After Your Gone

[Molly Wells]

I have been crossdressing for over 50 years and don't think it's likely to be something I stop doing anytime soon. Both my first wife (7 yrs) and my second wife (37yrs) have known though both have disapproved and want no part of it. Therefore, I am in a DADT relationship and keep it deep in the closet. Out of site and well hidden. I do have a fair amount of outfits plus wigs, and forms. All the stuff I need to become Molly when to opportunity is there. Nearly three years ago we were doing remodel and I had to move my stash to a safe place so I rented a small storage unit till I could set up a safe place for storage. We have since experienced a flood and am having to redo the remodel and more. (thanks, Harvey)
I have wondered a few times over the years, whether the stash is in storage or hidden around the house, if I were to pass away, and when my stuff is later discovered, what would be said.
It makes me curious if any one here has heard or known of a sister that was a secret dresser, passed away and her stash later discovered, what was the story?

Hugs,
Molly

[Teresa]

Molly,
I decided that after that length of time all the cloak and dagger stuff had to stop, as you say the need isn't going away so what is wrong with being open and honest about it ? When we get to a certain age we shouldn't have to be treated like a naughty schoolboy who is up to no good . It's not fair on us to be denied to live those feelings and needs we were born with , I called it solitary confinement and had to break free , so now I have no worries or concerns about my my clothes and other items ,they only have to open my wardrobe door to view them, I don't have a problem with that.

Sorry to hear about the storm damage , having a hidden stash obviously means you can't claim on insurance !

[Tracii G]

If somebody finds your stuff after you are gone then whats the big deal?
Nothing you or they can do about it. Just gives you survivors something to speculate about.

[tylia]

If i leave this life suddenly,my wife will make a few trips to the drop off at the Value Village ........quite a few.

[Leslie Mary S]

Because of the way you asked the question, I think many people will be, or are, in for a rude awakening about someone they thought they knew very well.
At present I can not tell any tales about deceased CDers. I have VERY few CDers in my worldly life, and none of them have passed away. You did ask for stories/tales about how the CDer's families/friends reacted when they come upon the deceased closeted/stored worldly treasures.

May we all live long and prosper \\// /.

[Krisi]

Yea, I don't know any deceased crossdressers so I can't answer that question directly. Tracii's point about being dead is a good one. Once you're dead, you won't care what people think (as far as I can tell).

Since my wife knows about my dressing, I suspect she will take what she doesn't want of my clothes to a donation center.

[Robertacd]

Frankly I don't care what people say after I am dead, as I will be dead and nothing can hurt me then.

[Pat]

It makes me curious if any one here has heard or known of a sister that was a secret dresser, passed away and her stash later discovered, what was the story?

I had a very good friend who was an executive in a public service organization who died quite unexpectedly. Some of the senior executives went over to his apartment to pack his belongings and send them back to his family and when they returned they just kept making dark comments about "you never really know a person...." I don't know if they found his crossdressing stash or disturbing porn or Nazi memorabilia or what it was, but something shook them up and really put a mark on their fond memories of a beloved friend. I never asked.

So there's that -- if you carry your secret to your grave and your friends/family find out they'll interpret it their own way, and their way may be that they never knew you; that you deceived them; that you showed a surprising lack of courage or that at base, you didn't trust them. And as has been pointed out -- you'll be dead. As far as we know you won't regret it and their sense of betrayal is their problem. Your wife knows, so no issues there. You don't mention any kids, so potentially no problem with them ending up in therapy trying to work out their father having hidden himself from them. And friends? Their problem, right? You get to choose.

[Tracy Irving]

To save the embarrassment she thinks she will feel, your wife will donate and / or dispose of your stash. It is very likely nobody will find out.

[Beverley Sims]

If someone finds something you left behind all it dos is raise speculation as to what went on.

After a week, life goes on.

I would not worry.

[Stephanie47]

My wife does not approve on my crossdressing and wants no part of it. She does not know the extent of my wardrobe. I'm sure if I were to predecease her she would ultimately find all my clothes. Everything is stored in 18 or so Xerox boxes. I'd think she would donate everything. If she were to predecease me I would make some effort to reduce my wardrobe. I'm never going to wear all of the 160 dresses, etc. I could keep some stuff and try to pass it off as dad not getting rid of all of mom's stuff with the exception of the size 13 shoes. She and I wear the same size dress, XL and 16-18.

Molly, if your wardrobe is in a storage locker and you have not told your family of its existence, once you fail to pay the rental fee the storage facility will foreclose on you. Your stash may end up on one of those television shows where the storage lockers are auctioned off. Your stash may draw a lot of attention. Years ago there was a case in my area of a new wife who just stopped paying the bill on her husband's storage locker. When it went to auction a body was found in the locker.

[LeannS]

I guess I am going to be turning over in my grave a couple of times after the wife get done calling me all sorts of names.
She will find all sorts of things some she can wear but a lot no way she will just donate which is fine as I won't be here to enjoy it anymore

[Stephanie Julianna]

Due to my longevity in this world I unfortunately have known many girls who have passed on. I have never heard how their stash was handled when the widow or family cleaned out their stuff. I would guess that Good Will makes out like a bandit when one of us passes. Either that, or there was a barn fire in the back yard.

[Sarah Louise]

My wife knows and I expect at least one of us will be around for a while yet.

But when the time comes, maybe my kids will think we had a lady stay with us who had a large selection of dresses. Oh and she had small hips, a double mastectomy and all her hair fell out as part of the cancer treatment which explains the padding, breast forms and wig!

Is this any more unbelievable than their dad being a crossdresser?

[jacques]

hello,
can I take my stash with me please?
luv J

[Sarah Doepner]

I do know a few sisters who have passed away but have not been close to their families and can't relate what was discussed as the stash was cleared away. One friend in her early 90's has decided to give most of her things to the local women's shelter. It seems that most of the rest of the CDs I know are out to at least someone who will take care of their things or be there to explain when that dark moment comes.

I was out to my wife and that was good enough for me. Until she passed away, throwing me back in the closet as far as family and friends would know. It took about three years but after several inadequate letters I wrote and taped to the dresser in my closet, I finally came out to my adult children and a few other family and friends. I'm working on adding a few more into the circle in the future. Not only will it, 1) not throw anyone into an existential crisis over what I did in my life, but 2) it will demonstrate I wasn't unhinged, actually quite a normal and stable sort of person and, 3) when it comes time to move, I won't have to carry everything by myself. I'll be able to ask for help with the closet and that's an area that will require much more work than I might have expected a few years ago.

[Janie Jane]

When I'm gone, who cares. Hopefully I'll be in a Better Place, and my wife, who was never accepting (DADT as well), and often threw it in my face during arguments on unrelated topics, can enjoy having it in her face for once for all the times she put me down because of it. Not that I want "revenge"! Just sick and tired of having to walk on eggshells about this all the time. I can understand and respect she doesn't want to participate, but surely a little acceptance would go a long way to making both of us feel better..

(sorry, had to vent)

I've read, with great sadness, of the many among us, who've had to live their lives in DADT marriages or live totally secretive lives. With a totally supportive wife, I can only try to imagine the pain of living that way (though I've had my own pain to live with, for 21 years!)
But JeanTG's comment above got me thinking. Maybe a little revenge is in order. Make the appropriate number of packages with something that is a favorite (or ugly, whichever) item of clothing, and a note, to be delivered to each person, after your passing, who you've wanted, but couldn't, tell your secret to. (Jean's comment about the wife throwing it in his face brings out the evil passive-aggressive side of me.) Would any of us, including me, actually do it? Not likely, but it is fun to think about.
Jane

[mykell]

hi molly,
this had occurred to me after my dad had died, all the women in the family were going through and giving away his things....its what compelled me to disclose my "self" to my wife.

even as she knows i have penned a letter to her and my son and left them in the closet with all my things....i wrote a thread about it.
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...h**&highlight=

i have no ill will to anyone who does not disclose but think that theyre mate at least needs to have the truth of what it was for you while you were alive, at least they wont assume the worst and have answers to theyre questions.

hope i dont die while dressed, would definitely take the fun out of it....

[Di]

I just posted in the Loved Ones section today about what I did to keep it from Sherlyns daughters to honor her wishes as she recently unexpectly passed .
The difference is I'm accepting and it was our life together. I'm sad for those in a dadt relationship it's like they only know part of you.
My thought in your case .... What if you put something in your will to your wife or better yet ask the lawyer for any ideas / please do not be ashamed to tell your attorney / this is not anything to be ashamed of.

[Alice B]

Hve not known any in that situation. For me, my wife and entire family knows. Wife sees my stuff every time she goes into the closet and often does my laundry and puts things away.

[CynthiaD]

My stuff is in my closet, not in a stash. When I pass on and family members go through my closet, I expect someone will say, "Well what do you know! She did have a couple of male outfits stuffed way in the back!"

[NicoleScott]

This topic has come up before. I find it strange, or amusing, or ... let's just say ... interesting that so many of us here seem to think loved ones might be more upset that you crossdress than you're dead.

[Sarah Doepner]

This topic has come up before. I find it strange, or amusing, or ... let's just say ... interesting that so many of us here seem to think loved ones might be more upset that you crossdress than you're dead.

From the closet a scream is heard followed by "It's a good thing he's dead, because I wanna kill him for embarrassing me like this!"

[SharonDenise]

I came out to my wife before we were married. She accepted and supported my crossdressing. Sadly, she passed away four years ago. I have told my grown daughters about my lifestyle as I felt it was the right thing to do. They want to see me as their Dad so it has turned into a DADT relationship where my cross dressing is involved. However, we are still close so I'm satisfied with my decision.

[Alice_2014_B]

You could get a cleaner-friend (hopefully not just a friend for the purpose).
This is someone who will go as far as to fly across the country to take care of such things.
Obviously they'll know, but he or she will not have to know all of your secrets.

I do not know how the person will know something happened to you before your family knows, but there're ways.
It's something I'm not experienced in, I've only heard about it.