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Thread: You are in the wrong bathroom........

  1. #26
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Hosekid, by using 'their argument against them' you are encouraging them, which from you middle paragraph is clear that you actually agree with them.

    Question for you, this teenage Trans person that lacks impulse control, what impulse is it that you think they are going to act on?

    I will explain why I would be opposed to using the men's room when i am out dressed as a woman. Its simple I would look completely out of place using the mens room in a dress or a skirt or heels or whatever, I also think that any guys in that room would feel distinctly uncomfortable seeing me in there. I have used the ladies countless times and never felt even the slightest bit of discomfort from any women I came across in there.
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  2. #27
    Senior Member Glenda58's Avatar
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    What ever gender I'm dressed in I use. Never had a problem.
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  3. #28
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    Even in liberal states in the US, such as Illinois, the law does not provide protection for you if you are a CD using the women's restroom. The law does not prohibit discrimination based on gender presentation, rather it prohibits discrimination based on gender identity when it comes to restrooms. If you identify as male, you are not protected under the law when using the women's restroom, regardless of what you're wearing or how well you pass.

    Sorry, but that's the letter of the law and the laws are very specific in using the term gender identity, not gender expression. You might feel safer using the women's restroom, but you're not legally protected.

  4. #29
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mirya View Post
    Sorry, but that's the letter of the law and the laws are very specific in using the term gender identity, not gender expression.
    That is true, but the definition of gender identity is often loose enough to accommodate crossdressers who identify as transgender -- of which we have a fair number in this forum. Likewise, the gender fluid or genderqueer. There are also a number of crossdressers in this forum who do not accept that they are under the transgender umbrella and, as you note, they would not be protected.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
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  5. #30
    Member BillieS's Avatar
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    “I usually stand just outside, and listen for her to call me if anything is awry, but there have been occasions when I have just went in after someone shady goes in.”

    Who are these shady people going into women’s restrooms? Shady women?

  6. #31
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Having braved the experience of using a ladies restroom while en femme, I'm here to tell the big secret. What it's all about.
    There are nothing but individual stalls WITH DOORS in ladies rooms. No open urinals to cause a possible exposure. It's all very discreet. No one sees each other. No one sees a thing (except maybe that one of your hip forms was re-inserted poorly).

    I've always wondered what the big deal is all about using ladies restrooms. Seriously. The way they're constructed ANYONE should be able to walk in and use one.
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  7. #32
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    It's happened more than once where I've been in the Ladies and someone's asked to borrow my lipstick or complimented me on my outfit,so I tend to think more women than not aren't that uncomfortable. Men are a different matter if your in the gents en femme it just ain't gonna look right
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  8. #33
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IleneD View Post
    There are nothing but individual stalls WITH DOORS in ladies rooms. No open urinals to cause a possible exposure. It's all very discreet. No one sees each other. No one sees a thing (except maybe that one of your hip forms was re-inserted poorly).

    I've always wondered what the big deal is all about using ladies restrooms. Seriously. The way they're constructed ANYONE should be able to walk in and use one.
    But there is that space between the entrance and the stall. And some women even wash there hands or put on makeup by the sinks. Some of them are cool while some others don't like us in their space.

    The OP was going out in 50/50 mode so I can understand the dilemma. Add the fact that the cinema complex was filled with families with kids added to the problem. Hosekid also mentioned that he usually plans what bathrooms can be used without any possible problems but didn't plan so well this time. It was a hard decision to make under the circumstances and I'm sure something was learned from the experience. Thanks for sharing this useful story.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  9. #34
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Wow. So some TG types are de facto dangerous? Riiiight. That is exactly the kind of ignorant stereotype we should all be trying to dispel at every opportunity. Kids need our protection. No argument, but that 15 year old trans girl needs our protection too. Suggesting that she's some kind of threat, just because she is TG, is some kind of twisted thinking. It needs to stop.
    Last edited by Aunt Kelly; 03-03-2018 at 11:31 AM.

  10. #35
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Again Hosekid I was perturbed by your comment this time about standing outside the toilet.

    Given the number of incidents that have taken place in the US this year alone aren't you better off standing outside your daughter's school than any toilet?

    This is an example of were fact and reality are replaced by rumour, innuendo and down right bigotry.

    Kids today are at far greater risk from what they do while surfing the internet on their smartphones than any chance encounter that takes place in a ladies toilet.

    My guess is, and I apologise if I'm wrong, you like the vast majority of parents do nothing to limit exposure to all sorts of inappropriate behaviours from their smartphone, tablet or PC. Yet in truth in this day and age this us where the greatest dangers arise.

    As a parent I can do nothing but applaud your concern for your child. I just feel you need to re adjust your priorities.

  11. #36
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    If I were in that situation, with the young children in the women's room... I would have used the men's room too. Hell has no fury like a mother who thinks she is protecting her children...whether or not that fear is actually justified, they may believe it regardless and act accordingly.

    Others do as they wish and that is fine. I, personally, would never chance it with little girls in the women's room.

  12. #37
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV View Post
    If I were in that situation, with the young children in the women's room... I would have used the men's room too.
    It's an interesting viewpoint since it seems to say that at base, you agree that you are a threat or you have no right to be there, which is internalized transphobia. I had similar feelings at one time but worked through them. I'm not saying there aren't Moms that might panic, but I can honestly say I've never met one. People read the vibe you put out, and if you feel like you don't belong someplace that's what they'll read off you. If you feel like you're where you belong, they read that.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by hosekid View Post
    I would like to point out 1 example where I am in disagreement with genetic males using the ladies room. Teenagers. Trans or CD, they are still teenagers and lack impulse control. There is no way I want 15 year old angie/tommy in the bathroom at school with my 10 year old.
    Are you seriously suggesting that it's "impulse control" that keeps people from raping 10-year-olds in the bathroom? And since teenagers (only male, of course) may lack it, they'll go straight to molesting your child given half a chance. Uh huh. You aren't too worried about protecting male children from this marauding gang of molesters, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by hosekid View Post
    I also dont understand why someone who is a CD and does not have a gender identity disorder would oppose using the men's restroom if need be. If you are able to decide to wear a dress in public shouldn't you own it? I mean, I feel that I have just as much right to pee in the Men's room whether I am wearing a dress and heels or a 3 piece suit.
    I don't care which room you pee in. I've worn skirts and dresses into both men's and women's bathrooms. No problems so far.

    But don't slander half the population as child rapists held back only by "impulse control".
    Last edited by SabrinaEmily; 03-03-2018 at 10:05 AM. Reason: A more tailored quote
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  14. #39
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hosekid View Post
    I also dont understand why someone who is a CD and does not have a gender identity disorder would oppose using the men's restroom if need be. If you are able to decide to wear a dress in public shouldn't you own it? I mean, I feel that I have just as much right to pee in the Men's room whether I am wearing a dress and heels or a 3 piece suit.
    Really? Seems like kind of a no-brainer to me, but I suspect they're concerned about using the men's room because men are perceived as more likely to use violence against other males in female clothing. There are police records to bear that out, actually. It has always been a safety issue despite attempts by some groups to change the focus.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  15. #40
    Member BettyMorgan's Avatar
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    It would be great if the members of this forum would take the time to research transphobia.
    And yes, just because you are a crossdresser doesn't mean you aren't transphobic or misogynistic.

    I won't reply with quotes or names but:
    - thinking that teenage trans kids shouldn't be in the same bathroom as a ten year old is transphobia.
    - a wife calling trans persons "trannies" is transphobia. Please ask your wife to stop using that term. Research the reasons why (look at the GLAAD site for details).
    - telling a male you wouldn't want me in the same bathroom as your wife and kids, is transphobic. And it promotes the myth that it's dangerous to have trans women using female bathrooms.

    Please don't set us back with these ideas especially when so many people who don't understand us are doing exactly that.
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  16. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pat View Post
    It's an interesting viewpoint since it seems to say that at base, you agree that you are a threat or you have no right to be there, which is internalized transphobia. I had similar feelings at one time but worked through them. I'm not saying there aren't Moms that might panic, but I can honestly say I've never met one. People read the vibe you put out, and if you feel like you don't belong someplace that's what they'll read off you. If you feel like you're where you belong, they read that.
    No, not at all. I know I am a safe person. One has to be due to the intimate nature of my work, no one who knows me questions I am a safe person. However, the theoretical mother in the ladies room does not know me personally, and does not know I am a safe person. She may not know anything about trans people either. She may only know a male bodied person is entering the ladies restroom with her little girls in there.

  17. #42
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t-girlxsophie View Post
    It's happened more than once where I've been in the Ladies and someone's asked to borrow my lipstick
    Really? Complete strangers ask to borrow your lipstick? And you lend it to them? I find this a little difficult to believe.

    Altho, while in the Ladies in a gay/transgender bar, I did have a GG ask if I had any extra feminine products she could have. Oddly, enough, I did and gave her what she needed. And, for what's its worth, when I went to use the restroom I automatically headed for the Men's when a member of the staff stopped me and said "wrong one sweetie", which made me feel pretty good.
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  18. #43
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I just use the bathroom of the gender I am portraying.

    I would be more wary of going into a men's bathroom in a dress than into a women's bathroom dressed as a man.
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  19. #44
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jodie_Lynn View Post
    Really? Complete strangers ask to borrow your lipstick? And you lend it to them? I find this a little difficult to believe.

    Altho, while in the Ladies in a gay/transgender bar, I did have a GG ask if I had any extra feminine products she could have. Oddly, enough, I did and gave her what she needed. And, for what's its worth, when I went to use the restroom I automatically headed for the Men's when a member of the staff stopped me and said "wrong one sweetie", which made me feel pretty good.
    Sooo let me get this right,a GG likes my shade of lipstick and asks to try it out,you find this hard to believe BUT that a stranger asks you for feminine products is somehow much more believable Oh! Ok then (although im not disputing it happened) I'm not in the habit of making stories up on here or indeed anywhere
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  20. #45
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    t-girlxsophie, a lipstick, in my opinion, is as personal as a toothbrush. Maybe I'm wrong but there is a definite 'ewww' factor in lending something that goes on your lips, to a stranger. And giving someone a pad is the same as giving them a tissue, in my opinion. Notice I said 'give', because the word 'lend' indicates the item is on temporary loan, and I sureashell did NOT want it back!

    Background: the woman was in the stall next to me and apparently didn't have what she needed. I'm not sure if she was aware of what I was, she was just desperate and in need.
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  21. #46
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Hosekid,

    Sorry this must seem like I have a vendetta against you but that's not the case.

    I went back and read again your original post as I had a thought come to me about the male's insistence that you use the other restroom.

    Was he actually being supportive of trans people? I ask this as my original reading made me feel as if there was an element of threat in his talking to you. Dark overtones. In fact was it his opinion that trans people should use the bathroom of the gender they present in? The layman can't distinguish between CD and trans, hell it's difficult enough for us. So while you class yourself as CD he saw different and was trying to be supportive.

    Just wondering.

  22. #47
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hosekid View Post
    I don't really know why my comment would be bad. Using someone's own argument against them when they change their story seems perfectly legit. I personally don't care what bathroom people use, but I will say that when my daughter is in the bathroom I monitor the door for any person who enters that sets red flags off. I usually stand just outside, and listen for her to call me if anything is awry, but there have been occasions when I have just went in after someone shady goes in. I hate to say that I intentionally make people uncomfortable, but when you are near my kids, you need to have a slightly uncomfortable feeling. So I guess I can see where some of these people are coming from. I mean, if we want them to understand our side of the situation, we have to be willing to understand theirs.

    I would like to point out 1 example where I am in disagreement with genetic males using the ladies room. Teenagers. Trans or CD, they are still teenagers and lack impulse control. There is no way I want 15 year old angie/tommy in the bathroom at school with my 10 year old.

    I also dont understand why someone who is a CD and does not have a gender identity disorder would oppose using the men's restroom if need be. If you are able to decide to wear a dress in public shouldn't you own it? I mean, I feel that I have just as much right to pee in the Men's room whether I am wearing a dress and heels or a 3 piece suit.
    I'm really not looking for a fight, but this whole post seems "off" somehow in a very transphobic sort of way. .

    I mean, as a parent of a daughter with epilepsy, I understand the need to be aware and nearby in case she needs assistance. When she was a wee little girl and we were out, I had no issue bringing into the Men's to use the stall since I was very uncomfortable going into the Ladies as a guy.

    But lurking by the door seems a little shady in itself, and what "red flags" and "shady types" are going into the restroom? Are you referring to TG's or CD's?

    And why must people feel "uncomfortable" around your children?

    The last bit about teen trans is just creepy and reinforces the idea that Transgendered and Crossdressed people are deviants. And do you also go to your daughters school to stand guard by the girl's restroom door?
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  23. #48
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by t-girlxsophie View Post
    It's happened more than once where I've been in the Ladies and someone's asked to borrow my lipstick or complimented me on my outfit,so I tend to think more women than not aren't that uncomfortable. Men are a different matter if your in the gents en femme it just ain't gonna look right
    Women borrow each others lipstick even if they don't know each other? That doesn't sound right.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beverley Sims View Post
    I just use the bathroom of the gender I am portraying.

    I would be more wary of going into a men's bathroom in a dress than into a women's bathroom dressed as a man.
    Same here. That's just common sense. The exception would be something like a Halloween party where you are wearing a dress but doing a really poor imitation of a woman and it's clear that you are a man.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BettyMorgan View Post
    It would be great if the members of this forum would take the time to research transphobia.
    And yes, just because you are a crossdresser doesn't mean you aren't transphobic or misogynistic.

    I won't reply with quotes or names but:
    - thinking that teenage trans kids shouldn't be in the same bathroom as a ten year old is transphobia.
    - a wife calling trans persons "trannies" is transphobia. Please ask your wife to stop using that term. Research the reasons why (look at the GLAAD site for details).
    - telling a male you wouldn't want me in the same bathroom as your wife and kids, is transphobic. And it promotes the myth that it's dangerous to have trans women using female bathrooms.

    Please don't set us back with these ideas especially when so many people who don't understand us are doing exactly that.
    You should realize that there are members here from all over the world and from all walks of life and backgrounds. Just because someone feels differently about something than you do doesn't automatically make them wrong. They are entitled to their own beliefs. In their eyes, you may be the one who is wrong.

    You seem to be demanding tolerance but at the same time, you appear to be just as intolerant. Enough with the preaching.
    Krisi

  24. #49
    Senior Member 5150 Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandra View Post
    Really what a thing to say. The majority of the public think that any trans person is perverted, and totally disagree when presenting as female using the female toilets, you saying this just confirmed their thoughts and set the community back. Sorry but it was totally the wrong thing to say.
    I agree 100% Thanks for setting back the cause!

  25. #50
    sophomoric member Xenia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hosekid View Post
    I personally don't care what bathroom people use, but I will say that when my daughter is in the bathroom I monitor the door for any person who enters that sets red flags off. I usually stand just outside, and listen for her to call me if anything is awry, but there have been occasions when I have just went in after someone shady goes in. I hate to say that I intentionally make people uncomfortable, but when you are near my kids, you need to have a slightly uncomfortable feeling.
    Am I misreading this? You're saying you guard the door of the women's restroom, and if someone you don't like goes in, you just barge right in to confront them? And that you have no problem intentionally making women uncomfortable when they use the bathroom? Sorry, I'm pretty sure that makes you the shady one.

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