What do I want out of this? - a gg pov

[Littleg2]

Thank you all for your responses.

I didn't mean to imply that I need or want anything from Monnica other than what we have and offer each other. I don't think I'll be creating a laundry list of demands and wishes, not my style, and not how I took her question. The way I understood it, the way I perceived it, was that M feels like this is all about her;What she wants and desires, etc. It's been a private part for so long that she didn't have anyone to help her explore and do the things that were only in her head up until now, up until me. I think she just wants to make sure that it's not all about her, but about me, and together-us.

Monnica wants to know my desires and fantasies and what I want to experience with her. And while it's not that I don't have any, I am fairly in my head about it all, and a pretty private person, so even sharing that with M is hard, masc or femme. I have also been in some pretty crappy relationships where I was left to feel like I was being used, in all matters that one can be. It was never about me or what I wanted, so I didn't really dare to think about that, and now am not fully even sure. Now, throw in there the unique twist that cd'ing brings into it, and I have to retrain myself, so to speak. I don't feel like a "lesbian", as I have heard and read other GG's feeling like that is what is expected of them, I feel like me, in love with the whole of a person who is my perfect puzzle piece.

What makes me happy is making M happy, seeing her happy, turning her on, knowing that she enjoys the little things I do that let her know it's finally okay to be the person she was feeling on the inside, to whatever extent she wants, as long as we remain open and communicate with one another where things are going, how they are, and what we would both like. It's in the time we spend together. Everything we do.

I used the words/terms "selfish, "narcissistic and "far fetched", because those are the terms M has used in conversations with me. She feels, to some degree, what she does is selfish, especially when it was hidden and made such a mess of her life. Narcissistic, or narcissism, because many people are this way, cd'ers or not, people are. To define: "having an excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one's physical appearance.", would you not say that a fair few of you are this way? It just depends on to what degree. How you let that affect your life and the lives of others in your life. Besides being a term that M has used, it is also a term that a few GG SO's use. I am not trying to say this disrespectfully, so I hope it isn't coming out that way, I am just trying to clarify.

As far as ideas being far fetched, (and I will do my best to keep this clean moderators) 8 months ago when M showed me a video of a sissy maid being pegged, I was shocked and horrified, to be honest, but now, I'm not at all. I just needed time to wrap my head around it all, and realize it is something the person I love has an interest in, and therefore, in trying to be supportive and open-minded and loving, I have looked into these things, and others, further, to make myself more comfortable with the fetish side of this that Monnica has, which I know not all of you do, and of course that is okay, but it should also be okay that she does.

I hope I managed to clarify any points made out there, and again, I really do appreciate you all taking the time to read and respond to me. I am trying, too. It's all any of us can do.

I had never been asked before what I wanted out of any relationship, so it does indicate a great deal of respect and love that she would even bother to ask me and care to know the answer.

-g

[Bianca Fay]

Littleg2, you seem like a wonderful person.
You don't need advice. You need a sincere, long slow clap (with a standing ovation).

[suzanne]

You are a gem among gems. Monnica is beyond lucky to have you in her life with all the things you do for her. It may now be that she is feeling like the relationship is becoming a one way street, with all benefits going her way. Its time to even it up by allowing her to express her gratitude, which is in all probability much greater than you might imagine. Just as she asked and received her heart's desires from you, you should look deep in your heart for what you truly want. Even if you wanted your husband back and requested some non-Monnica time, I think she would be happy to comply.

I just finished reading your last post. The generosity of spirit you both have shown toward each other is awe inspiring. I hope you have a long and glorious life together, and that you find time to share a story or two with this forum. And maybe a picture.

[Littleg2]

Thank you Cecily, that's very kind of you to say.

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You may be right, Suzanne, and I appreciate your insight. When we talk about masc time, I requested that we actually plan that and do more time en femme either by surprise or spontaneously. it might seem funny, but we are going to commit to having a "date night", at least twice a month, with M in masc, and the rest of the time it can go either way.

My reasoning for this is because I know how repressed this has all been kept, so occasionally, I will be home first and surprisingly lay out either lingerie or clothing (femme) for M to put on once home and bathed. I like to surprise her and plan little "girls nights in" where we just hang out, paint each others toenails, read "girly" magazines (Cosmo, US, People), play games, talk, etc. She will do similar type things, like putting on panties or stockings and then takes pleasure when I *discover* them when we are at home or out and (this is so lame - lol), but I get excited and giggle with delight (told you-lol). I buy gifts for both Monnica and M, and just let her be her and she in turn, just lets me do what I do. I write her poems and entertain certain things that I know she likes, and I feel that it is reciprocated, I suppose, but I don't feel I ask (literally) for too much. She has been very clear that she wants me to be open and to feel free to say at any time that I need a break from it or if it's too much. I don't feel pressured and it seems to be working as it is.

We have begun to discuss toying with the idea of a FLR, but with everything else, she plants the seeds of ideas and just lets me run with it. So, for example, for Easter this year, I am going to buy her a little french maid apron and in hollow Easter eggs (which she will have to hunt for) will be little chores that I want her to do or tasks that I want her to perform. It's a new thought, in it's infant stages, but something I think she would like very much. We'll see...

Take care,
g

[jennifer0918]

Excessive and erotic intrest ?????A fair few???? Absolutely not we are all individuals we may have certain similarities but we are different. Correct me if I'm wrong you have your perfect piece of the puzzle your in love ,why come here on forum ? What's your question? Love concurs all ,love knows no boundaries. And your in love and that's it !!! I'm sorry it's still not clear to me. But hey I hope you find what your looking for good luck

[Littleg2]

Excessive and erotic intrest ?????A fair few???? Absolutely not we are all individuals we may have certain similarities but we are different. Correct me if I'm wrong you have your perfect piece of the puzzle your in love ,why come here on forum ? What's your question? Love concurs all ,love knows no boundaries. And your in love and that's it !!! I'm sorry it's still not clear to me. But hey I hope you find what your looking for good luck

I know we're not supposed to quote the person directly above, but wasn't sure how you would see this otherwise. I was actually shocked and a little hurt by your comments and insinuation that I shouldn't be on a support forum for "Crossdressers, The #1 Community for Crossdressers, their family and friends." Where else, exactly, do you think I should go? (Rhetorical)

I am here to gain insight, knowledge, get support and try to be a supportive GG SO to a member of your community (even if they don't come to this site much anymore, if at all). M told me she doesn't come here because there are a lot of cd'ers who think that it should only be about the clothes and/or feeling feminine, and your post kind of solidified what she was made to feel. She also told me she wanted me to have a place where I could go to talk to people about this, to get a different point of view from her own, and she wouldn't be looking over my shoulder at everything I post, because she trusts me and wants me to feel comfortable here. We are not heathens or perverts, but we do have a bedroom life, desires, fantasies and for her this plays into it, just as much as sitting around in girl clothing getting a pedicure and doing girly things does. It all makes her who she is, and I am here to try and get support for that too, from those that are experiencing a similar situation with their SO, cd'er or another GG or SO.

Again, I was in no way, shape or form, trying to be insulting using the terms I used, and supplying the dictionary definition I did, I am just using facts. If you don't get it, or understand why I am here, please feel free not to read my posts. The GG section here is dead;There have not been any posts in there for months, so I come here to get insight from everyone who can see and respond, if they want to. I have very few people in my life I can talk to about all this, and frankly, the anonymity, to some degree, is nice for someone like me who is quite shy in talking about these things at all.

I am not, characteristically, a shy person, but I do say I am private, and even if I could talk to my one friend who knows about all of this, I don't very much, due to the way I am. I am also no shrinking flower, overly sensitive or offended easily, but you have managed to hurt me with your words, making it seem as though I don't belong here at all. It's surprising, really. So, with that, I will thank you for your well wishes of good luck, and hope you are happy as you are and do find what you are looking for here and in life, but I don't think you need to respond to my threads if you don't understand them. Thank you.

[Cherylgyno]

Little G. Yikes that is a tough question. First thought that came to mind is. I want both of us to be happy together. If both of us are happy I have got everything that I want to get.
Best of luck. Hopefully M will ask questions that are much easier to answer from now on.

[Lacey CD]

A very well thought out and respectful response Little G. I too was a bit taken aback by some of the replies to your thread. I found your post insightful and thought provoking. What DOES my wife want out of all this support and acceptance she lovingly gives me? Like several other responses, I have gained so much love and respect for this woman I would walk through fire for her and she knows it. I adore her. I don't think she actually wants anything other than to experience and love all of me and to do that, she must accept and embrace the feminine in me as well as the masculine. Her acceptance has brought us much closer together to a point where we get a bit depressed when we're apart for more than a couple of days and we both love that! We're still in love after 20 years and I hope and pray the two of you can sustain this wonderful experience you're having now into a lifetime of happiness like you've never known!

[char GG]

I was actually so moved when M asked me, because it shows me that M is not a selfish, narcissistic person (not completely - lol), and she genuinely cares about what me and what I want and how I feel about it all.

I am so very impressed that Monnica thought to ask you this question! To me, it shows M has enough compassion about your feelings, experiences and wants you to be happy/fulfilled in your relationship. Obviously only you are able to respond to the question but it is definitely food for thought.

My husband is very considerate but I am sure he has never even thought of what I wanted out of "all this". I would be stunned if he asked me. I would probably have a hard time coming up with an answer!

Since the MtF forum typically focuses on how the CDer feels, the reader tends to get a one sided story. Thanks, Littleg2, for sharing your side.

[Littleg2]

I would like to acknowledge and thank you all for the positive responses. I guess, for me, I was thrown. It hasn't been something I had thought about, because I am never left to feel something is lacking or that I don't get what I *need* from M. M is thoughtful, caring, sweet, considerate and more. She is everything I would hope to find in a partner. What more could I possibly need! I think that, is my answer.

I hope for those of you that are in a relationship where your SO knows and is either supportive or even just DADT, you to can put this question to them, in your own way, knowing your SO best. It really does let the other person know that you are thinking about them and their wants as well.

My utmost appreciation to all of you who took the time to read and respond so far. Thank you.

-g

[cdsamswife]

Hello

My cd-ing husband Sam hasnt asked me the exact same question before, however he has always asked what do I want to do..? what do I want him to dress like or do I want him to dress.... I think even just hearing questions like that has made me more comfortable in telling my husband what I like and dont like about him dressing and what I do and dont want to know about the times when he does dress. I dont really know how I would answer the specific question your spouse asked either.. Im just happy to see that my husband is happy when he dresses up.... I guess what I would want is just that we both stay happy, honest and open.

You sound like a very supportive wife as well All the best!

[docrobbysherry]

Littleleg, I'm sorry u were offended by Jennifer's response. I didn't find it offensive. She's simply the voice of experience explaining where u r. Because as u admit, u don't seem to have a clue. U only know you're having a lot of fun. And, that your sex life is fantastic!

In fact, that seems to be the substance of all your posts. But, pointing that out isn't negative, LL. For those of us that have been in love, it was the most wonderful time of our lives! As it seems to be for u!

What I think Jenn meant and what I mean is, it rarely ever lasts! So, keep doing what you're doing. When the "real issues" start popping up?
Come back and chat with us. Maybe we can help?

But until then, all we can be is supportive and JEALOUS!

[jennifer0918]

Opinions vary, so good luck ,hope you find all the answers your looking for. I said my piece, good day!!

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Thanks Doc your wonderful

[Littleg2]

In fact, that seems to be the substance of all your posts.

I'm not going to take this as a negative takeaway, but I will say this...

I have always been respectful of this forum, it's members, and its rules and guidelines. Perhaps the reason why you are picking up on the fact that most of my questions and threads, in your opinion, are about bedroom activities, is because for my lovely Cd'ing SO, it is a lot about that. I don't bring up or ask nearly the amount of things that are running through my head because I picked up quite early on here that these subjects seem to be taboo now. They did seem to be more discussed going back a few years, as I have found in my searches, but not anymore. Now they are few and far between, and seem to get shut down fast.

Monnica's crossdressing came about because of sexual abuse that she encountered as a child where M was forced to wear women's attire. So there you go. She has struggled with this for over 25 years, feeling ashamed, alone and like a pervy deviant, and then there are those select few Cd'ers who also made her feel that way, which is incredibly sad. She was directed and ended up on fetish sites, wading through the mess, trying to find and associate with like-minded people who just simply understood what she had been through and what she continues to go through. She has been through therapy for the inception of her dressing and has come to terms with it. She feels comfortable now that it is not some sick, dark, secret perversion, and I am most certainly going to do all I can to protect her and keep it that way. I am not either. I am fun, open and adventurous, supportive, caring and want M to feel loved and cared for, in all matters. I hope that is always the takeaway from my threads, comments and questions.

I know it's still relatively new, and we have already had a few hiccups. But, we are open and can communicate about these things. I like to be able to talk to people who are experiencing something similar, aside from just her, as I have already explained. This forum is open for all, and I will continue to be the way I was and am in my opening line. I will not be made to feel as though I don't belong, I don't think that's right at all. And I am not going to just wait until there are negative issues to discuss or things I really don't understand. I will continue to share the positive, happy, encouraging things M and I share and hope that it gives others hope that there is someone out there for them who wants them the way they are, warts, forms, wigs and all!

Thank you for your response.

-g

[jennifer0918]

WOW a lonely pervy deviant? ??? So illy misinformed. .
P.s. welcome no one has never said the opposite. Unbelievable

[Littleg2]

That is how she, Monnica, felt. I can't make this any more clear that these were her words. How is this misinformed?

[Pat]

This forum is open for all, and I will continue to be the way I was and am in my opening line. I will not be made to feel as though I don't belong, I don't think that's right at all. And I am not going to just wait until there are negative issues to discuss or things I really don't understand. I will continue to share the positive, happy, encouraging things M and I share and hope that it gives others hope that there is someone out there for them who wants them the way they are, warts, forms, wigs and all!

And the moderator backs her up on this.

Note that the rules specifically say "All members of this forum have the right to post and reply to posts and generally take advantage of the features of the forum without abuse from other members."

This, of course, is a two-edged sword -- members have a right to disagree, but it must be done respectfully and it seems like we're straying outside those lines. If this thread goes any further in the finger-pointing and disrespectful responses, it will be closed.

Thanks.

[Jenny22]

I truly wish that more GG spouses would share their thoughts in this M2F forum. Thanks to all of you that do!

[CONSUELO]

Little G,

You asked a slightly complicated question and I am sorry that some of the replies have seemed, shall we say "unsupportive".

Monnica is opening up to you about some of her deeply personal thoughts. You seem ready to listen and I think you should just continue the conversation and explore her ideas and desires. At the same time you should be telling her about your desires. What sort of relationship do you want with Monnica? What are your desires for a relationship including intimacy? It is a two way relationship after all.


You seem to be talking openly and that has to be a huge positive. Keep talking and being open minded.

You are a vey brave and kind person.

[Tracii G]

Yep a two way street each partner has to give and each has to receive.
Its about the both of you and up to you two to navigate thru the obstacles and make it work.

[Alice B]

I think your coming to this site is great. You provide great insight to what an accepting SO thinks and is about. I have enjoyed seeing your thought process and wish I had such an open and insightful partner. Thank you

[Lana Mae]

Little Leg, Keep those communications open and I have only two words for you! "Bless you!" Hugs Lana Mae

[krissy]

I have never been with a woman who could even talk about this part of me .Its so nice to see that they do exist.your story moved me deeply thanks for writing

[Aunt Kelly]

Sweetie, you don't have to get anything out "this", other than an even more devoted SO. If there is something you want out your partner's TG nature, you should feel free to discuss it with her. As others have stated, you are a gem for your understanding and support and if your partner has a lick of sense, she will find ways to return that love and support. Really... talk. That's what makes strong relationships work, regardless of gender issues.

Hugs,


Kelly

[giuseppina]

Hello LittleG

That Monnica asked the question she did does not fit her being a narcissist. Very insightful, if you want my opinion.

It seems to me you have a healthy and constructive relationship going. Monnica's life story bears some similarity to mine. I'd like to find someone like you for a soulmate; I agree with your reactions to the disrespectful posters.