Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 51 to 75 of 76

Thread: How did you come to terms with yourselves?

  1. #51
    Chelsea Von Chastity gender_blender's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    New Hampshire, USA
    Posts
    627
    Quote Originally Posted by DeadPixel View Post
    I would like to know how have you stopped feeling guilty, ashamed for crossdressing. Even if it's something minor like let's say, what some call "underdressing" or just the shoes.
    Acceptance of yourself is mandatory for living happily.

  2. #52
    love to hear from u missynicole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    conroe/montgomery texas
    Posts
    149
    i still have not come fully to terms with my dressing and quite oftern question my sexuality.........it is draining at times.....i think it would be helpful if both you and i found a close friend who is like us with whom we could talk things out........unfortunately that proves difficult......

  3. #53
    Member Leighcdmd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Maryland and Florida
    Posts
    192
    When I got into my fifties, I realized that I had fewer days left on the calendar than I had pulled off the calendar. Everone is entitled to seek happiness in life and dressing makes me happy. Now into my sixties and never been happier. Dont give a damn what anyone thinks, dress when I want, buy what I want, where I want. Smooth from eyebrows down for years. Life is way too short. Make the most of it and accept who you are.

  4. #54
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    Fantasy Island
    Posts
    1,613
    Yeah, what Leighcdmd said! Spot on. I'm already 14 years older than my mother was when she died at 40 (I was 10) so I've always been aware of the fragility of life. My wife works in emergency care and has seen more than her fair share of lives cut tragically short. There's no room for ditherers in our house! Get on and do what makes you happy while you still can. Please!

  5. #55
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    53
    If you're passed middle age and married, coming out would be (IMO) an extremely difficult decision. For the simple fact that being alone, and being able to dress up when one wants to, wouldn't outweigh being able to be married, hold her every night. Make love to her (even now & then). Or just have someone to talk to. Someone that you've known for years. and can count on to be there in ones later years.

    Giving up dressing vs staying married, tough call. But I'd give up the clothes. Or at least get real sneaky about it.

  6. #56
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    168
    It's different for everyone. I'd, personally, never give up freedom for being married to someone who didn't respect it.

    A lot of posts I see on this forum are borderline Stockholm Syndrome.

    If you're married to someone who doesn't let you dress, then they don't love you. Love is acceptace, no matter what.

  7. #57
    Aspiring Member dana digs sweaters's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    u.s.
    Posts
    571
    Stopped?
    It never started!
    Not even after being caught.
    None what so ever, even when looking a sales girl/lady in the eyes as I made an obvious purchase of female clothing for myself.
    Simple innocent childhood fun that "grew" into all the purchases needed to create the complete female image of myself in the mirror.
    No guilt even when going out in public presenting as a woman the first time when it was not Halloween.

  8. #58
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    81
    Self-acceptance of my femme self came with age. I've been dressing for 58 years and although there were periods of my life when I stopped, I always got back into doing it and it's a part of me and I have finally gotten to the point in life where I don't feel shame for being who I am!

  9. #59
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    San Francisco Peninsula
    Posts
    1,475
    I cant add anything without repeating someone's good comments, so I just want to express my appreciation to everyone for coming out to share- this is such a voluminous outpouring of positive self regard, and intimate, supportive embrace for all of us.
    We are all beautiful...!

  10. #60
    Junior Member ~Renee~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    US
    Posts
    71
    Lots of good points here

    It was the recognition that ultimately I had no idea why I felt the way I did and after 30 years of trying to repress the "guilty" desire, the only one I was hurting was me. I made a choice, am I going to continue expending "guilty" mental energy or accept that something in me compels me? I opted to come clean as I was at a breaking point and the surprising result was my suppression wasn't only hurting me but others around me. By believing I was doing good in suppressing a "weak" or "aberrant" behavior out of the proper and just guilt, the result was my ability to handle everyday trials was greatly diminished. I was in a continually battle with myself to not engage in any activity or thoughts associated with CD. Once I said I give up, the battle in my head ceased and the level of angst dropped as did my general level of anger. I just accepted I'm different and something in me compels me. I chose to not be guilt ridden anymore and made peace with myself. The result, everyone around me perceives me less mercurial now. Peace and temperance followed in me because I believed I'm this way for a reason. Only my wife knows the real reason.

  11. #61
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    126
    Ashamed and guilty are different things for me. Knowing that my SO is uncomfortable with me dressing, even just underdressing, does make me feel a bit guilty for upsetting her. Had she known before we were married she would not have married me. The guilt now is that my lack of honesty causes her bad feelings. Ashamed is more about how I feel about myself. I do not understand why this is part of me but I know it has been so for a long time. Once the secretiveness stopped and I opened up about it my shame ebbed away.

  12. #62
    Member FrannGurl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    215
    Id say when I was much younger I had shame, but after over 30 plus years, I accept myself for the fact that I'm " A little different" That my gender and sexuality doesn't fit the "norm". I'm only partially "out' to most of my family and friends, but I'm afraid that most wouldn't understand me, and have lost a few friends by coming out to them

  13. #63
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    2,035
    For me is was very easy.......it only took about 50 years! Seriously, it certainly was not easy and did take a very long time. I just reached that age, that stage in my life where you no longer care what others think of you. You realize that you are on the back-end of your life and it's simply time to be happy. Once that got through my thick skull, everything flourished from there. I believe it's more about getting comfortable with yourself than with crossdressing. That internal security allows you to deal best with everything else. Plus I also realized this is not "curable", it's not going anywhere.
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

    Google "Kandi's Land" and visit my blog for positive and uplifting posts!

  14. #64
    Member Leighcdmd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Maryland and Florida
    Posts
    192
    Well said Kandi. You captured my feelings - and I suspect the feelings of many other “mature” girls- precisely. Loooking forward....not looking back.

  15. #65
    Member Kendalli's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Westren MA
    Posts
    103
    For me it is still a struggle. Some days I am absolutely struggling with it. Others I am embracing it. As I push to have more of the good days I have found it is something as simple as just accepting myself and knowing that it is something that makes me whole. It is hard to describe how I do this. But it is just taking the weight of society off my shoulders and doing my own thing. I find that the more I wear fem clothes, the better it is too. Even if it is mostly underdressing.

  16. #66
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Posts
    2,210
    There should never be any reason to feel guilty, or ashamed about dressing this is something that should be enjoyed and something that one should feel comfortable and at ease with.
    There is no shame whatsoever in our needs for dressing or transition or any other degree of femininity it is our life, live, it enjoy it and the main thing be PROUD of it/ yourself and also ourselves.
    After all this a life an existence a way that should not carry guilt or shame.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  17. #67
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    East Yorkshire UK
    Posts
    557
    hello,
    I have almost come to terms with my dressing by just enjoying it rather than trying to analyse and understand it.
    luv J

  18. #68
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    NY & PA
    Posts
    9,635
    I have felt embarrassment for dressing, but never guilty or ashamed. I am one who started at a young age, just with wearing heels around the house, and progressed as the years went on. Ventured out late at night in my "clothes" and had a favorite dress that I would wear almost nightly as I went out for my walks when I was young. Unlike you, I didn't have a SO who knew and accepted me at the time, in fact, I lived out of my closet and no one except for family knew, but not by my choice. Over and over, I would get caught dressing, borrowing a pair of my step-mothers shoes when I was young, and of course I would get caught because I didn't put them back. Until I was old enough to get my own things, I tried to be very carefully but everyone in my immediate family knew
    A new link to a sample of my shoe collection

    http://s1208.photobucket.com/albums/cc376/Mariainheels/

  19. #69
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    725
    At almost 64 I grew up in a much more conservative, restrictive time when it came to dressing. I finally realized that it was an integral part of me. It did not make me less of a man or more of a woman. It was simply another side to me.

  20. #70
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Prospect, CT
    Posts
    2,350
    Nothing I can tell you relates to how things can be for you. I grew up in the '50's and 60's when I felt like I was a sick puppy for wanting to dress like my sisters. I snuck around for decades. I sadly loathed myself for years wondering why God had made me this way. But by the '80's, the 'me' decade, I finally threw off all the angst and said, "This is me, accept it and embrace it." I am a good person, husband, father, and grandfather and nurse. And I now know that I could not be good at any of that if it was not for having Stephanie in my life. She is in my heart and soul and makes me a better person. My only wish is that society could have been nicer. You are growing up in a different and better time when males who embrace their feminine side are not thought of as weird and in the right surroundings even admired as we have seen in the modeling and entertainment industry. I hope your SO will always feel lucky she found you. I think as a group we are probably the most well rounded group on the planet. You don't see any of us shooting up the place because we are angry with the world. I look forward to following your story here and we are all here for you.

  21. #71
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    San Francisco Peninsula
    Posts
    1,475
    So many posts point to the peace of self-acceptance that becomes inevitable with age. I was a 50s child so I am steeped in the basic framing of being 'unacceptable'. Maybe young people are experiencing more freedom and no need for self-acceptance- I hope so!

    Self-acceptance doesn't require understanding what drives us to crossdress. It does require centering our sense of self within ourselves, rather than on others' opinions, and giving up on 100% acceptance by others.

    We are struggling to find a truer expression of who we are, but not everyone is going to warmly like us. Perhaps it boils down to deciding if there will be enough support on the other side of coming out, and that is not easy to determine. But going out builds that confidence, and I think most of us probably know whether in our situations whether going out is a safe gamble.

    Our struggle is not with ourselves, since we know our desire to crossdress is innocent. It is a struggle to find acceptance for our innocence, rather than the guilt that others are trained to frame us with. We are like children, being told what is acceptable and what is not, and we are punished like children as well. Some children rebel; others don't.

    Harry Browne said it really well in his book 'How I found freedom in an unfree word' - "You can have anything you want! You just have to pay the price."

    I know I want the price to be lower! ;0)
    We are all beautiful...!

  22. #72
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    England
    Posts
    2,100
    I have been dressing for 50 years now, wow that sounds like nearly a lifetime and it is. When I was in my teens, I had awful guilt about it and couldn't understand "it" or myself, I tried the sexual excuse on myself, I only did it because it was a sexual release but that didn't work for me because that isn't what it was and as I got older I got used to the fact that it was how I was, this was very much part of me and acceptance sneaked up on me.

    For years I could not use the word crossdresser or tranvestite about myself, whereas now I am happy that I am a fully paid up member of the crossdressing community and fully embrace me and my female self

    I don't share my crossdressing self with a wide audience, my other half knows and doesn't mind me being dressed in front of her and a very good friend of mine knows but I have never shared Rachel with her

    I like the me that I am and once that acceptance came to me, I really enjoyed my dressing way more than ever before, although I have always enjoyed it even in my younger days

  23. #73
    love to hear from u missynicole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    conroe/montgomery texas
    Posts
    149
    I;m not sure I have come to terms with "Missy" yet............i love being her but................if you figure out how please let me know.........

  24. #74
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    2,181
    Hi, Missy.
    Are you grappling with any particular issue, or is it just the whole "Why do I want this..." thing? Feel free to PM if you'd rather not share details in public.

    Hugs,


    Kelly

  25. #75
    Member Dena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Texas, behind the pine curtain
    Posts
    366
    Once I realized I wasn't the only one and that it was fairly common, and that I loved it, it was fairly easy for me. Once I had some clothes of my own I also found I didn't think about as much as when I didn't have any feminine clothing!

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State