Teresa, I love your outing stories and so great to hear that most of your experiences have been very 'normal'. Like many things in life we tend to focus on the one exception and ignore the 100 normal happenings. Your stories remind all of us that most people simply don't care. Thanks for sharing and hopefully your realistic experiences do help others..
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
Tracii,
It's the way I am whether dressed or not, I would hate to offend anyone , tp me not telling people is like using shock tactics , I still feel more comfortable arriving home under those circumstances know they are fully aware of my dressing situation . I am trying to avoid at all cost unnecessary gossip and difficult reactions . In the worse situation if the couple knew I'd arrived home and immediately disappeared inside then it would be more obvious they don't approve , in that respect the fact they remained outside shows they are on the way to accepting me .
Rogina,
I mentioned that could be the situation, it's more likely as individuals they may have spoken but as a couple they were more guarded . They are a nice couple so I'll just have to give it time. The other point to remember is not only am I coming and going dressed but Carole arrives dressed as other members of my social group possibly will in the future .
Jaymees,
I wonder if it would have been any simpler ? I knew it would take time, I couldn't expect all this to happen overnight after 43 years of marriage and being in a DADT situation. I've posted previously that doing everyday is harder than dressing up to the nines !Pat did say maybe I was overthinking the issues , it's beginning to look as if she was right , everyday is proving easier than I expected , so now I have to find the balance and decide how I'm going to progress . Nothing is spoiling now so I can think it through , I do still have my wife trying to inflict DADT by remote control and a little blackmail so I have to decide how I'm going to stop all that .
Last edited by Teresa; 04-26-2018 at 10:15 AM.
Maybe our being from different countries is where our point of view differs.
Teresa,
I get on well with not only the immediate next door neighbours but also with those 4 or 5 houses further on. I'm not out to them but I know I've been spotted enfemme by both the immediate next door neighbours and one 2 doors away. Nothing has ever been said, our relationship hasn't altered.
So in drab I may come home from shopping, one or other of them is working in the front garden. Sometimes we'll stop and chat. Other times we just go about our business. As others have said don't over think it. After all is said and done you're a new neighbour and it'll take time for you both to develop a relationship. If the same thing is happening 6-8 months down the line then it may need a rethink. Just give them time to adjust.
One other factor may be that they see you in two forms, drab and femme. It could be they haven't figured out how to interact with you depending upon how you're dressed. If you introduced yourself initially by your drab name, greeting you enfemme, even if they know you as Teresa could just be a tad confusing. Give them time is sort it out in their own heads.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
Indeed Tracii this is true. We English people in small rural towns like Teresa's are generally very tolerant but also often overly polite. They simply would not have been sure if Teresa wanted them to ackowledge that they knew it was her. They probably thought she might be offended that they had recognised it to be the same person rather than a visiting female. If Teresa speaks to them when dressed in future that barrier will be removed and I am sure they will interact normally from then on. If not then they do have a problem but I find that highly unlikely in my experience. It's just getting past that first potentially awkward moment so they know it's OK that is needed.Originally Posted by Tracii G
Thankyou all for your replies, maybe I'm trying to run before I can walk and should look at it from their situation . If I was still with my wife and we had a new neighbour who outed themslves in that way I know my wife wouldn't have been as compliant as the lady next door has been. No doubt she wouldn't have been happy initially if I'd made conversation with them dressed , again as individuals yes we probably would , maybe my wife might have surprised me by her reaction .
I'm getting a little impatient with dealing with dressing full time but at least I haven't chickened out completely and backed off into my shell . I know the word is spreading especially around the dog walkers because of forgetting to remove my nail polish , it initially takes some explaining when they notice, now I just sayI went out last night and they now understand .
Teresa,
I think the phrase is "Neither fish nor fowl". Sometimes in drab, sometimes enfemme. It's going to take a while for those around you to get a handle on how to interact with you.
Perhaps you need to consider whether or not you need to say something to those neighbours and dog walkers next time you meet them while enfemme as to just how they should address you. Do you want them to use two different names depending upon your presentation, m/f, or can you use a dual androgynous name such as Teri to remove any confusion (I think I'm right in thinking Teresa is derived from your male name).
People aren't mind readers. You're going to have to help them navigate their relationship with you. Tricky but on past evidence you're not slow in coming forward so I'm sure you'll cope.
Helen,
I use the shortened form all the time anyway , I did have to resort to my full name for my business for thirty yeras but before and now after it's back to Terry or possibly Terri.
I'm glad I opted for that choice when I first joined the forum and it was accepted it has made all this far simpler. If I didn't have my first name accepted I was going to opt for my second name and become Joanne .
I must be careful and learn to hold back sometimes , not everone is on our wavelength besides some could have bad experiences of their own with these issues, which is something not often considered .
Teresa,
Just relax and do what you want. Explaining yourself to others is not necessary. Your fellow dog walkers will notice the nail polish but you don't need to explain at all. They will judge you based on your interactions with them and their dogs and over time small things such as what you wear and whether you are wearing nail polish or makeup, will fade into relative insignificance.
Perhaps your neighbours were just very focussed on their garden and barely even noticed you.
You have made great strides and you are now independent. You don't need to apologize for being a cross dresser or explain yourself to anyone.
Well said Consuelo I agree.
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