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Thread: Need vs. Want

  1. #1
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Need vs. Want

    How many "feel" the NEED to dress as opposed to just WANTING to dress.
    I love dressing up, I find it fun and makes me feel pretty and sexy, but I don't have a burning desire/need to dress, it's more of a fetish/hobby for me.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
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    I truly need to dress to answer an inner call to sometimes feel complete. It's not a hobby or fetish for me. It is just who I am.

  3. #3
    Member Anna Stouf's Avatar
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    I think it is very important to be who you really are, and for me, dressing enfemme is an expression of who I am. That’s why it relaxes me and makes the world seem right.

    So for me it is a need.
    Last edited by Anna Stouf; 04-21-2018 at 12:05 AM.
    My favorite dress is a Dirndl.

  4. #4
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    I can't say its a fetish or hobby for me. Despite struggles with self acceptance, relationship issues and the fear of social consequences, I only feel complete (to use Stephanie's term) and at peace when I am fully immersed in being a woman.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member
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    I don't need to dress, but I like it.

  6. #6
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    I really have to question why any man would undertake a hobby of dressing as a woman and venture out into the world among people who may not treat the person kindly. I do not consider what I do to be a hobby. I do collect stamps and coins and build plastic military models. Those activities seem to fall within the purview of a hobby. Fetish dressing? Maybe if I was only into wearing women's nylon panties it would be fetish dressing. This afternoon I was wearing a midi black and white print empire waist dress. Underneath a bra, panty, full slip..all in white. A low heel. Pantyhose. Grey wig. I was baking banana cake. I was packing away some Easter bric and brac. The vacuum the house. There was no sexual thrill about it. I felt totally natural. I feel the same way when I wear my guy clothes. Why did I wear women's clothing today? I don't have the slightest idea. There was no need to wear women's clothing today. If I was denied the opportunity I do not believe I would have been banging my head against the wall.

    I've said it before many times. How I feel. How I perceive I look. That does not answer the question of why I do what I do. When my wife and I had "The Talk" I told her exactly that. I have no idea why I wear women's clothing.

  7. #7
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
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    I'm in the need catagory BUT would encourage the hobby/fetish dressers to enjoy it openly. If most men were fetish/hobby dressers then they would have less problems with transgender people in general.

  8. #8
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    Majella,
    Somedays it's a real need to dress and on occasions something I want to do to give me a boost when I'm a bit flat or when i've bought something new and I want to try it out . Then it turns into a need to go somewhere to enjoy it .

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member
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    I wear a dress (it is usually a dress not a skirt) every day most of the day - all my waking hours except when at my part-time job and except for a couple of hours at weekends. And in my non-waking hours I wwear a nightdress, I do this because it is comfortable and familiar now. Nothing to do with gender and I don't wear make up or a wig except in public and I no longer go out much in these clothes. I am just me in any clothes and me is male. I no longer even think about wanting to or needing to - it is just what I do. The outfit absolutely has to work - nothing mismatched or inappropriate for the outfit - and to make it work I wear a bra and forms. No thinking involved about that - I just do it. My legs and armpits are shaved or epilated so there is a commitment here but 'need'? I like to look elegant but at home my movements are not designed to be feminine - but wearing a dress and heels modifies your body language anyway.

    I have occasionally gone for as long as ten days wearing only male clothes and didn't really miss the dresses but possibly linked to the great time I was having doing other stuff. When I buy new ones far from home I look forward to getting home so that I can wear them but that is as close as I get to NEED. It is really just want, not need. I bought three more dresses yesterday which brings the total to 920. Nobody NEEDS 920 dresses, but I spend £110 on dresses I wanted. So I think that even some of us who are wearing the clothes most of the time are doing so because we want to and we can - a bit self-indulgent, really. If no one else is involved and I can afford this, there is not a problem. OK you might argue that anyone with 920 dresses might have some sort of Imelda Marcos syndrome, and you might even be right, but if it makes me happy, no one else is affected and I can afford it - how would it be a problem? I am generally a very upbeat and happy person who rarely gets stressed - there could be a dressing connection there, but my music and my books also make me happy. I also find time for my friends, and I have no doubt at all that my clothing preferences make a big contribution to how great my life is. But if I had to lose one from the list of womenswear, books, friends or music I would not have to think about it - I would lose the womenswear.
    Last edited by susan54; 04-21-2018 at 04:11 AM.

  10. #10
    Resident Polymath MarinaTwelve200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    How many "feel" the NEED to dress as opposed to just WANTING to dress.
    I love dressing up, I find it fun and makes me feel pretty and sexy, but I don't have a burning desire/need to dress, it's more of a fetish/hobby for me.
    I am pretty much the same way. I see it as a "vacation from my self" and it is also fun to "feel pretty" and turn myself on. ------I extend the hobby by taking photos of me as various "characters" and in different outfits. I do not usually go out dressed (unless for a costume role or Halloween party or the like.
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Last edited by MarinaTwelve200; 04-21-2018 at 06:10 AM.

  11. #11
    Member Kirsten1's Avatar
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    I lurk mostly and sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a wife that completely supports my dressing. Somewhat envious of those in those circumstances. Then I go and think back to the times of deep pink haze where i shaved and dressed however i wanted. Put on a wig and attempted make up. All that was fun but kind of a pain in the neck. Wigs are hot, shaving is a pain, makeup is difficult and messy. I have come to the conclusion that if you had not been doing this all your life it may not be worth learning. So here I sit in bra and panties under boy clothes. I have grown beard as a self limiter but yet I still come here and read and wonder what it would be like if I dressed all the time? My overall personally is not really girlish. I would mostly just be myself but dressed as a girl. So in the overall spectrum of crossdressing I think I sit on the less into it side of the pink haze. I am envious but not jealous of those that sit deeper in the pink haze, however i am not sure I really want to go there due to my own circumstances. I do really wish those that do, all the happiness and joy that they can get.

  12. #12
    Mannequiniste ! Stacy Darling's Avatar
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    In a way, I am quite happy that I really don't have an answer.

    I guess whichever it is, it is that which I will not allow to be taken from me though!

    I just may "Want the Need"

    Stacy!
    STOP, Well I just dance the way I feel
    Stop breathing imagine none of this is real

    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    Well I just dance the way I feel
    "Ou Est Le Swimming Pool"

  13. #13
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I need to dress. There are days when I come home from work (in male mode, of course) and I'm really tired and don't want to bother changing my clothes. On those days I force myself to take off my pants and put on a dress. I'm always glad I did, because I always need to dress, whether I want to or not.

  14. #14
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    I definitely need to dress. Since my wife is agin it, I stretch myself all over the place to try to downgrade it to a want, but I am not successful.

    This problem bedevils a lot of us. I think the subtext is that ''needs" are legitimate [reasons to endure the problems we face, and to feel confident asking others to accommodate our dressing positively]. In this subtext, "wants" are not [enough of] a reason.

    Using the analogy of physiology of thirst- wants fall into two categories,
    1. thirsts that are optional- 'I want to drink something sweet-' and almost anything sweet will do. And nothing much happens if we can't. Maybe we'll eat a piece of bread instead, or just skip it. We can easily forget about sweet drinks if none are available.

    2. Thirst as a signal of a true need: 'I need water'. Although any edible liquid will do, I do NEED to drink, and the need will get more intense the longer I wait.

    In both cases of 'wants', if we are able to satisfy the wants, we are at ease, and we don't feel a craving or have to distort our worlds to try to meet an underlying need.

    When I dress a lot, I am at ease and don't mind not dressing for a bit- it is even refreshing to be all boy at times. When I go too long without dressing, I become very disassociated, as my craving is intruding into my thinking all the time. That is why I say dressing is a 'need'.

    As a related question, I ask myself if the need is to dress, or to feel feminine. The latter is the case. If I can enter into feeling fully in my femininity, I am satisfied. Then I simply want [prefer] to wear cute feminine clothes for all the enjoyments they confer, but the clothes themselves are not a need, since I am stable and can live [albeit drearily] without them.

    Thank you for asking the question- it is my 32nd anniversary and I needed [yep] to think this through. ;0)
    We are all beautiful...!

  15. #15
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    I like to dress - they are my clothes and I am comfortable wearing them

  16. #16
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    I both Want and Need to dress; call it a Weed to dress, I suppose.
    No.... this goes way deeper than playing dress up, playing "Ilene", or making a hobby of it. This is a definite PART of my being.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  17. #17
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    It's a need. Life would be easier without it. Life is not as good when the need is unmet. I am still learning how much not meeting that need affects, which is to say probably more than I have realized.

    Hugs,


    Kelly

  18. #18
    Platinum Member
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    The toughest thing is differentiating between wants and needs. I can logically persuade myself that since it is possible to sustain breath and a heart beat without expressing this part of myself, then this is less than essential. I have managed to live for extended periods of time without such expression. But I have also have observed the problems that denial of self has precipitated in my life. I apparently need to have this for my emotional and possible for my physical well-being.

    And, I do want to spend as much of my life as possible living ‘as a woman’ . I take genuine satisfaction in experiencing everyday living as such. So, it’s clearly not either or...it’s both a need and a want.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 04-21-2018 at 05:36 PM.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  19. #19
    Yendis Sidney's Avatar
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    It is not a hobby for me. My fishing I enjoy. If I don't get to go it's like ok next weekend. With my dressing it is totally different. Every evening, night and morning I wear womens cloths. Also most every day I get to at least underdress. When I can't for what ever reason I am just not me. There is a very real need. I can't explain it but I don't feel me if I can't dress.

  20. #20
    dress to feel the energy Shely's Avatar
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    I need to, and I want to, and I must, dress. I used to look at as a hobby, but now I do it every time i get a little time. It has become an obsession with me, I think i am loosing control of it. Is that what's called Pink Fog?
    https://www.flickr.com/photos/lovethatdress/

  21. #21
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I guess it really depends upon what you define as a need. As, oh, if one doesn't crossdress we will die from a girly clothes deficiency? Well then, probably a need.
    Otherwise, it's a want.
    As in, I don't want to feel miserable, I want to feel good, so I crossdress. AFAIK, no one needs to crossdress. We can be irritable, nasty, impatient, depressed, anxious or even suicidal instead.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  22. #22
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    I'm sometimes fetish and hoody and then if I don't dress for a while I find I need to as it seems to calm an inner beast.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Jaymees22's Avatar
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    I'm pretty sure it's a need and I want to do it whenever I can.
    I enjoy being a boy, being a GIRL like me!!!

  24. #24
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    After a continuous period of want I certainly feel an irresistible need that must be satisfied. Then I'm back to varying degrees of want. Occasionally but thankfully rareely, I neither want or need. That quickly passes.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  25. #25
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    It is more of a need after 40 years i have to do it and want to
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

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