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Thread: Straight guy but...

  1. #76
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I've talked about this enough in plenty of other threads. Tired of repeating myself!
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  2. #77
    Silver Member Rhonda Jean's Avatar
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    I agree with others that this is kind of a tired subject, but I'm going to take a different swing at it. Mind you, this is my take on it and I understand that I may be the only one on the planet like this.

    I was married for 30 years. Straight as a... pick your favorite straight thing. At least as far as I knew. I certainly had no attraction to men. However, in retrospect, was I as straight as I thought? I've been around enough men looking at nude or scantily clad women in pics or (the few) strip clubs to know that I didn't (don't) get as worked up over that as a lot of men do. Now, I know how I respond to that, but I really have no way of knowing what the next guy over feels except to assume that his reaction is genuine, and that would indicate this his reaction was much stronger than mine ever was. Still, not a problem. Not only did I consider myself straight, but I was not a cheater. Maybe one reason it was so easy for me to keep from cheating (which seems difficult for many) is that I wasn't as highly heterosexually motivated as other men.

    Following this logic, imagine that your brain has a sexual component of a certain capacity. It can be filled 100% heterosexual, 100% homosexual, or some mixture of the two, but it has to be filled with something. I think my subdued reaction or attraction to a sexualized woman might just be an indicator that the sexual component of my brain wasn't 100% hetero. I never realized it when I was married and going through the motions of marriage, career, and family, but once those situations changed, other things started to change, too. Then there's also the wildcard of opportunity. Just being divorced after 30 years throws you for a loop. You change in a lot of ways, or at least parts of your personality come out that had been hidden or restrained. You're inclined to experiment with a lot of things that you couldn't or wouldn't have before. In my case I had a lot of Southern Baptist upbringing to overcome.

    I don't think I was as straight as I always thought I was. Nor was I gay and hiding it. A big deal is made around here about your sexuality not changing over time. I don't agree, but let's say that's true. I'm certainly acknowledging and living the gay aspect of my personality or sexuality, where before it was completely overshadowed by life and a gratifying hetero experience.

    I think with me anyway another thing that happens is you spend so much time and effort over the course of many years not only wearing women's clothes, but being out and about trying for all you're worth to live at least that part of your life as a woman. With me anyway, I spent an inordinate amount of what should have been male time living and appearing as a feminized version of me. It stands to reason, again in my case, that there'd be a bit of drift.

    On this board we have the rigidly straight camp, the gay camp, and anyone who is not completely in one camp or the other is suspect, insincere, fantasizing, hiding, or lying. Why is that? BTW, back when I thought I was so completely straight I never even once fantasized about being with a man. I think we ought to leave a little room for movement away from strictly gay or straight. I don't think it's nearly that cut and dried.

  3. #78
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    Not at all unusual. Don't worry about it.

  4. #79
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    I am totally attracted to guys when I am dressed, and women when I am not.

    Having a guy want you the way guys want women is an incredible experience. Being the recipient in the sexual part of the relationship makes me feel like a real woman,

  5. #80
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhonda Jean View Post

    On this board we have the rigidly straight camp, the gay camp, and anyone who is not completely in one camp or the other is suspect, insincere, fantasizing, hiding, or lying. Why is that? BTW, back when I thought I was so completely straight I never even once fantasized about being with a man. I think we ought to leave a little room for movement away from strictly gay or straight. I don't think it's nearly that cut and dried.
    I agree with pretty much everything you said, but wanted to emphasis this bit. It's like we are pushing the gender binary, but some folks here are steadfastly holding onto the sexuality binary. You must be A or B.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

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  6. #81
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhonda Jean View Post
    I think we ought to leave a little room for movement away from strictly gay or straight. I don't think it's nearly that cut and dried.
    There are those that are curious but fear prevents many of them from acting on it. For example, I had fantasies of being crossed dressed with men nearly 50 years ago.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  7. #82
    Member Julie Martin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    . (edited)
    How does putting on womens clothes change your thought process? It can't because your thought process belongs to you and it stays the same all the time. You are not a female so you don't have a "her" thought process.
    You might like to think you do but its a fantasy or wishful thinking.
    .
    Tracii's comment resonantes with me on this ..as do many others. My head is spinning from reading all the responses! Some mentioned the difference between fantasizing about actually BEING a woman having sex with a man, and actually doing it while crossdressed..two very different things!! Although in some ways I think my crossdressing has helped me gain more empathy for women, and what certain experiences might feel like (social, not sexual), I do not and could never actually have a female thought process, as I am not female.

    In my case the "beach test" only finds me looking at women..I find the thought of sex with a man..or anything intimate with a man..nauseating..but the idea of being "taken care of" by a man..out to dinner, having the door held for me..is intriguing..I haven't ever done it and probably won't ..but the man would just be a prop..it would be about playing a female role..

    so..actually feeling attracted to men while dressed? Not for me to judge, but it seems like that must already be there to some extent, and maybe being dressed allows you to go there?? Beats me!

  8. #83
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    I'll take another stab at this:

    When I'm dressed as a woman, it's a fantasy of being a woman. Now as part of this fantasy, I can imagine the feeling of a penis moving in my vagina. The reality of course is, I don't really have a vagina, just an imaginary one. Another reality is, I've never met or even seen a man that I would want to kiss, much less have sex with. So, in my fantasy of having sex as a woman, the penis couldn't have a man or face attached. Make sense?

    Now nobody has to tell me that there are other ways to have sex with a man but it's the same thing; no actual man could be attached or at least no face.

    I try my best to keep reality and fantasy separated and so far, I'm doing well at it and that's what I recommend for everyone.
    Krisi

  9. #84
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    I'm new here but this is a very interesting subject to me to say the least. When I was very young I explored with a friend sexually. I was just getting my urges and he and I played with each other a few times. I distinctly remember at the time being attracted to women and not attracted to men. Not sure why our explorations turned me on, perhaps at the time it was just convenient. The female shape was ultimately what I was after. Since that time I've never felt attracted to men, at least not when dressed as men in "man" clothes. I've seen the before and after pix of guys crossdressed and the after is much more intriguing. In the past decade I've noticed that I am attracted to men that are crossdressed. I enjoy trans and crossdresser porn but not "gay" porn. So is it not "gay" when guys are crossdressed? Very confusing....

    I'm no expert on sexuality or human behavior but from my own experience sexuality seems to more like "theater". In other words, the illusion of a women attracts me to a man crossdressed, not necessarily the male form. I can appreciate a man who is physically fit and attractive but in his man persona, I find no attraction. Its a strange conundrum of thoughts and feelings. I see an attractive women dressed in a tight sexy dress and heels and I want to see myself dressed that way. It is an extreme turn on to think of myself as a sexy seductive, perhaps even a bit naughty.

    I can't really explain any of this but attempt to understand it...

    Eryka

  10. #85
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    This topic always generates a lot of strong opinions. Those from the straight camp can reaffirm their "straightness" while those from the in between camp can argue that it depends and a few from the gay camp can assert their difference.

    The assumption is that there are three sexual preference camps, straight, gay and bi-. But what if preferences change over time. I know several openly gay men who were once married, had families but at some time in their life they began to feel the pull toward other men. One that was so strong that they left their marriages and found other men as partners.

    I don't know any answers but I wonder if these pigeon holes are not pigeon holes at all but just descriptions of complex sexual feelings that change with time and perhaps even with certain circumstances.

    One aspect of these discussions always surprises me. Many declarations of being sexually straight seem to imply a certain dislike or disdain of other sexual orientations. Why are we as cross dressers, who often plead and beg for acceptance, so moralistic and judgmental? We of all people should be as tolerant and understanding as possible yet we have groups like the Beaumont Society that barred any cross dressers who were not heterosexual and even were wary of single cross dressers. Its an enigma.
    Last edited by CONSUELO; 04-17-2018 at 09:46 AM. Reason: missing words

  11. #86
    its important mykell's Avatar
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    women or man
    click here

    how many would be attracted regardless.

    Quote Originally Posted by DaisyLawrence View Post
    (snip).......

    Personally I do not like terms straight, gay or bi. I have enough trouble knowing what gender I am so prefer to state that I am 'female attracted'. What I am wearing can't change this.
    (only because you used "female attracted") would you still be attracted if it was a dude ???? i got wood....it scared me....to me thats a women happily married so its a mute point and im too old for her

    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    Yea, don't try telling that to an actual lesbian.
    my good lesbian friend intro's me as lesbian all the time i occasionally attend "hot topics for lesbian" meetings
    we talked about gogo bars last week
    Last edited by mykell; 04-18-2018 at 05:31 PM. Reason: tweak
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  12. #87
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CONSUELO View Post
    This topic always generates a lot of strong opinions. Those from the straight camp can reaffirm their "straightness" while those from the in between camp can argue that it depends and a few from the gay camp can assert their difference.

    The assumption is that there are three sexual preference camps, straight, gay and bi-. But what if preferences change over time.
    Most often, those folks were always bi but were for whatever reason, interested in only one sex at a time. I know bi girls who have gone through long periods where they were only interested in one sex or the other, only to change and then go for the other sex.

    I know several openly gay men who were once married, had families but at some time in their life they began to feel the pull toward other men. One that was so strong that they left their marriages and found other men as partners.
    Maybe they simply missed something that they liked? I know that when I've gone on to live far away from one place that offered something in particular, I later longed for something about it in particular. So I suppose that could apply to sex for some, as well.

    One aspect of these discussions always surprises me. Many declarations of being sexually straight seem to imply a certain dislike or disdain of other sexual orientations. Why are we as cross dressers, who often plead and beg for acceptance, so moralistic and judgmental? We of all people should be as tolerant and understanding as possible yet we have groups like the Beaumont Society that barred any cross dressers who were not heterosexual and even were wary of single cross dressers. Its an enigma.
    Don't forget the strict homophobia that most of us grew up with.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  13. #88
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
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    That is a negative from me.
    I have, however, found out from a friend of mine that both women and men were checking me out one night.
    But that still does not change who all I am attracted to.


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  14. #89
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    A boy who strongly wants to dress as a girl, but for any or all of many reasons has not, is he a crossdresser? The dictionary says no.
    A man who never had that internal drive to wear women's clothing but did for costuming/theatrical reasons, is he a crossdresser? The dictionary says yes.
    A crossdresser who is not attracted to and was never intimate with other men, but is attracted to or excited by the idea (fantasy) of being with a nameless, faceless man when dressed, is he gay?
    Some might say "leaning gay" but how about "straight so far"?

  15. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by CONSUELO View Post
    The assumption is that there are three sexual preference camps, straight, gay and bi-. But what if preferences change over time.
    I agree.....there's more going on than we can simply limit to three boxes.
    I know several openly gay men who were once married, had families but at some time in their life they began to feel the pull toward other men. One that was so strong that they left their marriages and found other men as partners.
    I think this actually goes down more to shame, guilt and denial. Someone who spent there entire childhood and young adulthood in the closet and couldn't bear to come out to their family and managed to live the lie until they could no longer do it.

    I don't know any answers but I wonder if these pigeon holes are not pigeon holes at all but just descriptions of complex sexual feelings that change with time and perhaps even with certain circumstances.
    Again, I agree and said this earlier in the thread, the human experience is not so easily placed, obviously or we wouldn't be here right? There are way more shades of gray then 50.

    Cass

  16. #91
    Member Trione's Avatar
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    Once found a shop that was named 99% Straight, does that not apply to all of us.

  17. #92
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    I'm transgender, but I'm bisexual regardless of what I wear. That never changed growing up.

  18. #93
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    Not at all.

    Angie

  19. #94
    New Member ShoeziQ's Avatar
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    I think that when I am able to dress my inhibitions relax and the thought of being with a man is more enjoyable. I would call myself bi-sexual. However, I do not see myself having gay sex without being dressed, it's just part of it for me, and I enjoy that.

  20. #95
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    When I dress up in lingerie I only think about being with women..... but thats just me

  21. #96
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    I'll throw my bizarre two cents in. I'm bi, but prefer women. Unless (and this is fairly recent for me), I'm dressed.....then, I'm more partial to men and in fact would like to be the "girl" in the relationship. Be always dressed, treated like a lady, so on and so forth. A cross of a few different things going on there with not only sexuality. For the record, I don't consider myself trans, but from that description, it would be an easy conclusion to draw.

    Different strokes to move the world.

  22. #97
    Junior Member alison_nyc's Avatar
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    Experimenting with your gender expression can unlock deep repressed realities about yourself. It's not the physical act of putting on clothes or makeup that creates the change. It begins with the personal and emotional investment that is directly tied to your transformation, your decision of whether to present fully as that gender after that transformation is done, and any self-realization that happens when you don't see your own reflection in the mirror.

    In general, you are who you are, and your sexual preferences are pre-programmed.

    But many M2Fs that have remained adamant about their heterosexual orientation find that through their gender role reversal, they unlock many repressed feelings and come to terms with the fact that they are actually also (or in some cases exclusively) attracted to men. Whether it's through a sexual encounter while presenting as a woman, or realizing through playing the role of a woman that they begin to notice men, and realize that attraction extends regardless of the gender they present as.

    In other cases, the sexual preference fluidity is psychological. Your heterosexuality follows the gender role you play, or you embrace a bisexual openness when you present as female. For many of us, we have created a whole different individual within ourselves, and when we dress, we fully embrace the highly developed female persona we have created. For as long we are dressed, we play that gender role and it dominates our sub-conscience. For those of us from certain generations, that comes with some very firm societal biases we grew up with...girls only like boys... and we play those out.

    And in still other cases, sexual orientation is static and everything is well defined.

    In short, it's complicated... and it also evolves depending on how you choose to develop your inner woman.

  23. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracy Irving View Post
    As an experiment I put on a pair of Levi's and a t-shirt to watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory. I then watched an episode wearing Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and a woman's Apt 9 t-shirt. In both instances I found the women to be appealing and felt no attraction to the men.
    Taking it one step further, I got fully dressed (pantyhose, bra, forms, skirt and blouse) but the results were the same. Maybe I am just wired differently.
    Oh come on, this test wouldn't work anyways. NO ONE is attracted to those dorks in big bang theory. Doesn't matter how you are dressed, sexual preference, whatever.

    On a related note - I once tried on an NFL jersey and found i was unable to stand for the national anthem.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  24. #99
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    FWIW - My one incident I can contribute to the discussion...

    I once went out en-femme with a GG friend to a gay/trans friendly bar.
    While we were there, this guy came up and started flirting with the two of us.
    To my surprise, I was flattered and intrigued. I honestly thought I could actually accept a date with him
    - BUT -
    all too quickly he let me know that he didn't see me as a woman, or as a (cliche warning here!) woman stuck in a man's body (I warned you!). It was obvious that he saw me as a man in drag. He was all to eager to inform me that he was BI and that he was still interested - dropping the 'drag queen' label what seemed like a thousand times.

    Well, that was enough to turn me off and ruin the whole event.

    If he could have seen the female in me and responded to that, we might have found way forward. As 'a girl' I was interested, but I had ZERO interest in a male to male relationship.

    And for the record, at the time, I was in therapy, on hormones, and thought I was transition and surgery bound. (all that changed later)

    So - what does that make me? the closest I've been able to come was "hetero curious" when I was working on switching genders

  25. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by CONSUELO View Post
    ................. I know several openly gay men who were once married, had families but at some time in their life they began to feel the pull toward other men. One that was so strong that they left their marriages and found other men as partners. ....................
    And I know two women who did the same thing. Left their husbands and families and ran off with other women. One was the wife of a friend.

    The other was a lady I worked with and I was always tempted to ask her what caused her to "jump the fence" but I never did because we worked for an overly "politically correct" organization and it could have cost me my job. So much for understanding others.

    I don't think these women were bi-sexual, I think something changed in their lives.
    Krisi

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