What were a few reasons you told your wife why you have to cross dress?

[Scarlett398]

Hi girls, I was wondering when you told your wife or significant other, what were a few reasons you gave her as to why you had to cross dress?

I told my wife that cross dressing had been a part of my life dating back to when I was a young boy. And that she wouldn't believe how many men are out there enjoy wearing women's panties or clothing and why it was so exciting for men to do it. And how there maybe men working for her now that may have a pair of sexy panties on or some thigh high hose on underneath their regular men's clothing and she would never suspect it or know it had been going on for years!

I also told her that based on my research on cross dressing, many women can't understand why a guy would find putting on lady's panties, skirts, tops, dresses, heels, jewelry and accessories exciting. Reason being, because they would not find (only in much rarer cases) women getting excited about putting on men's underwear with a pair of khaki shorts, a pocket T shirt, and a pair of deck shoes. This is why many of them can't understand why men get excited and find a strong need to cross dress as a girl/lady/women. Because most of them can't see getting excited about putting on men's clothing.

I also told her that I understand why she and many other women don't want to talk about cross dressing and don't want to see their husbands or significant others dressed up as a girl. I also told her that my need to cross dress is extremely strong and will remain so for probably many years, however, I would respect her wishes and limits to my cross dressing and I was to keep it private and won't do it while she was in the house.

I told her how much of a thrill it was to transform myself from a handsome guy to a cute, pretty, sexy, and classy girl like she gets to dress up as every day. We men find putting on sexy panties, tights, thigh high hose, panty hose, dresses, skirts, tops, heels, boots, booties, makeup, wigs etc. to be exciting, thrilling, sensual, sexy, and even relaxing and even very therapeutic! That the feel of the things that she gets to wear every single day fills all of the above adjectives for us. There's nothing quite like feeling the thigh high hose against our skin - same with the panties, bras, jewelry, and all types of female clothing, footwear, jewelry, makeup etc. To them it's no where near as exciting because they've been doing it all of their lives every day. We, as men who cross dress, enjoy every single part of the cross dressing process from beginning to end.

I could write about this subject for days so I'll bring it to an end now and wait to hear from you and why and how you told your wife or significant other as to why you felt such a strong need to cross dress.

Thanks for reading and I'm looking forward to hearing your answers to this question...XOXOXO Scarlett

[sometimes_miss]

I told her my story (see sig link) and explained that having to dress in male clothing all the time is like an itch you cannot scratch; it's irritating, interferes with concentrating on whatever task I'm trying to do, and having to put up with it all day long is simply exhausting. The best comparison I could give her was, think about being at a formal affair. Everyone else is wearing tuxedos and evening gowns, but you're wearing a bathing suit, and it doesn't matter whether it's a gender appropriate swimsuit. You're still going to feel like you're in the wrong clothes. That's how I feel all the time when dressed as a male.

She didn't care. Or rather, she didn't care how I felt. It bothered her so much that she seemed horrified at the thought of it, and eventually divorced me claiming that I was not the man that she thought she had married. All she cared about, was her own feelings, not mine.

[Tracy Irving]

I told my wife before we were married. I did not want to lie to her about it or live a DADT life. Luckily, she did not run away horrified so no need to throw her back. She was a keeper.

[Krea]

When we had The Talk i found it very difficult to explain to my wife why i liked CDing. The reality was i didn't (and possibly never will) truly understand why. In the end the best i could do was to say that it somehow made me feel happier/relaxed when i was dressed.
Unfortunately my confused and inadequate attempt at explanation didn't offer her any clarity and, altho she said she would try to be accepting of it, she went thru a time of worry and uncertainty before she began to be more comfortable about my CDing desire.

[mbmeen12]

What were a few reasons you told your wife why you have to cross dress? Ill answer the question based I am no longer married but I did tell my GF. I wanted to be able to dress for her and not lie and hide.

[Charlotte7]

I told the person I was to marry (now been together for over 30 years) right at the very start of our relationship. Why? Because I knew that I was always going to dress this way and, if she couldn't accept it, far better for her to move on having been out a few times with someone who was a cd, though (then) never actually having seen me dressed, than living an impossibly secret life with all the potential trouble that would bring later down the line. At that time I could envisage a single life with dressing but not a married life with no dressing. Yes, I was lucky, very lucky, but to some, maybe limited extent, at the start of a relationship, there is a window where we can make our luck, and dreams can come true. As for reasons as to why I cross dress? No, I didn't give any explanation as to why, I just let her know as it's what makes me me.

[alwayshave]

My forum name explains it, I always have. I told my fiancee it was a compulsion since I was 4 or 5, it had never really waned and I expected to want to do it my whole life. She had the usual are you gay, etc... questions. She has been pretty supporting.

[Beverley Sims]

I told my wife that I made a better girl than a boy.

She agreed.

[Scarlett398]

Hi Lexi! I would imagine that cross dressing has led to many divorces over the years. As I mentioned in my writing, so many of them can't understand a man's desire to dress up as a girl because they wouldn't want to dress up like a guy and shop in the men's department for all of those more than boring clothes.
It's so much more fun to shop for Scarlett's things that it is mine. I spend very little time in the men's department now. And my wife knows when we go into a store like TJ Maxx or Marshalls that while she's picking things out to try on, I'm browsing in the same department. Only now she knows what's up. I don't buy any girly clothes while I'm helping her pick our cute sexy stuff for her wardrobe but I do look and come back another day to purchase the things I liked.
My wife isn't horrified at the thought of me cross dressing, but at least now, she's accepting of it and I can keep my Scarlett things here in our new home. I'm glad when we had "The Talk" that it didn't lead to a separation or divorce and that she loves me still for the loving, kind, considerate, caring, and supportive husband that I am. And I'm on the very handsome side too and that's confirmed by all of her friends and coworkers. But she will never tell anyone that I like to cross dress.
Take care, Lexi, and I'm so glad you get to dress whenever you want now! XOXOXO Scarlett

[Eryka1]

This: "I told her how much of a thrill it was to transform myself from a handsome guy to a cute, pretty, sexy, and classy girl like she gets to dress up as every day. We men find putting on sexy panties, tights, thigh high hose, panty hose, dresses, skirts, tops, heels, boots, booties, makeup, wigs etc. to be exciting, thrilling, sensual, sexy, and even relaxing and even very therapeutic! That the feel of the things that she gets to wear every single day fills all of the above adjectives for us. There's nothing quite like feeling the thigh high hose against our skin - same with the panties, bras, jewelry, and all types of female clothing, footwear, jewelry, makeup etc. To them it's no where near as exciting because they've been doing it all of their lives every day. We, as men who cross dress, enjoy every single part of the cross dressing process from beginning to end."

I couldn't have said it better!
Eryka

[Asew]

Part of what I told her is I don't know what drives me to do it. A big part of it when I was younger was sexual and still a small part now. Part of it is that I have never liked men's clothes and just tolerate them. Part of it is exciting (like a sexy outfit or shopping for new clothes). Part of it is relaxing (comfortable to curl up on the couch tucking your legs under a skirt).

She also told me why she thinks I cross dress. She thinks I started since I was lonely and never had girlfriends (except a few dates in 7th grade) but wanted one so bad. She thinks I am obsessed with skirts and dresses and seeing them on women is not enough, that I have to experience them myself too.

[Robertacd]

Reasons? You mean like excuses?

I can't say I ever gave my wife any reason for it, nor do I recall her ever asking "Why?"

[Cheryl T]

Simple, I got tired of hiding and stealing time to dress when I could have been sharing that time with her.
Luckily she is fully accepting and now we spend all our free time together doing everything. Wish I could have had the courage to tell her years ago and get all that time back.

[Stephanie47]

I told her the truth. I have no idea why I do what I do! Even before finding this site I told her many years ago some BS about my feminine side. She shot back something to the effect of "tell me about it after you have a baby!" After that I figure there is a difference between "The Why" vs "What I Feel!" If I were to have that discussion again I would relate a conversation I had with my counselor (PTSD war related issues). She is of the opinion each person, male or female, has some degree of the other sex within his or her DNA. I could also go another route which may appeal to my wife about prior life experiences. She believes she has been influenced by a prior life. I have had a similar experience.

[Teresa]

Scarlett,
I felt my head was about to explode through spending so many years in solitary confinement ( being in the closet to some people ) , I had reached the point of ceasing to function and I didn't know what the deep gut feeling was all about . On top of that I had the deep feelings of shame and guilt because of my dressing and the asscoiated sexual content . I needed to tell someone so I could share it with them, I wanted to be out and the only suitable person was my wife !

The elation was short lived , within a couple of weeks the DADT wall had gone up , my feeling of rejection and being unloved took me to the edge of ending my life . That was twenty years ago , I guess looking back the damage was done , things were never going to be the same again so perhaps we shoiuld have called it a day then . As far as my wife was concerned it never got any better the more time went on the more hurt I felt , the comments were unnecessarily cruel at times , I guess I have never got over the hurt from that period. My wife now knows she is paying the price for her lack of understanding because it finally brought our marriage to an end . I'm still content to say it was amicable at the end , we kept it together for the children and grandchildren , one downside is she hasn't learned her lesson ther comments are still there given half a chance but now I can just put the phone down on her and there's nothing she can do about it .

No it's not the happy ending of your story but at least I have the freedom to be out as Teresa and I'm no longer tied by DADT restraints and there's no going back to it !

[NancySue]

I, too, told my wife, before we walked the aisle. I was sure she’d sprint to the nearest exit door. She didnt. She was fascinated...how, why a jock would want to wear feminine clothes. I’ve been asking myself the same question since youth. I’m totally hetro, her primary concern. We often talk. My first, and still #1 are nylon stockings, closely followed by panties, bra, heels, etc., etc. she’s totally supportive and often helps, i.e. makeup, wig styling. I continue to search for some kind of answer that I can understand. The “Pink Fog” comes and goes...sometimes intense, sometimes, a smile. I figure, I’m, more or less saddled with this, so long ago, I decided and chose to accept and enjoy dressing..and, I do.

[Gillian Gigs]

I had several occasions where I had close calls, and figured that it was better to come out in my timing, than being caught. I also was tired of the hiding, and having tension in our marriage. She was reasonable accepting, and understanding. Looking back, it was the best thing to do, with the results being greatly favourable for me. She is now very accepting and any boundaries we have are well within being acceptable with me. I have never pushed my luck with my CD'ing, and the boundaries have increased due to the trust we have between us.

[sara66]

I had stopped dressing for more than 10 years. I was going through a lot in my life at the time and the pressure was building up and one night I just blurted out I like to wear women's clothes. There was no planning or deep thought it just happened. I am glad I did. We talk for a long time that night. She is not quite dadt but prefers not to be part of it. I think once she understood this start when I was 5 it made it much easier for her.
Sara

[Scarlett398]

Gillian, I'm so happy things worked out for you and your wife and your story sounds like a carbon copy of mine! Glad to hear where you were and where you are now with her increasing acceptance of your cross dressing! This thrill of ours has been the result of many divorces and I'm glad we didn't have to go there with our wives! XOXOXO Scarlett

[Micki_Finn]

Do ANY of us know WHY really? “It makes me feel good” or something along those lines seems to be the most common reply but it’s not really an answer to the question because it’s basically an endless loop of “why?”

[Scarlett398]

But that wasn't the question Micki...The question noted above was, "What were a few reasons you told your wife why you have to cross dress?" Not just why you have to cross dress.

If you tell your wife one reason - "Because it makes me feel good", that just ain't gonna fly with a wife who you are trying to encourage to be more accepting of your cross dressing and give her some material to digest to help her get to that more accepting place!

If, like a lot of us, had or have wives that think cross dressing is disgusting, unacceptable, off the chain weird, just can't imagine a handsome or any man would want to where female panties or clothing of any type, reprehensible, repulsive, a solid cause for a separation or divorce - you have to come up with some very convincing reasons why your wife or significant other should be accepting of your thrill to cross dress.

For some of us, if we just said to our wives - "It just feels good" a lot of us would end up have to do what they call a total purge and all the female goodies from top to bottom would have to be in the bottom of a landfill to keep the wife on board as our wife instead of as our separated or divorced wife.

So when we finally get the guts up to have "The Talk", which in some cases for us took years to do so, you have to bring logical and truthful answers and have several long winded discussions before they understand the desire and have them eventually accept the cross dressing desire with whatever limits they decide to have us abide by!

Maybe you're not married and never had to address this issue with a wife, it you did, you might understand what kinds of answers I was trying to receive from those of us who had to come with some really solid rationale as to why we cross dress to our wives.

Sorry if you didn't understand what I was looking for. It wasn't "Why we cross dress." We all know that it feels good and some of us have several other reasons why we do it. It's the reasons we gave our wives as to why we do it of try a achieve a modicum of acceptance from them. That's it...Sincerely Scarlett

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Sara, I think this would be an important point to bring up and that is that the urge and acting on that urge started as a young boy long long ago before we ever started even dating our wives or girl friends. I the wife thinks we started it just after we married them, they may think for some perverted reason or two that they were a big part of the cause of us wanting to cross dress!

Thanks for your input on what I considered to be an important aspect as to how you addressed this cross dressing issue with your wife and how you eventually got to a point where she was at least not repulsed by the idea of your cross dressing....Sincerely Scarlett

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Nancy, you're one of the lucky ones in a small minority indeed where the wife is totally on board with your desire to cross dress. And I'm so glad when you brought the subject up initially that she thought it was fascinating. That, my girl friend, is very rare indeed!

Thank your lucky stars you've got a real gem on your hands with the wife of yours. Many of us out here would love to have our wives at your wife's level of acceptance and even participation! XOXOXO Scarlett

[Jodie_Lynn]

I had no other reason I could explain, other than "it felt right"

No sexual overtones, the outer garments suited the inner me.

Now that I am on my own, I dress as seems appropriate to me for the situation. And, not to offend anyone I have never fetishized any of my gurl clothes. My panties are simply my underwear; I have no special brand or pattern, or style. I think I have more girl jeans in my closet than guy. and the "guy jeans" are pretty much just for work.

[SHINY-J]

In the few relationships where I told my girlfriend about my dressing, it was really because I felt like 1.we were to a point where we were both serious about being together and being exclusive, and 2. That I didn’t want to have to hide my desires anymore.

Years ago, I did a MASSIVE purge of my entire femme wardrobe before I moved in with a girl. It wasn’t that I was trying to rid myself of the desire by getting rid of the clothing and shoes... I just didn’t have anywhere to hide all of it and I knew it would eventually come up. At the time, like it is with many serious girlfriends, the desire to dress just sort of fades away... sometimes for several months.. I’ve got that “new girlfriend” feeling and that’s all I really need... but,eventually, the dressing desires creep back in... an ad will come on TV and I’ll see a sexy woman in sexy shoes or boots and remember what it’s like to wear them... or we’ll be watching a movie and see a sexy actress in a sexy costume and I’ll imagine myself wearing it... or we will see a sexy woman at a bar or club in sexy clothing... or a magazine ad... or a commercial.. or I’ll be doing g the laundry and come across some of her panties... etc. eventually, it always came back and I broke down and spilled the beans... for me, it resulted in the relationship ending each time.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Scarlett , It is who I am and it's just what I Do. >Orchid......

[Charli]

I told her after about 3 weeks of dating.
I could not really tell her why.