Going out - battle of conscience and fear

[TheHiddenMe]

The term the poker players use is "pot committed"; they have to stay in a hand.

In October 2016 I was planning an outing. The Thursday before, I went (in drag) into the Sephora store and booked a makeover for the following Tuesday, and then went to the nextdoor Nordstrom to see about trying on dresses. Both experiences were positive.

Then on Monday I booked a manicure at the local Beauty Brands. I figured that if I got my nails done, I couldn't back out of going out for the makeover and dress-up session. I told the nail tech my plans, and she was actually excited for me (and I was so pumped I went back later that night dressed to buy the nail polish she had put on my nails).

The Tuesday makeover/dress-up couldn't have gone better. The next day I went to a wig store (dressed), bought a new wig, and went back to the Nordstrom to try (and buy) two dresses I had tried on the day before. The first dress I bought is still my favorite, and I made friends with the SA who helped me.

So plan it out, and do something that makes you pot committed, so you can't back out. Then go, with no regrets.

Worked BIG TIME for me.

[BrendaPDX]

I actually envy you having your first outing, you will be fine. But the excitement, fear, and adrenaline rush were almost narcotic/euphoric to me. Be safe, it isn't such a bad world out there. Let us know how it goes. Brenda

[Rhonda Jean]

I never dressed to stay in. I started going out in the '70's with the advantages of being young, skinny, and long hair. I think it was easier to pass back then because transgender wasn't on anybody's radar. That being said, I did some silly things in the name of getting out. Going to convenience store after convenience store (sometimes a half dozen or more in an evening), the laundromat, other places where I could be out but only encounter a couple of people.

I also was not and am not all or nothing. Ever since I was a kid, the hair salon has been a sanctuary or a safe space for me. Even before I started going to the salon dressed I was always comfortable getting my hair done in whatever feminine style I wanted, usually a roller set. Starting when I was a teenager and could drive, I'd wear earrings (which no male did back then), maybe a little makeup or what have you.

Point of all this is, although I always technically went out, it was gradual. There's a big difference between what I was doing and going out and living life as a woman. Still is, really. I'm still selective, just not as much so. Small steps is my advice.

I can't imaging that anyone who ever stepped out the door ever going back to staying in. Still, this does not have to be something that carries on at a constant trajectory. You can retreat at any time that you want, and not feel bad about it. Everybody has to find their own level, and whatever level you find doesn't make you any better or any worse that anybody else.