Sorry to bore you...

[SkylarLee]

I was having a conversation with two GG co-workers about a project when a third came into the room and both noticed the 3rd person's shoes and how cute they were. Suddenly the topic switched to how hard it was to find brown shoes in certain shades and the 3rd person's difficulty in finding "camel colored peep-toed ankle boots with a chunky heel in a height appropriate for work".

All through the shoe conversations, the 3rd GG kept appologizing and saying "sorry to bore you..." (I really wanted to relate my experiences on the hunt for the ideal pair of boots.)

My question is:

How many times have you wanted to participate in such conversations but were too afraid to chime in due to fear of outing yourself?

[Becky Blue]

I can relate Skylar, its always very interesting to know what they are talking about and yet have to keep quiet.. I always smile to myself wondering what they would think if I chimed in.. One standout conversation was after a day long work function that everyone had dressed up really well for, two GG's were talking about how sore their feet were and said to me you if you guys realised how tough it is to be a woman when it comes to wearing high heels you would have a lot of sympathy for us.. how i wanted to say "hey girlfriend, i have walked a mile in your shoes!! I know all about it"

[Cassandra Lynn]

Lol, and try keeping a straight face when there's a gathering of them talking about a pair of shoes that you have at home!

Not to go off topic too much, but one of the things I dearly love about being out to several GGs is being able to join in those very conversations; especially when they seek your opinion on the ladies outfit across the room.

Just curious Skylar, how would a simple, "it's not a bore" have gone over, would that have been too much?

Cass

[SkylarLee]

Cassandra, I envy you to be in that position and have that type of conversation.

I actually said, "not a problem" and they didn't think anything out of the ordinary from my response and continued on for about 10 more minutes. I learned more about the nuances of ankle boots than I would have in a day's worth of Google searches.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Well see, that's a good time in my book; count yourself lucky.
It could have been worse you know, they could have looked at you and said something like, "well, we can talk about this all later", and been done.

I love when I get to sit back and watch the ways of women, and I mean the times when it's not my close friends who know the real me.
Cass

[sometimes_miss]

How many times have you wanted to participate in such conversations but were too afraid to chime in due to fear of outing yourself?

Many times. But I know when to keep my mouth shut.

They were just chatting. women love to talk, and there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you understand that most of the time, they're not looking for someone to solve a problem, they just like the attention, and they then take turns being the center of each other's attention, as any sort of drama will usually do.

Besides, a google search turned up this in 3 seconds, including the time it took to click on it. https://www.zappos.com/p/kristin-cav...180504053157:s
and
https://www.zappos.com/p/nine-west-h...ext_search_v_2

And a few dozen others. So it wasn't about the shoes.

[DaisyLawrence]

Never. I would have piled in. Why not, men can be interested in shoes/style just like women can't they? In my experience women love a man who can understand and appreciate the effort that goes into looking good and actually has an interest unlike nearly every man they ever met. Next time just say "oh you're not boring me I love shoes, do go on" and make sure to smile. Please ignore the patronising gender generalisations of women in the previous reply and try not to group all women into the same attention addicted talk talk talk box described, it's just not true.

[Teresa]

Skylarlee,
It's great to be over that situation , I just chat openly now about styles and colour , I know it's not what some women expect but they soon get over it and honestly give their views.

[Jaylyn]

With three grown daughters and a wife I've heard the same type of conversations and just had to bite my tongue. It's hard not to speak up, but so far I've just listened.

[JeanTG]

I've always tended to gravitate to the girls in social settings. I remember once when three women from a supplier I was dealing with at work, took me out to lunch. I was about 50 at the time and not actively dressing. All three were fairly young ranging from mid-20s to early 40s. They took me to a nice restaurant and proceeded to treat me as if I was one of the girls. They talked about their sex lives, their periods, their children, and especially their husbands/BFs, all the sort of talk men never get to hear. I was so honoured and so moved that they allowed me into their little world just like I was one of the girls. I don't think my most successful dressing session ever made me feel more feminine.

I've had a couple of other occasions like that, but that one was the time that stuck the most in my mind.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Daisy makes a very good point.
Most women (by far) really love when men compliment them on the things most men wouldn't. The trick is to do so without sounding like a misogynist, which I would hope, is not a trait that most of us here have.

That bright-eyed, grinning smile when I've told a lady how lovely she looks today, is to die for.

Cass

[Stephanie47]

Just this past week a neighbor was visiting. Somehow the conversation came around to her hating to wear a dress to work. She said she has hated wearing dresses ever since being a young girl. She quipped to me "How would you feel if you had to wear a dress every day when you went to work?" I should have said "I would have loved it!" but I was mute. I wonder what my wife was thinking as she was part of the conversation.

[Micki_Finn]

I join in? Hell I INITIATE those conversations most of the time!

[Asew]

Definitely hate having to bite my tongue in these situations. But now that more people know I can join these conversations a little more but my shy self still doesn't say too much.

[stacey.eyes]

This may be a unique situation, but we have in the Washington, D.C., area a Meetup group that holds clothing swaps for ladies, and it is very welcoming to trans/CD girls. People bring clothing, shoes, accessories that they no longer want or don't fit, we wait for half an hour or so in a hallway while all the items are are all laid out on tables by size and then the doors opened and everyone streams in and shops 'til they drop! We pay a nominal fee to keep the meetup going, but otherwise go home with a pile of free new clothes. To me the best part of this whole thing is chatting with the other ladies while we wait for the swap to begin. There are conversations about our shopping strategy, what we're hoping to find that day, past shopping adventures and just getting to know one another. It feels so good to be taking part in female conversations.

[Tracii G]

Why would you voicing an opinion on the shoes "out " you?
If I feel I have something to contribute to the conversation I will speak up and say what I think.
I don't worry about outing myself as you put it because it really doesn't matter what they think.
If you say they will think you are gay that doesn't make sense because how many gay men do you know that wear womens shoes?
I know a lot of gay men and they wear mens shoes.

I will add my comment is not made to bash anyone or any group male or female.
Not to make fun of any member for not being comfortable with speaking up when in a group of women.
So if you get "triggered" easily please refrain from snide comments because I wasn't talking about you.

[Beverley Sims]

Often, I will talk about the subject with knowledge to astound the group for a while, but then you have to know when to exit the conversation. :-)

Play with their minds.

[Maria 60]

Two women co-workers were in a discussion about how they couldn't wait for the warmer weather so they didn't have to wear tights and pantyhose anymore. I joined in saying I thought it was much more professional and that thin layer was like a boarder for women in a work place. They said I should try wearing them for a full day, I don't know why but I told them curtain brands and styles that are more comfortable and if I had to wear them all day those were the brands I would wear. They were both staring at me and I said those are the brands I see my wife wear and she doesn't complain. Mean while the truth is my wife hasn't owned a pair of pantyhose in years. I love being involved in that conversation, almost feeling like one of the girls and hearing them about there complaints.

[SkylarLee]

One of the reasons why I didn't chime in on the shoe conversation was that the drab me has absolutely no sense of fashion. If they made Garanimals for adults, that would be my fashion guide. The drab me is highly unqualified to discuss any type of clothing. It would have been a surprise to everyone if I told them I knew what ankle boots looked like.

The weird part is that my femme persona is better at picking out clothes and matching patterns and colors.

[DaisyLawrence]

Sorry I do not understand your last post. There is no femme you and drab you, only you. If you know about clothing, fashion and how to make an informed presentation when dressed as a woman then you still know ALL THAT STUFF when you change your clothes. If people have a false image of you as a drab bloke with no sense of fashion then this 'lie' does not have to be maintained. Why not just be the real you and stop letting society dictate what you are allowed to think like?

[SkylarLee]

This might make things clearer. My fashion style tends to favor dresses versus separate tops and skirts/jeans/pants combinations. With a dress, it is all one outfit, just add shoes and accessories. When I wear a top with a skirt, it is mainly solid colors, i.e. white top with a red or black skirt. This is a color combination that I see in real life and in clothing ads and such and so I remember that this would be a good color choice. I make note of what the GGs are wearing in and outside the office and I try to recreate that look. Plus, the GGs are commenting on ways to vary the look too.

There seems to be more pictures of different women's dressing styles in comparison to mens. And so for me, I can always do a web search to match my outfit combo to a picture.

My ability to reference mens fashion via searches seems much more limited. I stay with khaki pants or jeans paired up with a solid colored shirt. If I stray beyond that, you can tell I don't have much fashion sense.

Because I remember what women wear, it provides a fashion reference point. For me, mens fashion is either khakis or jeans.

I hope this provides a clearer picture.

[Nikki A.]

Heck my office manager (who knows I dress) often asks me my opinion when she is shopping online and shows off what she buys. But then she is the only female at my job so It's either me or no one.

[Patrica Gil]

While in college with a group of girls they started talking about shoes. I quietly sat there with my pantyhose, and panty's on underneath my boy clothes. One of the girls knew about me and it all she could do to keep from laughing and telling my secret. LOL

[CONSUELO]

I often compliment women on their choice of jewelry and outfits. I always take care to make sure it does not sound "creepy" as I have seen examples of men giving compliments in ways that make the woman feel uncomfortable.

After complimenting the wearer of a pair of earrings once, another female colleague came to me to thank me for being so observant and giving the compliment.

There are ways to join in such conversations without having to mention that you like to wear those shoes or clothes.

[docrobbysherry]

Never! I find female's catty, gossiping as boring as men's car, gun, and fishing stories!