Do you really want her participation?

[Dana44]

My SO and I go out as two girls sometimes and she is very acceptable. It is so nice that way. I have gone out to a movie dressed by myself as she don't like starwars. Yet I would rather have her with me.

[stephNE]

Yes, we frequently go out together as two girl friends, dinner, shopping, or a movie. She says she enjoys our girl time together, as do I.

[Sometimes Steffi]

My wife is not interested in my crossdressing. Her DADT attitude is "Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil"

In the past, I would have loved it if she would have fully accepted me (even now, she just tolerates it). However, not having an accepting wife meant that I had to learn to shop by myself and do my own makeup. In doing so, I've kind of developed my own style, and it's mostly very tasteful. Not that I don't have some fetish wear and OTT clothing, but once I started going out a lot, I bought clothes that were blendable enough to go out it. I have a lot of different venues to blend, so I can blend with jeans and a casual top, casual skirt and a top, dressy skirt and top, Girls Night Out classy, dresses, cocktail dresses and evening gowns.

I even have a few bathing suits (one piece only) and lots of activewear (yoga pants, racerback tops and tank tops) that I wear to yoga class at the gyn all the time.

My wife always seems to find something to criticize me about. I like it that she doesn't know what I own or how I dress, so I can dress for me, and not be restricted to her preferred style.

[Laura28]

My wife is supportive to a point. She knows all about my dressing she just isn’t ready to see Laura in person. Pictures no problem. When it is just us in the house she has no issue with me wearing tops underdressed but no wig or make up. She has gotten me thing such as clothes and make up and has on occasion asked if I have an extra pair of thi highs or can I use one of your bras. She does like us to have our toes match colors. I would love to go out with her and she says someday when we’re in Vegas maybe lol. I am alwYs hopefully.

[Pumped]

I am in a sort of DADT relationship. I wear lingerie with her, girl jeans and shorts, heels, panties, but no bras, but would love it if she would join in more and fully accept and participate even more. I would love to go full glam and dress completely, but I feel I would need help to pull it off and who better to help? I have been told a dress or skirt, bra and fully shaved are a deal breaker.

[Emily78]

I just told my wife about my dressing. She was shocked at first but after a little while she asked me to dress up for her. She told me I looked beautiful and wanted to have a girls night. That is happening tonight so excited

[JenniferMBlack]

Haveing had a wife you was ok with it but only at home when she said so. And now a girlfriend who is involved and accepting when ever I want. I will tell you the later is way better. Although I don't know it fits what your saying because I still choose what I wear and most of it is plain everyday stuff but my choice as I'm not into the over the top glam, trailer trash **** maybe but only at home.

[suzanne]

Freedom from constraints is the real issue, I think. I dont want to hide from anyone, especially the SO. If she knowx about me, which mine does, I don't want her dictating where or how I dress. In my case, my wife knows all about me, and has seen me in my girliest outfits. She's sort of o.k. with my being dressed out in public, but refuses to be seen with me that way, so its boy clothes or androgynous only when we go out together. And no dressing in front of our adult children. And she refuses to shop with me or buy anything for me, but thats o.k. too because i but enough clothes for myself. LOL

I know I have it better than some, not as good as others. I'm not complaining, but sometimes I wonder how boundaries and limits are arrived at. Im not concerned whether she participates or not, whatever that means. But I do want her to feel comfortable enough with me that she acts the same way with me dressed as drab. So I've been gravitating towsrds outfits with longer skirts, her stated preference.

[Stephanie47]

Participation by my wife is a dream. In a deep DADT relationship my wife has not said "boo" about anything cross dressing related. Probably it is safe to say she hasn't said anything since the mid 1980's. When I wearing a woman's nylon nightie was considered "bedroom fetish" activity all seemed OK. When my interests expanded it became a total turn off for her. She and I went to the local Meryn's to buy me some panties. It was at my urging and pleading. She was terrified. It turned into a disaster. Sure, I would love to be able to prepared dinner attired in a dress, hosiery and heels, all the proper undergarments and my wig. Male pattern baldness does not go well with female attired! I'd forego the makeup. Sure would love a pat on the buns. It isn't going to happen. At seventy years old I project a conservative look. I don't know what "blandness of everyday passing" really means as to style. My dresses are knee length +/- an inch or two or mid calf. I love prints which add a lot of color. I think if my wife were to accept my cross dressing wearing a dress that rises to my crotch would be seen as demeaning to women by my wife.

[Sallee]

Great question, My wife was involved for a while and we would go out together and to CD functions in Denver but she grew tried of it and said she wanted little to do with it. She did buy me clothing and help a bit but honestly I think my sense of fashion and makeup skills are better than hers. I certainly practice more. Now we are in a DADT relationship and I think I like it better. One thing I learned was keep things in perspective. I think most ggs will get tried of their SO to involved in our "hobby" and letting other things slide.
She does know I still dress and go out but I don't push it on her and I think it is better for both of us

[Rhonda Jean]

Forty years ago my girlfriend-then-wife was supportive and participatory to a point. She became less so over the years, finally ending in zero. I now have a supportive and participatory SO. While that is THE BEST, bar none, I still want/need my time alone. I think that over so many years of going out alone, that just became very ingrained in me. I still need to recharge every now and then by just getting out and doing my own thing. Lately I've also grown tired of shopping being the primary activity whether she's with me or not. I think shopping was just a leftover of my "solo career". It's so much easier and more fun to do things as two women! I would have never gone to a concert by myself, but we're going to do that. We're going to the flower and garden show. All kinds of stuff like that that are activities that get us out but don't include a mall for a change.

I know there'll be an occasional time when I get away by myself and go do the old familiar things, but I'm glad to be experiencing events and life in general as a woman with her. There is NOTHING like it! A different experience, and it brings on an unforeseen level of self awareness that takes some getting used to, but SO worth it!

[jacques]

hello,
my reality is that I dress up when alone with my wife; wear women's panties most of the time; always wear a nightie to bed; occasionally under-dress; but we just cannot shop together.
I am her man (in a dress)
luv J

[BettyMorgan]

My SO is accepting and supportive. She offers her opinions on my outfits but she has different tastes and she makes sure I know that. I will pull off a dress from the rack and she will sometimes say "I don't like that but it doesn't mean you can't buy/wear it." Some things she likes of mine (so much so, she "borrows" them and I find them in her closet. lol. On the other hand, I do the same thing.) The great part is that we share a dress size so when we go out shopping together and if she tries on a dress, she states that I would look good in the dress too and she doesn't mind if I borrow it if she purchases it.

So having a supportive SO can have its benefits in many ways. I never feel like I'm being forced to be bland.

[WandaRae2009]

I would fully accept and embrace my wife's participation. I would be happy if we could go out as girlfriends. I do prefer dresses and skirts, I hope that she would not restrict that.

[Edelia]

my wife supported me at the beginning, we used to go out to dinner, to drink beers and listen to music in the bars, we had really good times but over time she lost interest, today she only tolerates my feminine side. I understand her feelings, she wants a man by her side, that's why I prefer to go out alone.

[Beverley Sims]

I am fortunate in my circumstance, my wife is always with me.

I do feel for those in a similar situation to you, I feel you are missing a lot in life.

[Kandi Robbins]

I have my wife's 100% support, but we do not participate as girlfriends and that is absolutely the way I want it. First off, my main role in life is as her husband. If we were to go out, I would behave as her husband, not as I would as Kandi. Secondly, I would not be able to relax as I would normally, concerned about her experience. We are very happy as husband and wife and THAT is the role I do not wish to relinquish. I'd give up Kandi in a split second (and believe me, that would not be easy) if she in anyway jeopardized our relationship.

[Jennifer2918]

Having a DADT type relationship, she is tolerant of me having a bit of time very late at night / early morning to get dressed and go out. She knows where my clothes are, but I don't believe she has ever looked at them.

One time, years ago, once I was dressed, as I was telling her I was leaving, she started to get out of bed and said she wanted to go with me. I was thrilled, but wearing a more revealing outfit than I thought would be good for a first time. She pulled the blankets back, felt the colder air (winter time), pulled the blankets back up and said never mind.

I would love for her to be more supportive and engaged. Yes, I would love for her to go with me.

[CONSUELO]

One of the responses mentioned that cross dressing/transvestism has a strong narcissistic tendency. Reading the responses here I see several that mention that they would rather be left alone to pursue their own aims in dressing as a woman. If you read the literature on cross dressing and the many studies, this solipsistic/narcissistic tendency comes across quite strongly.

So, given this, why would women want to be willing partners in cross dressing? What is in it for them? They don't get the emotional rewards of dressing that we get, so where is the fun?

[Terri_Cross]

Do I? Do I really want her participation? This is a question I've asked myself over, and over, and over again. Being single, this is not really a question I can give a full and complete answer to. In my dreams and often in my fantasies, yes, my lady friend, girlfriend, or my wife was involved completely with my crossdressing. Everything from talking about it, to shopping together for our clothing and lingerie, modeling and dressing up for each other. Getting our hair and nails done with each other. Doing each other's makeup for that girls night out. To all my wildest sexual fantasies that include crossdressing.

The reality of it is, I'm absolutely mortified about anybody knowing about this hobby of mine in person. And other than the ladies of the boutique that worked there that were present for my bra fitting and a very good lady friend of mine, nobody else, that I truly know of, knows of it. There is a trip planned (hopefully) to go visit family out of state where I'll get to see said lady friend again, and I'm scared to death to see her. Don't get me wrong, I feel one hundred percent secure and safe with her knowing of this. We've discussed many different facets of it over the years on the phone, but, in person? Do I really want, need, or desire her participation? Even if only by association? Do I truly want to expose myself even more wholly and truly than buck nekid? That is a really, really good question. And I don't know that I'll truly have an answer to that until that time comes.

Thank you for giving me that question.

[Janie Jane]

My wife of eight years brought to conscious life my desire to CD. In hindsight there were hints, but I couldn't have discovered this without her support. Every time I have felt that Jane needed MORE she has been there to support me. She encouraged me to dress for our depression group where I actually received applause for having the courage. Tomorrow will be number six to the group, and we always hit an indoor hamburger stand afterwards. We've been out shopping several times en femme, impossible without her support. It's like jumping into a cold pool; that first leap is hard, but when I'm in it is GREAT! Having that hand to hold has freed me to start to explore, at 56, who I really am.
Jane

[alwayshave]

I told my fiancee about my dressing before we got together and she knows and supports. That being said she is rather clingy and always wants to go wherever I go. Case in point I am going to New Orleans at the end of the month with the boys. For six months she has been asking why she is not invited, simply because it is a guys weekend.. She does not accept or get why I would not want her to go. I rarely even get to go to Home Depot by myself. So yes I would like to go out dressed without her, just to have some alone time.

[Krisi]

Just remember, crossdressing is your hobby, not hers. You wouldn't expect her to follow you around when you play golf or fish would you? If your wife is willing to go out with you in public or otherwise participate, you are pretty lucky.

[Xenia]

Well....yes and no.

On one hand, much as I love having my "outings," it's a little frustrating that it's always a solitary activity, and I'd love to have someone to share the experience with. I've asked my wife a few times if she'd like to join me on one of my en femme shopping trips, and her responses have run the gamut from "Yes, that would be fun!" to "Eeeehhh....I'm not really comfortable with that." I suspect the truth is much closer to the latter.

On the other hand, we have VERY different taste in clothes. When we're out shopping together (with me in guy mode, of course), I'll often point out a dress or a skirt that I think is pretty, and she'll invariably say that she hates it. Her fashion sense veers more towards the simple.....jeans and t-shirts for the most part. And if I mention that I want to swing by MAC or Sephora to see if there's anything new and exciting, it's always "No! You have too much makeup already!" So I would guess that any shopping trip would be an exercise in frustration, as she would probably shoot down literally everything that caught my eye. Oh well.

[~Joanne~]

I have my So's participation but she never trys to steer me into one look or another. Maybe while shopping, she'll say "this would look good on Joanne" but never trys to force a certain look. For the record whenever she does this I usually buy whatever it is and the results are not always welcomed lol