I have tried to talk about it to her several times. She does not understand. So I keep it to myself.
I have tried to talk about it to her several times. She does not understand. So I keep it to myself.
This pretty much says it all. You have a choice to make: A normal life with a loving wife and children or living in a "singles" apartment with the freedom to dress as a woman and paint your toenails. And this choice is pretty much forever once you make it.Originally Posted by Tracii G
If you are even considering leaving your wife and family so you can paint your toenails, I suggest counselling. Think long and hard about this because it is a life changing decision.
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In other words, a normal childhood.
Society doesn't accept men wearing women's clothing or painting their bodies to look like women. It's a fact. Anything like that is frowned upon.
Those of us whose wives accept our "strangeness" are lucky indeed. The OP's wife expected a normal marriage and family with a normal husband. She wants to keep it that way. Nothing "rigid" or "binary" about that, it's a normal reaction.
Krisi
Tracii put it simply but well. Allso the idea of therapy to work with the situation not to cure or fix you. The skills and knowledge of the therapist is critical.
Therapy is always an option for both to help them thru the rough times.
If she says you go to therapy I don't have the problem I find sad sad because the issue does affect both partners whether they like it or not.
Ok Love is unconditional and from reading your thread you love her very much. I would get a divorce because she brought it up. This is like poker "divorce "is her bluffing, if you rise she will say you will never see the kids. Go all in call her bluff and win the jackpot. To me she is not holding any hearts thats for sure. Good luck ,know what you want and what is healthy for you. Like in Godfather 2 "no one can take your family away from you".
Last edited by jennifer0918; 02-20-2018 at 10:21 AM.
A disgruntles ex wife can pretty well take your family away from you if she wants to. It's as simple as moving across the country.
A divorce is not something to take lightly. It's the last thing you do when it's apparent the marriage is over. Trying to work things out and compromise is the better plan.
Krisi
Maybe write a deep heartfelt letter enclosed in a beautiful card, with a box of her favorite chocalates or candy. Telling how much she means to you, but also telling all.
The genie is not going to go back in the bottle, not at all. Once the cat is out of the bag, it's out of the bag. You and your wife now share a deep secret. She probably has nobody to confide in. You have disclosed a material fact in your being that is really foreign to her. You'll read all the banter on this site about asserting your desires. That just smacks wrong to me. It suggests a wife must go along with whatever her husband wants to do. It totally ignores what the wife feels or needs. You probably misread the situation. From day one of the reveal she was probably unsettled about your cross dressing and open displays of nail polish and shaving your body. She was still mulling over in her mind "What the heck is happening?"
I don't know if she is really "playing the divorce card." It may be her way of crying for help. Does she discuss the situation with a confident? Probably not. Your marriage is already changed just by the revelation your a cross dresser. If you're looking to save your marriage and continue to explore your needs you and your wife need to see a therapist who deals with these issues. Your wife needs to be educated about cross dressing. You need to respect her limitations.
When my wife and I had "The Talk" I heard the same words. "If I had known I would not have married you." I heard the divorce angle also when she felt really isolated. She said the worst part of it all was having nobody to talk to about it. She wants nothing to do with it. I tried to coax her gently into my world with a simple plea of wanting panties for my birthday. It caused such stress on her when we went to the store that I myself deemed it akin to mental spousal abuse. I decided not to bother her with it. She genuinely suggest I find a support group to attend. Unfortunately at that time (early 1980's) there was none. She knows I dress, but, since it is DADT she does not know the extent of it. She knows nothing of my wardrobe. I do not do any body modifications such as shaving my legs, although I really do not need to do that. I do not shape eyebrows. I do not color my nails. I keep my nails neat and trimmed but do not grow them out.
Get into couple's therapy before you consider dissolving the marriage.
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