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  1. #1
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    You are in the wrong bathroom........

    The other night I went out with the wife to a movie and dinner. All was going well as usual, but then I needed to go to the restroom. (BAD) I try to plan my restroom trips so that people will have as little discomfort as possible. I try to stop at places that have single room, or family restrooms. Next would be fast food places that are not busy. My last choice is anywhere that is busy. I go to the women's restroom because there is never anyone in the bathroom when I am around. But on this night, the movies were crowded and there was no family bathroom. Plus, there were a ton of younger kids there. So I decided that since I am not a transsexual, just a crossdresser, and that so many people in my conservative area are always on facebook complaining about the bathroom issue, I would use my birth gender restroom. I think it would be better for me to use the ladies room when I am wearing a dress pantyhose and heels, but since I know I only pass 50 percent of the time, and that how I dress isnt really anyone's business, and I don't really care what people think anyhow, then it doesnt matter to me where I pee. So lo and behold some guy comes up to me as soon as I walk in and tells me that I am in the wrong bathroom. I tell him thanks, but I have this handled. He insists that I leave and go to the womens bathroom. Sooo, I used my hush voice with him and ask if he really wants me to go to the bathroom with his wife and kids. He says you're probably right, sorry. Then he leaves. I got quite a few looks while I was in there. (less than 3 minutes) My question is do people want us to use the womens room, the mens room or just not use the bathroom at all?

  2. #2
    Rotten 80's child Nicole Erin's Avatar
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    People are going to have a problem no matter what.
    Aside the family/single occupancy restrooms, there is no correct answer.
    I am surprised a man would have a problem because it is kind of a no-no to bother others in the men's room.

    If this stupid restroom law had never been pushed there would be less problems. TG have been using the restrooms of their chosen gender for years but suddenly it is a problem.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  3. #3
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
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    Only time I used the restroom in public in fem-mode was at the local comedy club.
    I just went to the urinal, hiked up my dress and went, no one else was in there.
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  4. #4
    18 yo Girl <3 Chloe Triss's Avatar
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    Just use the female bathroom. Because with what you're wearing, women/girls can't and just don't assume your gender and women bathroom only have locked rooms. As for me I just use any bathroom if I feel like it since I've been assumed as a tomboy for most of time so I can use the male bathroom + the female bathroom wearing my boy clothes. Unlike men who usually speak their minds, women tend to keep things secret to themselves, maybe gossip about you but the fact remains that they probably won't stop you from using the female bathroom.

    Good luck next time
    Hope Chloe advice helps.....<3

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Hosekid,
    It looks like we are never going to please everyone ! I usually use disabled toilets , if I have to use the male ones I head for a cubicle. On one occasion the disabled one was out of use as I stood considering the options a GG from our group dragged me by the arm into the female ones saying no one is going to know you're not a woman !
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  6. #6
    Silver Member stephNE's Avatar
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    When I need to go, I use the women's room. I feel its safer for me in there. I do try to go at home before I go out, and most times I'm back home within a couple hours, so there is no need to go while I'm out. But sometimes I am out for the entire day, and then I have no choice. Go in and go straight into a stall, do you business, wash and leave quickly. Don't look at other women, etc.
    Stephanie

  7. #7
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Having braved the experience of using a ladies restroom while en femme, I'm here to tell the big secret. What it's all about.
    There are nothing but individual stalls WITH DOORS in ladies rooms. No open urinals to cause a possible exposure. It's all very discreet. No one sees each other. No one sees a thing (except maybe that one of your hip forms was re-inserted poorly).

    I've always wondered what the big deal is all about using ladies restrooms. Seriously. The way they're constructed ANYONE should be able to walk in and use one.
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  8. #8
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IleneD View Post
    There are nothing but individual stalls WITH DOORS in ladies rooms. No open urinals to cause a possible exposure. It's all very discreet. No one sees each other. No one sees a thing (except maybe that one of your hip forms was re-inserted poorly).

    I've always wondered what the big deal is all about using ladies restrooms. Seriously. The way they're constructed ANYONE should be able to walk in and use one.
    But there is that space between the entrance and the stall. And some women even wash there hands or put on makeup by the sinks. Some of them are cool while some others don't like us in their space.

    The OP was going out in 50/50 mode so I can understand the dilemma. Add the fact that the cinema complex was filled with families with kids added to the problem. Hosekid also mentioned that he usually plans what bathrooms can be used without any possible problems but didn't plan so well this time. It was a hard decision to make under the circumstances and I'm sure something was learned from the experience. Thanks for sharing this useful story.
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  9. #9
    Silver Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Hosekid,

    Sorry but I feel I need to call foul. Your comment about, "Did he really want you shaing a bathroom with his wife and kids" makes us out to be in someway perverted. That in using the ladies his family will suffer harm.

    Saying what you did reinforces negative stereotypes. Something along the lines of, "Sorry but I'm conscious of causing offence to some females so I thought it best to come here" shows consideration on your part. That you are aware of those around you. Follow that up with, "Do you think your wife would be offended?" places the onus on him. Does he want to make his wife look a bigot. If he answers "Yes" then ask "So where do I go if neither of you want me with them?"

    I understand the pressure choosing which bathroom to use brings, certainly at busy times. Standing waiting for a cubicle to come free isn't something I'd feel comfortable doing. Thankfully I've always been able to fall back on using the disable toilet up to now but I'm sure it's a dilemma I'll face at some time.

    I have given thought to this and have my choice of words outlined in my head should a GG make a comment about my presence. It's along the lines of, "I don't want to run the risk of some bloke getting physical and one or both of us getting hurt". "Trust me, I'm not here for any other reason than taking a pee in safety" "I certainly don't want to cause offence" Hopefully dialogue will work. Time will no doubt tell.
    Last edited by Helen_Highwater; 03-03-2018 at 05:13 AM.

  10. #10
    carolyn todd carolyn todd's Avatar
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    Hosekid
    i've just come back from a ten day female holiday dressed 24/7, i am told i past at a distant but not close up but i had no problem going into the ladies toilet (bathroom)for a pee for me it was a case of go in
    have a pee,wash my hands, check my dress, face, powder, lipstick and out not looking at any one else.
    if i am dress female i will use the ladies if i am dressed as a male i will use the gents.

    Carolyn

  11. #11
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    I don't really know why my comment would be bad. Using someone's own argument against them when they change their story seems perfectly legit. I personally don't care what bathroom people use, but I will say that when my daughter is in the bathroom I monitor the door for any person who enters that sets red flags off. I usually stand just outside, and listen for her to call me if anything is awry, but there have been occasions when I have just went in after someone shady goes in. I hate to say that I intentionally make people uncomfortable, but when you are near my kids, you need to have a slightly uncomfortable feeling. So I guess I can see where some of these people are coming from. I mean, if we want them to understand our side of the situation, we have to be willing to understand theirs.

    I would like to point out 1 example where I am in disagreement with genetic males using the ladies room. Teenagers. Trans or CD, they are still teenagers and lack impulse control. There is no way I want 15 year old angie/tommy in the bathroom at school with my 10 year old.

    I also dont understand why someone who is a CD and does not have a gender identity disorder would oppose using the men's restroom if need be. If you are able to decide to wear a dress in public shouldn't you own it? I mean, I feel that I have just as much right to pee in the Men's room whether I am wearing a dress and heels or a 3 piece suit.

  12. #12
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Hosekid your comment did come off as promoting the assumption trans or CD people are perverts out to get "our" kids.
    I was protective of my 2 daughters when they were little too but you need to understand your sons or daughters are way more likely to get abducted in a bathroom buy a person of the proper gender for that room than some trans person that just wants to pee.
    We are all not Hulk Hogan in drag.
    To your last paragraph you can pee in whichever room you wish but if I were to go in a men's room with several guys in there its quite possible they would not want me in there and maybe commit a crime agains't me.
    Why walk into the lions den and expect not to be bitten.
    I can own anything I do and have no problem defending myself but I'm not stupid.
    I can choose to go to the ladies room and be drama free and be on my way. Isn't that much simpler?
    Your incident went off just fine and the guy said OK so it worked out fine so no reason to worry over it.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 03-01-2018 at 08:45 PM.
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  13. #13
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Hosekid, by using 'their argument against them' you are encouraging them, which from you middle paragraph is clear that you actually agree with them.

    Question for you, this teenage Trans person that lacks impulse control, what impulse is it that you think they are going to act on?

    I will explain why I would be opposed to using the men's room when i am out dressed as a woman. Its simple I would look completely out of place using the mens room in a dress or a skirt or heels or whatever, I also think that any guys in that room would feel distinctly uncomfortable seeing me in there. I have used the ladies countless times and never felt even the slightest bit of discomfort from any women I came across in there.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  14. #14
    Senior Member Glenda58's Avatar
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    What ever gender I'm dressed in I use. Never had a problem.
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  15. #15
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    Even in liberal states in the US, such as Illinois, the law does not provide protection for you if you are a CD using the women's restroom. The law does not prohibit discrimination based on gender presentation, rather it prohibits discrimination based on gender identity when it comes to restrooms. If you identify as male, you are not protected under the law when using the women's restroom, regardless of what you're wearing or how well you pass.

    Sorry, but that's the letter of the law and the laws are very specific in using the term gender identity, not gender expression. You might feel safer using the women's restroom, but you're not legally protected.

  16. #16
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    It's happened more than once where I've been in the Ladies and someone's asked to borrow my lipstick or complimented me on my outfit,so I tend to think more women than not aren't that uncomfortable. Men are a different matter if your in the gents en femme it just ain't gonna look right
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  17. #17
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t-girlxsophie View Post
    It's happened more than once where I've been in the Ladies and someone's asked to borrow my lipstick
    Really? Complete strangers ask to borrow your lipstick? And you lend it to them? I find this a little difficult to believe.

    Altho, while in the Ladies in a gay/transgender bar, I did have a GG ask if I had any extra feminine products she could have. Oddly, enough, I did and gave her what she needed. And, for what's its worth, when I went to use the restroom I automatically headed for the Men's when a member of the staff stopped me and said "wrong one sweetie", which made me feel pretty good.
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  18. #18
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t-girlxsophie View Post
    It's happened more than once where I've been in the Ladies and someone's asked to borrow my lipstick or complimented me on my outfit,so I tend to think more women than not aren't that uncomfortable. Men are a different matter if your in the gents en femme it just ain't gonna look right
    Women borrow each others lipstick even if they don't know each other? That doesn't sound right.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beverley Sims View Post
    I just use the bathroom of the gender I am portraying.

    I would be more wary of going into a men's bathroom in a dress than into a women's bathroom dressed as a man.
    Same here. That's just common sense. The exception would be something like a Halloween party where you are wearing a dress but doing a really poor imitation of a woman and it's clear that you are a man.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BettyMorgan View Post
    It would be great if the members of this forum would take the time to research transphobia.
    And yes, just because you are a crossdresser doesn't mean you aren't transphobic or misogynistic.

    I won't reply with quotes or names but:
    - thinking that teenage trans kids shouldn't be in the same bathroom as a ten year old is transphobia.
    - a wife calling trans persons "trannies" is transphobia. Please ask your wife to stop using that term. Research the reasons why (look at the GLAAD site for details).
    - telling a male you wouldn't want me in the same bathroom as your wife and kids, is transphobic. And it promotes the myth that it's dangerous to have trans women using female bathrooms.

    Please don't set us back with these ideas especially when so many people who don't understand us are doing exactly that.
    You should realize that there are members here from all over the world and from all walks of life and backgrounds. Just because someone feels differently about something than you do doesn't automatically make them wrong. They are entitled to their own beliefs. In their eyes, you may be the one who is wrong.

    You seem to be demanding tolerance but at the same time, you appear to be just as intolerant. Enough with the preaching.
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    Quote Originally Posted by hosekid View Post
    I would like to point out 1 example where I am in disagreement with genetic males using the ladies room. Teenagers. Trans or CD, they are still teenagers and lack impulse control. There is no way I want 15 year old angie/tommy in the bathroom at school with my 10 year old.
    Are you seriously suggesting that it's "impulse control" that keeps people from raping 10-year-olds in the bathroom? And since teenagers (only male, of course) may lack it, they'll go straight to molesting your child given half a chance. Uh huh. You aren't too worried about protecting male children from this marauding gang of molesters, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by hosekid View Post
    I also dont understand why someone who is a CD and does not have a gender identity disorder would oppose using the men's restroom if need be. If you are able to decide to wear a dress in public shouldn't you own it? I mean, I feel that I have just as much right to pee in the Men's room whether I am wearing a dress and heels or a 3 piece suit.
    I don't care which room you pee in. I've worn skirts and dresses into both men's and women's bathrooms. No problems so far.

    But don't slander half the population as child rapists held back only by "impulse control".
    Last edited by SabrinaEmily; 03-03-2018 at 10:05 AM. Reason: A more tailored quote
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  20. #20
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hosekid View Post
    I also dont understand why someone who is a CD and does not have a gender identity disorder would oppose using the men's restroom if need be. If you are able to decide to wear a dress in public shouldn't you own it? I mean, I feel that I have just as much right to pee in the Men's room whether I am wearing a dress and heels or a 3 piece suit.
    Really? Seems like kind of a no-brainer to me, but I suspect they're concerned about using the men's room because men are perceived as more likely to use violence against other males in female clothing. There are police records to bear that out, actually. It has always been a safety issue despite attempts by some groups to change the focus.
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  21. #21
    Member BettyMorgan's Avatar
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    It would be great if the members of this forum would take the time to research transphobia.
    And yes, just because you are a crossdresser doesn't mean you aren't transphobic or misogynistic.

    I won't reply with quotes or names but:
    - thinking that teenage trans kids shouldn't be in the same bathroom as a ten year old is transphobia.
    - a wife calling trans persons "trannies" is transphobia. Please ask your wife to stop using that term. Research the reasons why (look at the GLAAD site for details).
    - telling a male you wouldn't want me in the same bathroom as your wife and kids, is transphobic. And it promotes the myth that it's dangerous to have trans women using female bathrooms.

    Please don't set us back with these ideas especially when so many people who don't understand us are doing exactly that.
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  22. #22
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hosekid View Post
    I don't really know why my comment would be bad. Using someone's own argument against them when they change their story seems perfectly legit. I personally don't care what bathroom people use, but I will say that when my daughter is in the bathroom I monitor the door for any person who enters that sets red flags off. I usually stand just outside, and listen for her to call me if anything is awry, but there have been occasions when I have just went in after someone shady goes in. I hate to say that I intentionally make people uncomfortable, but when you are near my kids, you need to have a slightly uncomfortable feeling. So I guess I can see where some of these people are coming from. I mean, if we want them to understand our side of the situation, we have to be willing to understand theirs.

    I would like to point out 1 example where I am in disagreement with genetic males using the ladies room. Teenagers. Trans or CD, they are still teenagers and lack impulse control. There is no way I want 15 year old angie/tommy in the bathroom at school with my 10 year old.

    I also dont understand why someone who is a CD and does not have a gender identity disorder would oppose using the men's restroom if need be. If you are able to decide to wear a dress in public shouldn't you own it? I mean, I feel that I have just as much right to pee in the Men's room whether I am wearing a dress and heels or a 3 piece suit.
    I'm really not looking for a fight, but this whole post seems "off" somehow in a very transphobic sort of way. .

    I mean, as a parent of a daughter with epilepsy, I understand the need to be aware and nearby in case she needs assistance. When she was a wee little girl and we were out, I had no issue bringing into the Men's to use the stall since I was very uncomfortable going into the Ladies as a guy.

    But lurking by the door seems a little shady in itself, and what "red flags" and "shady types" are going into the restroom? Are you referring to TG's or CD's?

    And why must people feel "uncomfortable" around your children?

    The last bit about teen trans is just creepy and reinforces the idea that Transgendered and Crossdressed people are deviants. And do you also go to your daughters school to stand guard by the girl's restroom door?
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  23. #23
    sophomoric member Xenia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hosekid View Post
    I personally don't care what bathroom people use, but I will say that when my daughter is in the bathroom I monitor the door for any person who enters that sets red flags off. I usually stand just outside, and listen for her to call me if anything is awry, but there have been occasions when I have just went in after someone shady goes in. I hate to say that I intentionally make people uncomfortable, but when you are near my kids, you need to have a slightly uncomfortable feeling.
    Am I misreading this? You're saying you guard the door of the women's restroom, and if someone you don't like goes in, you just barge right in to confront them? And that you have no problem intentionally making women uncomfortable when they use the bathroom? Sorry, I'm pretty sure that makes you the shady one.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xenia View Post
    Am I misreading this? You're saying you guard the door of the women's restroom, and if someone you don't like goes in, you just barge right in to confront them? And that you have no problem intentionally making women uncomfortable when they use the bathroom? Sorry, I'm pretty sure that makes you the shady one.
    Yep, that's pretty shady. And probably pretty embarrassing if it turns out to be a real woman. And he get's charged instead!

  25. #25
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    I would love to hear back from Hosekid to answer some of the many questions you have gotten here. Such as my original question what lack of impulse control worries you with regards to trans teenagers?
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

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