Deciphering the clues

[Helen_Highwater]

The other day I was travelling by train (drab) and sat on the other side of the carriage one row ahead of me was a fellow passenger. We were both facing the same way so all I could see were legs and hands, everything else pretty much hidden by the seating.

White trainers and socks, jeans turned up cowboy style at the hem, legs crossed at the knee. So it's a female.

Hands using a mobile. Skin looked quiet course, a little blotchy and while not large this could be a smaller male. The one fingered typing and the way the phone was held sort of reinforced that possibility. Add to this I could just see a little bit of a jacket that looked more like a man's. I really wouldn't have liked to bet my mortgage on getting the gender correct.

It turns out my first guess was correct, it's a GG. It did however make me think just how important these little clues are. Yes what you wear is important but it's often the little things that add up to the whole.

Mannerisms, a piece of jewellery, so many indicators we use to make these decisions.

This just reinforced my conviction that if you can get as many if these little "tells" right, blending becomes far more achievable than many would believe.

Had it been me sat there enfemme and an observer looking at me I'm fairly confident if they couldn't see my face I'd at least create the same level of doubt as I encountered. Hopefully as I'd be more formally dressed, skirt, knee high boots, blouse, I'd create less doubt. My visible "tells" would be stronger....... until they saw my face. Can't have it all but I'll take the rest and go with it.

[phili]

Helen, I spy a novelist emerging here!

And wanted to share that my therapist suggested I write a memoir, which I started on, and I found that trying to detail the observations I had, way back when during the various significant moments I remember re crossdressing, was really enriching to my own awareness and emotional articulation.

Then that in turn made it easier to just be in the feminine space I have long positioned as unavailable, or only available as a dressup adventure.

[Stephanie47]

Helen, I think the subconscious mind is programmed to expect certain habits and mannerisms from both sexes. I think there has been many threads of female mannerisms. How a woman sits. How a woman in a dress catches something tossed at her (Tom Sawyer anyone?). How a woman wisps away a lose hair from her face. How a woman gets into a car when wearing a dress. How a woman walks at various speeds. How a woman in a dress picks up something off the floor. All these mannerisms are acquired over time. I believe a man presenting as a woman can achieve the same mannerism over time, starting with conscious behavior and then finally subconscious automatic behavior. Until then forgetting my male physic it will be evident I am a male in a dress, although I'm getting fairly good with many of the mannerisms.

[Sarah Doepner]

Helen,

I've played the game as well and often look at other men to imagine how they might take on a feminine appearance. When they manifest anything feminine in the way they sit or hold their hands or head, it becomes even easier. It also gives me a chance to reflect on what I can do to improve my presentation.

It does take thought and practice to adopt the mannerisms as well as the look. I thought I was doing well a couple years ago when I was helping staff a table at the local Pride Center opening. Later I saw a piece on the local news that showed video of me from behind lumbering down a hallway, an obvious man in a skirt. Fortunately they didn't get my face! Yikes! I've had that image in my mind ever since and have been working on my walk, but when I'm tired and the old injury to my foot acts up, fashion, mannerisms and clues are all forgotten. I still have a way to go.

[Tracii G]

I have never seen cowboys roll their jeans up but cowboy might mean something else in the UK.
Remember if you assume you have something figured out you are usually wrong when it comes to people.

[Beverley Sims]

When you can only get half the pointers you may come up with anything.

I knew a man who worked on a switchboard and he had a feminine voice, he got misgendered ALL the time.

He accepted it was all part of life and he lived with that.

[docrobbysherry]

Interesting post, Helen. I'll bet most here could post stories like yours. I have many. I had a property manager that I was sure had been a man at one time. This was many years before I began dressing. I spent so much time with her but never asked her! She acted so fem. But, she was a bit masculine looking. The issue was her voice! It was a man's!

Personally, I experience this all the time in clubs. Men will see me from behind and get excited. Until they come around front and see my old, male, mug, which stops clocks! The looks on their faces before they run away is priceless!

[Teresa]

Helen,
We have to try that little bit harder to achieve an acceptance , or at least that's how I see it , makeup a little better applied providing it's not too much , maybe too many jewellery items , I always make sure my wig is washed frequently and conditioned . Clothes hopefully appropriate and always well ironed , this is why I comment that everyday is harder than dressing for a sepcial night out , people expect us to let our hair down more and possibly go OTT with makeup and clothes . While we still may not pass we can give enough signs to suggest to most we are more female than male . They don't know what is beneath the skin , if we have transitioned or not but very few will be that forthright to pose the question so they give us the benifit of the doubt !

[susan54]

Crossed legs is not a gender indicator. In the UK men cross their legs at the knee all the time.

[IleneD]

I mentioned this in another thread. It was a comment on our involuntary "tells". Tells, according to gambler lingo, are those subtle physical and habit clues that give away a player's hand or intentions.
I had one the last time I was dressed and out. It never occurred to me until AFTER it occurred. It had to do with my lifetime socialization as an adult male of the species. I was en femme and habitually opened a door for a lady (going into a retail establishment), as though I were acting the part of a gentleman. Did it without thinking about it. Certainly, it was a giveaway or a tell.

[Lana Mae]

I learned early on not to try to determine (Sex in this case) or gender now! Macho male me in the air force in a small base side store! All the signs were right! Long silky black hair below the waist, short and thin waisted, small features, female right...WRONG! He turned around with a beard and mustache! An Asian male! Fortunately I had not spoken! Sometimes you can't go by the signs! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[Helen_Highwater]

Crossed legs is not a gender indicator. In the UK men cross their legs at the knee all the time.

Susan,

Yep they do, it was just this time, and I can't adequately explain this, the way they were crossed suggested femme. I think looking back what added to it was the 2" of ankle showing between the white socks and the bottom of the jeans. All little clues I suppose.

I was en femme and habitually opened a door for a lady (going into a retail establishment), as though I were acting the part of a gentleman. Did it without thinking about it. Certainly, it was a giveaway or a tell.

Ilene,

I know exactly what you mean. We can learn new femme mannerisms but we also need to loose some of our male habits. This then poses a particular question. Is there a way GG's hold open doors for each other? I can't believe they don't do it. GG's after all aren't devoid of good manners. I'm going to have to watch more closely when out.

I learned early on not to try to determine (Sex in this case) or gender now! Macho male me in the air force in a small base side store! All the signs were right! Long silky black hair below the waist, short and thin waisted, small features, female right...WRONG! He turned around with a beard and mustache! An Asian male! Fortunately I had not spoken! Sometimes you can't go by the signs! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

Lana Mae,

Oh it's so easy to do. With so much androgynous clothing about, jeans, sweatshirts, trainers etc. add a short hair style and it can be difficult to definitely know the gender of someone. There's a young GG who frequents the pub I go to and from the back she looks very much like a teen aged boy. I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate being addressed as "mate".

[char GG]

I wrote these tips in another post. I noticed these things when I used to go out with my SO's CD group; they were usually a giveaway that the CD was a man. I hope these help in some way.


Don't overdo the eye makeup.
Never use blue eye-shadow.
"Cat eye" makeup is not day-wear unless you are in your 20's. Save it for the club.
Don't sit with your legs apart.
Don't walk with your legs apart.
Make sure your forms are in proportion to your body. Nothing calls attention to you faster than DD's in a tight top. (Save the tight stuff for the club)
Don't eat like you are at a trough, (that is with your head just inches away from your food and stuffing it in your mouth like someone may steal it from you).
Don't wear stripper-wear to the mall or to family restaurants (save it for the club).
Be polite and friendly.
Generally, people out in public don't care about you so don't slink around like you are hiding something.
Smile.

I'm going to add one more thing about eye makeup. In addition to "blue" eye shadow being overboard, bright purple eye shadow is also over the top. Think subtle when adding eye makeup. I don't think the goal is to look like Trixie Mattel unless you are going to be on stage.