Feeling a little bit hopeless

[Nikkilovesdresses]

+1 for menopause=end of great sex.

Perhaps what you need is a life-threatening experience to shake you up and make you reassess your priorities. No amount of carpe diem advice can substitute escaping death by a hair's breadth.

I recommend you take up something really stupid and dangerous.

Think wing-walking; becoming a war correspondent; taunting rhinoceri; nude cactus-diving; blindfolded motorcycle jumping - you get the drift.

Or if those all seem too tame you could try crossdressing at a pro-Trump rally...

Look, I have difficulty expressing myself without being flippant. What I'm trying to say is are you really willing to trade your last x-years' worth of opportunities of being truly alive for the compromise of security and habit? Your wife sounds pretty much resigned to her gloomy existence and shows no signs of wanting to change. So leave her. Accept life in a small apartment (I'm assuming you're not a Rockefeller) and live out your dreams. Walk away, or possibly dance away, from your handcuffs.

Only you can kickstart your life - your wife is never, ever going to do it. Even if she accepts a few therapy sessions, she isn't going to change - she'll just keep insisting that's your job.

[Laurie A]

Agggggh! My wife decided she was not ready to discuss this. I feel like the adult in this relationship. The therapist called back after I cancelled and when I tried to reschedule, my wife said she couldn’t make a decision right then and had her own options. I think she partially feels any therapist I find will be in my corner and against her. She told me once she called a therapist designated thru work (no idea of her credentials) and this therapist told her how brave she was to stick with me, being CD! I felt this woman was a quack. My wife was suppose to follow up, but did not.
Maybe just as well.

My wife does not take care of herself at all. Overweight and too much beer. 4-6 per night.

How do I get her to work with me? I am frustrated. I thought I was doing a good thing for us and now it’s all back to shit!

I think its dangerous for either party in a counseling situation to believe the therapist will take sides. A good therapist should open a dialog, not judge behaviors.

[Traci H]

+1 for menopause=end of great sex.

Perhaps what you need is a life-threatening experience to shake you up and make you reassess your priorities. No amount of carpe diem advice can substitute escaping death by a hair's breadth.

I recommend you take up something really stupid and dangerous.

Think wing-walking; becoming a war correspondent; taunting rhinoceri; nude cactus-diving; blindfolded motorcycle jumping - you get the drift.

Or if those all seem too tame you could try crossdressing at a pro-Trump rally...

Look, I have difficulty expressing myself without being flippant. What I'm trying to say is are you really willing to trade your last x-years' worth of opportunities of being truly alive for the compromise of security and habit? Your wife sounds pretty much resigned to her gloomy existence and shows no signs of wanting to change. So leave her. Accept life in a small apartment (I'm assuming you're not a Rockefeller) and live out your dreams. Walk away, or possibly dance away, from your handcuffs.

Only you can kickstart your life - your wife is never, ever going to do it. Even if she accepts a few therapy sessions, she isn't going to change - she'll just keep insisting that's your job.

Nikki I hear you and that thought has certainly crossed my mind. I do however take the vows I made a long time ago, very serious. For better or worse. This woman didn’t sign up for a crossdresser either.

We often have very good times and I truly want her to be my soulmate. We have a wonderful family that is so much of our lives. I hope to be able to save all this. It seems it is worth fighting for. I need to help her with her own issues I believe. Fool that I may be.

I do appreciate the input from you and all the others. Funny thing is while she has no one to talk to about the cd issue, I really have no one to talk with about this either. I used to be able to talk with my father, but he died four years ago. Some of this now keeps me up at night and I hate it.

[char GG]

Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses

+1 for menopause=end of great sex.

Maybe those who believe this should dig a little deeper into their own behavior.

[Shely]

Seven years is a LONG time, you may have let it go on too long. But try therapy if you want to keep things together, and don't put it off. I hope you'll find the right way to go to be happy. But it may be together and it may not. Either way find a therapist ASAP. Just my .$0.02..

[candice.aihara]

To echo what others have said, therapy sessions would help here. It's best to communicate your thoughts and feelings to an impartial party like a therapist. Sharing your inner thoughts out loud does wonders. While it helps to voice your concerns on a forum helps a bit, it's the in-person contact that's the best. Good luck!

[Janie Jane]

My wife does not take care of herself at all. Overweight and too much beer. 4-6 per night.

How do I get her to work with me? I am frustrated. I thought I was doing a good thing for us and now it’s all back to shit!

This is only my opinion, but reflects a lifetime of fighting depression and anxiety (and 21 years with a crazy woman!). 4-6 beers sounds like self medication. Your wife has her own problems and she is blaming them on you. There will be no resolution on the CD "problem" because it shields her from confronting her own. And she literally dictates to you how you can live your life. No compromise, no counseling, her way or the highway. Another thing stuck out that you wrote:

"...my wife said she couldn’t make a decision right then and had her own options."

Assuming your quote of her words is accurate, I can just imagine what her other options are, and I think they involve that highway. I'm sorry for being so blunt.
Jane

[DaisyLawrence]

Janes' reply may have been blunt but it was wise and worthy of consideration. Sometimes in life you have to be cruel to be kind. If your wife needs six beers every night she has issues with her life and your crossdressing is probably the least of it.