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Thread: C'mon! What's the worst that could happen!?

  1. #1
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Question C'mon! What's the worst that could happen!?

    Most of us started out as closet dressers. I've attended countless T and many vanilla events dressed since I began going out about 8 years ago. And, I'm usually out dressed as me. Not Sherry with a mask. I'm still a closet CD at heart. Because of the flack I receive out dressed!


    I'm used to: comments, fish eyes, giggles, "OMG what was that?", and, "Oh crap! That was a man!" But, the worst/best came from another trans who hollered, "What the f---? That's the worst thing I've ever seen!"


    I've read countless threads here encouraging girls to go out in Vanilla Land. So, I thot it would be interesting and cautionary for u to post the WORST THING that ever happened to u out dressed?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    Well I have only been out once and it was Halloween event at the mall dressed as Dorothy (as seen in my profile picture). At least five people asked if they could take a picture of me (mostly in a rude or laughing way), several people took pictures of me at a distance, and just in general a lot of people being awkward around me (staring, whispering, laughing). There were a lot of positive comments including one old lady telling my wife how it is hard to find a good man like me and I am a keeper.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I have only become ridiculed by my drunken friends at a party.

    All in jest but they could have gotten the mob principle and tarred and feathered me.

    It is something that can start in fun then escalate with alcohol involved.
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  4. #4
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Treated like I was the worst thing on the planet by a bunch of radical feminists.
    I have had a few WTFs from guys and girls but that doesn't bother me because they never really do anything.
    The radical feminists were hurling threats of bodily harm as well as personal attacks on my character.
    Thats why I hate feminists or activist types because they get up in your face and demand you conform to them and I will not do that.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 03-27-2018 at 01:03 PM.
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    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    I have been very lucky. My worst adventure was going out to an Elton John show is Las Vegas with a member of this site. Heel got caught in a sidewalk crack and I fell. Tore my nylons and tore up knee. Blood everywhere and still had to go to show. Cleaned up as best I could and had great time at show

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Thats why I hate feminists or activist types because they get up in your face and demand you conform to them and I will not do that.
    Good for you (unless you "trigger" them). It's too bad that certain unnamed institutions in society have turned them into such hostile, intolerant people. Just when we thought the public was becoming more accepting.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  7. #7
    Member Eva Bella's Avatar
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    In my very early days, a bunch of young guys in a car yelled at me and a friend while we were in a taxi, stuck in traffic. They yelled homophobic slurs and a bunch of hateful things. I yelled back and flipped them off, then traffic started moving and we went our separate ways.

    Since then, nothing significant. Every now and then there's a laugh, or someone points, or they take a picture.

    But I have four things that I consider when this happens:

    1) What we're doing is not typical. It's better to expect that some will be rude or uncomfortable with it.

    2) My negative experiences pales in comparison to the usual young cis female. I've never been threatened with real assault. I've never been pursued by a man who could overpower me. I don't get called a bitch on NYC streets for not smiling at someone who's catcalling me. It's less about being trans and more about presenting female. If you're going to be feminine, than someone is going to try and victimize you for it. Every woman deals with this.

    3) For every asshole in Las Vegas who calls me and my friends "dudes," there's a hundred people from all places and creeds and colors who go out of their way to be friendly, accommodating, and complimentary to us.

    4) When you present female, you have to mind yourself like you are one. Women don't walk alone to their cars at 2AM in sketchy neighborhoods, and neither should I. Men are used to a considerable amount of anonymity and invulnerability.. and that's simply not the case for females. It's necessary to adjust your thinking.

    Also... I went to university in the middle of Pennsylvania.. which is easily the least tolerant place I've ever lived. I played in a punk rock band and dressed the part. I received FAR more grief and aggression as a straight cis male in a Black Flag t-shirt and spiky hair than I've ever gotten as a girl.
    Last edited by Eva Bella; 03-27-2018 at 03:38 PM.

  8. #8
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Lela The whole trigger thing is just an excuse people use to feel justified in treating you like crap.
    Kind of like the NYC saying "no offense" when it is their intention to offend you they just try to justify it by saying that.
    Clear their conscience is what they are trying to do.
    Eva at 65 I still wear my Black Flag T shirts and go to punk shows.
    Saw Black Flag a couple of years ago and they tore the house down. Great show.
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    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
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    The worst that I can think of is a confused look occasionally. I would love to know what may have been said later by the bearer of the confused look
    Eva; Interesting observations. It's useful to lend some perspective to our situation.

  10. #10
    BEING YOUnique is AWESOME Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    The in-your-face confrontation that happened during the period I was trying my darnest to be as “passable” and took to the blending in idea of dressing. I think that situation was mere seconds from being physical on his part, lucky for me a girl in his group interjected herself and diffused the situation. With that confrontation and others like it during that period, I believe that folks tend to be more aggressive if they think you are trying to “fool” them. I haven’t had much negative experiences when it is more obvious that I am not trying to “pass”!

  11. #11
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    I have been out a few times, and while there are alot of statres and whispers I have never really had anyone say anything to me directly. I have had a few good times too ( I met my wonderful fiancee while dress shopping). The cutest one was one time my fiaancee and I were shopping ( I was dressed as Stephanie) and a little girl who couldnt have been older than 5 or 6 years old came up to me and said " excuse me mister ( I am no where near passable) are you wearing a dress?" When I said yes she asked me why,old her I liked wearing them and she said "oh ok, so do I." Then she said I looked very pretty. Her mom stood there and saw the whole thing and didnt say a word and when the little girl walked back to her the mom came up to me and said she agreed with her daughter that the dress was very pretty on me.

  12. #12
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Amazing, nothing bad yet. But I was stared at in a restaurant as they were trying to figure me out. But he never said a thing. So all good in vanilla land. .
    Part Time Girl

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Sherry,
    To perfectly honest there hasn't been anything bad or adverse happen. I could list numerous humorous things but nothing that has ever put me off being out .

    I'm going to say again that as a minority group we are something of a rarity , not that many people have seen a CDer so when they do they are going to look and maybe look again , did their eyes deceive them ? Was it a man dressed as a woman ? I overheard exactly that conversation from a couple , not laughing and giggling but genuinely questioning it to each other .
    The real me ,no going back.

  14. #14
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    The worst thing that has happened was years ago me and the wife were checking on her parents vacation home. We had the place to ourselves so we were "playing around", I was dressed in a red schoolgirl skirt and blouse, white ankle socks, platform Mary Jane's and no wig. She "made me" walk out to the mailbox to pick up the mail (it was a long driveway). As I was retrieving the mail a pick up truck passed and some "good old boy" yelled QUEER at me. Got punched in the mouth one night out with friends but that had nothing to do with my dressing, I tried to break up a fight between friends. And just a few ignorant comments and assuming that I was gay. Nothing where I felt threatened.

  15. #15
    Member Eva Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Princess Chantal View Post
    I believe that folks tend to be more aggressive if they think you are trying to “fool” them. I haven’t had much negative experiences when it is more obvious that I am not trying to “pass”!
    I'll echo this. I go to mainstream clubs all of the time, and part of me is shocked that I DON'T get any static from young, macho guys. But I'm always with my girlfriends (cis, CD, trans, whatever), and we generally keep to ourselves. I mean.. I've definitely gotten drunk and been really outrageous and flirtatious with the other girls, but we're not approaching those guys or trying to seduce or trick them. As long as you don't make them feel defensive about their sexuality, I think that people can be much more tolerant than we give them credit for.

    Haha.. I'd also say that a bunch of transgirls dancing and making out with each other is much more acceptable to "normies" than a bunch of gay males doing the same. Interesting thoughts on that one.

  16. #16
    AKA Lexi Read only sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    post the WORST THING that ever happened to u out dressed?
    THe worst thing? Well, the dead ones aren't able to post their responses. Yes, people have been killed because they were crossdressers. I'm assuming this thread was created in order to give everyone here a false sense of security that it's perfectly safe to go out crossdressed, just because most haven't experienced any catastrophic backlash. It happens, and when it does, there's nothing you can to about it unless you're either armed or a martial arts person. And I'm guessing that doesn't apply to most of us here.

    And it doesn't address the hidden backlash that is not immediately apparent, when outing ourselves. Word gets back to our landlords, employers, family, friends, social contacts. landlords can evict us for other reasons, employers can put us on the top of the list when downsizing (again, for other reasons to avoid discrimination charges), family & friends can distance themselves from us, social invitations can dry up and cease, etc..
    People don't necessarily have to feel hate or dislike for us for all this to occur; all it takes, is for them to feel uncomfortable with us. That's all it takes to make them reconsider being around us for any or all of that to happen.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 03-27-2018 at 04:57 PM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  17. #17
    Member Eva Bella's Avatar
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    Jeeez you don't have to freaking panic everyone. For all of this conjecture, I know literally hundreds of people who are out as crossdressers to family, friends, and work.. and it's simply not a big deal. People register or lurk this site for information and reassurance, and I think you're being needlessly alarmist.

    Got references for the many killed for crossdressing? I googled that phrase and found two sad stories in Jamaica and Detroit, and a bunch of links for a crossdressing dermatologist who murdered his wife. Obviously no one should die for this, but it hardly seems to be an epidemic.
    Last edited by Eva Bella; 03-27-2018 at 05:30 PM.

  18. #18
    Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
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    I can't recall anything ever bad happening to me while out dressed. The only thing that has come to mind was when I went to a local group meeting and had to walk through the hallways of the motel looking for the meeting room and had a little girl walking hand in hand with her dad look intensely at me as I passed by. I don't think dad even gave notice. But I'll give it more thought and see if I can stir some forgotten times.

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    1. Rear ended by mechanic on his way to SFO for work. No damage to either car. At the end od the exchange, seemed like he wanted to ditch work an go to the bars.

    2. Left my keys inside car and had to call AAA. The tow guy was polite but kept calling me by my male name over and over again.

    3. Pulled over for random stop and subjected to DUI test. Not drunk at all. Next day, returning to hotel from work, the same cop follows me around until I get to the hotel. Does not stop me, but approaches me as I get our of the car. I was in guy mode. I guess he wanted to check me out again.

  20. #20
    Gold Member Diane Smith's Avatar
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    Only a couple of pretty minor things.

    One time, as I was walking out of my nail salon in a strip mall, a guy started following me and yelling, "Sir! Sir! Why are you dressed like that?" over and over. He followed until I got to my car, and then stuck his face right up against the window as I was getting ready to drive away. I ignored him as much as possible and got out of there forthwith.

    Two I can remember happened when I was in drab:

    A guy once followed me around a big thrift store in Tucson as I looked at the women's clothes and shoes. I kept seeing him out of the corner of my eye wherever I would go. When I checked out, he was waiting near the door and followed me out into the street, yelling epithets about how immoral it is for men to wear women's clothes.

    An SA at an upscale department store in the Chicago area refused to sell me a pair of women's shoes, and went out of her way to point me out to all her co-workers and make me feel creepy for even looking at them. (That was back in the mid-'80s. Times have changed.)

    On the other hand, there have been hundreds of pleasant, humorous and enlightening experiences as well. All in all, the balance is toward the positive.

    - Diane

  21. #21
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    I feel like I've told this story at least a dozen times (which probably means that it's more like two dozen...)
    Worst exprience was my first time out in public, in a busy casino in Las Vegas. A cross dresser will get made in under thirty seconds in that scenario. The tourists are wide-eyed and looking at everything. When they spot you, their mouths gape and they stare. If they look away, it's only long enough to tap their companion on the shoulder and say something to the effect of, "Look at that." It was trying... for about a minute, and then I realized that nothing else was going to happen, and that I could choose to smile and become part of an amazing story they'd tell back in B.F., Iowa.
    That's it. That's the worst. Maybe I'm lucky or maybe confidence (and a smile) makes all the difference.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Ok Sherry,
    First we have met, I have no problem with how you are.

    Are you saying you want the general public to accept you, seeing you as the same as anyone else, so to speak?

    The worst, I’ll give you a couple.

    A boyfriend and I had attended a local town fair. Walking back to the car some young guys passing in van yelled out obscenities at me as they drove by. It bothered my boyfriend more than it did me.

    Someone sent pictures of me taken in public to the owner of the company I work for. They were trying to get me fired. I’m out so it was really nothing.

    This happened at a transgender support group I use to attend. They meet at a LGBT center about 30 minutes north of me. I have this very close gay friend that had been feeling down. I had heard that there was a new gay bar in that town. I asked the moderator after the meeting if she had heard of it. She lives and works in that town. She looked at me like I was trash and said we don’t go to bars. I just left and never went back. WTF I was asking for my gay friend, I didn’t tell her that, did I need to. This bothered me more than all the other stuff.

    There are other things but my friends stand up for me, they shield me at times. These are just everyday people, the Vanilla world you refer to.
    A couple of people have been thrown out of the bar for bothering me. I did not say a word, I don’t have to.

    I don’t want to leave the wrong impression. I am generally accepted, loved and treated well like all the time. I have been pretty much full time for the last two years. I live, work and play in the Vanilla world.

    See you in Vegas.
    Love Jean
    Last edited by Jean 103; 03-27-2018 at 11:19 PM.

  23. #23
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Oh my bloody God. Has anything disastrous or crazy ever happened while out dressed?
    Almost without fail.

    I was taking a 250 mile bike trip through wine and ag country, and staying overnight in small town B&B's. I took a few femme things; a beloved long blue floral dress, heels, headscarves, some make up, undies, etc. (no wig); and dressed on a few evenings.
    I stayed at one nice B&B that stood on a corner of a small winery town. During my check-in I was given my keys (to the outside door and my room), and reminded that after hours there would be no staff on the premises to help. However they (allegedly) had an emergency contact number.

    I went out (en femme) for a dinner. Walked the un-busy sidewalks around the art shoppes and bistros, and spent time in my B&B back courtyard. There I met a woman traveler. We shared a bottle of wine and strange stories. After we parted and I went inside, I decided to return to the courtyard for one last glass of wine and the night air. After sitting alone for a half hour or so outside I tried to re-enter the B&B.
    The door was locked. All the outside doors were locked, and I suddenly realized I had left my set of keys on the kitchen counter (whenI prepared my nightcap drink). I was in a panic. It was almost 10pm. I was in a dress and locked out of my room. If I called someone I'd be found. If I didn't, I faced having to sleep outside in the courtyard, and THEN being discovered in the morning.
    I tried dozens of times over the next 2 hours to contact the emergency number to help. No joy at all. No response. I eventually got desperate and broke a small window on the back door with a rock. I let myself in and found my keys.
    Fortunately, not alarms sounded even thought there were placards on the premise doors announcing 24/7 surveillance. I cleaned up my glass mess, went to bed and slept until the morning when I explained myself to the manager.
    The Owner called me several days later. We came to an agreement and I made fair restitution for the broken glass. He said he saw the video, and I gifted him with a fine bottle of Scotch.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
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    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  24. #24
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    I think Sherry is making a fair point. In truth it isn't all sweetness and light out there. That's why we say to newbies stay safe. Pick where and when you go out. It would be wrong to say otherwise than there are dangers out there.

    One of the support groups I've attended held a brief moment of reflection during one of my visits to remember all the trans folk murdered over the years. There's a memorial in the gay village in Manchester to those who've suffered that fate.

    That said, in all my excursions the worst that's happened to me is being referred to as buddy and mate in pointed tones, deliberately making a point by two SA's in different shops.

    Yes people look, nudge their friend to bring you to their attention. We're different. If a smurf walked by they'd do the same. It goes with the turf.

    What I think is important to realise is as I said earlier, there are dangers out there but it's important also to get it into proportion. The vast majority of folk really either don't care or can't be bothered to react. An increasing number now think it isn't a big deal at all and treat us just as they'd treat anyone else.

  25. #25
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    At first I couldn't think of much if anything to comment on. Then when I read the previous posts the light bulb would go on and I'd remember that the same thing has happened to me.

    I dress to pass but fully understand that I don't so getting called "sir" never bothers or upsets me.

    At SCC one year I went out to dinner and the waitress sat me at a table, in the middle of the room under a spotlight. I could car less and had a great meal.

    Driving around Atlanta I locked my keys in the car. Luckily I still had my purse and cell phone. AAA was there in minutes and the driver was a perfect gentleman. I forgot to ask for a picture, darn it!

    Having my truck break down 100 miles from home while Linda was returning from the Therapist. I just went with the flow and called AAA. I really appreciated the young man who came up to me and asked if he could help. I even got "ma'amed"!

    The worst was when I was window shopping at a mall and a guy was following me while making disparaging comments. I just ignored him and walked on. I was watching his reflections in the windows and ready to defend myself if needed. Kitty has claws.

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