant I recently bought that works really well and smells so much better than my “manly” musky deodorant.

So here’s where I want some advice. I feel like I only have a few options:

1) force this genie back in its bottle and try not to explode from the repressive feelings (what I’m essentially trying now)
2) dress, but only if I know she’ll never see me, that means no polish, no evidence
3) get divorced, and be separated from my best friend and woman I love, and not be with my kids all the time
4) hope that somehow she’ll change the way she feels and just bide my time
5) ?

Maybe I’m seeing this all wrong. I don’t want to not do this, I feel this is part of who I am, but I’m not ready to walk away from what is otherwise a great relationship. Not to mention the damage this will do to my kids.