OMG! I've lost the compulsion to dress! Can u relate!?

[docrobbysherry]

Ok, I'm old, 75. So, my recall isn't that hot anymore. But, I do recall when I first came out of the closet online here 10 years ago, I couldn't get dressing out of my mind for months! If I wasn't doing it, I was thinking of ways to and items I would need for future sessions. Just the thot of dressing was exciting and stimulating! It got so bad, I couldn't function properly.

Well, I worked thru it and came to an agreement with myself that worked. I'd dress whenever the compulsion struck me, whenever or wherever that was! Just knowing I could and would seemed to clear my mind. And, I was soon satisfied with dressing once every week or so. I lived alone, had the kids part time, and had plenty of opportunity to dress all the way. Underdressing and throwing on a bra, nylons, etc. stages were'nt satisfying, even back then. I needed, (still do), to see a pretty woman in my mirror to get properly excited and turned on. With no guy parts visible. Half way doesn't do it!

It was just today that I realized I don't dress up just to dress, anymore! I'm either trying on outfits to prep for a T event or a story shoot, or actually dressing up to go to the event or for the shoot!

I don't recall how long it's been since I dressed for no reason other than wanting to. But, I expect it's been a couple of years?

It's not going away, but my motivation has evolved. I dress often enuff, 2 to 4 times a month. I also attend 2 week long T dressing events each year. I remember on our 3 week drab vacation last summer, I usually get antsy to get back to Sherry after so long. But, the compulsion seemed to vanish until I had an important occasion to dress for well after we returned!

I'm not TS, just a CD. But, something's changed. Or, maybe I'm just getting old? Any ideas, ladies!?

[Traceyjo]

Age doesn't seem to be diminishing my urge to dress at all. As a late starter I would have thought that after 25 years it would be natural that my motivation would decrease but amazingly that is not the case. Every time there is an opportunity I take it and every time the pleasure is as intense as ever. I think that I look as good now as a woman as I ever have and my selection of clothing is ever increasing, also the sexual arousal of being dressed is still strong . I feel when my age starts showing and prevents me from looking as attractive as am now there will be a definite reduction in my satisfaction but keeping myself very fit and healthy at this stage is delaying that moment. I'm dreading not being able to love being a woman as much as I do now

[Samm]

I skipped dressing this past week. But only because I've been busy with work and a large enough side project to keep myself occupied. Also, we had a 3 day stretch without power due to a recent storm. I never lose the desire to dress, just the time and energy sometimes.

[sara66]

I have gone for several months and not want to dress. I never force it. if you don't feel it lay off for a while, it will come back with a vengeance.
Sara

[alwayshave]

Doc, my desire ebbs and flows. But if anything, my desire has on average become greater as I have aged.

[GretchenM]

I am a couple of years younger than you and frequently experience variations in the desire or need to do the feminine expression thing. For me, it is seasonal and it has followed that pattern since 2012 when I had to face the truth about myself and come out to select parties to preserve my own sanity. It was a rough 5 months of major adjustments in my life, but it all came out fairly comfortably in early 2013. Since then, Gretchen is very active and in the lead most of the time from sometime in mid to late August until February. Then she tends to take a break with a lot of shifting back and forth until about May when she all but disappears until the August awakening.

In my experience, this behavior pattern we experience tends to waver and evolve in those of us who are not so gender reversed transition is about the only option. I have no idea why that variability and evolution occurs, especially when it has been a lifelong need. But I think the worst thing you can do is force it to happen. My sense is that this variable dressing thing is an innate trait for CD's and gender fluid/non-binary folks and it comes from something that is built into us, but is not present in the so called cisgender people. If that is the case and it is not really a choice we make then it is important to allow the trait to pretty much do its own thing with us responding accordingly. So, Sherry, I think perhaps you should relax about its shifting. The unconscious mind does a lot of things we are not fully aware of and sometimes never are aware of until its handiwork slides into the conscious mind. So, I suggest you just let your brain work its magic; in the end it is likely to work out.

All that said, at our age our bodies undergo some major reconfiguration. I am sure it does that for a reason. Maybe your brain is working out something and running "experiments" to find the proper adjustments for the body's thermostats. The main thing is there are a lot of things to enjoy about being our age. It sounds like you have a full life. That is good. Dressing en femme is just one of those things. I think we should enjoy the time we have left without having to direct everything the way we did when we were younger.

[deebra]

TracyJo most of the things you said are the same way I feel, I'll list them below. Unlike you I was an early on crossdresser starting at age four. Here is what we both share from your text:

1/ When getting dressed and being dressed the pleasure is as intense as ever.
2/ Sexual arousal of being dressed is still strong.
3/ I love being a woman when dressed.

If I ever wanted to quit I wonder how could I when 1,2, and 3 are so much a part of my every day life. Some members have said why would you ever want to quit, it hurts no one. Should you want to quit when you get older or just die in your panties? I've been a CD all my life so it sounds like dressing in girl clothes is just normal for me, to stop and change to dressing in only male clothes, wouldn't this be abnormal? One would think I was born with this part of my brain female and I can't get in my head and change it??????????????

[CarlaWestin]

Hi Sherry, I've often wondered about how you sustain the high level of CD activity that you have. I mean, just the process of putting on all the appliance is quite the task. And your level of "OK, did that, now what?" is way beyond many of us. I've recently been going through a period of focusing elsewhere as I'm discouraged by the limited time slots to be Carla. So, as I've done before, I just stepped away from it for a while. But this morning before work I'm lounging with coffee enjoying the comfy warm feeling of a nice bra with forms and a silky long nightgown. A few garden variety life hurdles have demanded attention so that was an annoying distraction but, being of the age of experience and wisdom, I know all will be resolved. There are many lovely ladies here that are truly enjoying the age of elegance. No matter how old we get, there will always by mentors.

[BrendaPDX]

Odd that I would run across this, I have been experiencing the same thing lately. It has been months since I have dressed or even felt the compulsion to; it is really kind of scaring me. At times I have even put on a dress behind my car in the garage before work just to take the edge off, now nothing. I have noticed my ebbs and flows, it's just that I have been so consistent for so long. I figure I will just try to relax and wait, it is too big a part of my life to just give up on, besides what would I do with all of my clothes? I will watch this post with interest. Thanks for posting. Brenda

[JocelynJames]

Doc and Brenda,
I’ve been battling this for nearly a year now. I used to be 3x a week minimum. I just turned 49. I still love to look online, in store , and in fliers at the clothes. But desire is meh. Yet I forge onward. I am finding more time for my hobbies. I do dress down most nights with yogas and tops , but sometimes fully dressing seems a hassle. I think I need there to be a purpose.

[Pat]

Well, I worked thru it and came to an agreement with myself that worked. I'd dress whenever the compulsion struck me, whenever or wherever that was!

But the fine print of that agreement has to be that you won't dress if you don't feel like it, right? So everything is still on track.

It was just today that I realized I don't dress up just to dress, anymore! I'm either trying on outfits to prep for a T event or a story shoot, or actually dressing up to go to the event or for the shoot!

I don't recall how long it's been since I dressed for no reason other than wanting to. But, I expect it's been a couple of years?

Psychologists say "the thrill" is an extinguishing behavior -- that is it doesn't last -- but the need remains. I'm guessing you satisfy your need with dressing as Sherry and going out to party or take picture-stories or any of the things we see in your photos. In other words, I think you're OK. I "dress" (in quotes because I no longer consider it crossdressing) every day -- it's no longer the same thrill that I used to get when I was in hiding and could only dress for a brief period at widely-spaced intervals. But every single day I'm happy because I'm meeting my need to be who I am. So the question is -- are you happy? I understand you're anxious about the change you've noticed, but are you happy? If you're happy, you're OK.

[Stephanie47]

When I first retired and my wife was still working it was a like a kid in a candy store. I was dressing anytime I had the opportunity. Those were days of at least seven hours. I got a lot of domestic chores comleted; vacuuming, washing and ironing clothes, meal preparation, baking, etc. I ate my breakfast and lunch in our secluded back yard. Things I needed to get done away from home did not get finished. Eventually I got my fill of Stephanie time. Right now I usually get two days a month to dress. Sometimes more. Sometimes less. I do not get frustrated if I do not get Stephanie time. Obviously I am perusing this forum. I continue to buy women's clothing.

Since I really do not know why I wear women's clothing in the first place, I do not know why the angst is gone if I do not get time to dress. My only speculation is when my wife developed breast cancer I became her sole daily support. Perhaps the male/husband role arose in me and that put my femme desires in the back of my mind. My own health issues have sapped my energy to some extent, and, that has wiped out a lot of desire to do a number of things.

I guess my needs and the opportunity to fulfill them are more balanced now than before.

[Beverley Sims]

Sherry,
What's changed with you is that you are making a career out of what you do.

You are still dressing but for a different cause.

If you had nothing to do you would still dress for no reason at all.

Don't give up your day job, it may seem a bit of drudgery for now, but, you will have achieved something in entertaining others.

[CynthiaD]

As I've mentioned in other threads, crossdressing holds little if any thrills for me. Nor do I really consider it a compulsion. I dress, fully, every day for at least part of the day. I do it because my male clothing is a "uniform" that I must wear to perform certain functions. My female clothing is my "regular clothes." When I'm done performing my male-mode duties it's a relief to get back to my regular clothes. It's like a police officer changing out of uniform at the end of a shift. Wearing male clothing when I don't absolutely have to is almost unthinkable.

But I consider myself female. My female presentation is how I'm "supposed to look." I like feeling "ordinary" when I'm wearing female clothing. Many people here don't feel that way. They dress for a thrill, and after a while that feeling fades. If you do anything long enough, it will begin to feel ordinary and dull. It's not surprising that many people no longer feel the compulsion to dress. Leave it alone for a while and it will come back. Or not. Just do what you feel is right.

[AllieSF]

I think that you have reached a workable balance in your life and for now are focusing your dressing on special enjoyable moments, like TGirls special night out, special personal Sherry projects when you let your creative and artistic abilities take over. It works for you and may change over time as some other activity moves in to have a higher priority. Relax and enjoy.

[Teresa]

Sherry ,
Do you think you've reached the point where the suit doesn't fulfill the inner need anymore, just acting the part for someone else and missing the point yourself.

I know you have a problem with not showing any sign of looking male , maybe you've come to a point in your life where that isn't so bad . Look at it another way , if you can do enough to look like a convincing GG and go out and enjoy looking like that, it might turnover a new leaf . Forget the age aspect , it doesn't bother other people so I don't let it bother me , you have a good natural figure why not just enjoy dressing round that ?Being natural isn't so bad , I don't feel I'm caught up acting my CDing out , at some point that must burn itself out as it appears to have done in your case .

[Princess Chantal]

I could definitely relate. I had several fun outings set up the past few months in which I had initial intentions to crossdress for and just didn’t. There were music concerts, museum outings, dinners, coffee meets, stand up comedy nights and heaven forbid even a WPG Time Travellers vintage costuming outing (pick your decade bowling night) in which were set up with crossdressing was in mind, but went in all guy mode not even underdressed for. Matter of fact other than having my monthly pedicures, I haven’t crossdressed in any way since mid December. In no way had it have an effect on my socializing life with those that tend to be Chantal related friends.
For the next Wpg Time Travellers event, a dinner theatre show in 2 weeks, I have a couple outfits ready for being crossdressed and a couple for not being crossdressed. I may force myself to crossdress sometime this week in order to make sure I am not rusty at putting together my girl mode.

[Alice B]

At 75 I do not dress as often as I used to. Some of it is from physical injuries that prevented dressing for over a year. and as a result my dresire to dress and go ot has almost totally gone away. I still have a fairly strong desire to dress at home. but those chances have also been reduced. I have considered totally stopping, but my desire is still strong. I have partially purged, but yesterday at Costco and I saw a skirt that I had to have and now do. I really miss the times out with you Sherry and Sara. I am not sure where I am, or where this will lead

[Georgina]

I am 65 and for the past 20 years I have never lost any of the desire to dress. I dress every day, after I bath, after work. Since I am changing clothes anyway it may as well be a skirt or dress. I don't do make up on these occasions so doesn't take much time to be clothed.

[suzanne]

Dressing has become Not A Big Deal for you, and thats not a bad thing. It has become an everyday part of your life and less of an obsession. So there will be days when you really want to be in a stunning dress and other days when you can take it or leave it. This is not a full on/full off binary world we live in, where our gender feelings work like a light switch. It works more like a dimmer switch, with any number of possibilities between 0% and 100%.

I think that makes the dressup times that much more special.

[Becky Blue]

Sherry I lost Becky totally after 4 or 5 pretty intense years, she left me totally for almost 3 years... she came back in 2012 and has stayed around this time, but my intensity levels change constantly.

[Brynna M]

If you’re happy I don’t see anything wrong with it as a compulsion or if you’ve moved on to something else. I suspect being able to dress when you want has a lot to do with it ebbing because your fulfilled after you’re not “full” for a while it will probably pop as a need. And if it doesn’t good people change and are still good people.

[Ressie]

it sounds like CDing has become a job!

[Krisi]

As long as you are a crossdresser and not living as a woman, you are under no obligation to dress every day. You can dress when you feel like it.

I think it's normal for our dressing urges to come and go, especially if we have something else to do that day that eliminates dressing as a woman.

[Diane Taylor]

I used to dress and go out as "Diane" 2-3 times per week. Sometimes for dinner and sometimes for shopping or small errands. Now, I'm almost 72 and rarely go out anymore, but still dress at home and also present myself as somewhere between male and female when I'm out and around. Is it because I'm older? Probably. Desire is still there, just not as intense.