I may have spoken too soon about how accepting my wife is...

[lindsey89]

This is common. It doesn’t mean she is not accepting. My wife also does not like me to kiss her when dressed. It doesn’t matter if I’m fully made up or just lounging around the house, when I am wearing women’s clothes she prefers I don’t try to kisss her or be too intimate. That doesn’t mean that she never kisses me when I’m dressed, but I understand that it is something that makes her uncomfortable so if she wants to kiss me and wants to initiate that then I’m good with it, but if she doesn’t then I am ok with that as well. I know she loves me, she just isn’t always sexually attracted to me when I’m presenting as Lindsey. And that’s okay.

[char GG]

So when I read this, it seems to me that she didn’t want to be kissed with you in girl mode. Your reaction to to her seemed a bit on the snarky side. She appears to be trying to accommodate you. By your moving your clothes and expecting a reaction out of her may not be ideal. It would seem that now you are trying to make her feel bad for a reaction to the kiss (passive/aggressive). She may not mind the dressing, in general. Only you know your wife, though, not the strangers on this forum.

This is just me, I don’t mind my husband dressing, I will go to dinner, shopping, even dancing with him CDed. However, I don’t want any kissing, hugging, or hand holding if he is in girl mode. I am not attracted to his female persona. I love him as a man and love him when he is CDed because he is my husband. I will play along to a point. It took me five years to get to this phase.

Your wife may get over this pretty quickly if you don’t over react.

[Stephanie47]

My wife and I are in a really deep "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage. If I did not know she knows of my cross dressing, I'd swear she was in the dark.....as in total darkness. For over thirty years she has not said "boo." On occasion she has found an article of clothing I failed to gather up before she came home from work; a panty or a bra or some water balloons in the kitchen sink I failed to pop. All she has ever said was to tell me she found the bra or panty and put it on top of the clothes dryer. That's it. I know my cross dressing is not her thing at all. I respect that. There is no body modifications. No clandestine nail polish under my socks. She has no desire to be in some sort of pseudo lesbian relationship. She married a man, and, she wants to keep it like that. One thing I constantly see on this forum is 'cross dressing creep.' Maybe, the woman gives her man and inch and he takes a mile. He takes a grain of acceptance and runs with it. Even when told prior to marriage or developing that deep relationship things are apt to change. "Love is blind." Sooner or later a wife may awaken from the honeymoon, and, change her stance on any number of things. Aren't fifty percent of marriages headed for divorce?

I've always been a person to lay it out on the line, and, since my wife laid it out on the line I have to respect that. I would suggest sitting down, discussing and establishing some sort of agreed upon boundaries which are to be adhered to unless changed by mutual agreement.

[KelleyB]

So when I read this, it seems to me that she didn’t want to be kissed with you in girl mode. Your reaction to to her seemed a bit on the snarky side. She appears to be trying to accommodate you. By your moving your clothes and expecting a reaction out of her may not be ideal. It would seem that now you are trying to make her feel bad for a reaction to the kiss (passive/aggressive). She may not mind the dressing, in general. Only you know your wife, though, not the strangers on this forum.

This is just me, I don’t mind my husband dressing, I will go to dinner, shopping, even dancing with him CDed. However, I don’t want any kissing, hugging, or hand holding if he is in girl mode. I am not attracted to his female persona. I love him as a man and love him when he is CDed because he is my husband. I will play along to a point. It took me five years to get to this phase.

Your wife may get over this pretty quickly if you don’t over react.

Thank you.

The thing is, I don't have a female persona, I behave exactly the same way, merely wearing women's clothes.

I do think the clothes in our master closet bother her, as she said there's less room, and we have a huge master closet. I'm not expecting a reaction out of her, just wondering if there will be one. I don't think there will be.

More than anything, she was encouraging, then very discouraging. I may be reading too much into this, so I'm going to let it sit and do nothing for the next few months, or however long it is. Plus, we'll have a discussion at some point.

[wendy]

Your situation is kinda like mine; my wife is supportive and is ok with my CDing, but one day while I was Wendy, I tried to kiss her and she said "no, i'm not that type of girl".

I have not tried it since.

[Karen RHT]

Many years ago, the thought of me wearing a skirt or a dress and in full makeup was repulsive and unaccepted by my wife. Over the years she has come to realize that no matter how I dress, I'm the same person inside those clothes. She's fine with me dressing as I please inside our home, and gives me hello or goodbye kisses no matter what I'm wearing. Snuggling or passionate kisses however, are not welcomed.


Karen

[jazmine]

I think it's all about moderation. My wife and I are total opposites. Yet we get along great and love spending time together. She generously gives me my space to do my "thang", but I'm sure she would be displeased with a snap, turned-off remark if I was too often either in my studio writing music, in my arcade playing games, in my garage restoring my 70 Challenger, in the basement workshop building a guitar or in the stereo room listing to Van Halen. I know that our crossdressing is not "a hobby" to many people here, but I think it's just about the common courtesy we give to a significant other when it comes to things they also like to do, share-in, or see. Although I like my favorite things of guy clothes which are ripped up and stained from all my work endeavors, she also would appreciate not seeing me in that a bit too often as well. I don't know. We do go out and enjoy a lot of things together, and a lot of times we dress in what the other really likes. I in my tux or suit and she's decked out in one of her killer dresses and definitely stockings or pantyhose(which she HATES.) Lol. I don't know. I may be completely off base comparing apples & oranges here. Trust me, I still get the, "Jeez, I haven't seen my husband in awhile" remark. At which point I go into "Balance" mode. No pun intended.

[char GG]

Yes, you wear female clothes and it’s really just clothes. However, you are presenting as a female, which is my idea of a female persona. It may feel different to you. Ask your wife how it feels to her. It’s really her call if she feels like “it’s just clothes”. If that were truly the case, she probably wouldn’t be accepting sometimes and not so much at other times.

[Karen RHT]

You make a good point Char, and there's no doubt my wife would prefer I not crossdress at all. To her credit, she recognizes that it's something I enjoy doing, that I'm not reckless or careless about it, and that when it comes right down to brass tacks, she's never been truly hurt by it. Yes...she been upset, disappointed, emotional, and angry. Yes...she struggles with her "feelings" at times. She now recognizes that her "feelings" were the result of conditioning, misinformation, prejudice, and normal societal taboos. For her own reasons, (she doesn't discuss easily) my wife now chooses to challenge and shed those initial thoughts, feelings, and fears. It isn't easy for her, but she's working on it.


Karen

[KelleyB]

Good news on all fronts!

Tonight, she asked why I wasn't wearing my slips (for lounging around after work), and I said, ""you said I don't look like me", and it obviously bothers you."

Well, it bothers her only when we're amorous because it's like I'm wearing a mask, and it's not "me". We discussed it more, and now I understand where she is on this topic. I can work with/around it, no problem.

She stated her issues poorly, I took it incorrectly, and everything's been cleared up...mostly. She cannot express why it bothers her, it just does, me being dressed and wanting to be romantically-involved, but I understand she is bothered, and will approach things very, very differently in the future.

Yay, all is better!

[Alice B]

I fully hear you and it sucks. I have posted many times about how accepting my wife is, but the other night she threw me for a loop. We were in bed and I had a bra and forms on under my night gown. Nothing unusual as I have done this many times. I wanted to cuddle, again not unusual but she daid no.That she does not want to when I am wearing "my boobs". That she is not with her man. This has really thrown me off. At breakfast I was sill wearing my bra and forms and nothing was said. Not sure whant to do.

[KelleyB]

I hope this isn't a dupe, but I've been having Internet woes the past two days.

I changed when I got home, and my wife said, "I really like that blouse..."

<happy dance>

She also said I could tie the extended collar drop-down things in a bow at my cleavage...or just do a sash.

She did quiz me on the new skirt, though, and I said, "yes, I replaced one which didn't fit". Then she suggested I keep them and lose weight.

I'm working on the weight thing. Down 10 lbs. this month, alone.

[Asew]

Awesome to hear that communication between you two helped clear the air. And congrats on the weight loss. Keep it up!

[t-girlxsophie]

My wife has been fully supportive of my dressing from the beginning,even en femme we kiss and cuddle even passionately,but in the bedroom it's strictly a guy and girl thing,I'm absolutely fine with this as it was agreed by us both,and I know its nothing to do with her being approving or not its just part of our relationship that Sophie isn't involved in.Thats why discussing with your partner everything regarding your dressing avoids any confusion or issues down the line

[AmberLeigh]

I recently came out to my wife about my crossdressing and she was fine with it. I don't feel comfortable or a need to wear clothes or bras when we are together. That's just me. I did hang my blouses and dresses in my closet that were crushed up in my gun safe and hidden from her before I told her. Luckily we have separate closets so she won't have those items staring her in the face when she opens her closet.
Other than showing her some of my pictures from the days I dress up when she's at work, I don't ask her to shop for me or help with anything. I think she would help but it's my issue I guess.
The only stipulations I was given were to not wear her clothes and stretch them out or spend too much money shopping for clothes.
My suggestion is to take things slow and let her ease into this new environment.

[Eva Bella]

Glad that things are working out Kellie! Sounds like you two are in a good place.

Think of it from their side. Many of us would be comfortable with a wife or a GF who crossdressed as a man. She could put on a 3-piece suit, wear a fake moustache and some kind of arm muscle forms, and head town to the sports bar with an assumed male name and her other FTM crossdressing bros. We'd of course support her in doing that, but we might not want to be intimate with her while she's in "guy mode." Doesn't mean a lack of acceptance.

Also.. it's kind of funny that really no women anywhere ever are interested in doing this, haha.

[Patricia_Campi]

Hello Kelley,

I am in the same boat. At first she thought it was fun, helped me with makeup, etc.

But after sometime, it was not fun anymore and she said exactly the same thing. I know I can not hold Patricia for too long and there will come a time where we will have "the" conversation.

Give her time to get used to it.

Cheers,

Patricia

[Donna St. Marten]

All too often we interpret tolerance for acceptance and mistakenly push the envelope. Then tolerance turns into intolerance.

[Tina_gm]

Kellyb, if I may. To your wife you are not the same man. Maybe still a man, but not the same man. Adding dressing and or other feminine stuff is a change and a big one to her most likely. For you and anyone else our wives will always see and feel a bigger change than we will.

Heterosexuality is what it is. For anyone who has zero interests in men, what does the thought of intimacy with one do for You? At the least maybe just nothing, but also likely a turn off
You certainly won't be feeling any sexual attraction. So, when we are looking, playing the part, or being the woman we are inside, our gg s/o will have pretty much the same reaction. None of us should take it personally that they want no part of intimacy with us in female mode.

[KelleyB]

Very, very well stated.

And you are 100% correct, I can see how it turns her off.

[Kiwi Primrose]

I don't know how old you or your wife are but there is a little bit of menopause in her change/s of attitude. I had experience of this (many years ago) and it was a surprise to find nothing suited my wife. Yes could become no in a flash. All you can do if this is the case is be as kind and understanding as possible. In my case Primrose went "underground" for a while whenever things got too tense and normal returned after a few years.

[marlacd]

Just about every post says the same thing. Tolerance, that turns on a dime. Once that genie is out of the bottle, there's no way she will be able to "Unsee" you as the man you once were.

Bet most (Or all) of you have seen your S/O deal with an issue without batting an eye one week, only to see her fly apart over the same issue the very next week. Makes you wonder why you ever married her to begin with.

For those who chose to "fess up" to your dressing to their wives, that's the unwanted doorprize you got with that confession. You put yourself in a position that gave her the right to tell you what you may or may not do. Me, I'm out of mine, and I'm not putting myself back into that position again.

[KelleyB]

I'm 50, my wife 65.

Been together 28 years, so we're right for each other.

[Sallee]

I have learned don't push it and keep dressing in perspective. I fined that I enjoy it more with breaks other wise it becomes the norm I still enjoy the norm but Keeping it special is fun to and it doesn't get old

[KelleyB]

Y'all around here are plenty wise!

Sallee, yes, don't push it...and you're also quite right about dressing not being the 'norm'. Over the past few months, it's been less...I'd guess you'd call it 'special'. I definitely do not want to lose that.