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Thread: Thinking of a Name Change

  1. #1
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Thinking of a Name Change

    I started to discuss this on the "Your Femme Name" thread. Sorry if I'm redundant but the mods suggested I take the topic to another section. As usual, I'd like the usual advice, wisdom and loving understanding I always receive from my Sisters here.

    ILENE is a construct of joining the forum discussion board. I needed a femme name when I signed up for an CD.com account. I didn't regularly use a female alias so I quickly seized upon my mom's middle name. Always loved the sound of it anyway. So.... right now, I am proudly "Ilene".

    As I go down my crossdressing path into a more transgender realization and transition, I find myself thinking of a more practical name that may be more easily normalized with a transitioned femme existence.

    I am going to reveal personal info about myself, and trust my friends and sisters here to not mis-use it; please.

    My given male first name is Tom. Most of my childhood my parents and family called me Tommy. I cringed at that name when I was a child. I don't know why it irritated me so to be called Tommy, but it did. As an adult I used the more common Tom.

    While I love the name Ilene, as I consider the possibility of transitioning to life as a woman (full time), I am also thinking of aligning my femme name with my bio male name and calling myself something akin to who I've been known as all my life by all: TOMMI.
    TOMMI would be a version of my real Tommy name, and I could feminize the spelling. I can't help but believe that some day it will make changing my life documents a little easier too, when everyone knows me as Tommi [Tommy].

    Help? Thoughts? I value what you girls have to offer.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    I think Tommi is a great choice. I was named Roger,chose Rogina 13 years ago,and use Ro daily..It is a way to keep up with "who is on board with the social transition"..

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    A lot of girls who transition will do just that use a name closely related to the male name. But it’s not always the case.
    I will say this if you really are going to do a leagal change be sure it’s what you want and are happy with. I knew had I decided to change mine I was more than content with Rachael so Ilene it’s really up to you in the final decision

  4. #4
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
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    Hell-o Ilene,
    Spelling your name with an “i” at the end
    may make it seem a bit more feminine, but
    not in all cases. Look what it did for Jimi Hendrix,
    and his given name was actually Johnny.
    Do you suppose he hated being called Johnny
    just as you hated Tommy?
    As Rachel said, just make sure whichever name
    you choose is something YOU are happy with.
    If you’re choosing it to make others more at ease,
    you’re not doing it for the right reason, and Tommi
    may stir up some bad memories somewhere down
    the road.
    Much Love,
    Kristyn
    I smile because you are my friend, and
    I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!

  5. #5
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    Ilene, just had a search for female deriatives of Thomas or Tom, not that many really, the only really femme sounding one I found was Tamara.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  6. #6
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I only have one thought, make sure it is something YOU can live with!!!! Best wishes and regards! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by IleneD View Post
    I I am going to reveal personal info about myself, and trust my friends and sisters here to not mis-use it; please.
    .
    First, you DO know that this section of the website is open to the public, you don't have to be a member to read this, so disclose your personal information carefully, remember that everything posted on the net stays here forever. There's no putting the toothpaste back in the tube.
    That said, be who you want to be. I abandoned my given name because of all the negative memories associated with it. Then chose my new name because it was what I liked. I don't know exactly why; I never knew anyone named either Alex, Alexandra or Lexi.
    It just felt right.

  8. #8
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    "Cynthia" isn't anything like my male name, which I have despised all my life. I chose a name that was as far from my male name as I could get.

    There is no need to preserve your male name unless you really want to.

  9. #9
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    I like Tommi. Or Tommie.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Sami Brown's Avatar
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    I think Tommi is nice, but I also agree with the others that it isn't a requirement to feminize your male name. My femme name is nothing like my given name.

    I think you should think about a few more names that you feel match your personality. If Tommi still rises to the top, great! I think it is a really nice name.

    Sami
    My new blog: The Crossdresser Report
    https://crossdresserreport.com/

  11. #11
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I searched for "female version of name tom", and there were lots of choices.

    The one I liked best was "Tammy", which is not really Tom, but a very pretty femme name.

    When I was thinking of names, I thought of:

    1. A feminization of my boy name
    2. What my parents planned to name me if I turned out to be a girl
    3. The name of some celebrity
    4. The name of some girl (or girlfriend) that I liked
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  12. #12
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    Ilene,

    Firstly don't rush a decision the name you have chosen is fine and sometimes things happen for a reason.

    When I joined the site I used Miss Secret so I had the chance to think about a first name as I became more comfortable with the forum and myself. I kept the surname after deciding on Tamsin.

    I put a lot of thought into finding my name but as I said I didn't have one! (Started a thread on it)

    Just another angle on things and btw whichever way you choose to go will be the correct decision (it's your name!) How about thinking about a cute alias/nickname for yourself? That way you can keep Ilene but sign off with something different when required.

    You could link that to something that's personal to you i.e if you like gardening you could use 'Rose' or cooking 'Cherry' (didn't have a lot of time on the reply so they were off the top of my head, I'm sure you could do better however I do like Rose!)

    Anyway, good luck with your decision,

    Tammy

  13. #13
    Member Ariana225's Avatar
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    It took me almost a year after joining the forum to pick my name. I realize you’ve been here longer than that. So if you find the perfect fit then go with it! Especially make sure you love it if you legally change it, you don’t want to regret your decision FO EVE ER 😁

  14. #14
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Ilene,

    When I joined I paid little attention to picking a name. I just went with what I would have been called had I been born a girl. I never knew I could change it so this is exciting news! Tracy (and variations) is very common here.

    Do what you think is best but it will take some getting used to seeing your picture with a different name.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Tomasina is one that springs to mind, maybe not for you. :-)
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  16. #16
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    I can see a certain logic in thinking taking on a female derivative of your male name when undertaking a legal change but in truth I doubt it makes any difference to the process.

    My femme name is nothing like my male one. I picked a first name I liked and was fortunate enough to be able to have a little fun in creating a matching surname.

    I would say don't limit yourself to femme derivatives. If that's what you're comfortable with fine but it's a big wide world out there and going full time might be an opportunity to break with your previous life, name including.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Ilene,
    My personal preference would still be Ilene , it's a nice attachment to you mother , Tommi isn't a name you often come across , OK it doesn't sound as femme but you will possibly end up being called Tom .

    I admit I'm lucky Teresa was available when I joined the forum , which surprised me , it directly relates to my male name of Terence and even better shortened to Terry and Terri .
    A big fly in the ointment is an ex GF was also called Teresa and she was my wife's best friend at school , my wife obviously doesn't know this but I can imagine her thinking I still have a thing about the ex GF and adopted the name because of that . It really is coincidental , I like the easy transformation of my name it feels natural as does my transformation from male to female . When I hear members of my social group call me by it it feels very comfortable .
    The real me ,no going back.

  18. #18
    Member Charona's Avatar
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    I offer another thought, one I have suggested to people thinking about names for soon-to-be born children. Go visit a tourist attraction with a gift shop, and look through the personalized souvenirs. See if you can find a name you like. When our daughter was born we gave her an unusual name, and the unanticipated consequence was that we could never buy a personalized souvenir anywhere we took her.

  19. #19
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    On the forum, it's easy to change your name but it really means little. If you're talking about in real life, "Tommi" is a great choice because it's a derivative of what your parents named you and just a small change from what you are used to being called. I think if you want to change it at all, Tommi is a great choice.
    Krisi

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member Rayleen's Avatar
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    I think Tommie would look more feminine, but its your choice.

    Nice name by the way !

    Rayleen
    Wanting something is a fantasy which on a long time period clouds your mind and makes you think you need it.

    Rayleen

  21. #21
    New Member Jemima's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sometimes Steffi View Post
    I searched for "female version of name tom", and there were lots of choices.

    The one I liked best was "Tammy", which is not really Tom, but a very pretty femme name.

    When I was thinking of names, I thought of:

    1. A feminization of my boy name
    2. What my parents planned to name me if I turned out to be a girl
    3. The name of some celebrity
    4. The name of some girl (or girlfriend) that I liked
    I was about to suggest Tammy, and then I saw this post of Steffi. So, I am quoting this post. Yes, I also say Tammy

  22. #22
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    My concern is that you didn't like Tommy as a child but doesn't seem much different from Tommi. You might feel those nostalgic thoughts when being called Tommi.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    There are so many ways to pick a name. The important thing is that you need to like it and therefore name picking is very personal. I was called Markie when a boy and I could pick that now except I associate it with being a kid and now that I am most assuredly not. I did adore the actress Markie Post. I used Marcy for awhile, but it was too much like my given name. I decided I needed something different. My favorite feminine name is Audrey but Gretchen is a close second. Why? I have no idea; they just seem really feminine. I am currently more of a "Tomboy" type of woman, but it changes often. And Gretchen seemed quite versatile with regard to fitting a personality. Chose what you are most comfortable with and if Tommi or Tommie is it then perhaps that is it. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

  24. #24
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    My good friend, I think that Ilene is a beautiful name. I love the ring to it. My suggestion: Keep it. But, if you just have to have a name that relates to Tom, I agree with Beverly Simms ... Tomasina.

  25. #25
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Ilene, I chose "Leslie" as my "femme" name as it is gender-neutral and can be used in all situations, including here, on Facebook, or when I am ordering on line, corresponding with retailers, or else leaving product reviews on retailers' websites etc. - especially when it involves women's shoes or clothing.

    As for your proposed name change, I would also lean towards "Thomasina", "Tomara", "Tamara" or the like. "Tommie", "Tommi", "Tammie or "Tammi" et al sound more like cutesy-pie children's or teenagers' names IMHO - or, worst-case scenario - stripper names, and hardly appropriate for a "mature" lady such as yourself.

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