When cross dressing is not just cross dressing but a start...
Thank you to this forum: I might have already said this but
ii haven't posted in ages so this might seem redundant. Thank you because I realized that I wasn't actually a cross dresser; I was doing that, but in reality I was just being me(female) and this forums sign up page is where I came up with the name Lexi. I can say for a few months now I have been signing my name Lexi and is the name I sign on official paper work at the doctors.
Someone here sent me a PM saying they were supposed to a girl in response to some thread I made inferring that I was the same. I replied how I wasn't trans. They could tell I was before I was. But when I replied that I wasn't I turned out to be so wrong!
Here is a little bit bit of my journey so far; I tell so that others that are like me on this forum can tell if this is just a hobby that you keep in a box under your bed or really something much bigger!
Having the courage to come out on this forum was the very first step to becoming a real girl. A few months ago I started HRT and laser hair removal and weekly GID therapy. What a huge difference that has made! Some things the hormones do: I'm actually growing real B cups and not gynocomastia where the nipples are small and breasts concave. They grow so fast they hurt! I always thought my legs looked girly before but thats nothing to how they look and feel now. Boxer shorts bunch up since my legs are oval shaped so girl underware is almost required and the estrogen makes your man hood always in a state like you just jumped in a freezing cold pool. Not that it was any thing to brag about in the first place. Every part of me is affected by the hormones. Hard flat muscles turn into soft curvy areas yes I have lost alot of strength but the look is so much better it's worth it. Even my face is affected making my cheeks bigger and reducing the fat I once had around my jaw, its really weird feeling it and touching it, the skin is so soft now and my cheeks are kind of rosy like make up.
Biggest change is mentally. I'm like a totally different person. Right before I started the hormones I thought I would keep my genitals and date women kind of becoming a girly lesbian. Yeah right! My sexuality has shifted towards, like all the way towards, tall muscular masculine men and I'm dying to get SRS to feel what its like to have sex with a guy as a women. Thinking of past girl friends makes me wonder what I was I thinking having a relationship with a girl?! Did not expect that and that required "coming out"... again(first as trans then as gay)... to family. But honestly I feel /think so girly now that dating women seems wrong.
It's like a had this huge hole in me that I would fill with alcohol money sex possessions and none of it worked. I was missing estrogen. My aggressiveness has totally gone away and instead I'm filled with compassion and passion. I really can't explain it in words there are none expressive or great enough to describe it. Its almost like a drug on estrogen I feel like I can do anything. We twice lowered my testosterone and each step reaffirms my feeling that it was a poison in my body. I did go a week without hormones just to check. Felt awful that whole week. I'm just amazed at how feminine it makes you become; people describe my walk, hand motions, and even the way I sit is different.
Going out clothes shopping I used to tell the store workers that it was for my girl friend but now they can just tell its for me and I have no problem telling them that. I think the pink nail polish I always wear gives it away too!Doing make up and hair is so much fun although I wish it would grow out faster. But at the beginning I was over whelmed at how much the hormones were changing me. Its like every part of me I touch is softer or different in some way. Not having body hair is really nice although I still have some hair that requires shaving on my chest its not think and grows maybe 1/5 as fast.
One trap I almost fell into that would have delayed things possibly for years: Maybe you are not a cross dresser and really ask yourself why are you doing this? Is it because you get some sort of kick out of it maybe sexual or maybe because you are not supposed to and it's fun or maybe because you ARE supposed to and it's not just a hobby but who not just what you want to be? You have to be brave answering that and honest. Coming out is extremely hard and you have to be ready for it. Once the estrogen is in you it's really easy but thats the second step not the first.
OK that was really long so...
Hugs!
Lexi
Originally Posted by Beverley Sims
