My daughters caught me when they were 11&13. I didn't want to tell them but felt obligated to explain their father fully dressed in women's clothes. My daughters explained that cross dressing was covered in sex ed. I never did tell my son.
Just my opinion but I think that 4 years old is too young to handle such a MOAS.
As for your wife's opinion. Never ever forget rule 1. If the wife ain't happy no one is happy.
Cheryl,
Rule 1 , Oh so true !
I had the problem where my daughter would have heated debates about my issues , I had to tell her nicely to back off and not be caught piggy in the middle . I can't say what the situation is between my daughter and my wife now we have separated , whether my daughter places most of the blame on her for having to go down this road . Now I come to think about it maybe I should clear that point up with her . CDing may have been the main factor but maybe it was going to happen anyway .
Rule #1 is the main thing. My wife is supportive of my dressing in the bedroom but does not want it in front of the kids or community. Part of it is that we are looking to adopt and thinks it would look bad to the Christian values adoption agency if they learned about it.
isn't this whole rule #1: 'if the wife isn't happy, no one is happy' kind of thing part of the dated and sexist perspective around gender that we should be trying to break free from? isn't that rule saying that you should sacrifice your happiness to keep others happy? what about working it out so everyone is able to feel fulfilled and happy in their lives? if your wife would continue to hold this against you, doesn't that say something about the relationship? maybe it's a sign of some deeper issue that you should be working out together?
just saying. let's not fall into the old tropes and narrative. let's build a new one. younger generations are already embracing it. to be honest, the ones holding them, and society, back are us adults for the most part.
Raeleen,
Whatever it's saying it's something many of us have to live with on the forum, I don't know if they have ever done a poll of how many are in a serious DADT situation.
If someone close doesn't approve it's always going to be a compromise , you can try working on it till you're are blue in the face but if they're not shifting view point that's it , I call it hitting a brick wall !!
For the most part my wife is accepting because she knows it makes me happy. She will buy me girly things, see me in girly things, etc. But she doesn’t like to see me go full transformation around her.Originally Posted by raeleen
That’s why both of us follow rule #1 towards each other. Relationships work when both give and take equally. It would be selfish if she was the only one happy or If I was the only one happy.
Btw, this is Roberta. That was a spin off my middle name which I just used until I could find a better name. Ariana is such a pretty name so I went with that.
Well because of this thread I talked further with the wife about telling the kids. We made a plan that works for both of us.
Raleen,
I love your ideals. But you have to be realistic and if your SO doesn't want the kids to know and you still let them know, this is going to cause problems with sometimes serious consequences (such as divorce or the SO making the kids see the dressing as a negative thing).
100% relationships are compromise, but so many of us harbor so much guilt and shame that we are willing to give in on lots of things just to get small snippets of time and space to dress. that's not compromise. it's one-sided.
and if you're hitting a brick wall with someone, are they really a person who you want to be in a relationship with? is there something else which is causing the unwillingness to move or work with you? I'm saying that it might be worth some deeper exploration. I don't really think of it as an ideal to live up to. it's really just working on ourselves and our relationships. if the person you have partnered with is unwilling to see how hiding or not giving some space for you to express yourself is hurting you, is that a relationship you want to be in? sure, there are consequences in the world, and each person has to decide on their own what's worth it for them, but the assumptions that this narrative that exists now, one of DADT, is really damaging. we accept so much crap thrown our way, wouldn't it be nice to be able to say, this is what i want?
I really believe that if members actually accepted themselves and confidently explained themselves and said what they truly needed,then these lopsided relationships would change for the better.
Imho NEVER. BUT THATS ME.
Angie
Posting Permissions
