Can't quit

[deebra]

Just read a thread where it was said once you have the desire to cross dress you are not likely to have it ever go away. So where does that leave us as crossdressers if we want to quit and get rid of all the problems that go with cross dressing? Society acceptance, family, wife, job, embarrassment it does come with problems plus not passing and some CDers just don't look like a woman when dressed. Whether you purge, try abstaining or whatever that hunger will always be there and it can get so overwhelming that you just have to get off your abstaining diet and go put some panties on. Feels so good, helped with the hunger but didn't get rid of it, just stimulated your need for more, to dress and be feminine. What now that you've tried to quit and can't? Continue to dress and deal with the problems? Accept and dress as a woman and enjoy it but dislike it? Or say screw everybody and everything, accept you are born mentally part female and you just have to be normal for who you are and dress female.

[rachael.davis]

I'm in early transition, slouching into full time, so this may not apply to everyone, or anyone other than me. I've purged, cried, repented, fasted & prayed, took insane steps to be more "masculine" than any other alpha male - all same oh same oh, and nothing changed.
MY GG best friend / big sister commented when I got scared and wondered about backing up / backing off (at least I knew the rules and felt safe, not happy but safe)
Her comment - so how did stuffing the Djinn back into the lamp work the last 10,000 times you tried it Aladdin?

[bridget thronton]

We all need to do what seems best for ourselves and our families (it can be like an optimization problem)

[Krisi]

If you want or need to quit, just stop doing it. No different than smoking or drinking. Actually, easier because smoking and drinking have a chemical dependence. Crossdressing does not.

Here's your choice each morning - bra and panties or briefs and a tee shirt. Want to quit crossdressing? Choose the briefs and tee shirt. Get rid of the bras and panties.

Don't really want to quit? Keep on wearing the bra and panties. It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

[Jaylyn]

I understand all of your questions and the problems you encounter. I also worry at my age about dying and all my girly things be found by my kids. The girls might laugh but my son would not think it was funny and I have thought maybe hate me the rest of his life. It's so hard to juggle CDng and family. I've purged so many times and stopped for a bunch of years while working to support the family, except maybe dabbling into my wife's old makeup drawer. Especially when alone during the working years. I've even thought I was going crazy at several points in my struggle to stop. After retirement I did get back into the CDng more and now I'm really going strong but I know that I still have barriers I wish I could cross but will probably never get to. My wife knows but really wishes I'd not do it and made me promise to only persue the passion inside of our house. This doesn't satisfy the want to be out though.
I've accepted that sometimes my mental part has a femme touch as you posted but I get by because I've never been accused of thinking with my whole brain any way... Lol
Krisi I know the brain is not half female but it sure does feel better in soft women's attire than those briefs and t shirts.

[DaisyLawrence]

Can't quit?? Then don't quit. Problem solved, next customer please.
If, on the other hand you really really want/need to quit, you're probably talking to the wrong people!

Jaylyn, you worry too much about the death thing, nothing can hurt you when you are dead. Afterall, nothing is worse for any individual than being dead.

EDIT:

I have NO idea why I was referred to by Suzanne in post number 8. My reply above bears NO resemblance to that of Krisi in ANY way.
Suzanne: YOU really haven't been paying attention, not me. I suggest you read a reply properly BEFORE picking on the author. The same goes to the others that have complemented you on post number 8 (sarahcrossed etc).

[dana 1]

Normal for who you are, that says it all.

[suzanne]

Krisi and Daisy. You really haven't been paying attention to all those who have quit or purged and then found they couldn't stay on the wagon. Its clear that, for most of us, purging or quitting is is like sticking your finger in the dyke to stop a flood. Why is that? And why are the stories here always so consistent?

It is now known that both mentally and physically, all human beings begin life in the female form. If the fetus' chromosomes are XY, then the usual male structures develop. Penises form, testicles descend into place and "masculine" structures form in the brain. Usually. But not always. If that development happens physically but not in those brain structures, you get us. Our brains ARE female to a greater or lesser extent. Forcing us to fit into the gender roles assigned to us at birth is the problem, not the dressing. The guilt, shame, ridicule etc are all imposed on us by society and are easier to shed than our feminine tendencies.

Its more accurate to compare our situation to being left-handed. Which, coincidentally, also was once considered to be a defect that must be corrected. Forcing a lefty to do things righthanded leads to nothing but problems throughout the victims life. For no good reason.

[sarahcrossed]

Krisi and Daisy. You really haven't been paying attention to all those who have quit or purged and then found they couldn't stay on the wagon. Its clear that, for most of us, purging or quitting is is like sticking your finger in the dyke to stop a flood. Why is that? And why are the stories here always so consistent?

It is now known that both mentally and physically, all human beings begin life in the female form. If the fetus' chromosomes are XY, then the usual male structures develop. Penises form, testicles descend into place and "masculine" structures form in the brain. Usually. But not always. If that development happens physically but not in those brain structures, you get us. Our brains ARE female to a greater or lesser extent. Forcing us to fit into the gender roles assigned to us at birth is the problem, not the dressing. The guilt, shame, ridicule etc are all imposed on us by society and are easier to shed than our feminine tendencies.

Its more accurate to compare our situation to being left-handed. Which, coincidentally, also was once considered to be a defect that must be corrected. Forcing a lefty to do things righthanded leads to nothing but problems throughout the victims life. For no good reason.

A thousand times this.

[rachael.davis]

It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

It turns out my mom was RH-, I'm a second kid and RH+, mom denied it during her life, but I know that "Doctor knows best" was the rule of thumb, particularly for military dependants using DOD hospitals. I tried to check my birth records, but there was a massive warehouse fire years ago, well before everything was on microfiche so they're gone.
At any rate I'm fairly certain that I'm a DES baby, and spent the first part of my life swimming laps in a massively estrogen enriched pool, and I'm equally certain I've never had a male brain - persona yes indeed, brain not so much

[Elizabeth G]

If you want or need to quit, just stop doing it. No different than smoking or drinking. Actually, easier because smoking and drinking have a chemical dependence. Crossdressing does not.

Here's your choice each morning - bra and panties or briefs and a tee shirt. Want to quit crossdressing? Choose the briefs and tee shirt. Get rid of the bras and panties.

Don't really want to quit? Keep on wearing the bra and panties. It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

Yes, it's true - in the morning I can choose to not put on panties and a bra. However I can NOT chose to not want to put them on.

[Pat]

It is now known that both mentally and physically, all human beings begin life in the female form.

My understanding is that is not medically correct. The fetus is not "female" it is "undifferentiated" until development of the sex organs. A woman does not come from a fetus that fails to develop a penis -- a woman comes from a fetus that specifically develops female sex organs.

It appears at this point in time that being trans is at least partially genetic (there are DNA markers for transgender folks both FtM and MtF, and twins studies show the trait is inheritable) and perhaps also partially developmental. At least one scientist claims to have identified a unique "trans brain" which is neither male nor female. In 20 years, 40 years, 100 years, maybe we'll actually know they answer.

Which leads us to:

Its more accurate to compare our situation to being left-handed. Which, coincidentally, also was once considered to be a defect that must be corrected. Forcing a lefty to do things righthanded leads to nothing but problems throughout the victims life.

Which I whole-heartedly agree with, being both trans AND left-handed.

[CynthiaD]

Of course you can quit. When I was in high school I decided I was going to give up all the girl stuff and not think about it any more. Then after a number of years of successfully not thinking about it, I realized I'd given up the best part of myself, the things I liked best about myself. So now I dress every day. I embrace the things I had once given up. I feel more "genuine" than I ever have. When I see the woman in the mirror, I see myself, not some stranger. Yes, I could give it up again. Why would I want to?

(And as a side note, I'm also left-handed, but was forced into right-handedness in grade school.)

(One other side note: When I get dressed up and made up and I'm standing in front of the mirror looking totally female, my first thought is "F... the world." And the thought pleases me.)

[Joni T]

It's like quitting smoking or drinking. It's called will-power.
Jon

[docrobbysherry]

I don't know anything about quitting, Deebra. I guess when I get tired of dressing? I'll just cut back or quit!?

However, I've always been jealous of u, "Throw on a pair of panties, a bra, and be satisfied", girls. I passed thu that simple stage 20 years ago! Now, it's all the way or nothing for me!

[Tracii G]

My question is why are some of you so locked in to viewing this with a victim mentality?
If you need to deal with something just deal with it and quit trying to make up reasons to lie to yourself and claim to be a victim of DNA markers.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
I hope you were talking from your own viewpoint , your last comment is way off the mark for many of us . Some are wired differently at berth it's now a proven fact and not an excuse , if it were that easy this forum probably wouldn't exist .

talking of quitting is fine for members who treat it as a hobby , go and find something else other than pretty panties and bras to collect, I don't have that many as you'll find many GGs don't .

The choice of physically dressing or not doesn't change the inner feelings, to me the clothes are the window to World to how we feel inside , in that context why even consider if you need or want to stop or not ?

Jaylyn,
I'm not going to let that issue worry me at all, I've done enough for them all and they know I'm determined to safeguard their inheritance , as long as they get the money the rest isn't going to affect them .

I'm going to repeat something a good friend told me some time ago when I talked about my fears of coming out to my son in particular , he replied by saying , " What makes you think he hasn't got something to hide from you !" I've never forgotten that, when we all talk about the fears of coming out to people , we aren't the only CDer in World we never truly know when we're talking to another !

Tracii,
That point is becoming clearer and clearer , that's why I don't believe DADT is a successful long term solution , you can't clearly deal with it until you are free of all those restraints .

[Princess Chantal]

I am in the almost same boat as Sherry. I could see myself not crossdressing anymore/severely cutting back if I get tired of it, lose interest, isn’t a pleasure to do, have negative impacts to my life or am not physically able to due to health issues. Many of you may not believe it, however remember there is a really good chance that my crossdressing history, tendencies and mindset does not mirror your own journey.

[Janie Jane]

We read about all the people who have tried to give up CD'g and failed. Do we really expect to hear the stories of those that have succeeded....on this forum? Just a question to ponder. BTW, I'm here to stay and my wife says I'm a much better person now that Jane has emerged. And she is absolutely right!
Jane

[LilSissyStevie]

Of course you can quit. You don't have to believe every thought you have, you don't have to wallow in every emotion you feel, you don't have to act on every impulse. For me, once I disabused myself of the delusion that I had a "feminine side" or an "inner woman" the power that CDing had over me dissipated to a great extent. I still do it because I haven't found a better way to waste my time, yet.

[Teresa]

Dandizette,
If only it were as easy as that for some of us , OK it can waste too much time occasionally but it's life to some of us, truly inseparable !

[GracieRose]

I like Bridget's observation

it can be like an optimization problem

.
There is no "one size fits all" answer. We are all different, and we can all stop, but we each pay a price for stopping. Depending on where we are on the spectrum, some pay a bigger price than others. Add to that

Society acceptance, family, wife, job, embarrassment it does come with problems plus not passing and some CDers just don't look like a woman when dressed

, the costs and benefits are different for each of us. The balance that we end up with is harder to bear for some than others, but no one is guaranteed an easy trip through their life. Think of women born into societies where women are treated like possessions, or worse. People living in war zones, unable to escape. The woman, beautiful on the inside, but shunned because she was born with physical attributes considered unattractive to society in general. (Whoops, time to get off of the soapbox)
When I start feeling sorry for myself, I find solace in following the age-old advice of counting my blessings rather than focusing on frustrations (perhaps easier for me to say than for many others).
Perhaps I didn't summarize this well.
As a crossdresser in today's society, crossdressing can be stressful. However, because of who I am, not crossdressing is stressful. No matter what I do, I'm cursed with some amount of stress because of who I am and how society perceives that. I'm still searching for the right balance that allows me to experience the minimum amount of overall stress. I think that a lot of others here are in the same situation. Since we are all different, the optimum point is different for each of us.

[Cassandra Lynn]

A thousand times this.

Make that 1001!

It's like quitting smoking or drinking. It's called will-power.
Jon

This little gem has led tens of thousands of alcoholics and addicts to die of the disease of addiction. Posting your opinion as a statement of fact without the knowledge or experience is stooopid.
Treatment doesn't begin until self will is tossed into the trash can.

Sorry for the thread jacking.
------------
Pat posted a wonderful thread sometime ago, about the latest findings which included info from studies about early fetal development and the findings by science and the medical community regarding gender. I wouldn't begin to know where to find it and link it here, but maybe if she sees this again she'll do so.

Edit:
I found it: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...ons&highlight=
It's a bit of a read, but it does cover some topics brought up in this thread.

[Brynna M]

Elisabeth had it right, you can always choose not to wear panties etc but you will probably never completely not want to crossdress. But just like the choice to dress has all th consequences you name completely denying a part of yourself will have consequences though they can be less clear cut. Self loathing and unfulfilled longing tend to put a negative spin on life. I’ll also comment on the irony of active participants in a cross dresser message board telling some one else how easy it is to quit cross dressing.

[Isabella Ross]

I think Tracii and Cynthia hit the nail on the head here. I spent most of my life thinking like the OP. One day I realized that, with the exception of loving and being loved, nothing remotely comes close to the feeling of wholeness I experience when I honor my desires to be feminine. From that point on, I began thinking of it as a gift...and I began feeling sorry for people who either don't know the feeling, or won't allow themselves to experience the feeling. The hurdles and challenges are nothing compared to the joy of allowing myself to look and feel pretty.