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Thread: I really must stop doing this !!

  1. #1
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    I really must stop doing this !!

    I never thought going out would have so much fun attached to it. So here's another fun one to share with you .

    My main aim today was find some suitable soft shoes that would double as slippers , so I set of fully dressed to check out a Matalan store after checking out their shoe choice online. I found a fun pair of soft shoes and nice pair of heeled Mary Jane's in black suede to wear with my slim fit black cord trousers when it's too warm to wear boots. My best find was a lovely lightweight jacket in navy blue for slipping on for days out . I then headed off to the out of town store to buy the wellington boots with dogs printed on them with a pink heel , they were on offer but was too late and found I'd missed them . So I spent some time looking at dresses and then headed out . As I was just leaving the women's section I noticed a square of easy chairs with several guys sitting on them, so I stopped and looked at them all , they gave me the usual look with mouths slightly open but no sound coming out , I then asked is this the male creche and if so did they mind if I joined them ? The look on their faces was priceless, so I added , " Don't worry I decided if you can't beat them then you might as well join them , that's why I dress like this !! " By this time the guys didn't know what to do so I wished them have a good day and carried on walking .

    I really must stop doing this but but my sense of humour just gets the better of me .

    I'd also dropped in at country pub a short drive from my home to check out if they had any objections for some of our social group to meet up for a drink and a bar snack, also if it was OK for me to drop in when they have live music evenings , they had no problems at all .

    I honestly can't believe how going out dressed is proving so easy and painless , I did ask a SA what was the most obvious tell tale sign and she told me the size of my hands , the voice, the look, the clothes were fine but she said the most important thing is you are polite ans dare I say too much fun ! OK we did have a great conversation and a laugh about dressing issues.
    Last edited by Teresa; 04-13-2018 at 09:00 AM.

  2. #2
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Teresa,

    What a wonderful "going out" story.
    Your response to the boys' amazement was quite clever and civil. You are a 'mature' girl of about my own age. I'm certain you can recall a time in your own life when you may not have been received so smoothly by a group of men.
    You know.... because of your courage, conviction and my own understanding that you are a lifetime CDer, I've had the impression you were much more "experienced" at going about in public as Teresa. Your narrative suggests that being out as Teresa is a fresh moment. Yet... it is entirely fun. Wait until it becomes second nature to simply walk to the market without a second thought, comfortable and safe.
    You'd hit upon on thing that relates to Going Out, and that's the need to just be YOU; be polite and engaging. I truly believe 99% of the population don't give a rip, and will likewise be polite and as friendly as you offer yourself. Going out dressed in still one of my favorite ways to appear in public (and I wish I did it more!).

    I have been totally fascinated by your personal narrative; your move out of the house to a place of your own! No need to divorce. Just create your own safe space free from scorn and ridicule. It makes sense, and I love that you pulled it off. You're not just transitioning to Teresa, the real You. You're transitioning to re-inventing your life.
    Thanks.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  3. #3
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    Ilene,
    I guess that fun element or mischief has always been there, it made being a professional photographer that much easier , knowing where to draw the line was the key . When I first joined the forum I recall saying when I do get out I will just be me , not an act . It does now feel all that is coming together more as Teresa , I didn't expect it to be as easy as it is . I didn't mention when buying the jacket I couldn't find a SA so I asked a nicely dressed lady what she thought of the fit, she said it looked so nice that she wouldn't mind one herself . We then did talk for sometime about styles of clothes and how good budget items were now, she had several items picked out for a holiday she had booked.
    Last edited by Teresa; 04-13-2018 at 08:34 AM.

  4. #4
    Mannequiniste ! Stacy Darling's Avatar
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    Nice to see that you are still out and about putting a smile on your own and the faces of others Teresa. I think that is so much nicer to be seen by the public as being "that funny / happy / quirky person", rather than to be seen as a "nasty creepy thing". So don't change!

    Shame that you missed out on the Wellies though, hard to find a nice pair, mine are a boring black with green heel/sole!

    You best get back to making people smile then!
    Stacy!
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    Stop breathing imagine none of this is real

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    Well I just dance the way I feel
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  5. #5
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    I think its about time to stop asking people like SA's about "tell tale signs" and going places and "asking" if you can come in there for a beer.
    You are a lady now so act like one.

  6. #6
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    Great to see you are having so much fun these days. It is wonderful how comfortable you are with your new life.
    Don't let your sense of humor go away but do be careful of which audience you try it on.

    I really endorse the comments of the SA you talked to about "passing". While features such as size of hands and a prominent Adam's apple may mark us out, that is not a problem when we are polite and pleasant with all of the people we meet.

    We are constantly in a state of angst about being accepted. Perhaps one thing we could do is always make sure that our meetings with people outside our community are very pleasant and memorable for that. It would be lovely to hear someone say, "well, I don't really understand why cross dressers do what they do, but they are such pleasant and polite people"

  7. #7
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    All fine and dandy but why do you go out of your way to identify yourself as a crossdresser? You do know that people can tell? Right?

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    Majella,
    That's the point I'm making I'm just me whatever that is , I'm not thinking about boxes , where I fit in, Teresa is a real person with a sense of humour why do we have to still wear a straight jacket . I'm not ashamed of what I am it's so good to feel I've shrugged that off .

    Tracii,
    I still ask those questions to help others , my wife told me I'd never pass because of my hands well I'm trying to show to others that it really doesn't matter . OK back to the passing question again , sorry !
    The point about asking at the pub is a cautionary one now, as one of our members posted a review on our previous hotel accusing the mangement of being transphobic amongst other things, we had all our booking cancelled after that , while that memory is still fresh I'm going to stay on the side of caution .

    Consuelo,
    Not a single person has questioned what we do and why , I still say we intrigue people rather than scare them , we are still a minority and are still an unknown to some so Yes I'm surprised they don't ask more questions.
    Last edited by Teresa; 04-13-2018 at 12:02 PM.

  9. #9
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    Teresa it's great that you "own it" now and feel comfy about being out as you but please be careful about poking the bears with a stick some are grizzlies and very unfriendly. I know it's easy to be so friendly and open when feeling so good and natural. Don't stop being you but please use caution it can still be an ugly world out there. So happy your a "day walker" now.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  10. #10
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Teresa,

    It seems you're getting the hang of this going out thingy. "I honestly can't believe how going out dressed is proving so easy and painless ". Again I'm going to say, "Told you so" not that it was just me of course. There will be little setbacks, it goes with the turf but I'll agree with Traci, forget about what gives you away. Other than surgery and hormones you'll not change it so just accept it is what it is, stay calm and carry on.

    You have the most important characteristics, confidence and charm. Go with those and let it flow.

    I would caution about being too quick to change venues for your group. One comment about transphobia could just be down to a clash of characters. If others feel the same, fine, but sometimes it's better the devil you know plus hotels are usually safer venues than pubs.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  11. #11
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    I agree with your recipe for getting out, be jovial and have fun with people, not at them as some tend to do.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  12. #12
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    It's obvious that u r very outgoing, proud and comfortable with how u look dressed, and enjoy socializing when you're out dressed, Teresa. I think that is wonderful! I wish I were that way, too.

    However, I'm not like that no matter how I'm dressed. When I'm out shopping, I'm on a mission. Even in drab, not interested in idle chit chat. When out dressed in Mugglesland, I don't like the way I look. So, I don't wish to bring attention to myself!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  13. #13
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    Helen,
    We didn't have a choice , the management were obviuosly very displeased , the whole incident was a mix up and as usual someone received half a story and went off half cocked , I can't say I blame the hotel the review was posted on Trivago, and thankfully removed very quickly but the damage was done, the person concerned had no right to post but then she did she should have made it clear it was her personal view and not the view of the majority, we lost an excellent venue through one thoughtless act .

    Hence my caution now even asking on behalf of an informal group to meet for a drink and a bar snack .

    Lisa,
    I guess I felt a little sympathy for them , who wants to shop for lovely clothes if you have no interest in them, I just broke their boredom . They also know when a wife buys a new dress they will want taking out somewhere , well we all do don't we ?
    Last edited by Teresa; 04-13-2018 at 01:02 PM.

  14. #14
    Member Read only MiniRock's Avatar
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    Wow, great story Teresa. I think you already knew how to handle people as a man. And you've certainly put some ideas into my head. I'm thinking I could try going into the "girls bar" round the corner from my apartment. Last time I was there with my fiancé, she ended up pole dancing with the girls (she's a bit like you I think, except obviously, not a man). I feel sure they'd make me just as welcome were I to go in in heels!

  15. #15
    Gold Member Read only Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Oh my Teressa you are so cool and I love how you just embrace all of this humor and all.
    You most definitely have the right attitude when it comes to who we are as CD or Trans or whatever.
    Lovely story thank you for sharing

  16. #16
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    Rachel,
    I guess we get so tied up in labels we lose ourselves , if my lables were medals they would think I won a war single handed ! I guess I know what makes me tick now so I can just go out and be me, those labels mean nothing to the general public , very few ask what gender I think I am . Somehow it's gone full circle the male side being overlaid with a female side , the outcome is the same person in a more female appearance , one I'm totally comfortable with. I know you've struggled with the hormone question , maybe backing off meant you found yourself . I can't say for certain myself , OK there are aspects that I would like to change , wearing a wig full time and the hair growth elsewhere but do I want homones enough or more to try and solve those problems ?

  17. #17
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    I think its about time to stop asking people like SA's about "tell tale signs" and going places and "asking" if you can come in there for a beer.
    .
    I have to agree with Traci - it might be the newness of going out ect and you are not hurting anyone PLUS you seem to be having so much fun.... So there is that.
    But just so you know being you ... There is nothing wrong with that ... No need to explain ( other posts to neighbors ) or asking the SA ect ect. It's kinda like you want / need a reaction .
    Carry on --- enjoy your life .
    When I read your posts now it's like I can sense you smiling when telling us about your latest adventure.... That is such a good thing.
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  18. #18
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    I think its about time to stop asking people like SA's about "tell tale signs" and going places and "asking" if you can come in there for a beer.
    You are a lady now so act like one.
    Exactly this...

  19. #19
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Teresa, cheeky, very cheeky, you have a bratty streak in you. Good for you!
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  20. #20
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Di View Post
    I have to agree with Traci - it might be the newness of going out ect and you are not hurting anyone PLUS you seem to be having so much fun.... So there is that.
    But just so you know being you ... There is nothing wrong with that ... No need to explain ( other posts to neighbors ) or asking the SA ect ect. It's kinda like you want / need a reaction .
    Carry on --- enjoy your life .
    When I read your posts now it's like I can sense you smiling when telling us about your latest adventure.... That is such a good thing.
    Indeed Teresa many sensible comments here from Di, Ro and Tracii. By constantly identifying yourself to the public as a crossdresser you are obviously still thinking of yourself as just that, rather than as a person not in the normal male end of the TG spectrum. If the real you is Teresa, which I sincerely hope it is having made the changes you have, then the real you is essentially a woman. A real woman doesn't ask for permission to go somewhere or ask strangers how she looks. She doesn't even think about these things but just goes about life like you have done as a male all your life. It's time to get over the euphoria and excitement and just relax into your new normal. Essentially you need to do more to get the initial mental boost out of your system so that you can normalise the whole experience. Are you doing the everday things en-femme now, you know the walking the dog type of stuff, or are you still only going out dressed for pre-planned activities? You'll know your there when you just take the dog out without taking off the skirt or whatever you were wearing in the house. Please don't be offended, these comments intended only to help.

    One more thing, the pub would have been breaking the law if they refused entry to any group based on their gender identity so the only answer you were ever going to get was yes even if they were themselves transphobic.

    Have a nice day. Daisy

  21. #21
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    Daisy and others,
    I feel I'm making up for so many issues, going right back to my childhood, having an oppressive bully for a father who would never be satisfied with any job done for him . Never having anyone give encouragement through my childhood years and possibly that situation continuing into my marriage . I guess you go two ways, one shrinking tightly in your own shell or as in my case becomming very mischevious ( not naughty ) with other peolple , I've always had that sense of fun which is surfacing more now . I just like having fun and sharing amusing situations with people being dressed hasn't changed that in fact it's raising more lighthearted situations .

    As for asking SAs and other customers what they think of something I'm trying on, well it's OK for those who shop with their wives/partners but I need some feedback. In the recent event I mentioned in my thread the lady looked over to me and said how much the jacket suited me , we had a totally female conversation about figure sizes and what suits , she told me her figure problems and how she solves them and thought I was doing great .

    I thought I explained the pub situation clearly enough, we can never assume everywhere will TG friendly whether they are contravening the law or not, the Ramada Hotel is now non TG friendly through the action of one of our members .

    The point about these threads is to help and encourage other members , some are just putting their first foot on the ladder, we are all entitled to our opinion but please do remember the members who are deeply buried in the closet and can't see anyway out , I was there suffering at one time and never thought any of this could happen , I feel I'm entitled to enjoy a little euphoria, it's been a long time coming !

  22. #22
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
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    Points taken Teresa.
    Out of curiosity, did the Ramada do anything to earn the criticism that got the group banned or was it all an unfortunate misunderstanding? Seems self defeating of them to throw away your custom.

  23. #23
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    Daisy,
    The damage was done , the person concerned should have known better to accuse a manager of being gay and transphobic on a Hotel review site like Trivago .

    The incedent was during a party when we were dancing, some members from another group in the hotel were apparently invited in to join the music and dancing , I didn't have a problem with it but some members felt it was an invasion of privacy, the hotel management heard their complaint and asked the party to leave . It was almost the end of the evening and I'd had a dance and a great conversation with two or three GGs , so it was a total surprise when all this kicked off . The member who made the complaint should have just made the point to one of the committee members and left them to deal with it , a simple apology would have possibly sufficed at that point .

  24. #24
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
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    Ah, I see. Unfortunate indeed. Sad how small things can sour the whole event and affect future events. Won't be the last regretable incident at a party that's for sure. I've even seen a punch up at a wedding once, alcohol was the instigator of that one of course!

  25. #25
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Teresa

    I can understand the need to ask the hotel or bar if you hope to have a group meet there.

    Asking how things fit is fine it you need too.


    As an individual you should not be asking if you are allowed to go anywhere.
    I can see why you use a sense of humour, but why would you out yourself deliberately to people you don't know.
    Some people are not as observant as you might think.

    Keep them guessing.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 04-14-2018 at 05:37 AM. Reason: sp
    Shelly

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