Do you really want her participation?

[CD Tammy]

My girlfriend participates but only wants me to dress very infrequently, like once every couple of months. Then it is for bondage adventures but I’ve had difficulty getting her to really be in control. She’s accepted that I wear tights or pantyhose for these adventures but that’s as far as she’s indicated she would go. I wear tights or pantyhose nearly every day. A couple days a week I manage to dress in tight sexy clothing. Does she know? No. Can I tell her? No.

Thinking about the question of the thread, yes I would like her to participate and go next level. And no, I do more with self bondage and dressing. Double edged sword.

[Frannie7]

This is a tough question. My wife does not know and I am not sure if I want her to. On the other hand things would be easier if she did know, even if she did not want to see me dressed. In fact, I don't know if I would want her to see me dressed. As some have said it's my hobby. Maybe that's selfish, I don't know. I am worried about her reaction if she did know. Pretty sure if she asked me to stop I would.

[Rhonda Jean]

One of the responses mentioned that cross dressing/transvestism has a strong narcissistic tendency. Reading the responses here I see several that mention that they would rather be left alone to pursue their own aims in dressing as a woman. If you read the literature on cross dressing and the many studies, this solipsistic/narcissistic tendency comes across quite strongly.

Consuelo,
You and I agree on many things. Not this. At least not as it applies to me.

Look... When I'm dressed I'm necessarily different. I walk different. I speak differently. I carry myself differently. Frankly, I become pretty self conscious (embarrassed) about being "different" when I'm dressed and out with my GF. I think about it, and that alone makes it feel a little contrived. It's just hard for me to resolve the feminine with someone who knows the boy me. That's the crux of it.

[Pat]

I think there might be a disconnect over words like "narcissistic" or "solipsistic" used above. In a medical setting those words describe specific behaviours with no moral overtones, in casual conversation, those words are often used as moralistic value judgments. If we take away the moralism, crossdressing is of course a very selfish behavior -- a behavior where you focus on your self and your needs over the social conventions that would discourage that behavior. You have to be focused on yourself because trying to extinguish that behavior is trying to extinguish your identity. Crossdressing is very selfish. Transitioning is very selfish. But in most cases, that selfishness is required for the self to survive.

[Rhonda Jean]

I get that. Guilty as charged.

[sometimes_miss]

Reality seldom lives up to the fantasy. The timing is all wrong, the other person involved usually isn't going to do it realistically the way we fantasize about.....unless we are paying them. Which sort of ruins it for a lot of people.
Sure, I'd love to have a nice women dress me up, treat me as if I were a girl, but there are so few that would be willing to do so, it's simply not reality. Though, I'm sure some pros will give it their best shot.

[Veronica Lacey]

I think at times it would be less of a hassle but, I don't think she really wants to participate.
We don't talk about it. She knows I wear panties and such but doesn't say anything one way
or another. I wear what I want when she's not around and take it off before she comes
home so it's ok.
Stephanie

This is how it is for myself and my wife. She has given me a couple of items and even casually shopped once with me years ago but it is not a regular occurrence nor topic for discussion. She knows I dress when she is out for longer periods of time and accepts that I keep a portion of my wardrobe readily accessible in my main armoire. I consider this her level of compromising and gratefully accept.

If she offered more participation in the form of shopping together and/or permitting me to wear what I want whenever I want even with her at home then that would be great but the balance has been struck and it works.

[CarlaWestin]

Reality seldom lives up to the fantasy. The timing is all wrong, the other person involved usually isn't going to do it realistically the way we fantasize about.....unless we are paying them. Which sort of ruins it for a lot of people.
Sure, I'd love to have a nice women dress me up, treat me as if I were a girl, but there are so few that would be willing to do so, it's simply not reality. Though, I'm sure some pros will give it their best shot.

Yeah, I gotta go with this one. I actually prefer my wife's non-participating tolerance as opposed to my ex-wife's phoney baloney pretending to be accepting while just gathering intel for her divorce.

[KatrinaK]

My wife is totally accepting but hasn’t participated yet. She says she’s willing to explore, but we haven’t yet. I’ve decided to just make her comfort primary in that, and go with the flow. I don’t want to pressure her in anyway or upset the happy equilibrium that we e currently got going.

[Alice B]

If only I could fly. Sure I would love her full involvment, but that is never going to hapen.

[suzanne]

Participation? Maybe not so much, and i'm not even sure what that means anyway. For me, it would mean my wife would be okay going out with me, dressed, to dinner and/or a movie.

What I really want from her is affirmation. Every so often, she tells me she likes the skirt or dress I'm wearing, and that feels nice. But mostly it just feels like she's barely able to put up with my dressing. What i really want to hear is "I love seeing you in a dress, and some days I get excited wondering what you'll be wearing when I get home." I don't think she'll ever get to that point, but I still should count my blessings its not DADT.

[Angie G]

My wife has some Participation in my dressing she has given and shopped for me. And I enjoy it.
Angie

[Cheryllynn]

So far I'm somewhere between open acceptance and DADT with her- when we recently discussed my renewed interest in dressing, I laid out ground rules for myself- such as staying inside the house, no face pics on the internet, etc. Should I want to try passing at some point down the road I would renegotiate any "limits" which we had in place. She was completely open and appreciative of my concerns for her in all this. Made it clear that no matter what, I was still her husband and that came first and wasn't going to change. In reality, I wouldn't be able to go outside the house anyways due to facial hair and a complete and total lack of passing...lol. But I mentioned that I would welcome any participation should she decide to...she suggested things like painting nails and such together, so there is that. Hasn't yet happened, but I remain hopeful. On the other hand, she hasn't asked to see any of the clothes I have bought, nor made any suggestions or given ideas. I've been more or less able to "do my own thing" with that, which is totally ok with me.
-Cheryllynn

[t-girlxsophie]

My wife loves to participate even in the smallest way,she has known from the beginning about my femme side and her support and understanding has helped me through some bad times,as well as being there through the good.It would be completely disloyal and ungrateful of me if i were to turn around and say nah! don't bother I want this all to myself.And anyway I love when she gets involved

[tammy1]

Though the years my wife and i have participated in many fantasies. One at my top of the list now is having a "girl day/night" out with her. Initally, this was not going to happen; but with time and curiousity, we are both interested in at least attempting to be "girls" together when not in our small community. Time will tell but i think it would be a lot of fun.

[biancabellelover]

I told my wife as soon as I wanted to crossdress, and I told her that I wanted to feminise my body. She has been very supportive, has suggested styles for me, and even buys me some clothes. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Michelle.

[Kiwi Primrose]

Bridget said it for me - my wife and I enjoy each other's company.
When we are dressing we help each other and she is very helpful.