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Thread: Don't you get that insatiable urge to go outside?

  1. #1
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    Don't you get that insatiable urge to go outside?

    For those who don't pass, getting to go outside is an amazing experience. I do not pass so have never been in fully open public places but I have gotten to experience it on some level.

    For example, we used to live on a large property of many acres and I was able to dress up, go outside, rain or shine, walk the very long driveway to the mailbox which was on an open road, peek on both sides then quickly walk across the road to pick up the mail. It was nothing less than a super high.

    Then one night I decided to return my rental videos while dressed up and did just that. When I got to the store, I got out, walked over to the drop off box and dropped my videos in. I was so excited I cannot even begin to explain it.

    The best time was when I was at my office and dressed up since no one was there at that hour. I spent many hours working and finally had to go home. I decided to stay dressed up and drove all the way home that way. Again, I cannot explain how unreal it was to get to experience this.

    For those os us who do not pass, these little moments are memories which we not only cherish but wish we could repeat over and over again. When I look at the beautiful ladies on this site, I can't help but wish I was as lovely and could go out in public without any fears what so ever (to some extent).

    When I say I don't pass, I mean that while I can look pretty cute all done up, I cannot get to the point of being able to walk about in public areas with people looking at me. Maybe I could if I was determined to change my life by CD'ing for me is not a life changing thing, it's a kink, a fetish, something I love very much and can appreciate about others but would never consider telling the world about my little secret.

    How do you get to enjoy your dressing up in public if you also do not pass?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    The vast majority of us don't pass. One thing I like to do is go for early morning walks in a nearby park. There are paved walking / biking paths. Wear a pair of sunglasses and carry a portable coffee mug (like Contigo) and you can blend in quite easily.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Carolyn,

    All I can say is it's a fallacy to believe you have to pass 100% to be able to go out in public.

    I, like so may others don't pass. What I can do is blend into a crowd. I can fully understand the feelings and emotions you described on your adventures. Been there, got the tee shirt. Keep taking those small steps, draw support from those here and above all else believe that you can succeed.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  4. #4
    Stop that, it's silly.... DIANEF's Avatar
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    Carolyn, it was only since I joined this forum (you can see my join date), that I even went out in daylight in my car, since then going out has become easier and easier. A few weeks ago I spent nearly an hour walking around in my local city center. I would never claim to pass but I do blend easily enough, and if you can do that there is nothing to fear. We all take small steps at first and if you push yourself a little further each time you'll have no problems getting out there.
    Here today, gone tomorrow....

  5. #5
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    That's what my wife can't seem to understand. I love going for drives and maybe put gas in the car or put air in the tires and for hours just drive around and never leave the car. She asked what I get out of doing that, I tell her it's just the feeling of being dressed and out of the house, I enjoy it so much and yet sometimes I never leave the car. It's just so amazing and just like yourself passing is hard, so let's just enjoy our little hidden pleasures.

  6. #6
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    I suppose the insatiable urge is partly the adrenaline rush that comes with doing something risky. I suppose we all feel that initially. But a change does happen when you've been out and about a while. The rush is gone...and then you may feel, as I often have, that its about being real. Talking to real people, having real experiences. After years of closeted existence, emergence into the real world can be scary, then exciting, but ultimately fulfilling.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  7. #7
    Member Joan58's Avatar
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    Carolyn,

    It is unlikely that any one would ever say I pass as a women. That said , I can still enjoy being out in the public. Just yesterday I had an appointment with my optometrist. I wore all womens clothing,incuding under garments,and small breast forms.My blouse was a blue and white patterned pullover with a lace up neck opening.Small hoop earrings and my hair loose and combed back. Of course they knew l am male, but from the receptionist to the optometrist to the young man that helped me select new frames I was treated just like any other customer. Visited with some others in the waiting area as well with no adverse reaction. Same day I stopped for fuel and payed inside,also another stop for food.

    Don,t act self conscious, just go about your business as you would dressed any other way.
    Joan58

  8. #8
    Junior Member Betsy's Avatar
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    I'm new to this and have been approaching going out in stages (tiny steps). First let me say I am not able to pass. Not even close.. however I do like to go out dressed with feminine attire to a varying degree. I'm approaching this (literally) like a person might in getting into the cold water at the beach. I'm not suggesting this just relaying hot this helps me get out of the house in comfort. I have been adding/changing one piece of attire at a time. First was shoes, womens flats (with peds) and sandals, no stockings. (I live in Florida so this works most any time of the year.) Next I added panties. I started buying womens shorts and tops. Solid colors, no frill or lace! Next I added nylons. Prior to this I would wear this clothing anywhere and after a month or so got completely comfortable. I guess my look at this point was androgynous. Now wearing nylons with this clothing makes me consider where I am going however I feel comfortable for example, going shopping by myself dressed like this. I recently started wearing a padded bra and getting used to going out like this. By wearing fairly androgynous women's attire I have allowed myself to build up a comfort level going out while doing my daily chores.

    I feel that without doing it this way it would have been extremely difficult to get to where I'm at and plan to go from here. I've yet to conquer going out in a skirt or dress or with full make-up and a wig, but I'm pretty sure i'll get there before too long..... and plan to enjoy the journey in doing so as I have up to this point! And hey..there are those who decide to just take a running jump into the water. Nothing wrong with that. I'm just savoring every little step that i'm taking!

    Betsy

  9. #9
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    I realize that not everyone lives in close proximity to a large city, so it may not be possible, but there are places where 'us folk' can go that the whole passing thing isn't such a barrier (and yes, the mind is often the major barrier).

    Alternative night clubs (LGB&T) are usually more than forgiving. It's just a thought.....
    ---------
    I had my times out in public, and they were fulfilling and confirming while also causing really major anxiety. That was many years ago now, and life took other turns and in the end I sorta morphed into living a non-binary gender way of life.

    It has been totally life changing for me, i'm free of any dysphoria and for the first time since I accepted my trans-ness, I am comfortable in my own skin , and on a daily basis.

    One of the greatest things is that I am rarely cognizant of what anyone around me thinks of me as I move thru the world; sure I get the occasional double take and long enquiring looks, but so what. I don't have to constantly worry about the wig, the walk, the 'this' and the 'that', how much my feet hurt, and a bazillion other things.

    Yeah, it's not for everyone, but it's given me serenity.
    Cass

  10. #10
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    Just to be clear, I do not have any need or interest in being seen in public dressed up. I have no strong urge to pass or feel accepted. For me, this is something fun, something I love to do but don't need to tell the world. I live in a small town and it's not even remotely possible.

    No, for me, it's mainly that I'd love to get to enjoy being out dressed more often but it doesn't have to be in a mall. It could be at a cabin for a weekend or some other relatively private location.

    I love some of the things you've shared however and how it works for you.
    Last edited by Carolyn; 05-13-2018 at 09:35 AM.

  11. #11
    Member Joan58's Avatar
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    If you have no interest in being seen in public dressed up then why are you even asking the Question?

    "How do you get to enjoy your dressing up in public if you also do not pass?"
    Joan58

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    Here in Redneckville, I can't even get to the mailbox during daylight hours. I live in the country, and don't have many neighbors. But, if I were to get exposed, my kids would be told. I couldn't live with myself knowing I embarrassed them like that.
    So, I just keep it at home. Lucky for me, I have a privacy fence and a big shop. So when I get the urge to go outside, it's in the back. And even with the privacy, it is quite the thrill. I'm not sure which is more thrilling, going out back in a dress or naked. I like both.

  13. #13
    Member Victoria_Winters's Avatar
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    When I was ypunger I could pass. When I was in my 20’s was tall but had a very thin frame, I even fit a size 2 (my thirties destroyed that). I think I was quite pretty when all dolled up. Even I didn’t recognize myself! I would do road trips several times a year and CD the whole trip.

    I literally have dreams at least once a week about going out shopping and other mondame activists while dressed up. I’m working on losing weight and trying to get my girlish figure back.
    “Hatred only breeds more hatred.” -The Invid Regis

    “We are star stuff. We are the universe made manifest... trying to figure itself out”. - Delenn

  14. #14
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    These days I just own it.

    Do I pass?

    I really don't know.

    Years ago I most certainly did.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  15. #15
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Carolyn, I think u back tracked too quickly. I've never had the urge to go out in public as a man in a dress. And, that is exactly how most vanilla folks see me. For some of us, it's a shot of adrenaline. For me, it's stressful, and not fun. Even tho I've been out there countless times.

    Unless I can go out costumed, and therefore "passable"? I only go out to meet other dressers!

    Can u define why going out in the woods is better than going out in the city? Is it you're less likely to be seen there?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  16. #16
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    Carolyn,
    Just dress appropriately and check your make up and wig and just go for it . It really doesn't bother me if I pass or not because we don't 100% anyway . I've found you have to be acceptable to be accepted , the point is no one knows what is underneath people, don't know if you have fully transtioned . OK I admit I've done the stealth mode myself but today was just a full day of going out to a computer store to buy a printer, next door to TKMax and Matalan . Then I had to pick a rug my wife had ordered from Dunelm mill , then on to do my supermarket shopping . What was I wearing ? well a denim skirt with a low cut Tshirt and a jacket which I had to take off because it was too warm and my 3" wedges. I hardly had a second look from anyone but then I've stopped trying to look over my shoulder to find out , to most I'm just a smart mature woman going about my business and interacting with them .

  17. #17
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Oh yes. Insatiable. Pink fog, but Small town. During day, venture out to the mailbox, take out trash and have mowed the lawn. At night I go out. So far, no problems, flat tire, accident, police. I have to go to distant malls..no problem. I, sometimes, over dress, i.e. makeup, high heels, hose, etc. Wife helps me tone down.

  18. #18
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    Wearing women's clothing is a private activity. Sometimes the anticipation of doing something exceeds the actual event. I have no desire to go out among the populace. I certainly do not pass. At six foot and 200 pounds I remotely do not pass. I have gone out in the past with the intention of mixing with the populace. Those were Halloweens when I shop in a Winchell's Doughnut House and a Safeway. It went well, but there was a cloak around the foray. It was Halloween. A day for all cross dressers to be seen. Other than Halloween I have not gone into stores. Yes, there was the apprehension of meeting stares and verbal disapproval or worse. That potential really defeats why I like to wear women's clothing; to be a stress reliever. I am more productive totally en femme within the confines of my home. When my wife goes to work for seven plus hours a day I get to do domestic chores en femme. It's doing the laundry and ironing, vacuuming, changing bed linens, baking and meal preparation, and, enjoying my breakfasts and lunches. Until my new neighbor tore out the laurel bushes along the fence line I would read on one of our swing sets in the backyard.

    I still venture forth to experience the cool breezes caressing my legs while wearing a dress, heels and hosiery, and, all the proper undergarments. When I am able I take evening strolls through a very safe neighborhood. It's great when it is raining lightly. An umbrella does conceal my face and somewhat obscures my height. I do create reasons to get out of my car. It's returning library books, mailing letters, getting free newspapers from those boxes on corners, buying soda from outside machines. I usually find my desires wane, especially because the thrill is gone. Another factor I've noticed. Once I am out and about driving I really forget I am wearing women's clothing. It's somewhat strange that the more you wear women's clothing, the more those clothes seem to be just clothes.

  19. #19
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Nope. No insatiable desire to go out en femme. Maybe it's because I get no thrill out of it.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  20. #20
    Emerging Diva Nikki A.'s Avatar
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    I don't pass, but I guess I blend well enough. As for myself, I never felt any satisfaction in staying at home and being in the closet. I always felt that there was a world out there that I wanted to experience. In my early forays I traveled far from home or attended CD events and meetings. As my comfort level grew (as did my dressing and make up skills) I've started to dress and open up to people closer to home. I attend church regularly, do most of my grocery shopping and the like as Nikki. One of my GG friends says she sometimes forgets that I'm a guy and another one said that she sensed a female aura (not gay) even before I came out to her. Maybe it is the comfort I feel about me that makes it easy for others to accept me.
    Again, I'm not saying everyone has to do what I do or did. But if you're thinking about it at least give it a try.

  21. #21
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    I don't pass either but that doesn't stop me.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member Debs's Avatar
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    what I always run through my mind when am out dressed, is that I am not breaking any laws in the uk. I cannot be arrested. How I dress is my problem, I also look around and see many women wearing clothes that I would easily pass wearing as a guy. These thoughts make me smile whilst out. Nobody is going to walk up to you and question you. Is you saw a guy dressed as a woman whilst out, would you really walk up to him and say something, no you wouldn't neither will anybody else. This helps the urge to go out for me. lol

  23. #23
    Ah-May-Lee
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    I use to go out all the time when I lived in the city. Nowadays I have no urge to go out, in fact I hate it. I'd rather just sit outside my place in the woods looking at nature.
    In solitude where we are least alone. Byron

  24. #24
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carolyn View Post
    For those who don't pass, getting to go outside is an amazing experience. I do not pass so have never been in fully open public places but I have gotten to experience it on some level.

    How do you get to enjoy your dressing up in public if you also do not pass?
    I go out, alone or with friends. Have a meal, drinks, or take in a show, go shopping. etc., etc. All while pretty much never passing. As has been made plain by so many others here, you do not have to pass. All you have to do is be polite, pleasant, and sincere. This message has been repeated so often here that I find myself wondering why we keep seeing these threads about "the excitement" of doing something "in public" where nobody actually sees you. OK, it's a thrill. I get that, and I am not judging, but let's call it what it is, a form of thrill seeking. If that's where the juice is, go for it, but if you truly want to be out in public, I mean really out and interacting with others, just go. Depending on your circumstances, some judgement is probably called for. If your community is small and being identified by those whom you would rather not have doing so is a thing, pick a better place. The point is that there is nothing, not even your inability to "pass", that is really stopping you.

  25. #25
    Silver Member Becky Blue's Avatar
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    Carolyn, how do you know you don't pass? What is your definition of passing? Don't be fooled by some posters on here who claim to pass 100% everytime, that is very very unlikely. Its is extremely difficult for a genetic male to go out in public and not get picked if they are closely examined. It can however be quite easy to blend in and not be noticed.

    If you are out dressed and you are putting out a large amount of female markers, then most people will see those and not process much further, they don't analyse you are simply seen as another woman of many out and about. Female markers are obvious, boobs, hair, makeup, clothes, shoes accessories. Of course as genetic males we have those markers too, possibly size, shape, posture, movement, beard shadow. So all those factors come into the equation... the less noticeable your male markers are the more likely you blend. So to state the obvious if you were out dressed but had a beard that very dominant male marker would probably get noticed by 100% of people. If you are 5'7, slim, small with no beard shadow, you may well blend in very easily.
    A.K.A Rebecca & Bec

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