Don't know how I get so lucky

[AlissaMurray]

I've been married for four years. My wife allows me to wear whatever around the house and even out If I am brave enough. She even buys me things. Perfect situation right? WRONG!

In the past 2 years we have had sex an average of maybe once a month. And then it's because I initiate it and do most of it. She NEVER just gives me attention ever. Plus I do most of the house work and work full time and fend for myself for food 5 out of 7. If I ask for a back rub she whines about it and it's totally mechanical. There is no love in her hands, she does it cuz she has to, I know you all know what I mean. I've tried to talk to her but I get no were. We have no children. So finally I've had enough of everything. She wont ever cheat but she isn't all that nice either. She wants to be married but she isn't willing to put in the work. She never "gives" anything.

Now I don't know about the rest of you but I need to be needed for more than just to do stuff around the house. A while back in one day I replaced the radiator in her car cause she had no money to do it, cleaned the whole house (toilet-vaccume-dust) the whole nine yards and made her dinner. Know what I got in return? Nice dinner hun....... um..... no nothin!!!! Yeah, that ain't going to work for me. Enough is enough. All she cares about is Bubble Blitz whatever, and her lottery gambling. I am done.

So I found myself a new place with a single buddy who knows about Alissa and could care less, we've been friends for 30 years. Decided when my lease is up in July I am moving in with him and she can just do whatever. Go back and live with her kids were I found her, they still live in the same big house so...

Then about a week ago I bumped into a woman I've known for about 5 years. She is just 30 and I am 53. I don't know how we got there but she said to me "you know, I've always had a big crush on you." REALLY??? Feeling ballsy I said well I am a little different than most, I enjoy wearing women's clothes in my private life.... her response was SO? My brother is gay, he looks good as a girl. I bet he would do a make over for you. It all sounds like fun to me!
OMG SERIOUSLY, I just found a girl 23 years younger than me who is independent, she is a trucker, has her own place and money and don't need me for anything other than lovin. Sorry (wife) but I am so there!!!

Tomorrow night I do not work so when I get out in the morning I plan to tell my wife I am leaving and moving in with my buddy and exactly why, I will even pay my half of things here for her for the next two months to finish our contract. My buddy say's do what I gotta do, I can live with him rent free till July if need me as long as I cover my basic costs for food and such which isn't an issue. I do that most days now.

So that's that. I can't believe I was lucky enough to find another woman who does not care about Alissa, even better a woman who kinda digs the idea and is willing to help. I'm wound tighter than ever over having to have the talk with wifey, but at the same time I am excited as hell about future prospects...can you blame me?

I will let you all know what happens...

Wish me Luck!

[michaelmichelle]

I'm one that lives by the saying....life is to short!
I was in the same situation you described years ago. Never again. My wife now is my partner and best friend.
So go for it and enjoy all you can.

[2B Natasha]

Alyssa. I’m all for getting out of a bad situation and doing what’s best for you. We all need to take care of number one in your life you. With that said. I would,only caution about splitting ina flash. I would, if you have the ability. See a divorce lawyer and find out how to limit your exposure. He may say go for it as well as he may say this is how to cover your bases for the future.

Live your life and find happiness

[Kelly DeWinter]

I'm always a bit sad when I see any relationship fall apart. There must have been something that attracted you to your wife. The relationship could not have been emotionally detached from the beginning. Most people who withdraw emotionally, do so because of trauma. Have you tried counseling. You may want to give it a chance before jumping into another relationship.

Wishing you the best.

[Gypsy Sam]

Would concur with 28 Natasha about consulting with a divorce lawyer before moving to another living arrangement. A May/ September relationship needs time to sort things out. I have known a few that survived, but only a few.

[jamienoir]

Whoa. If you're gonna do that at least get your own place and proceed with caution. I'd advise against another relationship.

[LaurenS]

A while back in one day I replaced the radiator in her car cause she had no money to do it...

This bothers me a bit. This probably sounds judgemental, but in my 30 years of marriage, it was always “our” money. But maybe times have changed, and I have to admit that were I to enter another relationship, my partner would have to be financially independent as well. Does that sound hypocritical? lol

I don’t intend to be judgemental.

However, it sounds like you both are unhappy, so it sounds like you both need to change environments. As others have mentioned, I wouldn’t make the change only because of the new woman in your life, although it sounds promising.

Break the two relationship situations into two different decisions. In other words, split up only because of the distant relationship with your wife. If the new relationship doesn’t work out, at least you based the decision to divorce on its own terms.

All in all, your description of you and your wife’s relationship doesn’t sound like it is healthy for either of you, and a frank, candid conversation with your wife about HER thoughts would likely be similar from her side. It would also go a long way to easing tension and hopefully result in a happy divorce that everyone - including friends and family - would support, and support you both.

Life is too short to be just living. Seize the day!

wishing you and your wife happiness however it works out!

[MichelleCD]

Alissa, 4 years into a marriage? No kids? And you're wife is already like that? I say "Run Forest, run." Get out while the getting is good. All that "stay and try to work it out" stuff, sounds to me like a waste of time.

After a certain amount of time goes by, people change into their real selves. And it sounds like your wife real self is in it just to be in a better situation. The lack of sex is probably due to your fem side. Most women want a man in the sack. And even if you're not dressed or acting fem when you come to bed, the thought of your fem side may be what's keeping her back. But then again, she may just not be attracted to you anymore. Or going through the change of life thing.
My marriage, i think is just about over as well. Luckily for me, I had this place before we married. So she'll be the one leaving. I think her problem is menopause. So I don't push her away. That's something she can't control. But that's a different story.

It sounds to me like you've got a great adventure awaiting you. Don't miss the bus gurl. Although it might not turn out like you think it will. But if you don't do it, you'll probably regret it. Simply because you can't foresee the bad things that will happen on this adventure.

There may even come a time, while you're on this new adventure, where you regret leaving your wife. But that's just how life is. It's never perfect. And we never know what we're going to regret, until after the regret is there.
But all in all, I wish you a lot of happiness, feminine fun and good times in your new life.

[Beverley Sims]

Separation seems to be the best choice here, tread carefully and get a good lawyer to help you in your dilemma.

Keep other relationships out of the spotlight for now.

[Sherrii]

It sounds like you have thought about your marriage for a while and want out. OK. But you need to think of a divorce too so you will be truly free. Someone said talk to a lawyer, a good idea even though in general I hate them. I think moving in with your friend until you are out from under the rent with your wife is OK. And who knows how things will work out with your younger friend. Go for it! and good luck! Sherrii

[docrobbysherry]

Marriage is for folks planning to have children. Imagine how easy it would for u 2 to breakup if u weren't married, Allisa?

Remember that with you're new "girlfriend"!
Good luck!

[Alice B]

Go with the flow and enjoy the ride

[MiniRock]

I was with the mother of my children for I think thirteen years and, in all that time, I don't think she ever paid me a compliment...not once. I grew very used to it and just turned a blind eye. But, now, many years later, I am with a woman who I believe truly loves me. The difference is profound. The intervening years were hard but, I can honestly say, I'd never go back. Therefore, I think, for all the grief of ending a relationship, you are a good man Alissa and you deserve better. Whether everything works out with the young lady remains to be seen. Funnily enough, I had a lot of attention from women in their thirties too, once I hit 50. So I understand that as well. I was always wary of starting anything serious though for fear of the potential pain in the long term. Whatever happens, I say good luck to you and keep us posted.

[LeannS]

What took you so long?? Get a lawyer to get this taken care of right. Don't give away the farm also. Take your time to find someone thst truly wants you for you or get your own place and enjoy being you

[AshleyWalker]

Slow down, get a Lawyer before you do anything. You need to do what ultimately is best for you but proceed with caution. Your interpretation of the situation may and most likely will play out very differently in court than your current wife's interpretation of your current relationship. It could go there, she may very well say that Alissa is why she didn't do her wifely things. It may have just shut her down.

In the end you need to do what you feel is right, but do it by the book, just because there are no kids doesn't mean that you don't have to pay her support if you make any mistakes along the way.

[MichelleCD]

Marriage is for folks planning to have children. Imagine how easy it would for u 2 to breakup if u weren't married, Allisa?

This is why me and mine have only been married for about 6 years. We were together for probably that long before we married. I personally think marriage should be between two people. Not those to people with the governments permission. (IE Marriage license) The whole idea of getting a permit/license from the government, IMO, is ridiculous. It's just a piece of paper saying each of you will have to go through more legal proceedings, hire attorney's, go before a judge etc etc etc, if things don't work out.
And considering the divorce rate, at least in the US, is extremely high, I hope more and more people, at least those in their 40's and up, will decide to not marry.

[AlissaMurray]

OK YA'LL, UPDATE

Turned out she had Tuesday of instead of her normal Wednesday. A couple hours after writing this, I started the "I can't do this anymore talk."

I gotta say, it was way easier than I had thought it was going to be. I told her I care about her because she has been my best friend for 6 years but I need a lot more from the relationship than she is giving. I also gave several examples, as well as a few that I felt were disrespectful. I told her I understood that this is who she is and I am fine with that it just isn't what I had in mind when we married. She agreed. There were no tears to my surprise. Within 2-3 minutes of me saying this she was laughing at some commercial on TV. Within an hours I was packing and she was telling me "don't forget ______." She left as I was packing. First trip with all my clothes, brought my buddy back to get dressers and chair and some odds and ends. She returned just as we were finishing up, she met my friend with a big smile and gave me a hug and a kiss and told me she hopes I find what I am looking for. That evening she went to visit her daughter who reported back to me that "Mom seems fine to me." I know many of you think "there is another guy", I don't think so. If there is, good for her I wish her happiness, but I don't think so. I just think maybe she realized the same things I did.

I guess when she got home and sat down and looked around the small apartment and my stuff was gone, the realization that I was gone hit and she was sad for a while. But the next day I didn't hear much from her and the day after that she dropped a few things off to me including a monthly paycheck I get for a little side job Fuel Survey I do every morning for a Truckstop in Illinios. I see positive things on her FB such as she is out walking again with her friends in the evenings. Seems women always lose weight after a break up...sup wit dat?? Not that it matters because it doesn't. Seriously, I've been married (we will say) too many times plus I've had several relationships that lasted a few years. I've seen heartache, that was not what I was looking at. Oh well, I don't care if she does have someone in mind. I can say I truly do wish her happiness. I fully intend to try to find it myself.

And on that note my younger gal pal and I have just been chatting up a storm. She is a OTR Driver and she was in Nogalas, AZ. the other day, got a load of tomato's to Detroit. Pretty good run, specially these days with electronic logs forcing you to stay legal. I spent 20 years of my life out there doing that but always ran a lose leaf book and would rewrite as needed. I slept when I was tired, I wasn't stupid and I always got the job done. Took a lot of pride in that, as well as my Ride. Stress of it all got to me though so I basically retired. But I still work full time because I've not played "The Game of Life" very well. I would imagine at least a few of you are in similar positions. I don't make the money I did in a truck, but I drove for a lot of fly by night companies so never had anything but a nice paycheck. Now, I have insurance and I get to watch the news and my shows, hang out with my friends, ect.... I don't miss it. I miss the Polished Chrome on the Stacks, polished wheels and those big chrome Large Car bumpers, not to mention the chicken lights... It was fun! But it was lonely. And no I do not plan to team with the new girl friend. She can do her thing, I may even be able to teach her a few things but I will be the one waiting at home and I am good with that. Like I said, if it even goes that far, who knows. For now I will be quite content living with my buddy of 30 years. He knows I like to be a girl at times and he also knows what a ass I can be in guy mode, he tells me all the time! I think we will be fine, I don't want to live alone anyway and this is a big house. Besides, the guy can cook! Speaking of which it's time clean up the kitchen, and I am good with that too.

Have a Great Day Ya'll.

Alissa

PS. I told my lady friend I feel so much better. As if I've lost 300 lbs. She said "yeah, but you picked 220 back up!" (joke) LOL

[chrissyone]

Good for you sounds like a new chapter has started in your life

[Kelly DeWinter]

Very Happy for you, that was the cleanest break ive ever heard of. Are you divorcing ? Are there anythings to split ?

[AlissaMurray]

Yes we are divorcing. It was the cleanest break of my life without a doubt. Nothing to split. I have my personal stuff, tools, camper, chair, laptop, ect... The only thing I left was the television and surround. She will be at the apartment till July 1. Till then she can use the stuff, if it gets funny - technically it's "Arrons" TV so I will just tell them to go get it even though it is about paid off. I don't see it being an issue though, that is petty stuff and we've never been that way. I am paying my half of her bills through July 1 then she is on her own and she is fine with that. At this point we are not enemies. Just friends who've seen each other naked (her words).

She does not know there is another woman in my sites. She knows me so she is likely to suspect but at this point knows nothing. I do know she isn't a fan of this woman because of some situation that happened years ago but it had nothing to do with me. I'm out clean so I am not to worried. No alimony in our case, no children or child support. Just done.