This is an essay I recently wrote on my blog, listed in my signature below. A thread running currently here got me thinking again. This post received some good feedback so I thought I'd bring it to an audience wider than my tens of readers.
Without the blessing of my wife, none of this happens. I am asked about our relationship often. I am told how lucky I am. I have always loved my wife, have always placed her well being number one in my life. I would do anything for my wife, I simply wish for her comfort and happiness. That is the motivating factor in how I move forward every day.
This feeling of responsibility (which includes our children, of course) has driven many decisions I have made at various stages of my life. Wanting to provide, needing to make these three wonderful people feel secure. We are by no means financially well off, but we are solidly middle class, maybe skewing toward upper middle class. But we are not driven by things like driving the newest car or taking the fanciest trips. We travel to see our children, that’s pretty much it. I drive a 12 year old car, my wife’s is eight years old. But it was important to me to put the kids through college and set them up to be independent. On that note, my life is a 100% success. Two professional children, with skill sets that will allow them to earn a living for their entire lives, zero college debt.
Many of the decisions I made along the way were successful, some blew up in my face, creating many years of difficulties. I also know the reality of the rest of my life, I will have to work until I die (paying for ten years of college will do that to you). Maybe not very hard, but there will be a need to generate income and to have health care. We do not have pensions, do not have that security our parent’s generation had. I have no confidence our horribly mismanaged government will be there for me or my wife.
We have been married for nearly 32 years now and have come out the other side together, surviving many issues that would have wiped out many couples. The failure of my business in 2004 and the subsequent collateral damage would have almost certainly destroyed a significant majority of marriages. We nearly lost each of our children to illness or accident. Thankfully, both survived in a relatively short amount of time. Lengthy issues like this can put major stress on any relationship. And oh yeah, I am a crossdresser.
I believe that I had accumulated a significant amount of equity into our marriage to get the benefit of the doubt once I finally told her. And then I imposed my own rules to make sure I kept her blessing to allow Kandi to thrive. Yes, she sees me dressed, but I do not dress for the express purpose of staying home. She sees me coming and going, often taking pictures for me. We talk when I get home before getting cleaned up. We sometime share things as we wear the same shoe size as well as wearing the same size skirt. I am allowed to access her purse collection, which allows me to be fashionable without the significant additional cost of owning my own purses. When I vet outfits, I do it while she is at work. I try not to leave Kandi’s things lying around.
We do not interact as girlfriends. I don’t believe she has an interest in that and I certainly do not as my number one role in my life is to be her husband. I also simply would not enjoy going out together as I would be worried about how she felt, how she deemed she is being perceived and would always be wondering if she were enjoying herself. Plus I would not be able to act as Kandi, I would be comporting myself like her husband and in that case, I literally would just be a guy in a dress.
Did I hide this from her for almost 30 years? Absolutely, but the truth of the matter I hid it from myself for almost 50 years. Until she gave that approval, there was no Kandi, just someone who only recently had accepted who he/she was. I had never even been dressed from head-to-toe, makeup, wig, etc. at that point in time. I mentioned above that I have always loved my wife, I am now in love with my wife. There is a difference and I never, ever take it for granted. While I have been allowed to accumulate quite a wardrobe, I believe she sees what I generally do with my Kandi time, giving to others.
So am I lucky? To be married to this woman, of course, but I tend to think I am not otherwise (lucky would be a much less complicated life). Am I blessed? Absolutely! Am I thankful? Certainly!
To those of you with your wife's support, cherish it! Never take it for granted and hold her in even higher esteem. It is a gift on a level I cannot imagine.
Originally Posted by Kandi Robbins
