HR at work

[Tamsin Secret]

Hi,

Has anyone had any experience with speaking to HR at work about your experiences or aspirations?

I don't think I would without first consulting my wife but I do see it as an option of expression respecting (with caution) possible implications on my career.

I know with how employment law works I have a lot in my favour with regards to protecting my confidentiality but on the flip side it's not really about that it's about a lot more...

I just wondered have any of you had experience in this?

I will always say I'm a realist. I know it would cause unrest at home and at work but am interested in people's thoughts, opinions.

Tammy

[Melanie Moxon]

Hi Tammy,

I recently spoke to our Diversity and Inclusion champion as I am planning on transitioning next year. She couldn't have been more helpful, I also have a load of contacts now too

It might seem early but as I am going out crossdressed to regular (i.e. on LGBT venues) and starting laser hair removal in a couple of months I figured I would cover my backside, should I be spotted and it all "kick off" as it where.

[Tracy Irving]

If you want to protect your confidentiality, don't wear a dress to work.

[Helen_Highwater]

Tamsin,

May i ask if it's in your thoughts to someday present enfemme in the workplace? My impression reading your post is it's not the case. If so what's your thinking about approaching HR?

If you believe somehow your employer might find out what you do in our own time I can't see why that should impact upon your work. If it's more about colleagues finding out and any possible repercussions at a personal level, barracking and the suchlike, then I could see a reason for contacting HR. However it might be worth leaving well alone and should it prove necessary then contact HR for support.

If you do contact them in advance then as you say it should remain entirely confidential.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Are you planning to transition? If not, it is probably not a good idea. No need to volunteer any information they don't need to know.

(Even worse in the US, what one says to HR is definitely not confidential.)

[giuseppina]

Hello Tammy

If you don't plan to transition, it isn't worth the risk, IMO. I wouldn't take the risk of wearing ladies clothes or makeup to work, either.

LGBT protections are practically irrelevant. If an employer wants to fire an employee, they will find a legal way to do so that has nothing to do with LGBT issues. Causing an uproar in the workplace or claiming performance issues are favourite wrappers for discrimination that is difficult to prove.

Perhaps there are some licensed barristers and solicitors that can give general legal advice here. I am just an engineering graduate with a half-credit in legal issues as they apply to engineering.

[Beverley Sims]

As others are saying, unless you are going to transition keep the secret to yourself.

[Rachael Leigh]

Tamsin I’ve got much experience in this. Now not being in the UK I’m not sure how it is over there but I came out at my job
and I went to HR first, told them I would eventually come to work as Rachael. No issues at all my company is very diverse and it went well.
So the intresting part of my story is for many reasons I decided to de transition and so I came back to work about 3 months
later as my male self. Once again no issues so if you have a good company I would say no problems

[curvious]

Having worked very close to the C-Suite for many years in corporate America and being privy to many of the things that occur in compliance, Legal and HR; Nothing is really confidential. Folks will gossip. The admins will find out (they always do) tell their friends in the other departments (all under a hush hush mentality). HR will mention it to the CFO, COO, & CEO. They will have to, since they are there to protect the company (Sadly, they are not there to protect you). If they see this as a risk to the company (you might be considered unstable, or someone who is not accepting might be unstable and not want to work with you, etc...) they might add it to a compliance risk assessment. IT may monitor your E-presence to see if you are looking at porn on company time...(Even thought there isn't really a connection) The bottom line is that taking it to HR may be making it much bigger than you are aware.

[Pumped]

I would not mention it unless you had to, such as transitioning. If I tried it at my job my bet is I would be looking for a job shortly afterwards! It does depend on the climate of the company too.

[Asew]

I work from home but go to meet my team a couple times a year. My wife asked if I was going to wear a skirt but I don't feel like I was ready to do that.

Many of you are saying that if you are not transitioning then to hide it. For me, I never plan to transition but eventually would like the option to publicly dress from the waist down. So if I do become public about it then eventually it will probably be on Facebook which means most everyone I work with will know.

[Rollermiss]

Do to the nature of my job. I have came out to our HR gal. She has no problem. Same with my boss.

Kelsey

[Leslie Langford]

Tamsin, whatever you decide to do, keep one overriding consideration in mind - H.R. is NOT your friend. Everything you divulge "in confidence" to H.R. - especially if it is contentious, controversial or potentially damaging to the organization - is immediately relayed to Upper Management, and likely even before you have had a chance to walk down the hallway and away from the H.R. rep.'s office.

Gone are the days when companies had "Personnel Managers" or "Directors" who actually gave a rat's @ss about their employees' well-being, and who provided a buffer between them and upper management while often fulfilling a mediation role between the two parties in the event of conflicting needs or priorities .

Today, the main role of H.R. is to manage "Human Resources", with the emphasis being on the "Resources" part...as in "supplies", "services", and "raw materials" etc. - all of which are consumed in the course of making a product or supplying a service, and to be disposed of at will after they no longer serve their original purpose. Organizational loyalty is no longer rewarded, nor is the "institutional knowledge" or experience that an employee might have gained after years of service...if management can replace you with someone who has "potential" but is willing to work for a fraction of what you were earning before, they will.

To be quite blunt about it, H.R. is primarily in the business of risk management and protecting the upper management of any given organization from lawsuits and/or governmental labour practices inquiries in the event that they have run afoul of them. This also includes preemptively finding ways to stick-handle around those pesky employment laws and the associated human rights legislation in place to protect workers, and which are such a "nuisance" when they stand in the way of an organization's primary goal...maximizing profit keeping the shareholders happy.

In a nutshell, be extremely wary when dealing with H.R. Or, as the saying goes, "Be afraid, be very afraid..."

[Tamsin Secret]

Thanks for all the feedback, really do appreciate the time you have spent considering my thoughts.

I don't intend to ever transition but I do hope that one day, even if not in my dressing lifetime it will be accepted that people are able to express themselves, in whatever guise that may be, without fear of repercussions.

I totally support that at work or professional environment that any such expression should fit with companies policies.

I suppose I was thinking about how my journey could one day help someone else who hasn't the courage or ability to express there inner feelings as I didn't for a very long time.

I agree that being that person shouldn't risk my own abilities to support my family by way of a negative impact on my career but at the same time if companies are true to being equal opportunity employers who support their workforce then it could be an option or even an opportunity for me.

I was thinking along the lines of promoting 'expression days' where individuals could feel safe in developing sides to them currently they may not feel able to in the workplace. Any such move would be sensitive I know and would take courage and understanding from both parties (individual and employers).

I wouldn't envisage it being all about crossdresser either as there is such a wide variety of people's make up that are never brought into where they work for fear of ridicule or rejection.

For example we regularly have dress down days where people are allowed to wear non uniform to work. So as long as the right approach was taken and it wouldn't negatively impact the company or its customers Incan only see that as a positive step for all concerned.

The employee (i.e me) would gain inner strength and ultimately be more positive due to being able to channel inner barriers.

Work colleagues would gain an understanding of something they rarely thought about (that's an assumption but one I'm happy to make at this point) and even if they didn't want to open up to it that's fine and should treat it as it was, a guy who likes to where women's clothing. As long as I continue to produce the expected work levels it will not impact anyone.

Employers would get a more positive employee. They could also see it as an opportunity to promote how diverse they are in enabling that person to express themselves.

Yes it is a dream and maybe a far fetched one but I feel better for at least writing about it and hearing what others think.

Tammy