What do I want out of this? - a gg pov

[Littleg2]

Hello to all, I hope you are doing well.

It's been a while since I have been on here, and it looks like I have a lot of catching up to do! But, I wanted to drop in and say hello (Hello!) and ask you all a question, of sorts.

Again, I am the SO (GG) to Monnica, my lovely CD'er. Everything there is going wonderfully. <3 We have had more time for her to dress, completely and partially, and I enjoy it very much. I like to get involved, offer advice, buy her things, paint her nails...ect. One day, what I hope to just refer to as "the usual" (as I wish it was this way for everyone of you, not just a select few.).

Anyway, she has opened up to me about a lot of personal fantasies and desires, none yet seem too far fetched, or impossible. Not what I am used to, but I like to please and be pleased, as I say, I love her and will do what I can to help her fulfill as many as possible. But, something came up in conversation that I don't know how to answer; What do I want out of all this? I do mean specifically the dressing and all things related. I honestly never thought about it, and now I have to. I should. She asked and I would like to be able to answer, but this seems so much about Monnica, I never really thought of it that way and considered what I would like to accomplish or experience with her. I look online into these things, but want to make sure it's all right for me, not just a contrived idea I *think* M would like.

Has anyone else put this question to their SO? I was actually so moved when M asked me, because it shows me that M is not a selfish, narcissistic person (not completely - lol), and she genuinely cares about what me and what I want and how I feel about it all.

Anyway, that's it for now. I have quite a bit of reading to do... See you around the boards.

Thank you in advance for any insite, it's always appreciated.

-g

[Dana44]

I have never ask about that question to my accepting SO. but we talk about that and she loves me even when dressed. So, it has been good. but sometimes she thinks it is strange. But never complains. So basically it is up to you on how to feel about it. Your very good to him and that is great.

[kimdl93]

Thats an excellent question. Its something I certainly didn't ask my ex...which may in part explain why she parted company with me. I'm curious how you replied...if you have.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I just asked Jeannie, she said ............ Jewelry.

[ChrisP]

It's a great question, and a starting point for negotiations on this in your relationship.

Would you like your spouse to be doing more housework? Having Monnica attend to domestic chores while dressed up is one way to link your wants with hers.
Do you enjoy shopping? Monnica (in male mode) can accompany you and help more. In turn, you can always find something for her as well.
I think the trick is linking the activity (in this case Monnica's crossdressing) with something you enjoy.
It can be a win-win if you spin it right.

[Teri Ray]

Hiya Little,

Thanks for the insightful question. I would like to say you seem to be a wonderful caring person. With that said it is a very interesting question that I have not thought about asking my wife. The more I ponder the question the more confused I get.

I had not considered that my dressing would be, or should be, something that my wife would consider something that she should benefit from ( if benefit equals want). From my perspective crossdressing is a personal desire that I cannot explain (that is I cannot explain why I have this desire). I do accept that it is a full part of me. Why would I expect my wife to want something from my dressing? I dunno. I do appreciate that my wife makes effort to understand and accept my desire. (which she does as best she can).

After all the above blather I would guess that my wife would want me to remain a decent person who keeps her feelings in mind. I would guess that she would want me to communicate with her and ensure that how I feel about this dressing desire is evolving (or not). I would guess that she would want my dressing desires to remain within the boundaries that we have discussed and agreed to. I would guess that she wants me to be happy but not at the expense of her being happy. I would hope that she would not want me to do more housework (which I do share by the way).

Whew all this thinking has made me tired. Finding the right balance for married couples dealing with a crossdressing person is not easy, but worthwhile if they love each other.

So I summary I have no good answer just random thoughts.......but then I often state " I do not think I understand everything I know"

Best wishes to you.

[April Rose]

I think you have something of a gem in Monnica, in that your question is one that in my experience on this and other boards, hasn't been asked much. Certainly not enough. In my own life I can say that, now that we are both over 65, I can finally start to repay my wife for her acceptance and indulgence over the years. Everyone is different, and I don't mean in any way to imply our situation applies to yours. We have been married for 38 years, and she knew I was a CD before we married. For the most part , I don't know what she got out of the feminine part of my life, beyond the fact that it forced me to be liberal-minded, and that opened us up to bohemian/artistic friends, and consequently, interesting experiences. Still , there was a lot of compromising between the two of us.

Now that we are older, and she has started to have health problems, I find it is very natural for me to be her caretaker, in the manner of the feminine domestic partner in any relationship. I feel that the gift we have given each other, is just that we both feel that we both have each other's backs , and it's not out of obligation , but out of joy.

[Sami Brown]

I have not asked my wife this question, but from other conversations we have had, I think I know what is in it for her.

She has told me that the reason she is supportive is that when I am happy, it makes her happy. I feel the same way about her.

I don't know whether that helps you with your question. I am glad to hear that you are doing well though. Keep up the conversation with your SO. There is a lot for both of you to gain by having a greater understanding of each other.

Sami

[LeslieSD]

Let's see if I can find an analogy. I was not so much into cruise ships. I have always enjoyed driving and exploring. Being carried to different places and being pampered along the way was not really my thing. But my SO have always loved it, and wanted to do it. So we booked a trip. It's for her so I thought. But it turned out to be a very enjoyable trip for me as well. And I really like the isolation from the daily mundane life, and the nice food all day long does not hurt either.

So she may ask what do I want out of going to the cruise trip. It started as that she wanted it and I wanted to make her happy. I am sure she had a good time. But I enjoyed the trip none the less. Yes, I wanted to see her enjoy it, but I didn't suffer in the process either, and indeed far from it. Life to me is not a zero sum game. And giving is not meant to be for the return, isn't it? I can't demand everyone (including my SO) to think the same way as me. But I live my life that way and I am happier.

Now I hope my SO will go to a cruise trip with me dressed as Leslie (some day).

[Tracii G]

That is a very good question and I don't think I have ever heard it asked before.

[Pat]

Anyway, she has opened up to me about a lot of personal fantasies and desires, none yet seem too far fetched, or impossible. Not what I am used to, but I like to please and be pleased, as I say, I love her and will do what I can to help her fulfill as many as possible. But, something came up in conversation that I don't know how to answer; What do I want out of all this?

It sounds a little transactional -- "You get X, so I get Y" kind of thing which doesn't seem at all like you. I do things for my girlfriend because I want her to be happy; she does stuff for me because she wants me to be happy -- if we're both happy then the relationship can't help but be good, right? So I kind of assume you do stuff for Monnica because you want her to be happy and that happiness is what you get. She may feel a little guilty/unworthy and so is looking for a quid pro quo to exchange but I don't think you have to name a price. Just keep looking out for each other.

[Alice B]

I can't even to begin answering that because I have a wife that accepts, but does not want to participate or even want to be around me when dressed. But the fact that she has asked you this question shows that her love for you is very strong and that she really wants you to be happy.

[T Gram]

My S/O has never asked me, what do I want or get out of "girl time" Sometimes I wonder if she really cares what I feel or think at all as long as "she" gets what she wants. I've really tried to be supportive but sometimes I feel like a second class citizen. Playing second fiddle to the most important "woman" in my S/O's life. There are secrets and things in not told, things get sprung on me and I'm expected to go along cheerfully. God forbid i ask questions any questions. I'd really just like some honesty! Sorry rant over

[docrobbysherry]

"What do I want out of this". Out of what, Littleleg?

Out of M's dressing or your relationship?

If it's the first, u don't need to get any more out of it than u do already. Do u? If so, u should know the answer better the we.

If it's the second, and u r satisfied, that's fine. Many women hear that old ticking clock. And, want the diamond ring! Could that be what M is hinting at?

[Janie Jane]

My wife kinda' started me on CD'g 3 years ago when she took all my underwear to the laundry and left just one pair of her panties on the pillow as a joke. So I put them on, which she did not expect but was rather delighted about. (I do think the roots in my subconscious ran much further back).
An unusual start (I think) but she has been very supportive, but I'm one of those people who has to know "WHY?" The best she can tell me is that Janie has made me a much better, more balanced person than I'd been in the previous 5 years. I'd been no gem the previous 5 decades to this so it took a bit of time to see this in myself. I fall in love with her more every day because she sees something in me that no one before ever could, and I am truly Blessed to have her.
It sounds like this is perhaps what you see in Monnica.
Jane

[sometimes_miss]

My ex just wanted the house and our bank accounts.....without me attached to them!

[mbmeen12]

My current GG loves for me to dress for her. Encourages it and it (dressing) will manifest into, I Kara become a very pretty gurlfriend for her, then to more a bedroom thing. The future will bring more changes when I retire and I hope she will continue to be a part of me growing.

You are together today and have a warm relationship, which is all we can ask for in this wacky world.

[leannejacobs]

I think it's great that you were asked but feel you're probably not looking for anything, my wife doesn't look for anything in return for her acceptance, I believe she gets out of it what she puts in, since she has accepted this part of me I've been very much more attentive to her needs and show her a lot more love, respect and honesty, I really don't think she'd expect anything more than that.
That said, everyone is different and you may want to view this as a blank cheque, it's your chance to get M to tighten up on anything which may have slid over the years, I'll be monitoring to see what you come up with lol.

[Beverley Sims]

My wife and I enjoy doing things together and her reward is just that.

It's called a partnership.

[ClosetED]

Hello g - welcome back! Glad to hear all is well with Monnica. My wife knows but still doesn't accept it, so I did not ask. She has responded by buying herself more clothes and shoes. But I think that is not what a loving wife really wants. I think what you want to get out of being accepting of Monnica is the closer relationship and sharing of experiences that bind you closer. That your total acceptance should encourage your partner to be totally accepting of you and to care for your needs.
IMHO.
Hugs, Ellen

[Teresa]

Littleleg,
Yes it is a good question.

I guess we do get so involved in the whole CDing thing and maybe become a little self centered with it , OK we don't want to hurt our partners, in fact I feel many comments here are based on the fact that despite our CDing we care almost too much about how it affects our partners . So what do they get out of it, to me i wanted so deeply to share it with a woman , to me it offered all the things a woman could need , apart from the stumbling block is they tell you they aren't lesbians . If I could have been totally accepted would I have separated from my wife ? If not what sort of life would she have had ? How would friends and family dealt with it , would she have lost most of that for the sake of me ?

I said more than once if she could be happy I would be happy but she turned that on it's head and gave me both barrels of a very abusive reply .

I do believe that marriage for a wife especially becomes an acceptable compromise , if a husband/partner doesn't pose too many problems I can live with it , to many CDing is outside those parameters end of story , stop now or one of us will be leaving !!

OK Littleleg the bottom line is what do you think you want from it ? Does any escalation scare you , how much can you live with before you're out of your comfort zone ? I remember sometime ago Reine talking about the pendulum swinging and when it finally stops that is when a balance has been reached , has it come to that or are you still waiting ? You can make it work and I believe both parties can come to terms with it and enjoy it , it may not be what you thought married life would be like but that's life we never know what is round the corner .

[LeannS]

Littleg I always enjoy your posts

One thing that comes to my mind is to just love me!!

Thats is all
so long till the next time
Leann

[jennifer0918]

Ok, these words stick out at me far fetched, selfish, and narcissistic and I wonder if this is your generalized idea or concept of cd's? I ask because I want to help you find that answer to the your question "what do I want out of this?" With very little said about you I think only you can answer this question for yourself. Don't hold back on Monnica let her know how you feel and all the reading in world will not speak from your heart. So look deep with in yourself to find yout answer.

[Shelly Preston]

hi g

I don't think you need to want anything out of it.

Things you might find that you get are :

A shopping companion, fashion consultant, No complaints on how long it takes to get ready for a night out.

If you do find a need you can then share it.

[Jaylyn]

in any good relationship there has to be some giving and some taking. I think Monica was very polite in asking what you as the GG would like to see in her dressing. My wife and I had some serious visits about the rules that I would adhere to in my dressing. Maybe Monica wants to hear what and where you would like to see this go and maybe just how far you are willing to put up with the dressing. I know my limits and also love my wife and I will not break those barriers because I love her. I love my dressing but also know there is a limit to it also. Maybe Monica needs a place that you both can go to comfortably in the dressing. Just a thought but might not apply in your case.