I would like to know how have you stopped feeling guilty, ashamed for crossdressing. Even if it's something minor like let's say, what some call "underdressing" or just the shoes.
I have been in the way to it, but I'd like to know your stories too, so I might learn something, even tips from you.
Just in case, if anyone needs more of my context, I'm in my 20's, college student, no job yet, straight and my SO accepts me as I am.
Thank you very much and have a nice day/night.
By way of contrast, I have never felt any guilt or shame for my love of wearing female clothing, and I started in mid-teens.
That doesn't mean I am 'out' by any means - though plenty of people know I dress - but being wary of frightening the horses is not necessarily a product of guilt/shame, more a healthy sense of caution - plus respect for my conservative wife's feelings.
It no doubt helped that I was not raised in a religious environment.
I used to have a short attention spa
Like Nikki, I have never felt the slighest guilt about anything to do with Becky. Starting to CD from a very early age until 40 it was just a turn on, I felt no shame, as everyone has somethings that turn them on that was one of mine, no big deal... When Becky emerged at 40 and the turn on left, I realised I was to some extent Trans and I embraced my F side. I see Becky as a gift, she (being me) has greatly enhanced my life on so many levels. I have had some amazing experiences, met some fantastic people and I have become a much better person for having her... I also get to enjoy this amazing forum
A.K.A Rebecca & Bec
I absolutely felt a lot of shame. Raised Catholic, the guilt was overwhelming. After my first marriage ended (she really couldn’t accept it and I knew I could not/did not want to stop) I found myself in a lot of therapy. A good therapist and a lot of introspection led me to the conclusion that I am a good person and that cross dressing brings out so many good qualities that my masculine side wouldn’t allow. That sensitivity is who I am and that people actually appreciate about me. I wear it proudly like a badge now. Once I fully accepted myself I have never looked back. Then that confidence in who I was helped my current wife take the time to read up on cross dressing and eventually accept me, cross dressing and all.
I’ve done plenty of things in my life that I’m ashamed of, but cross dressing isn’t one of them. Like others have written, I’m also NOT out, and no-one knows except for my wife, but that’s for reasons other than shame or guilt.
I’m a lapsed Catholic, and haven’t had religious thoughts since I was seven.
Michelle.
Hi Deadpixel. Should I call you Dead or Pixel (only joking)
I would like to know why you assume we have felt guilty and ashamed for cross-dressing?
What's to feel guilty/ashamed about, they are only clothes. When you go to a clothes store for men, you buy clothes that you want to wear, that say who you are, you don't by clothes you hate that would make you look like something you don't won't the world to think you are (a nerdy bank manager suit perhaps, unless you like that look). I do exactly the same. The clothes you wear are part of your presentation and your presentation is the visual portrayal of who you are. I just don't restrict myself to buying clothes from the mens department because they can not reflect the real me.
So, sorry, can't answer your question as I have nothing to feel guilty about, I am not ashamed and nor should I be.
So to you. If you, like me, dress differently as that is what your inner gender requires then enough with the guilt already. Stop letting societal norms dictate how you think. Move on.
Alternatively, if you just have a kink or fetish and you do it for essentially sexual reasons, again, what do you have to feel guilty about? It's legal, it's natural, it's harms no-one. If someone has sex and enjoys it should they feel guilty? As long as it's legal and no-one gets hurt then I say people should just enjoy what they like. Shame and guilt have no place here.
Daisy
Come to terms - I got older - it's that easy.
Started CDing when I was 3 or 4
Not sure if I ever felt guilty, maybe a bit embarrassed on occasions
Yesterday my daughter got a CD or Trans as her Uber driver, it didn't faze her but sounded like an interesting ride. Glad there's more of us girls just enjoying the lifestyle.
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
When I was younger everytime I would finish dressing it would end with materbation and then the guilt would kick in as to why I have these strong urges. Once I got married I threw away all my stuff to what I believed would be goodbye to this chapter in my life. Instead two weeks married first chance I got I put on my wife's pantyhosed. Refusing to be a fugitive the rest of my life I then understood these feelings were real and there was no end.That same night when my wife came home from work I took the biggest risk of my life and told my wife, from the first day I put on my sisters pantyhose till that same morning that I put on hers. I told her how unfair I was by not telling her before and I would understand if she wanted to leave. I was surprised she said lets see where I was going with this and a few weeks went by and I dressed in front of her and didn't push anything. The day were all the guilt left and I totally understood it was when I finished my dressing and the guilt would kick in and I would apologize to her to have her go through this. She asked me why I was feeling so guilty, I was not doing anything wrong, I wasn't hurting anyone and that it seemed to her that I have a strong femine side and don't want to be a women and I just enjoy the feelings of women cloths and to stop apologizing and feeling guilty and just enjoy it. That was the day the guilt left and I did as she said, I tried to enjoy every opportunity I got and I guess sometimes you just need a person to view it from the outside. That was thirty plus years ago and it wasn't alway easy but she stills supports it. Sorry it was alittle long but I wanted to explain it properly.
Never felt any guilt, in my belief about CD, I feel good about myself and love myself.
Whatever make me happy is normal for me. My partner accept my actions, and we have a great relationship.
Rayleen
Wanting something is a fantasy which on a long time period clouds your mind and makes you think you need it.
Rayleen
I cant add anything without repeating someone's good comments, so I just want to express my appreciation to everyone for coming out to share- this is such a voluminous outpouring of positive self regard, and intimate, supportive embrace for all of us.
We are all beautiful...!
Never ashamed, sometimes felt guilty, and my girlfriends when I was eighteen came to terms for me.
They said, wear a dress and come dancing with us or stay home and watch television.
It was a bit of "get a life" and I did. :-)
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
When I was much younger I read up on Masturbation and found out it was harmless, absolutely normal --99% of males doing it and only Catholic religion have any problem with it. (which was groundless anyway) I also learned in my research that CD was not related to homosexuality, So any concerns I may have had melted away. Looking up stuff from books, and not listening to my equally ignorant and misinformed friends and peers, went a long way for me in helping me avoid common problems and concerns in my youth-----
I started dressing as a teenager in the 90s. If I knew I was home alone for at least an hour, I would almost always dress and at the end masturbate. Maybe about once a week when my mom went out on a date it meant several hours dressed doing things like cooking, cleaning and watching tv. I was ashamed of this. I thought no woman could ever love a man who did this. I was never going to tell anyone about this ever. So when I went to college I got rid of my small collection (since didn't want my mom finding it at the house or my roommate to find it in my dorm room).
During college, I would get the urge a few times and buy a few things and quickly throw it away. When finishing college I met someone and we moved in together (she is now my wife). The urge wasn't very strong so maybe once a year I would wear something of hers. I thought my wife wearing skirts and dresses was enough and I didn't need to wear them. I fought the desire. But about 10 years in we hit a rough patch, and between being alone many nights and being depressed, my dressing urge came back full force. I realized this was something that was never going to go away. I was craving every moment alone so I could dress. It was always in my thoughts. At this point I finally accepted this was a part of me.
Soon after I told my wife (even if it meant divorce) since I knew I could not deny it anymore. Luckily she accepted with open arms and torrid credit card
Don't feel any shame or guilt, never have done. I'm not out (DADT at home) , but that's out of respect for the views of others (or my expectations about their views) rather than shame or guilt. It doesn't hurt anyone and they're not 'women's' clothes, they're mine. Either bought and paid for or gifted to me.
Hi, I realized that my dressing does not hurt anyone. If I wan't wear women clothes, what is the big deal. Also, as you get older you care less what other people think.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
Guilt & shame? I felt and still feel both from time to time. If I didn't feel guilty or ashamed, I think I'd come out of this darn closet. I can't just tell myself, "Well, this is the way I am, so get over it." My brain doesn't work that way. I have a good idea at what people (especially my kids) would say, think and feel, if they found out. So hiding something from them makes me feel both. I don't like lying or keeping secrets.
That doesn't stop me from dressing. But it does stop me from doing it in front of them. Or even letting them know I do it.
To me, it's more of an addiction. And I'm like an addict. Shopping for womens clothes can be quite addictive.
I didn't. I still feel guilt and shame when dressing (Otherwise I'd be out and about).
Where I live, it's still typically seen as a shameful and deviant thing to do. Other people would mock me if they knew.
Well you can't live in the north east of England then Bridget. Are you sure that's not just your belief in what others think rather than the reality?
It's amazing that age and experience changes your perspective.
Sara
Being raised in a very masculine environment with manly man guidelines I'm not sure that I ever will will get over some of the guilt. And there are different types and varying levels of guilt. I have not gotten over the guilt of being a man, that wears women's clothing. I have not gotten over the guilt of being called a "Man's Man" by a lady salesperson while wearing pink (I think) panties under my jeans. I have though, gotten over the "It's only for masturbation, fantasy, or, it's just a phase I'm in" part of the guilt and denial. I have not gotten over the guilt of buying another bra, panty, or dress when I really don't need one. Or two. But the previous guilt is the same guilt I feel when I buy another pistol or rifle to add to the rotation. Or when I'm talking to a friend and say something a bit more direct than intended and can hear a bit of hurt in their voice for a while afterwards. So, in one sense, the level of guilt is by perspective.
Over the years, with a lot of introspection and not a few kegs' worth of whiskey and beer, and a few temper tantrums arguing with myself over wanting to, and in many ways, needing to, wear feminine attire. I've come to realize that I can relax in a bra and panty just as easily,if not more so, than I can with an adult beverage. As well as feel like a "Complete Me". To quote Popeye, "I yam whats I yam and I can'ts do no more.
Now, none of this is to mean that I'm going to start walking down the boardwalk in just a bra and panty. Nor does it mean that I'm going to leave the house wearing makeup and a full and feminine outfit. Nor does it mean I'm going to be telling everybody in my life that I crossdress. It does mean however, that over time, talking to various people, reading this and that, spending time on forums like this and learning, always learning, I've slowly come to accept the fact that I really like who, and what I am. All of me. Pink lace bra, panty and all.
Last edited by Terri_Cross; 05-08-2018 at 06:20 PM.
DeadPixel I like to answer a question "direct", exactly what the question is. The answer is to overcome in your head what others think of you crossdressing. For example if you wear a bra and panties every day, just part of your daily underwear, no different than a guy wearing boxers, another briefs, you panties and bra. Another example is if you wear say girl jeans or girl tennis shoes and no body says anything you get confident and your mind accepts there's nothing wrong with what you like to wear. Daisy and Maria make some really good points. My acceptance is it just won't go away and I like it. Some under and outer girl clothes I wear every day I am fine with it, no guilt. How I would like to go out is with all girl clothes on and showing an hour glass figure big boobs and all but I'm not there and maybe never will be. To be the only one in WalMart or the mall looking like that and everyone staring at me, I would feel uncomfortable. Another part of my answer is to accept you were born a crossdresser, be comfortable with wearing what you have become comfortable wearing and don't wear what you are uncomfortable with. Then you can enjoy and not feel any guilt or shame. Hope this helps.
Seems like I'm very similar to Maria, when I came out to my wife I finally felt like it wasn't a secret that I was hiding. I think I was more guilty about keeping a secret than anything. I didn't dress between moving in with my now wife (before we were engaged) and coming out 4 years later, and back in college I didn't have the same self-awareness that I do now, nor did I have anyone I really wanted to tell. Coming back to dressing now, it's also a lot less sexual and more just an expression of a feminine part of me.
Everyone thinks differently. I now do not feel guilt or shame. Before I came out to my wife the guilt and shame was the secret I was keeping from the woman I love. We were having a few issues so we both went to a counselor that I still see weekly and she has helped me find myself and not just accept Sidney but to love her,
Hey DP, if those around you have accepted your crossdresssing, you are one big step ahead of where a lot of us were at one time. You should know that with having the “discovery by others” element out of the equation, you can begin to deal with getting your feelings in order.
If you can’t seem to rectify your thoughts with your actions, then seek outside help. You have sort of done that here. Sometimes though it takes a professional to help you sort out your conflicts. If the process you are using now to ease any conflicts in your mind continue too long and are interfering with your life in general, seek out a trained counselor in the field of sexual identity or gender studies. Be open and honest and they will provide you with answers that can ease any fears you still have. Good luck!
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!
Heidi, I couldn't agree more. Last two weeks had many big firsts for me. One, I finally got the courage to go out, dressed. Two, I told one of my best friends. He assured me this changes nothing between us. I told another best friend and his wife. They not only accepted, they invited me to go out for lunch with them en femme! Another gay friend has started calling me by my femme name. Two priests know and accept and pray for me. My youngest child, herself MtF trans, knows and supports me and defends me to my wife, who herself has known for 30 years but is having trouble dealing with the flood of my feminine feelings of late (next step may be HRT).
I have come to realize that any sense of shame I felt at being transgendered were 1) Related to my own refusal to be honest with myself, trying to pass myself off as a simple crossdresser when in fact it's a much deeper identity issue, and 2) some of the awful things I did to try and mask my true self.
I crossed the Rubicon two weeks ago, when I sat in front of my therapist in a lace top, black blazer, skirt, shoes, wig and makeup, and asked her what she saw sitting in front of her. Her unequivocal answer was "a woman". Whether that leads to full transition or not, remains to be seen. I'm taking it one day, baby step and coming out story at a time. For now my therapist has asked me to live en femme 3 days per week to see how that goes.
