Can't quit

[deebra]

Just read a thread where it was said once you have the desire to cross dress you are not likely to have it ever go away. So where does that leave us as crossdressers if we want to quit and get rid of all the problems that go with cross dressing? Society acceptance, family, wife, job, embarrassment it does come with problems plus not passing and some CDers just don't look like a woman when dressed. Whether you purge, try abstaining or whatever that hunger will always be there and it can get so overwhelming that you just have to get off your abstaining diet and go put some panties on. Feels so good, helped with the hunger but didn't get rid of it, just stimulated your need for more, to dress and be feminine. What now that you've tried to quit and can't? Continue to dress and deal with the problems? Accept and dress as a woman and enjoy it but dislike it? Or say screw everybody and everything, accept you are born mentally part female and you just have to be normal for who you are and dress female.

[rachael.davis]

I'm in early transition, slouching into full time, so this may not apply to everyone, or anyone other than me. I've purged, cried, repented, fasted & prayed, took insane steps to be more "masculine" than any other alpha male - all same oh same oh, and nothing changed.
MY GG best friend / big sister commented when I got scared and wondered about backing up / backing off (at least I knew the rules and felt safe, not happy but safe)
Her comment - so how did stuffing the Djinn back into the lamp work the last 10,000 times you tried it Aladdin?

[bridget thronton]

We all need to do what seems best for ourselves and our families (it can be like an optimization problem)

[Krisi]

If you want or need to quit, just stop doing it. No different than smoking or drinking. Actually, easier because smoking and drinking have a chemical dependence. Crossdressing does not.

Here's your choice each morning - bra and panties or briefs and a tee shirt. Want to quit crossdressing? Choose the briefs and tee shirt. Get rid of the bras and panties.

Don't really want to quit? Keep on wearing the bra and panties. It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

[DaisyLawrence]

Can't quit?? Then don't quit. Problem solved, next customer please.
If, on the other hand you really really want/need to quit, you're probably talking to the wrong people!

Jaylyn, you worry too much about the death thing, nothing can hurt you when you are dead. Afterall, nothing is worse for any individual than being dead.

EDIT:

I have NO idea why I was referred to by Suzanne in post number 8. My reply above bears NO resemblance to that of Krisi in ANY way.
Suzanne: YOU really haven't been paying attention, not me. I suggest you read a reply properly BEFORE picking on the author. The same goes to the others that have complemented you on post number 8 (sarahcrossed etc).

[dana 1]

Normal for who you are, that says it all.

[suzanne]

Krisi and Daisy. You really haven't been paying attention to all those who have quit or purged and then found they couldn't stay on the wagon. Its clear that, for most of us, purging or quitting is is like sticking your finger in the dyke to stop a flood. Why is that? And why are the stories here always so consistent?

It is now known that both mentally and physically, all human beings begin life in the female form. If the fetus' chromosomes are XY, then the usual male structures develop. Penises form, testicles descend into place and "masculine" structures form in the brain. Usually. But not always. If that development happens physically but not in those brain structures, you get us. Our brains ARE female to a greater or lesser extent. Forcing us to fit into the gender roles assigned to us at birth is the problem, not the dressing. The guilt, shame, ridicule etc are all imposed on us by society and are easier to shed than our feminine tendencies.

Its more accurate to compare our situation to being left-handed. Which, coincidentally, also was once considered to be a defect that must be corrected. Forcing a lefty to do things righthanded leads to nothing but problems throughout the victims life. For no good reason.

[rachael.davis]

It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

It turns out my mom was RH-, I'm a second kid and RH+, mom denied it during her life, but I know that "Doctor knows best" was the rule of thumb, particularly for military dependants using DOD hospitals. I tried to check my birth records, but there was a massive warehouse fire years ago, well before everything was on microfiche so they're gone.
At any rate I'm fairly certain that I'm a DES baby, and spent the first part of my life swimming laps in a massively estrogen enriched pool, and I'm equally certain I've never had a male brain - persona yes indeed, brain not so much

[Elizabeth G]

If you want or need to quit, just stop doing it. No different than smoking or drinking. Actually, easier because smoking and drinking have a chemical dependence. Crossdressing does not.

Here's your choice each morning - bra and panties or briefs and a tee shirt. Want to quit crossdressing? Choose the briefs and tee shirt. Get rid of the bras and panties.

Don't really want to quit? Keep on wearing the bra and panties. It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

Yes, it's true - in the morning I can choose to not put on panties and a bra. However I can NOT chose to not want to put them on.

[nikkiwindsor]

Judy, I can relate to how you're feeling...I wasn't permitted by my wife to dress for several years and I was angry, upset, frustrated, pouty, melancholy, you name it. My wife realized I was miserable and knew it was my GD...she then allowed me to dress which I do at least twice a week and I feel so much more content and at peace...hope you find a plan that works for you...Nikki

[Teresa]

Krisi,
I hope you were talking from your own viewpoint , your last comment is way off the mark for many of us . Some are wired differently at berth it's now a proven fact and not an excuse , if it were that easy this forum probably wouldn't exist .

talking of quitting is fine for members who treat it as a hobby , go and find something else other than pretty panties and bras to collect, I don't have that many as you'll find many GGs don't .

The choice of physically dressing or not doesn't change the inner feelings, to me the clothes are the window to World to how we feel inside , in that context why even consider if you need or want to stop or not ?

Jaylyn,
I'm not going to let that issue worry me at all, I've done enough for them all and they know I'm determined to safeguard their inheritance , as long as they get the money the rest isn't going to affect them .

I'm going to repeat something a good friend told me some time ago when I talked about my fears of coming out to my son in particular , he replied by saying , " What makes you think he hasn't got something to hide from you !" I've never forgotten that, when we all talk about the fears of coming out to people , we aren't the only CDer in World we never truly know when we're talking to another !

Tracii,
That point is becoming clearer and clearer , that's why I don't believe DADT is a successful long term solution , you can't clearly deal with it until you are free of all those restraints .

[JoannaCD]

I'm not going to let that issue worry me at all, I've done enough for them all and they know I'm determined to safeguard their inheritance , as long as they get the money the rest isn't going to affect them .

I'm going to repeat something a good friend told me some time ago when I talked about my fears of coming out to my son in particular , he replied by saying , " What makes you think he hasn't got something to hide from you !" I've never forgotten that, when we all talk about the fears of coming out to people , we aren't the only CDer in World we never truly know when we're talking to another !

Teresa, thank you so much for posting those insights. I needed to be reminded of those things. I'm going to print this entire thread and put in with my will in the case I don't have that talk with my daughter.

[phili]

I've been bragging about how I have come to terms with DADT- being totally out to myself, my mother's retirement place, and at the community college, while staying in the closet for my wife.

The problem is that all night I toss and turn and stay half awake or whatever kind of sleep it isn't, and in the morning while my wife is getting ready in the bathroom I have about 2 minutes to pick an outfit and go out in the dark and get the paper, return, change, and presto her hubby. She knows I am doing this, but the invisibility really works.

The craving is intense- and I feel I am bursting. I've been wrestling with why I am craving dressing so much. Quitting is on the table, as this is so interfering with a normal sense of life- but I won't.

I think it is self-definition- first thing in the morning I wake up- my most intense need is to answer the question " who am I"? I reach for something super fem and after a few minutes I feel 'OK now I can pretend the rest of the day'.

Essentially I have accepted this tension because I am trying to have a foot in both worlds. When I am feeling I am a woman and no longer have a foot in the man world, I lose the intense interest in dressing- it is more just 'what culturally expected clothes to wear today'. But lack of sleep gets old. Quitting crossdressing? No - but may be quitting denying myself more room to live.

[kimdl93]

To paraphrase Samuel Clemens, "quitting cross dressing is easy. I've done it dozens of times."

I've also paid the costs associated with denying, suppressing, and trying to allow some degree of expression in my life. All indeed had their costs, and inflicted themselves on those dear to me. Which leaves me doubtful that I can permanently put this aspect aside. Denial is pretty hard in the wake of coming out/being out. I can abstain for long periods of time, but during that time endure the familiar strains of repression. Now, I'm mostly alone, so I have the latitude for self expression at the price of living a largely solitary existence. That's my reality.

[Teresa]

Phili,
It could be an age thing but my sleep pattern is becoming a drag if you excuse the unintended pun , lack of sleep does have an aging affect that's why I use Olay lift and firm moisturiser everyday ,especially around the eyes.

Do you think your craving would be less if you didn't have to do it in a DADT situation ? For me it's now working on the balancing act I want to make full time work but it's not so easy if you are a capable guy and are prepared to do most jobs yourself. Dressing just does go with using a chainsaw despite the Monty Python's song !!

Joanna ,
You're welcome, the insights only happen if you are out to people , it is surprising what other's think of our situation and how they relate to it from the outside ( non CDing that is ). We do have to stand back and realise it's not always about us and it shouldn't cloud our judgement to the detriment of close family members . I feel some of us go through so much because we care almost too much .

[Ressie]

...just stop doing it. No different than smoking or drinking. Actually, easier because smoking and drinking have a chemical dependence. Crossdressing does not.

It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

I don't know about everyone else but I get an endorphin or Dopamine rush from Crossdressing. These internal drugs are vert addicting in my case and I'm sure it's the same for many CDs.

Intersex is the most obvious form of being both male and female, but even that sometimes isn't obvious. There are also different degrees of male and female hormones in each of us. Or we may mentally believe that we are part female. It isn't black and white IMO.

[Jaylyn]

I understand all of your questions and the problems you encounter. I also worry at my age about dying and all my girly things be found by my kids. The girls might laugh but my son would not think it was funny and I have thought maybe hate me the rest of his life. It's so hard to juggle CDng and family. I've purged so many times and stopped for a bunch of years while working to support the family, except maybe dabbling into my wife's old makeup drawer. Especially when alone during the working years. I've even thought I was going crazy at several points in my struggle to stop. After retirement I did get back into the CDng more and now I'm really going strong but I know that I still have barriers I wish I could cross but will probably never get to. My wife knows but really wishes I'd not do it and made me promise to only persue the passion inside of our house. This doesn't satisfy the want to be out though.
I've accepted that sometimes my mental part has a femme touch as you posted but I get by because I've never been accused of thinking with my whole brain any way... Lol
Krisi I know the brain is not half female but it sure does feel better in soft women's attire than those briefs and t shirts.

[Janie Jane]

We read about all the people who have tried to give up CD'g and failed. Do we really expect to hear the stories of those that have succeeded....on this forum? Just a question to ponder. BTW, I'm here to stay and my wife says I'm a much better person now that Jane has emerged. And she is absolutely right!
Jane

[LilSissyStevie]

Of course you can quit. You don't have to believe every thought you have, you don't have to wallow in every emotion you feel, you don't have to act on every impulse. For me, once I disabused myself of the delusion that I had a "feminine side" or an "inner woman" the power that CDing had over me dissipated to a great extent. I still do it because I haven't found a better way to waste my time, yet.

[Teresa]

Dandizette,
If only it were as easy as that for some of us , OK it can waste too much time occasionally but it's life to some of us, truly inseparable !

[GracieRose]

I like Bridget's observation

it can be like an optimization problem

.
There is no "one size fits all" answer. We are all different, and we can all stop, but we each pay a price for stopping. Depending on where we are on the spectrum, some pay a bigger price than others. Add to that

Society acceptance, family, wife, job, embarrassment it does come with problems plus not passing and some CDers just don't look like a woman when dressed

, the costs and benefits are different for each of us. The balance that we end up with is harder to bear for some than others, but no one is guaranteed an easy trip through their life. Think of women born into societies where women are treated like possessions, or worse. People living in war zones, unable to escape. The woman, beautiful on the inside, but shunned because she was born with physical attributes considered unattractive to society in general. (Whoops, time to get off of the soapbox)
When I start feeling sorry for myself, I find solace in following the age-old advice of counting my blessings rather than focusing on frustrations (perhaps easier for me to say than for many others).
Perhaps I didn't summarize this well.
As a crossdresser in today's society, crossdressing can be stressful. However, because of who I am, not crossdressing is stressful. No matter what I do, I'm cursed with some amount of stress because of who I am and how society perceives that. I'm still searching for the right balance that allows me to experience the minimum amount of overall stress. I think that a lot of others here are in the same situation. Since we are all different, the optimum point is different for each of us.

[Diane Taylor]

Just go with the flow and let things happen naturally. Trying to suppress your desires is not healthy.

[Patricia_Campi]

Talking about myself. I really wanted to give everything away. And I did...

After some years, I want to dress more than ever!! Today, when I talk with other fellow crossdresser, they all have been there. Maybe there is, like, 2% of us that can really stop, but until today, I never met one!

But, that´s my point of view!

Cheers,

Patricia

[Ginni]

I can't quit and don't want to. I crossdress because it is part of me. It is who I am.

[Stephanie Kimberlie]

I do not want to ever quit. I love it so much and feel so feminine. Simply wonderful!