First (Big) Step to Gender Therapy and support

[Teresa]

Ilene,
It's a case of what you feel is right, this forum and the support group can give a different perspective on things , maybe something that never occured to you . Please don't feel brow beaten by anyone, I felt recently that I had gone from wearing a male straightjcaket to wearing a female one , not only were some members giving comments that I felt had no bearing to members in my social group telling what I should and shouldn't do when dressed . If we want to transition we must find ourselves and not base our future on other people's ideals .

I'm going to give a different perspective to the comment about you wife earning certain rights, the way it's written suggests you are giving up or prepared to give up all your rights . You have earned that for yourself as much as anyone why do you have to relinquish it ? You have earned the right to be you if that means accepting Ilene is part of your life then so be it . I personally feel you will fall into the same sitaution as me, full transition isn't on the cards for many reasons , which means your wife does not have to accept the inevitable that you will become a woman . So she isn't going to lose the man she knew for all those years , he may appear somewaht different be he'll still be there for her . I have to accept that is my situation at the moment even though we've separated , I know it's early days and I have to wean my wife off the support she still expects but then she has the ace cards of our children and grandchildren .

In your heart of hearts I know you do realise the true path , it isn't a easy one to take in your circumstances but at the end of the day you will look back and realise it wasn't so bad . To some you will still be the old tough guy to others you will be Ilene you have to find that balance , so keep going to these meetings they will do no harm .

[Lana Mae]

Ilene, see my post "Maybe not 24/7!"! Good next step going to the support group! Counselor might be next! I agree with Rogina and Linda! I had to come to a complete stop in order to see things more clearly! It is your journey of course and I am not telling you how to live it! Only the best of wishes!! Hugs Lana Mae

[Jeri Ann]

I'm going to this "transition" group not so much to be supported through a FULL transition. It is more a way for me to get a foot in the door of this community. To find connections and resources, and then hopefully move into more professional help in sorting out my late life gender identity issues. I believe and feel I am transgendered. The question is WHAT TO DO about it; and how far to take it. Professional help will help determine "is this real" and what kinds of reasonable "treatments" are there for the dysphoria that can hopefully preserve as much of my existing wonderful life as possible.
Asking too much?

Hey Ilene,
Please proceed with caution. I you join a sky diving group, sooner or later you will jump out of an airplane. Seeking professional help, I think, is top priority, not just for you, but for your wife as well. Sounds to me like she needs more help than you do.

[IleneD]

Teresa,

Love you and your advice.
Your situation is similar to mine yet quite different. I suppose everyone's CD experience, development and final integration into their lives is different.
Your point about "earning the right to be me" is very well taken. In many respects, that's what this whole "coming out" is all about. I no longer could tolerate having to hide it or deny my feminine self. [THAT....and I got caught in pink panties.]. I owe it to myself to honor my femme self.
My REAL issue is not a will or a want to live as a woman. I know that. I could do that starting tomorrow in a heart beat. My real issue is integrating my late life revelation into my existing great life. I'm was in total self-loathing denial for a long, long time before I shed the mask and let my inner woman roam freely. I have a family and I have a wife; a great wife, woman and friend. I pray with all my might that I can find a life path that satisfies my need to live out as a woman, yet maintain the valued relationships I have. If I read the passages of this forum, that is not easy and most often results in a broken relationship somewhere.
Thanks. Thanks over and over again, Teresa.

[SamanthaToday]

I think that's so awesome IleneD. After reading I have decided to give my local support another looksie.

[IleneD]

Jeri Ann,

I read you loud and clear, girl.
That kind of group encouragement is one of the reasons The Wife has "issues" with this forum and board. Yes, she's been here lurking and believes this place is only a place for Positive Feedback that only encourages more of the behavior (whatever that is). I know differently. This forum is a place for sound advice and the voices of wisdom. Yes, Jeri. I'm talking about You.
She already has expressed that this group will be all PRO-transition, and may push me towards transition. I agree and I'm trying to attend with eyes wide open.
I can already tell that several of the girls have stories and lives totally different from mine. There's only a couple late transition-ers. The stage or phases of transition differs around the room. But I identify WITH these people and have already identified as TG. It's interesting and comforting to at least be around real people in the flesh who have THIS dysphoria in common.
Right now I'm seeking connections and pathways to other help. Perhaps a recommendation for a good counselor (which is what I really need).
This Center and the sponorship of this group also provides me a great "safe space" where I can dress and be with other people somewhat like me. It is part of my slow growth and slow expansion of my femme life. I know it seems I'm going at light speed at times, but I feel like taking the step to just walk into the GLBT Center was a huge first step in living a happy life with my wife and identity.

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Thanks Lana,

And coming from you, the advice to 'proceed with caution, slowly' is taken well. Nice that you noted Rogina's comments too.
It's a journey, and despite the emotional turmoil is creates at times, it is still a beautiful trip.

[Aunt Kelly]

Jeri Ann,

I read you loud and clear, girl.
That kind of group encouragement is one of the reasons The Wife has "issues" with this forum and board. Yes, she's been here lurking and believes this place is only a place for Positive Feedback that only encourages more of the behavior (whatever that is). I know differently. This forum is a place for sound advice and the voices of wisdom. Yes, Jeri. I'm talking about You.

I am familiar enough with Jeri Ann's story that I'll bet she would be the first to urge anyone considering transition to do so only as a last resort. Oh... wait. She pretty much just did that.
Seriously... She is one of the few here who actually knows how completely that last resort can turn one's life inside out. You don't see that group cheerleading, but you can count on them for the solid advice that the cheerleaders and poseurs never deliver. I can see how your wife would get that idea, though. The cheerleaders and poseurs outnumber the real deal many times over.
I told you how pleased I was that you are seeking support and professional guidance to sort this out. That's not cheerleading. It's just sound advice to anyone about to do something that requires commitment and meticulous preparation. You know, like "Check gear down...."

[IleneD]

Auntie,

You are not alone in recognizing that many of our sisters, be they CD or TG (or whatever)....have paid a dear price to seek their souls. One of the reasons I value the forum members here is the different perspectives on key life issues revolving around dressing. The members tell the truth and openly share the good and the not-so-good events that have shaped their crossdressing lives. It isn't all sugar coated.

I am well aware of that kind of bias trap by joining a support group. I also am aware how it may hold value.
What I seek at this juncture in my own gender journey is that First Step; reaching out to others who share my dysphoria or at least my love for my feminine identity aspects. I'm looking for further understanding and connections to professional help. This GLBT Center seemed to be a good place to plant my first foot in making those connections; and this TG support group was the most logical "fit" for an opportunity to introduce myself.
I'm not signing up for transition (though visions of those sugar plums always dance in this head of mine). I'm not taking notes on "how to do it". I want to listen to their experiences and learn. Maybe the lesson to learn will be "I want no part of this."; and I'll be happy living en femme CD as much as possible (I pray - LOL).

The members of this support group are asked to sign confidentiality agreements to keep everything about members private. What goes on there, stays there. Without divulging names or situations, one young woman [post op TS] spoke of her transition. One thing she said was "Make a plan." It can be a long term plan, and it should be long term; but have a step by step plan.
That's where I'm at. Making a first plan. I think right now I will proceed at about the Speed of Hair. I am letting my hair grow out (again.... my first experiment ended in frustration and being nagged). When it reaches below my shoulders, everyone around me should be getting the hint by then. Maybe I will too.
Thanks, Auntie. Love your wise voice. Go slow. Be sure. This is not a cavalier decision. This is your life. Thanks.

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Stephanie,

Thanks for sharing that. Your narrative is something with which I can identify entirely.
In a true sense, I am still married with children. Isn't everyone who has harbored a married or long term relationship with a spouse?!
You seem to have successfully juggled your trans life (CD? don't know if you consider yourself TG or not.), with your existing married life. If your did, those are the kind of success stories I seek. How to make that kind of magic happen, where The Family accepts and maybe even appreciates, and it doesn't tear apart the family fabric. I know it shouldn't but somehow CD can do it.

You mention "If you have sort of decided to transition....". Here's my thoughts on that. In my mind I am already transitioning; maybe even transitionED. I wear women's clothing and feel a women's identity working within me. I'm already over the exclusively male line. In that sense I believe that I have "transitioned" to a new hybrid life, even if it is but in a CD form. I don't know how far I need to go to live satisfactorily with my renewed and re-discovered identity. That's why I'm seeking support and counselors.

You are a big help, Steph. In many ways and from what I know of your own story, you are a great example.
BTW, you look fantastic in your new avatar photo. WOW. You probably think I always had a crush on you. I did. This proves it. If only I could achieve such results. And the dress is magnificent.
Thanks.