A Female in the Virtual World

[Julie Martin]

So.. this is an offshoot of crossdressing that has me re-examining some of my motivation for crossdressing...bear with me here. I heard about and joined a virtual world game online about 2 years ago, as a female character, and after learning the ropes (a challenge for a digital klutz like me), I learned to explore the place. For those not familiar, these games are virtual worlds in which you can find virtually anything that exists in the real world..quite remarkable actually. This also includes all manner of sex of course, and yes, I have experienced sex as a woman in the game..which I am intrigued by as a fantasy but am not interested in real life (RL) and would never go there as a crossdresser, not attracted to men in any way, dressed or not.
But..playing the female role in the game has been fascinating.. and educational in a way. I have a boyfriend in the game, a truly great guy..which believe me is as hard to find in the virtual world as women complain that it is in RL!.. ..and, I have learned how great it feels to feel taken care of and put on a pedestal, doted on, and how that makes me( playing my female character) want to take care of him also..no, not just that way, get your mind out of the gutter ladies :-)..but the way women in a loving relationship want to care for their man.

But.. most of my time in the game is spent with female friends..and I’ve gotten a taste of the bond between women..which is amazing, and totally different from male friendships. I have a virtual “sister”, and spending time and sharing things with her is different (in a good way) than anything I’ve ever experienced..hearing her talk about men and her life experiences from a woman’s point of view, and learning to empathize and support her the way women support each other (to the best of my ability anyway)..has been both rewarding and enlightening. In some ways I think it’s helped me become a little bit better man.

Of course this is all role play, and any RL information shared is very general (at least with the people I interact with), it’s mostly within the framework of the game .(just FYI, apparently statistics suggest that up to 40% of the female characters in these online worlds may be men, and around 10% of the male characters may be women..for what it’s worth) But it has helped me immensely in my RL relationship with my wife, and has helped me learn to sympathize and empathize with women in a way I never could before. I’ve never had a really close friendship with a woman that was not romantic..not an easy line to tread, and I was always afraid of it going someplace that could undermine my marriage. But I have put these new skills to use to the benefit of my marriage, and to the benefit of my interactions with females in general. It also has shed some light for me personally on some of my motivations for crossdressing..but that is another post entirely!

I’d be interested to hear if anyone else has had this experience..or other experiences that that have improved your ability to understand the female psyche a little better, and possibly improved your ability to interact with women in a positive way?

[Stacy Darling]

What you have just described Julie is quite similar to my younger real life. A male within a close group of girls, and their boyfriends were a bit like pseudo boyfriends at times ( I don't fix cars ). So what you seem to have been experiencing is quite similar to what has helped shaped me, and It's a good thing!

Stacy!

[Joyce Swindell]

This is very interesting. So did you start as a child and grow up in this world? To experience a RL experience growing up with a sister? That would be awesome I think. I could also see how it would be helpful to actual real life.

[Victoria_Winters]

I’m a game nut. I play in many Games. Pretty much exclusively as female characters. I don’t do stuff like second life really (accept for Avakin, it’s a mobile ap. I stick to RPGs like EverQuest 2 and Aion. In all the worlds I’m always the same. I try to make the exact same face, skin tone, hair styles, hair color, eyes.... it’s me. Pretty much. Even use the same name in all the worlds.

I never had a trusty sisterly type of relationship in any of the games but I have some female friends that are convinced I’m a girl since the way I talk and act in game is more female I guess. I don’t dress my characters in skimpy bikini mail or dress ****ty. And I spend why too much time on my character appearance. I have outfits for different things I do in game. I tend to have an outfit for hanging around the guild hall, adventuring, wandering around town... dress for the holidays. If you ever want to meet in a game let me know.

PS I do have a second life account also... just don’t play it much...

[sometimes_miss]

This is very interesting. So did you start as a child and grow up in this world? To experience a RL experience growing up with a sister? That would be awesome I think. I could also see how it would be helpful to actual real life.

Older sisters aren't always a good thing. Sometimes they hate younger siblings. Can make for a terrible childhood. Been there, done that.

[Joyce Swindell]

Older...younger...no matter to me. I grew up with one older sister, two younger brothers and a younger sister so I understand the possibilities of all of that. Both my sisters and brothers fought from time to time. But I was a male then. (As I still am) I guess what I think I'm wondering is how much reality is built into these games? Do the characters start at an early age and then grow older in real time? Or possibly when you set up your character do the settings let you choose a level of ageing?

[Beverley Sims]

I used to have these experiences in real life, it is so different interacting with other women.

[Julie Martin]

Do the characters start at an early age and then grow older in real time? Or possibly when you set up your character do the settings let you choose a level of ageing?

Joyce, I'm not sure..I think in some advance forms of some games that might be possible..I haven't done that, started and stayed the same apparent age. You can definitely modify your avatar to look like whatever you want..I've even seen a guy as a T-Rex!
(Quoting Victoria)" I never had a trusty sisterly type of relationship in any of the games but I have some female friends that are convinced I’m a girl since the way I talk and act in game is more female I guess. I don’t dress my characters in skimpy bikini mail or dress ****ty."

My "sister" thing happened gradually over many months..Same here Victoria on the rest of your comment..I've taken my cues on female speech patterns and interaction from the way they interact with me since they assume I'm a girl..and that has made me much better at the role. Women are so much more open talking to each other than when they are talking to a man..well, someone they know is a man..it's nice, and a real privilege to be included in that

[Rayleen]

My best friends are all females, and I think i'm on the same level . I can discuss any subject with them.

My inner feeling are similar to most, and the same goes for sisters relationship. Maybe its the way we were brought up,
closer to females, you bond with them more. My point of view . Interesting discussion.

[Krisi]

You realize, I hope, that your virtual "boyfriend" may well be a female.

I'm not at all into video games and I waste far too much time on the computer, but for a while I was a female on a mostly male forum related to mechanical things. I pretended to be the wife and posted things my "husband" said or did.

The way this all came about was, my account got compromised and I couldn't get on and I couldn't get help so I created another and on a whim I used a female name. It was actually fun and a few guys flirted with me even though I was supposedly married.

[Joyce Swindell]

Is this a game I can play on my phone or would I have to put it on my shared computer at home? I'm interested in checking it out. I'm not a technical in the computer world but love games where you have to figure things out with an adventure.

[Victoria_Winters]

Is this a game I can play on my phone or would I have to put it on my shared computer at home? I'm interested in checking it out. I'm not a technical in the computer world but love games where you have to figure things out with an adventure.

I’m not sure what game she was talking about at first but the games I was talking about are adventure MMo’s For the computer.... except Avakin which is mobile game. Aion and Everquest 2are free to play.

[Robertacd]

There are a few of us who play or used to play Second Life.

I still play occasionally and would love to have a girlfriend to hang around and explore with.

Feel free to private message me.

[Ceera]

In May of 2002, I created a female character named Ceera Darkwynde, in an on-line role-playing community, called "The Napping Cat's Dream" or "Master Zen Dao Meow / MZDM". It was a free-form interactive adventure and role playing site that was largely text-based forums, though you could post pictures as well. Interactions were supposed to remain PG-13 rated or cleaner, though in off-line messaging things sometimes got steamier. I had several characters, both male and female, and most of the people in that community believed Ceera was played by a real-life woman. I was active there until around the end of 2005, when that venue was shutting down. Several of my friends had already moved to the Second Life virtual world, where we could do visual interactions and not just text, and where adult-rated interactions were openly allowed. So Ceera Murakami was created as my female identity in Second Life. It was pretty cool being able to make my avatar look like any sort of woman I could imagine, and getting to dress her, style her hair, and interact as a woman. I still have several Second Life accounts, but I haven't been very active there since about 2012 or so. Again, most people there believed that Ceera was being played by a real-life woman.

Particularly in Second Life, I did have several role-played "intimate relationships", but as I was monogamously married at the time, I always made it clear that these were strictly on-line fun and games, and never to be assumed to include any possibility of intimacy between the real people involved. I quite enjoyed it though, regardless of what gender role I was playing, or the apparent or real-life genders of the others involved.

Interacting as a female in a virtual world fulfilled a need for feminine expression for me which I had not yet consciously accepted was a need also in my real life. But it wasn't until my wife died in early 2012 that I felt able to explore my feminine urges in the real world. And once I did, and found I could be accepted as a woman in real life, the virtual world held far less appeal for me!

[VeronicaMoonlit]

these games are virtual worlds in which you can find virtually anything that exists in the real world..quite remarkable actually.

Second Life I take it? It's the only Virtual World that fits what you're describing. :-)

and learning to empathize and support her the way women support each other (to the best of my ability anyway)..has been both rewarding and enlightening. In some ways I think it’s helped me become a little bit better man.

Interesting. While I know that SL has helped out those who are trans-identified accepting themselves and dealing with the dysphoria, this is the first time I've seen someone who identifies more on the less-trans-identified side bring up the fact that SL has helped them out socially and in relationships.

I’d be interested to hear if anyone else has had this experience..or other experiences that that have improved your ability to understand the female psyche a little better, and possibly improved your ability to interact with women in a positive way?

Ditto, I'm glad you posted t his.

There are a few of us who play or used to play Second Life.

Feel free to private message me.

I've mentioned my SL avatar name in other threads about SL here. SL users, feel free to IM and say hi.

PM sent!

Feel free to look me up.

Again, most people there believed that Ceera was being played by a real-life woman.

Ditto for my avatar, but relatively early on I put the info that I'm Transgender in my profile.

Interacting as a female in a virtual world fulfilled a need for feminine expression for me which I had not yet consciously accepted was a need also in my real life.

For me it was different I was exploring the trans years before I joined SL.

And once I did, and found I could be accepted as a woman in real life, the virtual world held far less appeal for me!

Yep I found that SL can help with the dysphoria, other transfolk in SL have said similar things to me.

[MzAlexis]

Personally I think that there are a lot more folks gaming online outside of their gender roles than most people think, and for a lot of reasons other than why many of us in here do. A number of years ago I played World of Warcraft (with my now ex-wife especially when we were dating) and had both male and female characters with my male character falling by the wayside as time progressed (before we got too serious I came out to my ex and she embraced my duality). These days I don't even make male characters at all anymore as I have to deal enough with being a man in Real Life.

The point I'm making is that besides folks needing to express their non-biological gender there are other reasons.. Female gamer's will sometimes make male characters just so they don't keep getting trolled, and there are male gamer's (especially in 3rd person games) who just prefer to build a female character they consider attractive to watch running around on the screen instead of some hulked out male character. I was actually talking to a couple of guys at work who also game and I mentioned that I sometimes make female characters just because I'd rather see a beautiful Woman's backside running around on the screen than a Guy's and one of them said he did the same thing for the same reason.

Perhaps in some way online communities and virtual worlds like games are helping to change societies acceptance and views on both gender and presentation, since the younger generations are much more used to it virtually it would make sense that it would also effect their tolerance in the real world as well.. No different than iconic TV show's like Star Trek with the first interracial kiss on television (among other firsts) where in the guise of it being "Fiction" in a Fantasy world ideas can be expressed that are outside of social norms helping to create new Norms.

[Teresa]

Julie,
The only time I took a female role in a game was in Tiger Woods golf , I was Sandy Irons or Judy Woods ( very original ) it was very interesting seeing myself tee up as a female . I was getting quite good and beat Tiger several times !!.

To achieve social interaction has happened in reality for me since I joined a social group to expererience the feminine side is even better in reality . The dwonside is it didn't help me in a DADT sitaution but at least I know what the interaction feels like . I agree that male friends are different to female ones conversations are so different .