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Thread: Okay, so I think I'm finally ready to leave the house, but...

  1. #26
    crossdresser jo_ann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KatrinaK View Post
    8) Desexualize it. This was a big one. As I learned to accept my real self, it kind of desexualized itself.
    I think this is perhaps the most important one. As much as some of us would like to keep this part of it, this is also a curse and scares us from doing it. I don't have a lot of experience, but I'm trying to push myself recently. Last weekend I decided to put on nails when I got home on Friday thinking I didn't really have anything to do the next day. I was wrong, I had a package to drop off at the post office. I went out in total boy mode with french nails. Used the kiosk instead of going to the counter. Had a nail fall off, casually picked it up off the floor and nobody noticed. Drove home with success. Fixed my nail, and then decided to push it further. Drove to the grocery store where I'd be more exposed. Hid my hands at first, but then calmed down and realized nobody was probably going to notice (not like I was wearing bright pink nail polish). Went to check out, more exposed because I was putting groceries onto the belt in front of other people. Thought I was all in the clear, then I see a co-worker walk by looking for a good aisle to check out. Fortunately not only was a family already behind me loading up, but I managed to not make eye contact. I could only imagine if he recognized me and waved and I couldn't wave back. Next time I go to a grocery store that isn't near people I know :-)

  2. #27
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    The best suggestion I have for your first time out is to search for a place that does Crossdressing makeovers, most of those services have a night/day outing service. This means that your first outing will be with one or more people who specialise in helping girls go out. they know the places to go and will give you a safe yet fun time. I did that for my first time out it was amazing!!
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

  3. #28
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    Been there, done that.

    I've written about my first experiences out locally on this board (in the pictures category). I had four days out and had my nails done, had a Sephora makeover, tried on dresses at Nordstrom, and bought a new wig dressed. That was October 2016.

    Since then I've been out about 40 or 50 times, and made a couple of friends (my girl coaches) with a couple of the sales agents at Nordstrom and a nail tech at Beauty Brands. I would have never guessed that would have happened.

    I've never had a bad experience. NEVER. Took a 6 hour train ride to Chicago, checked into a hotel dressed, went to the Art Institute dressed, went to Hamilton dressed, dinner out multiple times, and lots of mall and thrift store visits. I have never had an issue.

    I suggest a shopping mall that has a Nordstrom. Understand, I love trying on clothes. Call the dress department at Nordstrom, tell them you are a CD and you would like to try on clothes, and ask if that is ok. If your Nordstrom is like all of the others I have been in (5 and counting), they are extremely TG friendly. Sephora is also TG friendly (I just went to a makeup class, something I never thought I would have the courage to do, but they made me feel welcome, and I learned something). Thrift stores are also good choices. Payless shoes stores are also TG friendly, and have shoes in TG friendly sizes.

    Once you do it, you will find there are no torches and pitchforks waiting for you. Mostly, there are people who live in their own worlds and don't really notice you.

    To add to what Becky Blue just posted, you don't need to find a TG specialty store--I had a Sephora makeover which taught me my makeup routine. It will cost you a minimum of $50, but you will probably spend more than that.
    Last edited by TheHiddenMe; 05-01-2018 at 11:31 PM. Reason: To add last sentence

  4. #29
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    You share some good practical advice based on your experiences but I have to disagree with one thing. Why call Nordstrom ahead of time? It is already established that this store is generally TG friendly. That is, you are a customer presumably with cash or credit that they hope you are willing to part with. This brings up my other point of disagreement. Don't call and certainly don't call and say you want to try on clothes. The SA may very well say no in thinking "here comes another CD'er who wants to play dress-up on my time".

    My advice is to go in as a customer to wherever your heart desires. Hold your head high, be honest and learn to read the SA's. Start easy, Nordstrom is a great choice because they thrive on customer service. I can almost guarantee you will be offered a fitting room.

    And when shopping, please go with the intention to actually buy something. The world is not a play-closet.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  5. #30
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Talking about shopping, consider going to DressBarn. They are usually in stand-alone stores or in small strip malls. You won't have to navigate a large mall to get to Nordstroms.

    I've always been treated well at DressBarn. I've been to multiple Dress Barns in VA, MD and PA and have been treated like a girl in all of them. I can't prove it, but I believe that the SAs are well trained in working with TG/CDs. Once they find out that your a serious buyer, they will open up a dressing room for you. One of the best shopping events ever was at a DressBarn when they wrote "Steffi" on the whiteboard on the dressing room door. The SAs will do the heavy lifting by running back to get you a different size, bring you a matching top or otherwise facilitate a sale.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  6. #31
    Member jamienoir's Avatar
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    I swear there is a transformation place in the OC. TGirl night in Long Beach (as someone else mentioned). West Hollywood? I follow a tgirl on Instagram and she must navigate that area a few times a week dressed.

    I would suggest a tgirl/drag centered event. Also you're only 38 you can spice it up a bit. Nice pencil skirt or wiggle dress for a night out. You look fabulous.

  7. #32
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    I still say my advice for a first-timer stands

    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
    You share some good practical advice based on your experiences but I have to disagree with one thing. Why call Nordstrom ahead of time? It is already established that this store is generally TG friendly. That is, you are a customer presumably with cash or credit that they hope you are willing to part with. This brings up my other point of disagreement. Don't call and certainly don't call and say you want to try on clothes. The SA may very well say no in thinking "here comes another CD'er who wants to play dress-up on my time".
    The reason I suggest calling ahead is two-fold.

    First, a CD who has not been out before is probably scared s@#$less to show up dressed and hear a no. It's better on your nerves to know in advance that you are going to be welcome.

    Second, the reason I asked ahead is because about a month before my WIFE was shopping for a dress for a wedding, and I went with her. My wife (who knows I CD) likes to have me in the dressing room when she tries on dresses to give my opinions. She went to Dillards first, and asked if I could go back in the dressing rooms. The SA said in very stern terms that a man (me) could not go into the dressing area. We then went to Nordstrom, my wife asked if I could go into the dressing room too, and the SA said no problem.

    Given these two experiences, which store do you think I went to, to ask whether I could come in dressed? It certainly wasn't the one that said no men in the dressing room.

    What if I hadn't done my homework and showed up at Dilliards dressed and run into the same SA?

    I needed to know for my own sanity that if I showed up dressed I would be accepted. I asked, got the answer I wanted, and had a day that I had been looking forward to for about 50 years.

    As to the SA's attitude, the SA's I know at my local Nordstrom tell me I'm the only CD that comes in. But virtually all of the SA's at Nordstorm I interact with are great (there are a couple that aren't as friendly, but those SAs don't get along with the SA I generally visit).

    My advice is to go in as a customer to wherever your heart desires. Hold your head high, be honest and learn to read the SA's. Start easy, Nordstrom is a great choice because they thrive on customer service. I can almost guarantee you will be offered a fitting room.
    Again, this is advice for a first timer, who is reluctant to go out in public.

    I do go where I want now, because my confidence is sky high compared to 18 months ago. Been into lots of stores, into restaurants, hotels, trains. public transit, and even the lady's loo.

    But 18 months ago I wasn't ready to just wing it.

    And when shopping, please go with the intention to actually buy something. The world is not a play-closet.
    I go with the intention, generally, of buying something if I like it. I have bought lots of stuff at Nordstrom. But given I am 50 years behind the curve in trying on woman's clothes and finding out what my "style" is. If I am at a store, I try to make sure I don't add to the SA's work load (I return most of the stuff I try on to the original rack). But I have absolutely no problem going into a store with just the intention of trying things on. There are tons of woman shoppers who go shopping, buy three of an item, and then return two--and probably a CD or two who bought something in male mode, took it home to try on, and returned it when it didn't fit or look right. Which is the greater burden on the store?

    Thrift stores are also great (these days I'm a big fan of Savers because they sort stuff into sizes and they often have pretty nice stuff). Again, you might find something you like, or you might not. Lots of shoppers go into stores and never buy anything, so why should CD's be held to a different standard?
    Last edited by TheHiddenMe; 05-02-2018 at 10:03 PM.

  8. #33
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    making friends is easy, just go out and interact with people, I do it all the time.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    And I don't get calling ahead to a store to ask if CD's are welcome. Everyone is welcome at a store open to the public. Why are people so timid.

  9. #34
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KatrinaK View Post
    I braved going down to what was described as a crossdressing shop with a safe dressing and communal space built around a community of like-minded people. I went down in drab about 10 years ago and told the stranger there everything. She was the most judgmental, unwelcoming person I've ever met and it cause a FULL PURGE. I recoiled in horror
    So sorry to read about your bad encounter. I guess it can happen to anyone and anywhere.

    Quote Originally Posted by CONSUELO View Post
    not all conservative and intolerant.
    I know many conservatives who are very tolerant and quite a few intolerant liberals. As Katrina has described, maybe personal politics has far less to do with it that we think.

  10. #35
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheHiddenMe View Post
    The reason I suggest calling ahead is two-fold...
    Sorry, I have do disagree on every level. It doesn't matter if one is experienced or a first timer with respect to being out and about. I will never recommend calling ahead for permission to be a paying customer. Calling with an inquiry like this has the danger of coming across as creepy despite the best intentions and gives the person on the other end of the line an opportunity to say no. Showing up with a degree of confidence and decorum will more often than not disarm a SA who might be otherwise prejudiced against us.

    There is too much information available these days to have to worry about vetting retailers. Plenty of tales in these pages tell the newbie where good experiences are to be had.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

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