Kelly,Some interesting observations .
I call the expectations of what a man is about and how he should conduct his life according to society as being forced to were a male straight jacket . From my own experience I went along with that for many years , " Hey look at me I've done male things to show you all I can do it !" I don't regret that there are parts of that life I wouldn't change for the World . But what is this gut feeling that also exists that only becomes satisfied when I appear female , they're only clothes OK at times they become very arousing but what lies behind and beyond that ? I now see the outer appearance as a window to the World of how I feel inside , not a caricature, but an outward admission . I've never feared living as a man because that's all I knew from a nearly age , I would prefer to live as a woman but I still partially fear that because I have to pass through the society hoops again. Living as a man or a woman in modern society isn't really that different anymore , there are many single parent families , we do many of the same jobs , women are equal to or some times superior in certain fields .
The crux of all this is not the thought of which gender do I wish to live the rest of my life as but it's summed up in one word , " DECISION !" How do I make the right one ? Who do I turn to to help me make it ? and who will be by my side when I've finally made that choice ? That is what makes most people tick living with their chosen route .