Can't quit

[Diane Taylor]

Just go with the flow and let things happen naturally. Trying to suppress your desires is not healthy.

[Patricia_Campi]

Talking about myself. I really wanted to give everything away. And I did...

After some years, I want to dress more than ever!! Today, when I talk with other fellow crossdresser, they all have been there. Maybe there is, like, 2% of us that can really stop, but until today, I never met one!

But, that´s my point of view!

Cheers,

Patricia

[Maria 60]

Going through something like you, I know what your talking about. I guit smoking twenty years ago, not by choice I loved to smoke, but it didn't agree with me and for health reasons I had to let it go. That was the hardest thing I had ever did, even now after all these years I still find myself reaching in my pockets for my cigarettes and still craving. For some reason I'm able to control these cravings, I believe it's because I know if I didn't quit I would have been dead or suffering which was the road I was on.
When I told my wife about the dressing twenty plus years ago I promised I would be happy in the closet, and now it's far from that. It started with a Halloween drive that lead to another and another and now that's all I want to do, when the craving comes I could confine it for a little, but it doesn't go away that's all I start to think about till finally I give in. The problem is just like the cigarette I enjoy it but the dressing isn't bad for my health it's not going to kill me, but it's taking a big risk and if I get spotted that would probably kill me. My wife sees me when I'm trying to fight with my urges, I'm moody and she tells me to stop beating myself up and go for the drive and be careful. It's been a few months now that I'm controlling it but I can't seem to let it go, I went from three times a week to once every few weeks.
Im only telling you this to let you know your not alone, I know some answers here where "just stop" and we know we can only wish it was that easy. After my wife has been dealing with this all these years and is living it all first hand and at times it has put alot of strane on our marriage, but a few years ago she said she has to give up because it's real and it seems like it's in my blood. Just like the smoking was a hard and long struggle even till today, the dressing is the same, we can quit but it would be a long and hard struggle. After all just like my wife says "ITS IN OUR BLOOD"

[phili]

I've been bragging about how I have come to terms with DADT- being totally out to myself, my mother's retirement place, and at the community college, while staying in the closet for my wife.

The problem is that all night I toss and turn and stay half awake or whatever kind of sleep it isn't, and in the morning while my wife is getting ready in the bathroom I have about 2 minutes to pick an outfit and go out in the dark and get the paper, return, change, and presto her hubby. She knows I am doing this, but the invisibility really works.

The craving is intense- and I feel I am bursting. I've been wrestling with why I am craving dressing so much. Quitting is on the table, as this is so interfering with a normal sense of life- but I won't.

I think it is self-definition- first thing in the morning I wake up- my most intense need is to answer the question " who am I"? I reach for something super fem and after a few minutes I feel 'OK now I can pretend the rest of the day'.

Essentially I have accepted this tension because I am trying to have a foot in both worlds. When I am feeling I am a woman and no longer have a foot in the man world, I lose the intense interest in dressing- it is more just 'what culturally expected clothes to wear today'. But lack of sleep gets old. Quitting crossdressing? No - but may be quitting denying myself more room to live.

[kimdl93]

To paraphrase Samuel Clemens, "quitting cross dressing is easy. I've done it dozens of times."

I've also paid the costs associated with denying, suppressing, and trying to allow some degree of expression in my life. All indeed had their costs, and inflicted themselves on those dear to me. Which leaves me doubtful that I can permanently put this aspect aside. Denial is pretty hard in the wake of coming out/being out. I can abstain for long periods of time, but during that time endure the familiar strains of repression. Now, I'm mostly alone, so I have the latitude for self expression at the price of living a largely solitary existence. That's my reality.

[Ressie]

...just stop doing it. No different than smoking or drinking. Actually, easier because smoking and drinking have a chemical dependence. Crossdressing does not.

It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

I don't know about everyone else but I get an endorphin or Dopamine rush from Crossdressing. These internal drugs are vert addicting in my case and I'm sure it's the same for many CDs.

Intersex is the most obvious form of being both male and female, but even that sometimes isn't obvious. There are also different degrees of male and female hormones in each of us. Or we may mentally believe that we are part female. It isn't black and white IMO.

[JoannaCD]

I'm not going to let that issue worry me at all, I've done enough for them all and they know I'm determined to safeguard their inheritance , as long as they get the money the rest isn't going to affect them .

I'm going to repeat something a good friend told me some time ago when I talked about my fears of coming out to my son in particular , he replied by saying , " What makes you think he hasn't got something to hide from you !" I've never forgotten that, when we all talk about the fears of coming out to people , we aren't the only CDer in World we never truly know when we're talking to another !

Teresa, thank you so much for posting those insights. I needed to be reminded of those things. I'm going to print this entire thread and put in with my will in the case I don't have that talk with my daughter.

[Teresa]

Phili,
It could be an age thing but my sleep pattern is becoming a drag if you excuse the unintended pun , lack of sleep does have an aging affect that's why I use Olay lift and firm moisturiser everyday ,especially around the eyes.

Do you think your craving would be less if you didn't have to do it in a DADT situation ? For me it's now working on the balancing act I want to make full time work but it's not so easy if you are a capable guy and are prepared to do most jobs yourself. Dressing just does go with using a chainsaw despite the Monty Python's song !!

Joanna ,
You're welcome, the insights only happen if you are out to people , it is surprising what other's think of our situation and how they relate to it from the outside ( non CDing that is ). We do have to stand back and realise it's not always about us and it shouldn't cloud our judgement to the detriment of close family members . I feel some of us go through so much because we care almost too much .

[phili]

Just wanted to thank all of you, and Deebra for the OP. I just went back and read them all again, and saw many new things that help a lot-something in every post. I am fortunate to have you all in my life. I'm going to try to catch the collective understanding expressed here and if I succeed, I'll bet I'll be able to sleep! ;0)

[Judy-Somthing]

I haven't been able to fully dress in two years and I noticed lately that I'm getting angry about it!
I need a plan.

[nikkiwindsor]

Judy, I can relate to how you're feeling...I wasn't permitted by my wife to dress for several years and I was angry, upset, frustrated, pouty, melancholy, you name it. My wife realized I was miserable and knew it was my GD...she then allowed me to dress which I do at least twice a week and I feel so much more content and at peace...hope you find a plan that works for you...Nikki

[DMichele]

Collectively the members on this site are like Disney's 101 Dalmatians times 100, i.e. we are different. Because we are so different some, IMO a small percentage, may be able to turn CDing off. But I believe the vast majority are unable to turn the CD button off for reasons stated in earlier responses to this thread.

For me, I turned off the shame, embarrassment, worrying, etc. and accepted my TG identity and finally let go and discovered my true identity, and I love myself. Upon the realization that I can not change my brain's programming and accepting myself, I am happier today.

[Ginni]

I can't quit and don't want to. I crossdress because it is part of me. It is who I am.

[Megan Rice]

I stay enfemme for hours at a time but there's always that one thing called sleep that will derail happy Megan time I've done serious harm in the past with no sleep at all staying dressed up and winding. Up sick so I've wised up Mr sandman tells me to call it a day

[Lacey CD]

you just have to be normal for who you are and dress female.

This is the place I came to. After a lifetime of cycling, hiding, purging, crying, hating it, loving it........I sat down with my wife 15 months ago and told her I was tired of the duality and that I wanted to integrate the feminine into my every day life. That I wanted to feel whole and in order for me to do that, I needed to make some changes. It came on the heels of me spending 4 days of holiday alone staying dressed. I haven't worn a wig in years and I only do light makeup if any. During those 4 days I experimented with different looks and styles, forgoing what I wanted to wear and focusing on what looked good on me. I went shopping, hit the thrift stores and basically set up a makeover laboratory. Each day I got bolder and bolder and by the end I had developed a look that worked for me and I hoped would work for my wife and my life.

Up until this time my wife's tolerance for dressing was limited to simple, unadorned nylon or satin pajamas in neutral colors. No pink or baby blue. We took it slowly. Girl jeans a few times a week and a maybe a slinky top out to dinner to start. More and more her acceptance grew and now, I own one pair of male underwear for the doctor and aside from work, most of my clothing is either women's or consistent with the style I've created for myself. I took my time emerging to friends and family as well. I'm fortunate to have an incredible group of friends who love me for who I am and so far no one seems to have any problem with it whatsoever. Several of my close friends have been aware of my feminine side for years and have never judged me in the least so I went into this new phase with high expectations and wasn't disappointed!

I have never felt more free and satisfied in my life!! The trick for me was subduing the visual enough while maintaining a high degree of femininity. This has opened the door for what I can only describe as a holistic healing. Once I worked out the physical thing, my mind and spirit followed. There has been some down side mind you. The biggest issue has been my alpha is melting away and I'm finding it extremely challenging to do my job. I work in a high stress high pressure environment where I manage a large contingency of miscreants and malcontents that require a tough guy to reign them in and I just don't have it anymore. I had to have a heart to heart with my boss Friday and tell him I'm actively seeking other opportunities. I told him everything including why I don't have it in me anymore to do the job. To my surprise he was incredibly understanding and empathetic. It could have easily gone another direction. He and I have been through a lot together and I felt like I owed him an explanation.

Of course there's a lot more to this story, so much so I should probably write a book! I've come out the other side and while the journey was long and hard, it was worth every tear, every purge and every therapy session. It took growing up a great deal and daring to live my life authentically. Your circumstances of course are quite different then mine and I'm certainly not advocating you take the path I took. But there are some basic truths a lot of us share and my hope is that you can take something of value from what I've shared. I pray you come to a place in your life where you can fully let your light shine for all to see!!

[Confucius]

I don't like the word "can't". It may be unlikely that you can permanently quit, but I think we are all different, and anything can happen in life.

I know some people who claim to have quit. One of them is at this link: https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012...crossdressing/

If you really, really want to quit then you might be able to. However the vast majority of us know that crossdressing makes us happy and we want to be happy. For myself, I decided to set some boundaries that I can live with, and I stick with those boundaries. This was mostly because I cannot pass. You will have too determine what works for you.

[Beverley Sims]

I'm sure you can quit, there must be a patch or an app somewhere. :-)

[Krisi]

Can a person quit crossdressing?

I'm going to quote Stewie Griffin from Family Guy (a TV show)"

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.

[Robertacd]

If you really want to quit and can't do it on your own, I would suggest therapy. Because maybe you are dressing for the wrong reasons.

[SnowW]

I've tried quitting and purging on numerous occasions, but each time for me the desires and urges to dress as a woman seemingly comeback with a vengeance. You can say I'm sort of in the "back to dressing" stage now. I've basically acquired a new wardrobe and all things that go along with it. When I was younger I actually did seek counseling to see if there was a way to help me get rid of my desire to crossdress, but ultimately I found myself returning to it.

As a previous poster alluded to, I could chose not to wear a bra and panties, but the desire to wear the bra and panties will probably still be there.

[Stephanie Kimberlie]

I do not want to ever quit. I love it so much and feel so feminine. Simply wonderful!

[NjJamie]

Megan, I wish I had taken your advice a few weeks ago, I had done such a good job of getting ready that I couldn't let the day end! I eventually did undo my work but it was so late I never got a good nights sleep and sort of fell asleep in an important meeting the next day.

Lesson of the day? Start as early as possible if I want more time or really regret the consequences!

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Deebra, I guess the real question is whether we want to quit or feel forced to, quite a difference which will be the decider for the vast majority of us. At times I've felt it was too much trouble for the rest of my world but it was almost always there, just lower on the priority. I don't think I ever saw it as something I didn't want to do, which means it's a part of my personality and can't be separated out. Now that I've had more time to indulge and access to resources (Love you Amazon!) it's become a more regular, calmer and enjoyable way to spend some free time.

I would guess that the majority of those who want to quit feel that way for the associated issues (society, work, family) and not the experience or some inner turmoil. If you could just do it and not have any negative response I dare say no one would quit, it must be a part of something we cannot figure out how to control.

[rhonda]

Once a cd'er always a cd'er We are all connected by spirit . and that spirit isn't gonna let anyone quit . maybe for a while . that's life any time I even think about quiting I'm pulled back into line

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Deebra , I have been in this program for 71years now and I don't see any end in sight.>Orchid......

[Olivia Lauren]

I have been crossdressing for about 45 years now and in that time I have purged all of my feminine things twice now. When I look back on those times when I felt that I had to stop dressing because society dictates that it is wrong.....well it makes me sad and just recently I made a promise to myself that Olivia Lauren is a part of me and I will protect her and never try to throw her away ever again.

One thing for me is that as I get older I feel more content when I dress as Olivia.

(((((hugs))))), Olivia