Pink Fog, or something more?

[Samm]

Hi ladies. Please bear with me, as I have an extremely hard time putting my thoughts and emotions to words.
I am well familiar with the feelings and effects of the "pink fog" as it comes and goes. And I'm quite fine with it all. It's part of me, and it's who I am. But recently, as each bout of 'the fog' rolls in, it seems it's stronger and more powerful than the last. (Actually, it's been pretty steady for the past year or two). It seems to subside only for a week or two at best, but stays with me longer when it rolls on in.
It used to be more like the other way around.

Physically, I can feel it. Like in the pit of my stomach. Emotionally, I feel like my fem side has been hammering to get out. Or, like there's a conflict between both sides, male and female.
I always thought it was more than "just the clothes", but sometimes I wonder, just how much more?

For the record, I'm perfectly fine with the body I was born with. I have no desire to physically transition, or seek any type of hormonal therapy. (I know, I must sound like I'm contradicting myself). But being a guy isn't all that bad... most of the time. I've always been able to maintain a good balance.

In the interest of full disclosure, I can pretty much chalk up most of these overwhelming feelings to stress. Both physical, and financial. The wifey's acceptance level to my dressing has dropped slightly from 100% to about 95%. Totally understandable as she shares the same stresses that I do. Opportunities to dress are still relatively the same, about once per week. And that's fine with me.... But I do find myself needing more.

I suppose in a way, I'm answering my own question. I am, of course, the only one that can answer it.... Except this blender of emotion that has me almost in tears lately, seems to come from within, not from any one external source.

If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading. I actually feel somewhat better just spending the hour it took me to process things and type them out. lol

Samm

[Lana Mae]

Samm, I read it all! This is what we are, at the forum, a place to get out your thoughts and emotions! Sometimes it just helps to write them down and reread them for it to make sense and sometimes regardless it does not make sense! Pink Fog does come from inside influenced by thoughts and emotions! Try to keep it under control or well try! It is not easy sometimes! I bought 5 pairs of heels at one time when under its influence! LOL Hope this helps! Hugs Lana Mae

[Tracii G]

May just be a cycle or rut you have fallen into and you are reading too much in to things.
Stop letting "feelings" rule your mind and focus on reality.

[Samm]

Tracii, Feelings are real, are they not?

[ClosetED]

It is not just the clothes. Many start out with dressing as a sexual release. But many change to a feeling of just peace and calm when dressed. Stress goes away. So if you are now stressed, you seek this dressed time more.
Hugs, Ellen

[Tracii G]

Not always Samm sometimes they are imagined and so far from reality they can cause a person problems.
Reality is always there to reel you in from certain feelings.

[Jenn_8B]

Samm,

I could have written the exact same post.

ClosetEd,

Your post also hit pretty close to home.

My work has been extremely stressful lately and I don't see it changing for several months. Dressing gives me the opportunity to release that stress. I just wish I had more opportunities to dress.

[phili]

Samm, I have similar experiences now, in that I am happier in the fog than in regular drab life, and so i crack the door and the fog swirls in more and more of the time. I feel it could be carried away - dissolved in it.

But that is because I am denying its reality and trying to make do with all sorts of compromises.

The fem self hammering to get out is way I describe the feeling of objecting to my own controlling it with masculine rules and training. We are the one hammering to get out and the one barring the door.

We may just associate stress with manhood, and ease with womanhood. But stress in our days results in tension and a form of blindness, so it is useful to think back on the stress and say what we wanted instead. Part of it may be that we expressed ourselves differently, i.e. more feelingfully, more like our idealized woman, in the situation.

[Lisa Roberts]

Samm, ditto ditto ditto!!
My feelings exactly. Six months ago I feel into a deep depression when I came to the crashing reality that I could never be the Lady I want/need to be. I can’t give any helpful advice but just ride the tide. Some days are blissful Pink and others are boring Blue.
Lace and Smiles
Lisa!

[Beverley Sims]

As time progresses the fog thickens.

It gets pinker too. :-)

[Jenny22]

The denseness of an individual's pink fog may be a reason (or partially) that many who responded to today's (Jeanniegirls') "Straight guy, but..." post, answered as they did regarding being attracted to men when en femme. Hmmmmm.

[Sarah Doepner]

Samm,

Since I don't know when, getting all dressed up was fun and getting my girl on would become a go-to activity when I had free time. Later I would dress when things were getting me down a little, or a lot. I got to know that feeling in the middle of my body, almost like a void that needs to be filled with something. I would give myself up to dressing and/or shopping, knowing it was something fun and I would be better soon, the void would be filled. I identified that as the pink fog and for quite a while thought that the desire to dress wasn't associated with anything else in my life. I'm beginning to think "pink fog" is an almost subconscious reminder when we are down or stressed, of something that has helped us feel wonderful before. We have learned to identify the solution almost as soon as the problem begins to show, and sometimes when there isn't a problem at all.

Here's a little test you can try. Think of something else that helps relieve the kinds of stress you are feeling; exercise, working on a hobby, conversation, whatever, and try to use that instead of dressing to address the stress next time it shows up. It probably needs to be something that requires as much focus and energy as crossdressing does, so just sitting down to watch TV or read won't cut it. A distraction is good, but something with an easily recognized product is better. It can be a good sweat, a freshly weeded flower bed, a project that has been put off for way too long or something else.

If you can use one of these things to replace crossdressing it's probably a pink fog issue. If nothing replaces the crossdressing it may be that you want to examine that "something else" as a possible explanation.

[Aunt Kelly]

Sarah is onto something, I think.
For a long time, I've always accepted the notion that CD'ing is an effective antidote for the every day stressors that we all face from time to time. But I'm starting to wonder if it is actually that those stressors are giving rise to something that has been riding just below the surface most of the time; something that can't be dealt with by other means (working out, gardening, etc.).

It's funny - I just had a conversation along these lines with a friend last night. I've never considered myself trans, don't hate my boy parts, never driven to dangerous levels of depression and desperation by gender dysphoria, but there is something there; something for which the only balm is doing what I can to feel more feminine. It definitely comes and goes, so the "gender fluid" label is probably the best fit, but it's just that, a label, nothing more. My conversation last night started with the lamentation that almost all this that we broadly refer to as gender identity is so poorly understood and not well studied at all.

I wish that I had better answers, Samm, but at this point all we can do is accept that it's a part of who we are, and maybe seek out qualified counseling, with the goal of better understanding ourselves and hopefully finding effective ways to cope.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Samm]

I think it's difficult to understand something that's constantly changing.
As for the whole 'project' thing? Getting fully involved in something that takes most, if not all of my free time for any length of time, does steer focus off of cd'ing... for the most part.
Like I said in my OP, I'm quite familiar with the effects the pick fog has on me. I know my "normal", or at least I thought I did. It just feels different lately. I'd say the last 6 months. And a bit more intense perhaps. Maybe this is my new "normal"?
I guess I've been a little too comfortable with the path I've been on, and was a bit unprepared for an unexpected turn.
I actually felt a rush of relief after my initial post. It felt good just to put it together and get it out there.
Thank you, everyone for your comments so far.

[Tracii G]

Its different for everybody so there are no concrete answers to any of it.

[Judy-Somthing]

I constantly think of dressing but it has to be fully dressed with makeup.
It's been two years I've had a chance to dress and I'm trying not to wreak my marriage so I keep all my thoughts to myself.

[docrobbysherry]

Samm, I find your post incomplete. Because we don't all react to pink fog, (dressing urge, or whatever u wish to call it), attacks the same way. You've explained how it makes u feel, but not what u do dissipate it? Do u dress? Go shopping? Connect with folks on line? Something fem with your SO?

I have had little or no pink fog issues the last 8 years. Because whenever I feel "it" rising, I dress. And, fog goes, "Poof!"

[Tracii G]

I dress or wear womens clothes all day everyday so they are my clothes.
I don't ever think I have had much of any pink fog problems.
I think people that have to hide or can't dress all that often suffer from pink fog syndrome more than others.

[Becky Blue]

Samm, I doubt this will help you a lot, but in my case my feelings come and go or rather increase or decrease in intensity, but there is no connection to stress levels or anything I can discern. I welcome her when she is here and miss her when she goes...
Change is my norm...

[Samm]

Doc, I do most if those to a degree. Maybe I'm not getting what I need out if it, or as much as I need. But again, the typical "pink fog" is not my issue. As I stated, the ups and downs, ebbs and flows are my normal. Just like you Becky.
Tracii, I do agree with your last response. But I think I'll try to not figure out the non-figure-outable for a while lol.

In a nutshell, I see myself somewhere above "it's more than just the clothes" but well below "I'm in the wrong body ". That blurred line is constantly moving, though. Maybe the scales just tipped a little too far to one side than I'm typically used to? Perhaps I'll be a bit more prepared next time.

[Teresa]

Samm,
The first point I notice is you have hit this spot in your forties, Over the years I've been on the forum so much happens in our forties, we start to ask what about me ? Maybe like me you've done your first twenty years of marriage , worked hard , to provide for wife and family but that gut feeling keeps tugging at you . I know that feeling mine goes right back to the age of 8-9 years when I had a traumatic start , the T obviusly kicked in , I knew nothing about sex and yet I wanted to wear a swim suit because it suggested a woman's body to me , part of my brain instinctively knew what it needed to do but the rest of the little boy didn't understand it . I know now I have slight GD and also AGP. It's the AGP part that I found out causes the gut feeling , the need whatever you call it. That feeling has never fully gone away even now in my mid sixties it's still driving me .

I know how we feel does sound like a contradiction , I'm OK with my male parts and yet the female side is wanting to take over . I don't agree that stress with your list of causes , that CDing need is aside from those , I know it doesn't help but I've been in that situation as well , the CDing worked both way sometimes it's a stress relief valve and sometimes a cause of it .

Pink Fog is a non descript label to cover many feelings , you may need counselling to see things clearer , the bottom line is your CDing is not going away so you will have to come to terms with it .

[Rayleen]

Pink fog, great feeling, good comments....

Rayleen.

[MarinaTwelve200]

A bit of a "tricky response"-----A few of us STILL masturbate at the end of our sessions. DO you still do that? I feel it has a "finalizing effect" for the session---my mentality changes, and I cant wait to remove the clothing and makeup fast enough. I have "had my fix".---and am "good" until next time. I think SOME of this still need this. If I didn't end the session this way, I would feel somewhat "open ended" and not satisfied.----Perhaps a lack of "termination" of the session, leaves a lot of "residual energy" that does not get "dissipated" and only "Builds up" with each new session.---------There are several different KINDS or "Motivations" for CDing, and some of us might need to employ different routines and procedures to manage our sessions.

[Samm]

Teresa, coming to terms with it in 2012 totally changed my life. That's also the year I joined here, and soon met my wife. It was a turning point for me. Coming out to her (before marriage) was another milestone.

Marina, that kind of "satisfaction" has dissipated for me almost totally over the past several years. But that's not why I started dressing to begin with, many years ago. I think it was more of a by product, or secondary to actually dressing. I won't say that cd'ing hasn't had its advantages whet it comes to playtime with the wifey, though.

[Teresa]

Marina,
When the T kicked in for me at the age I mentioned I wasn't ready for it but could do nothing about it , the whole was thing was locked in my brain from that point, it hasn't totally gone away at times I do find it an irritating distraction , but for me it doesn't end there, that stage has gone I still prefer to remain dressed . I know there is now more to it now than just the sexual component .

Samm,
I feel these thought or feelings go round in twenty year cycles, wanting to comr to terms with and reveal it not only to my wife but the whole World , those needs surfaced again in my sixties , this tiem stronger than ever and this time I knew it was my last chance to act on it , OK for me it's meant separating after 43 years of marriage . No it's far more than Pink Fog , it;s being honest about my feelings and coming to terms with them .
At least you had a clean start by revealing all beforeyou married , when I married back in my early twenties I was naive enough to think that most women would be OK about my CDing after having GFs that were OK with it .